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windshield: dynastylnoire: writernotwaiting: hellenhighwater: astolen98saturnsedan: luadell: thisnewdevilry: sputnikcentury: teapotsahoy: lovedsomuch: warsfeils: anubituf: harukami: last-snowfall: weareallmedie: firedanceryote: reptila-tequila: qeilla: thefreckledavantgardegoober: mysticmisfit89: Meanwhile, in prehistoric Canada….. No no, you don’t understand, moose really do get that big. Take it from a Canadian. I’ve seen that bullshit in person. Scary as all heck. And that’s how people can die if they hit a moose. Seriously, one of our fears when driving in the country is having to deal with this scenario of a moose jumping out in front of the car. moose are actual legit ice age megafauna; theyve been here since the ice age, they are old as fuck. they also are pretty terrifying and ive echoed this before but i went to wiki and “In terms of raw numbers, they attack more people than bears and wolves combined” and “ In the Americas, moose injure more people than any other wild mammal and, worldwide, only hippopotamuses injure more.” like, fuck off with that I was dog sitting a dog once who insisted she had to go out in the middle of the night it was an emergency, so I took her out. Suddenly she starts pointing and barking and I look up and can just make out the outline of a HUGE moose. I’ve been accidentally face to face with a black bear and that scared me less than being up close with a moose. I’m 5 foot so imagine staring up at an animal several feet taller than you that is debating charging the dog who’s leash you are holding. I was terrified as I grabbed the dog by her collar to get better control over her and backed up slowly til I was out of line of sight and bolted for the house at a dead run. Did you know most Canadian lake monster stories come from people seeing moose swimming? They are massive animals. They are massive and they charge. I get so scared when tourists are all “oh yeah, we got out of the car to get a closer look and, ya’ll have some mighty impressive animals around here.”Yes, yes we do, and they have mighty tired guardian angels because moose can, and do, charge at people. Someone my mom worked with died hitting a moose on the highway. Their eyes don’t reflect light. In the dark they are literally nothing but a big slightly darker shape in the night. Roughly every year in the town I grew up in, a cow (moose) and her calf will wander through downtown. Maybe once or twice. If she’s aggressive enough, the local Mounties will escort her through to keep idiots away. I’ve definitely talked with people who thought moose were deer-sized or maybe horse-sized and I was like NO YOU DON’T EVEN UNDERSTAND MOOSE ARE TERRIFYING Moose are terrifying, you guys. I finally live on a province where moose and deer exist. I do not drive at night in fear of meeting one. If you hit a moose going 90 on a highway, not only is your car trashed, you are probably trashed. I’ve seen cars that got wrecked and there seems to be a consensus that at least half the time, the giant fucking beastie just shakes itself off and continues gallumphing along the countryside. If you fucking hit a moose with your car and their legs go through your windshield, congratulations, you are dead. Massive hooves kicking you to death? Yeah.  Moose are fucking terrifying. Bull moose won’t fuck with you too much unless you fuck with them, but the time a bull moose casually swaggered his way past 7 year old me when I was sledding literally put me off winter sports for a solid month.  Momma moose and their babies, though? I legitimately had to call in to work to be like “ey yo there is a moose in my driveway and I can’t get out” AND MY MANAGERS UNDERSTOOD. Moose. MOOSE. I have to admit I thought they were like a Canadian deer before this. The commenter above who claims that moose’s eyes don’t reflect light is only partially correct; if you shine a flashlight in a moose’s eyes it will glow like a cat (and then you will probably get killed to death by an annoyed moose) but the reason they are so dangerous to cars at nights is that they are too tall for the headlights to reach. Think about that. Moose confirmed for actual kaiju. Kaiju category: Maple.   Now I kinda want a kaiju movie set in Canada where it’s just a moose. Like a regular moose but more aggressive. @ssalogel For scale, a female african elephant is 7.2-8.5 feet at the shoulder, according to Wikipedia. A moose is  4.6 – 6.9 ft. at the shoulder. So instead of thinking “This animal is a bit bigger than a deer” you can think “This animal is barely smaller than an elephant” And they can run up to 40 miles per hour A 16 wheeler with fur
 windshield: dynastylnoire:

writernotwaiting:

hellenhighwater:

astolen98saturnsedan:

luadell:

thisnewdevilry:

sputnikcentury:

teapotsahoy:

lovedsomuch:

warsfeils:

anubituf:

harukami:

last-snowfall:

weareallmedie:

firedanceryote:

reptila-tequila:

qeilla:

thefreckledavantgardegoober:

mysticmisfit89:

