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Beer, Drunk, and Friends: ONE TIME, WHEN I WAS DRUNK... I tried to steal a large, expensive bottle of beer from a house I cleverly hid it by stuffing it into my pants. party I was attending. I knew there was only one thing I could do to make this right. But as I was saying goodbye... The bottle fell out and shattered on the ground. 0 SNASH T ran the hell away. Collegelumon ONE TIME, WHEN I WAS DRUNK... CollegeHumor I went online and became an ordained minister. This is the number one best idea. QUIKMINISTER.BIZ "Twice as holy for half the price!" SIGN UP TODAY! So now, when you sneeze, and I say "bless you"... It secretly means so much more. ONE TIME, WHEN I WAS DRUNK... I started doing magic tricks for all of the employees at a bar. Whether they wanted to see them or not. Whassat behind yer ear...? Ish... thish yer card? uh, yeah actually! It's a shot! A few months later, I went back to that bar, assuming that by now no one would remember my embarrasing magic show. But the bouncer recognized me... Yeah, you're the guy with all the magic tricks, right? Hey pal, don'tIknow you from somewhere? well I've got one say to you... thing to WE STILL TALK THAT WAS SO AWESOME! ABOUT IT ALL THE TIME! CollegeHumor ...He was a big fan. ONE TIME, WHEN I WAS DRUNK... I got super nauseous while I was riding in the car with friends so I barfed out the window, all over everyone in the back seat... ...and directly onto the windshield of the police car behind us. We got pulled over, and everyone in the car got a ticket... SPLAT!! CollegeHumon ...except for me, because I was the only one with my seatbelt on. madamebomb: pr1nceshawn: One time, when I was drunk… THAT LAST ONE NEVER FAILS TO MAKE ME LAUGH
nsfw
Beer, Drunk, and Friends: ONE TIME, WHEN I WAS DRUNK...
 I tried to steal a large, expensive
 bottle of beer from a house
 I cleverly hid it by stuffing
 it into my pants.
 party I was attending.
 I knew there was only
 one thing I could do
 to make this right.
 But as I was saying
 goodbye...
 The bottle fell out
 and shattered
 on the ground.
 0
 SNASH
 T ran the hell away.
 Collegelumon

 ONE TIME, WHEN I WAS DRUNK...
 CollegeHumor
 I went online and became an
 ordained minister.
 This is the number
 one best idea.
 QUIKMINISTER.BIZ
 "Twice as holy for
 half the price!"
 SIGN UP TODAY!
 So now, when you sneeze, and I
 say "bless you"...
 It secretly means so much more.

 ONE TIME, WHEN I WAS DRUNK...
 I started doing magic tricks for
 all of the employees at a bar.
 Whether they wanted to see
 them or not.
 Whassat behind yer ear...?
 Ish... thish yer card?
 uh, yeah actually!
 It's a shot!
 A few months later, I went back to that bar,
 assuming that by now no one would remember
 my embarrasing magic show.
 But the bouncer recognized me...
 Yeah, you're the guy with all
 the magic tricks, right?
 Hey pal, don'tIknow you from
 somewhere?
 well I've got one
 say to you...
 thing to
 WE STILL TALK
 THAT WAS SO AWESOME!
 ABOUT IT ALL
 THE TIME!
 CollegeHumor
 ...He was a
 big fan.

 ONE TIME, WHEN I WAS DRUNK...
 I got super nauseous while I was
 riding in the car with friends
 so I barfed out the window, all
 over everyone in the back seat...
 ...and directly onto the
 windshield of the police car
 behind us.
 We got pulled over, and
 everyone in the car got a ticket...
 SPLAT!!
 CollegeHumon
 ...except for me, because I was the only one with my seatbelt on.
madamebomb:

pr1nceshawn:

One time, when I was drunk…

THAT LAST ONE NEVER FAILS TO MAKE ME LAUGH

madamebomb: pr1nceshawn: One time, when I was drunk… THAT LAST ONE NEVER FAILS TO MAKE ME LAUGH

Books, Cookies, and Creepy: r/AskReddit u/Cringer90 22h Those who have weird neighbors, what does your neighbor do that is weird or creepy? Discussion 8.6k 19.6k Share BEST COMMENTS Mewnir 14h So I had a neighbor (80yo or more) widowed guy. Every time I get the newspaper delivered to my mail box, when I open it : I find the crosswords done (I don't do them or give a damn). A day I decided to try catch who's doing my crosswords, day 1 8 am, they where already done. Day 2:7:30 am already done. Day 3 7am I decide to give up One day, 4am, I was getting back home from a night out, while I was passing by the mailbox; nothing yet delivered, so I place my GoPro inside and went sleeping, the next day; FINALLY GOT IT it was my neighbor, he has done the crosswords right up on my mailbox, for like 10min (I will try to find the video, but it was absolutely cute, staring at my door time to time, and scratching his head) Next day; I took him a 1000 crosswords book, drop it right his door, rang the bell and stayed on my car discretely. He took some time to open the door, then found it, I swear it was the happiest person like a kid that got a puppy. He stayed in his porch and passed like 2 hours doing crosswords then felt asleep lol The next day : i was getting back home from work, he came to apologize (like a kid that has to confess something) and brought some cookies. We stayed talking about his WW2 service and how the world changed I frequently bought him crosswords books, until he passed away 1 year ago.. May he Rest In Peace Reply 2.9k AskReddit is being wholesome again!
Books, Cookies, and Creepy: r/AskReddit
 u/Cringer90 22h
 Those who have weird neighbors, what
 does your neighbor do that is weird or
 creepy?
 Discussion
 8.6k
 19.6k
 Share
 BEST COMMENTS
 Mewnir 14h
 So I had a neighbor (80yo or more) widowed guy.
 Every time I get the newspaper delivered to my
 mail box, when I open it : I find the crosswords
 done (I don't do them or give a damn).
 A day I decided to try catch who's doing my
 crosswords, day 1 8 am, they where already done.
 Day 2:7:30 am already done. Day 3 7am I decide
 to give up
 One day, 4am, I was getting back home from a
 night out, while I was passing by the mailbox;
 nothing yet delivered, so I place my GoPro inside
 and went sleeping, the next day; FINALLY GOT IT
 it was my neighbor, he has done the crosswords
 right up on my mailbox, for like 10min (I will try to
 find the video, but it was absolutely cute, staring
 at my door time to time, and scratching his head)
 Next day; I took him a 1000 crosswords book, drop
 it right his door, rang the bell and stayed on my car
 discretely. He took some time to open the door,
 then found it, I swear it was the happiest person
 like a kid that got a puppy. He stayed in his porch
 and passed like 2 hours doing crosswords then felt
 asleep lol
 The next day : i was getting back home from work,
 he came to apologize (like a kid that has to confess
 something) and brought some cookies. We stayed
 talking about his WW2 service and how the world
 changed
 I frequently bought him crosswords books, until he
 passed away 1 year ago..
 May he Rest In Peace
 Reply
 2.9k
AskReddit is being wholesome again!

AskReddit is being wholesome again!