Meanwhile, in prehistoric Canada…..

No no, you don’t understand, moose really do get that big. Take it from a Canadian. I’ve seen that bullshit in person. Scary as all heck.

And that’s how people can die if they hit a moose. Seriously, one of our fears when driving in the country is having to deal with this scenario of a moose jumping out in front of the car.

moose are actual legit ice age megafauna; theyve been here since the ice age, they are old as fuck. they also are pretty terrifying and ive echoed this before but i went to wiki and “In terms of raw numbers, they attack more people than bears and wolves combined” and “ In the Americas, moose injure more people than any other wild mammal and, worldwide, only hippopotamuses injure more.”
like, fuck off with that

I was dog sitting a dog once who insisted she had to go out in the middle of the night it was an emergency, so I took her out. Suddenly she starts pointing and barking and I look up and can just make out the outline of a HUGE moose. I’ve been accidentally face to face with a black bear and that scared me less than being up close with a moose. I’m 5 foot so imagine staring up at an animal several feet taller than you that is debating charging the dog who’s leash you are holding. I was terrified as I grabbed the dog by her collar to get better control over her and backed up slowly til I was out of line of sight and bolted for the house at a dead run. Did you know most Canadian lake monster stories come from people seeing moose swimming? They are massive animals.

They are massive and they charge. I get so scared when tourists are all “oh yeah, we got out of the car to get a closer look and, ya’ll have some mighty impressive animals around here.”Yes, yes we do, and they have mighty tired guardian angels because moose can, and do, charge at people.

Someone my mom worked with died hitting a moose on the highway. Their eyes don’t reflect light. In the dark they are literally nothing but a big slightly darker shape in the night. Roughly every year in the town I grew up in, a cow (moose) and her calf will wander through downtown. Maybe once or twice. If she’s aggressive enough, the local Mounties will escort her through to keep idiots away.

I’ve definitely talked with people who thought moose were deer-sized or maybe horse-sized and I was like NO YOU DON’T EVEN UNDERSTAND MOOSE ARE TERRIFYING
Moose are terrifying, you guys.

I finally live on a province where moose and deer exist.
I do not drive at night in fear of meeting one. If you hit a moose going 90 on a highway, not only is your car trashed, you are probably trashed. I’ve seen cars that got wrecked and there seems to be a consensus that at least half the time, the giant fucking beastie just shakes itself off and continues gallumphing along the countryside.

If you fucking hit a moose with your car and their legs go through your windshield, congratulations, you are dead. Massive hooves kicking you to death? Yeah. 
Moose are fucking terrifying. Bull moose won’t fuck with you too much unless you fuck with them, but the time a bull moose casually swaggered his way past 7 year old me when I was sledding literally put me off winter sports for a solid month. 
Momma moose and their babies, though? I legitimately had to call in to work to be like “ey yo there is a moose in my driveway and I can’t get out” AND MY MANAGERS UNDERSTOOD.
Moose. MOOSE.

I have to admit I thought they were like a Canadian deer before this.

The commenter above who claims that moose’s eyes don’t reflect light is only partially correct; if you shine a flashlight in a moose’s eyes it will glow like a cat (and then you will probably get killed to death by an annoyed moose) but the reason they are so dangerous to cars at nights is that they are too tall for the headlights to reach. Think about that.

Moose confirmed for actual kaiju.


Kaiju category: Maple.  


Now I kinda want a kaiju movie set in Canada where it’s just a moose. Like a regular moose but more aggressive. 

@ssalogel

For scale, a female african elephant is 7.2-8.5 feet at the shoulder, according to Wikipedia. A moose is 

4.6 – 6.9 ft. at the shoulder. So instead of thinking “This animal is a bit bigger than a deer” you can think “This animal is barely smaller than an elephant”

And they can run up to 40 miles per hour


A 16 wheeler with fur

dynastylnoire: writernotwaiting: hellenhighwater: astolen98saturnsedan: luadell: thisnewdevilry: sputnikcentury: teapotsahoy: lov...

windshield: ONE TIME, WHEN I WAS DRUNK... I tried to steal a large, expensive bottle of beer from a house I cleverly hid it by stuffing it into my pants. party I was attending. I knew there was only one thing I could do to make this right. But as I was saying goodbye... The bottle fell out and shattered on the ground. 0 SNASH T ran the hell away. Collegelumon ONE TIME, WHEN I WAS DRUNK... CollegeHumor I went online and became an ordained minister. This is the number one best idea. QUIKMINISTER.BIZ "Twice as holy for half the price!" SIGN UP TODAY! So now, when you sneeze, and I say "bless you"... It secretly means so much more. ONE TIME, WHEN I WAS DRUNK... I started doing magic tricks for all of the employees at a bar. Whether they wanted to see them or not. Whassat behind yer ear...? Ish... thish yer card? uh, yeah actually! It's a shot! A few months later, I went back to that bar, assuming that by now no one would remember my embarrasing magic show. But the bouncer recognized me... Yeah, you're the guy with all the magic tricks, right? Hey pal, don'tIknow you from somewhere? well I've got one say to you... thing to WE STILL TALK THAT WAS SO AWESOME! ABOUT IT ALL THE TIME! CollegeHumor ...He was a big fan. ONE TIME, WHEN I WAS DRUNK... I got super nauseous while I was riding in the car with friends so I barfed out the window, all over everyone in the back seat... ...and directly onto the windshield of the police car behind us. We got pulled over, and everyone in the car got a ticket... SPLAT!! CollegeHumon ...except for me, because I was the only one with my seatbelt on. madamebomb: pr1nceshawn: One time, when I was drunk… THAT LAST ONE NEVER FAILS TO MAKE ME LAUGH
nsfw
 windshield: ONE TIME, WHEN I WAS DRUNK...
 I tried to steal a large, expensive
 bottle of beer from a house
 I cleverly hid it by stuffing
 it into my pants.
 party I was attending.
 I knew there was only
 one thing I could do
 to make this right.
 But as I was saying
 goodbye...
 The bottle fell out
 and shattered
 on the ground.
 0
 SNASH
 T ran the hell away.
 Collegelumon

 ONE TIME, WHEN I WAS DRUNK...
 CollegeHumor
 I went online and became an
 ordained minister.
 This is the number
 one best idea.
 QUIKMINISTER.BIZ
 "Twice as holy for
 half the price!"
 SIGN UP TODAY!
 So now, when you sneeze, and I
 say "bless you"...
 It secretly means so much more.

 ONE TIME, WHEN I WAS DRUNK...
 I started doing magic tricks for
 all of the employees at a bar.
 Whether they wanted to see
 them or not.
 Whassat behind yer ear...?
 Ish... thish yer card?
 uh, yeah actually!
 It's a shot!
 A few months later, I went back to that bar,
 assuming that by now no one would remember
 my embarrasing magic show.
 But the bouncer recognized me...
 Yeah, you're the guy with all
 the magic tricks, right?
 Hey pal, don'tIknow you from
 somewhere?
 well I've got one
 say to you...
 thing to
 WE STILL TALK
 THAT WAS SO AWESOME!
 ABOUT IT ALL
 THE TIME!
 CollegeHumor
 ...He was a
 big fan.

 ONE TIME, WHEN I WAS DRUNK...
 I got super nauseous while I was
 riding in the car with friends
 so I barfed out the window, all
 over everyone in the back seat...
 ...and directly onto the
 windshield of the police car
 behind us.
 We got pulled over, and
 everyone in the car got a ticket...
 SPLAT!!
 CollegeHumon
 ...except for me, because I was the only one with my seatbelt on.
madamebomb:

pr1nceshawn:

One time, when I was drunk…

THAT LAST ONE NEVER FAILS TO MAKE ME LAUGH

madamebomb: pr1nceshawn: One time, when I was drunk… THAT LAST ONE NEVER FAILS TO MAKE ME LAUGH

windshield: A frog sitting on a windshield
 windshield: A frog sitting on a windshield

A frog sitting on a windshield

windshield: When gunman advanced on New Zealand mosque, this man ran at him Abdul Aziz, 48, is being hailed as a hero for preventing more deaths The Associated Press Posted: Mar 16, 2019 6:54 AM ET Last Updated: an hour ago Abdul Aziz, 48, is being hailed as a hero for preventing more deaths during Friday prayers at the Linwood mosque in Christchurch. (Vincent Thian/Associated Press) solacekames: When the gunman advanced toward the mosque, killing those in his path, Abdul Aziz didn’t hide. Instead, he picked up the first thing he could find, a credit card machine, and ran outside screaming “Come here!” Aziz, 48, is being hailed as a hero for preventing more deaths during Friday prayers at the Linwood mosque in Christchurch after leading the gunman in a cat-and-mouse chase before scaring him into speeding away in his car. But Aziz, whose four sons and dozens of others remained in the mosque while he faced off with the gunman, said he thinks it’s what anyone would have done. The gunman killed 49 people after attacking two mosques in the deadliest mass shooting in New Zealand’s modern history. […] He said he could hear his two youngest sons, aged 11 and 5, urging him to come back inside. The gunman returned, firing. Aziz said he ran, weaving through cars parked in the driveway, which prevented the gunman from getting a clean shot. Then Aziz spotted a gun the gunman had abandoned and picked it up, pointed it and squeezed the trigger. It was empty. He said the gunman ran back to the car for a second time, likely to grab yet another weapon. “He gets into his car and I just got the gun and threw it on his window like an arrow and blasted his window,” he said. The windshield shattered: “That’s why he got scared.” He said the gunman was cursing at him, yelling that he was going to kill them all. But he drove away and Aziz said he chased the car down the street to a red light, before it made a U-turn and sped away. Online videos indicate police officers managed to force the car from the road and drag out the suspect soon after. Originally from Kabul, Afghanistan, Aziz said he left as a refugee when he was a boy and lived for more than 25 years in Australia before moving to New Zealand a couple of years ago.“I’ve been to a lot of countries and this is one of the beautiful ones,” he said. And, he always thought, a peaceful one as well. Aziz said he didn’t feel fear or much of anything when facing the gunman. It was like he was on autopilot. And he believes that Allah didn’t think it was his time to die.
 windshield: When gunman advanced on New Zealand
 mosque, this man ran at him
 Abdul Aziz, 48, is being hailed as a hero for preventing more deaths
 The Associated Press Posted: Mar 16, 2019 6:54 AM ET Last Updated: an hour ago
 Abdul Aziz, 48, is being hailed as a hero for preventing more deaths during Friday prayers at the Linwood
 mosque in Christchurch. (Vincent Thian/Associated Press)
solacekames:
When the gunman advanced toward the mosque, killing those in his path, Abdul Aziz didn’t hide. Instead, he picked up the first thing he could find, a credit card machine, and ran outside screaming “Come here!”
Aziz, 48, is being hailed as a hero for preventing more deaths during Friday prayers at the Linwood mosque in Christchurch after leading the gunman in a cat-and-mouse chase before scaring him into speeding away in his car.
But Aziz, whose four sons and dozens of others remained in the mosque while he faced off with the gunman, said he thinks it’s what anyone would have done.
The gunman killed 49 people after attacking two mosques in the deadliest mass shooting in New Zealand’s modern history.
[…]
He said he could hear his two youngest sons, aged 11 and 5, urging him to come back inside.
The gunman returned, firing. Aziz said he ran, weaving through cars parked in the driveway, which prevented the gunman from getting a clean shot. Then Aziz spotted a gun the gunman had abandoned and picked it up, pointed it and squeezed the trigger. It was empty.
He said the gunman ran back to the car for a second time, likely to grab yet another weapon.
“He gets into his car and I just got the gun and threw it on his window like an arrow and blasted his window,” he said.
The windshield shattered: “That’s why he got scared.”
He said the gunman was cursing at him, yelling that he was going to kill them all. But he drove away and Aziz said he chased the car down the street to a red light, before it made a U-turn and sped away. Online videos indicate police officers managed to force the car from the road and drag out the suspect soon after.
Originally from Kabul, Afghanistan, Aziz said he left as a refugee when he was a boy and lived for more than 25 years in Australia before moving to New Zealand a couple of years ago.“I’ve been to a lot of countries and this is one of the beautiful ones,” he said. And, he always thought, a peaceful one as well.
Aziz said he didn’t feel fear or much of anything when facing the gunman. It was like he was on autopilot. And he believes that Allah didn’t think it was his time to die.

solacekames: When the gunman advanced toward the mosque, killing those in his path, Abdul Aziz didn’t hide. Instead, he picked up the fir...

windshield: This old man turned 15 today. Can we wish my four egged baby a happy birthday? So this morning on the way to the gym I parked in the lot, took my glasses off and left them in the middle console of my car so I could run inside and get it in on this stair master (while watching my wifey who don’t know she my wifey Mrs Maizel do her COT 👏 DAMN 👏 THING 👏 ON 👏 THAT 👏 SCREEN 👏 U 👏 GO 👏 BABY 👏 GIRL 👏 EFF 👏 JOEL 👏 WITCHOE 👏 SHARP 👏 WIT 👏 AND 👏 MOUNTAINOUS 👏 TÈTA$ 👏 LMAO) because I only need them to see far, not while I’m actually at the gym. I come back after knocking out my workout and the left lens is frozen over bruv. BRUV. I CANT SEE LMAO. The steam had frozen into a beautiful snowflake pattern but just one eye. I have driven in a car with a frozen windshield because I am too rushed to scrape it but having to drive with one frozen eyeball was some insane Sh!t bruv! It was a gentle reminder of this ridiculous frozen tundra that I live in and that arguably no human should live in because who the hell would want to live under 4 to 6 inches of snow LOL (Canada, no shots, I know yall get twice as much snow on a regular schmegular Wednesday but y’all veins pump maple syrup it don’t freeze like us we got normal blood lmao.) Anyway this summer I’ll be back to talking smack about how Chicago is the best city on earth so when I do that, y’all are authorized to remind me that once upon a time I was tight asf that I lived in the cot dang South Pole. Remember that brand? South Pole? With the baggy coats and jeans? I used to want to afford that stuff so much but I couldn’t but then when it fell out of style I was like I NEVER ROCKED THAT UGLY ISHT HAHAHAHAHA I AM SO FANCY (why am I like this 😑 bless up 😍😂😂) (Slide 1: @aturner411. Slide 2: reddit u-wampus514. Please check out www.dogs4warriors.org ❤️. Slide 3: @goosewhomst. Slide 4: @jadethesablegsd.)
 windshield: This old man turned 15 today. Can we wish my four
 egged baby a happy birthday?
So this morning on the way to the gym I parked in the lot, took my glasses off and left them in the middle console of my car so I could run inside and get it in on this stair master (while watching my wifey who don’t know she my wifey Mrs Maizel do her COT 👏 DAMN 👏 THING 👏 ON 👏 THAT 👏 SCREEN 👏 U 👏 GO 👏 BABY 👏 GIRL 👏 EFF 👏 JOEL 👏 WITCHOE 👏 SHARP 👏 WIT 👏 AND 👏 MOUNTAINOUS 👏 TÈTA$ 👏 LMAO) because I only need them to see far, not while I’m actually at the gym. I come back after knocking out my workout and the left lens is frozen over bruv. BRUV. I CANT SEE LMAO. The steam had frozen into a beautiful snowflake pattern but just one eye. I have driven in a car with a frozen windshield because I am too rushed to scrape it but having to drive with one frozen eyeball was some insane Sh!t bruv! It was a gentle reminder of this ridiculous frozen tundra that I live in and that arguably no human should live in because who the hell would want to live under 4 to 6 inches of snow LOL (Canada, no shots, I know yall get twice as much snow on a regular schmegular Wednesday but y’all veins pump maple syrup it don’t freeze like us we got normal blood lmao.) Anyway this summer I’ll be back to talking smack about how Chicago is the best city on earth so when I do that, y’all are authorized to remind me that once upon a time I was tight asf that I lived in the cot dang South Pole. Remember that brand? South Pole? With the baggy coats and jeans? I used to want to afford that stuff so much but I couldn’t but then when it fell out of style I was like I NEVER ROCKED THAT UGLY ISHT HAHAHAHAHA I AM SO FANCY (why am I like this 😑 bless up 😍😂😂) (Slide 1: @aturner411. Slide 2: reddit u-wampus514. Please check out www.dogs4warriors.org ❤️. Slide 3: @goosewhomst. Slide 4: @jadethesablegsd.)

So this morning on the way to the gym I parked in the lot, took my glasses off and left them in the middle console of my car so I could r...

windshield: edbx After every flight, FedEx pilots fill out a form, known as a "gripe sheet" to tell mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics fix the problem, and then document their repairs on the form Here are some actual maintenance problems submitted by the pilots (marked with a "P") and the solutions recorded (marked by an "S") by maintenance engineers, who by the way have a sense if humour P. Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement. S: Left inside main tyre almost replaced. P Test flight OK, auto-land very rough S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft P Something loose in cockpit. S: Something tightened in cockpit P Dead bugs on windshield S: Live bugs on back order P Auto pilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent. S: Can't reproduce problem on the ground. P. Evidence of leak on right main landing gear. S: Evidence removed. P DME volume unbelievably loud. S: DME volume set to more believable level P Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick S: That's what friction locks are for. P. IFF inoperative in OFF mode. S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode P Suspect crack in windshielod S: Suspect you're right P Number 3 engine missing S: Engine found on right wing after brief search. P Aircraft handles funny. S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious P. Target radar hums S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics. P Mouse in cockpit S: Cat installed in cockpit P Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer. S: Took hammer away from midget. Mechanic with a good sense of humor
 windshield: edbx
 After every flight, FedEx pilots fill out a form, known as a
 "gripe sheet" to tell mechanics about problems with the
 aircraft. The mechanics fix the problem, and then
 document their repairs on the form
 Here are some actual maintenance problems submitted by
 the pilots (marked with a "P") and the solutions recorded
 (marked by an "S") by maintenance engineers, who by the
 way have a sense if humour
 P. Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement.
 S: Left inside main tyre almost replaced.
 P Test flight OK, auto-land very rough
 S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft
 P Something loose in cockpit.
 S: Something tightened in cockpit
 P Dead bugs on windshield
 S: Live bugs on back order
 P Auto pilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per
 minute descent.
 S: Can't reproduce problem on the ground.
 P. Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
 S: Evidence removed.
 P DME volume unbelievably loud.
 S: DME volume set to more believable level
 P Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick
 S: That's what friction locks are for.
 P. IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
 S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode
 P Suspect crack in windshielod
 S: Suspect you're right
 P Number 3 engine missing
 S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
 P Aircraft handles funny.
 S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious
 P. Target radar hums
 S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
 P Mouse in cockpit
 S: Cat installed in cockpit
 P Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like
 a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
 S: Took hammer away from midget.
Mechanic with a good sense of humor

Mechanic with a good sense of humor