Ash, Bad, and Chill: Sat, Jun 22, 18:36 Hello traveller, I am your guide. Are you ready to begin your quest? Hello stranger, what do I need to do, to complete your request. You have to recover a long time lost manuscript held by a famous necromancer. Your journey begins in a forest. The left of you is a mountain with a large boulder blocking it's entrance, in front of you is an ancient graveyard. Some of the greatest heroes of the realm rest there I would like to investigate the grave- yard of it looks chill or haunted. Not strong enough to push that boulder As you enter the graveyard you notice old tombstones crumbling, scribed in language too ancient to be known by any living creature. While searching around you find a crypt, the front door has been knocked open, you can hear a soft gust of wind coming from inside. I copy the ancient text, best as possible. I use 'produce flame' when I enter the crypt. As you go in the light from your spell fills the room, you notice the coffins that adorn the walls and a spiral staircase that leads further down, at the bottom of it lies a large room, broken pillars, and a statue of Sild, the Warlock. A very powerful wizard from centuries past. Further away, with barely any light around it, you see a creature in a black robe facing away, as it ignores you on purpouse. There's a corpse on an alter in front of it, and it's hands deep inside it As I enter the room I go "excuuuuuse me, but it's not nice to sacrifice people" en hold my flame ready to attack if he would attack me... The creature in black turns annoyed by your interference, you see a beetle crawl out of it's eye socket, it's deformed face makes your stomach sick, as you think that eating all those fries before entering a graveyard was a bad idea. A purple light starts forming as he moves his hands together With a quick look around you notice a large floating orb 3 meters above the creature's head. You remember the old legend of Sild's orb, which he used teleport anywhere in the world. Nasty! God damn it those fries! I shoot my flame to the orb so the bug guy can't escape. And pull out my scimitar ready to attack As your flame hits, the orb shatters into what seems to be glass spikes, flying everywhere, further damaging the room. Some hit the creature, tearing his black robes just to reveal pieces of rotting flesh. The stench of death takes over the room, you can't hold those fries anymore, as you make an effort to not puke onto your brand new heels -and you hear your own voice in your head WHY WOULD YOU GO INTO A GRAVEYARD USING HEELS WOMAN ? As you get distracted, the creature fires his spell, you quickly block it with your scimitar, but it flies away from your hand. You are disarmed and the creature starts running in your direction "I DON'T I WANTED SOMETHING DIFFERENT THEN THE USUAL SNEAKERS as I replied to my own question. I take them of hold them as a weapon ready to defend myself against the ugly bug dude. And try to figure out if I can back to my scimitar. As you dual-wield your brand new puke-free heels you notice a two fast moving shadows moving behind the creature. Desperation starts to hit as you are outnumbered and your scimitar is nowhere to be seen, suddenly the shadows jump onto the creatures head and start attacking him. IT'S YOUR FAMILIARS, your thank yourself for installing that catdoor years ago. The creature loses balance just as it reaches you, slipping and faceplanting your puddle fries and cola that rested on the floor. You plunge it's head with both heels. It explodes and the creature slowly starts turning into ashes... You give a well deserved pet to them. The comforting purring sounds fills the room, you feel safe now. One of your familiars starts digging into the ash pile, as he found something of value there. IT'S A FORTUNE COOKIE! I go like "Oooh cookie!" I break it open and eat the cookie while I read. And also keep petting them, like a good rub under the chin. You slowly chew the cookie, the slight chocolate taste is well welcome at this moment, unravel the note, and it says , hit me up for fries & movies sometime. Sept Her profile said she was into RPGs
Ash, Bad, and Chill: Sat, Jun 22, 18:36
 Hello traveller, I am your guide. Are you
 ready to begin your quest?
 Hello stranger, what do I need to do,
 to complete your request.
 You have to recover a long time
 lost manuscript held by a famous
 necromancer. Your journey begins in a
 forest. The left of you is a mountain with
 a large boulder blocking it's entrance,
 in front of you is an ancient graveyard.
 Some of the greatest heroes of the
 realm rest there
 I would like to investigate the grave-
 yard of it looks chill or haunted. Not
 strong enough to push that boulder
 As you enter the graveyard you notice
 old tombstones crumbling, scribed in
 language too ancient to be known by
 any living creature. While searching
 around you find a crypt, the front door
 has been knocked open, you can hear
 a soft gust of wind coming from inside.
 I copy the ancient text, best as
 possible. I use 'produce flame' when I
 enter the crypt.
 As you go in the light from your spell
 fills the room, you notice the coffins that
 adorn the walls and a spiral staircase
 that leads further down, at the bottom
 of it lies a large room, broken pillars,
 and a statue of Sild, the Warlock. A very
 powerful wizard from centuries past.
 Further away, with barely any light
 around it, you see a creature in a black
 robe facing away, as it ignores you on
 purpouse. There's a corpse on an alter
 in front of it, and it's hands deep inside
 it
 As I enter the room I go "excuuuuuse
 me, but it's not nice to sacrifice
 people" en hold my flame ready to
 attack if he would attack me...
 The creature in black turns annoyed
 by your interference, you see a
 beetle crawl out of it's eye socket, it's
 deformed face makes your stomach
 sick, as you think that eating all those
 fries before entering a graveyard was
 a bad idea. A purple light starts forming
 as he moves his hands together
 With a quick look around you notice a
 large floating orb 3 meters above the
 creature's head. You remember the
 old legend of Sild's orb, which he used
 teleport anywhere in the world.
 Nasty! God damn it those fries! I shoot
 my flame to the orb so the bug guy
 can't escape. And pull out my scimitar
 ready to attack
 As your flame hits, the orb shatters into
 what seems to be glass spikes, flying
 everywhere, further damaging the
 room. Some hit the creature, tearing
 his black robes just to reveal pieces of
 rotting flesh. The stench of death takes
 over the room, you can't hold those
 fries anymore, as you make an effort
 to not puke onto your brand new heels
 -and you hear your own voice in your
 head WHY WOULD YOU GO INTO A
 GRAVEYARD USING HEELS WOMAN ?
 As you get distracted, the creature
 fires his spell, you quickly block it with
 your scimitar, but it flies away from
 your hand. You are disarmed and the
 creature starts running in your direction
 "I DON'T I WANTED SOMETHING
 DIFFERENT THEN THE USUAL
 SNEAKERS as I replied to my own
 question. I take them of hold them
 as a weapon ready to defend myself
 against the ugly bug dude. And try to
 figure out if I can back to my scimitar.
 As you dual-wield your brand new
 puke-free heels you notice a two fast
 moving shadows moving behind the
 creature. Desperation starts to hit as
 you are outnumbered and your scimitar
 is nowhere to be seen, suddenly the
 shadows jump onto the creatures head
 and start attacking him. IT'S YOUR
 FAMILIARS, your thank yourself for
 installing that catdoor years ago.
 The creature loses balance just as it
 reaches you, slipping and faceplanting
 your puddle fries and cola that rested
 on the floor.
 You plunge it's head with both heels. It
 explodes and the creature slowly starts
 turning into ashes... You give a well
 deserved pet to them. The comforting
 purring sounds fills the room, you feel
 safe now. One of your familiars starts
 digging into the ash pile, as he found
 something of value there.
 IT'S A FORTUNE COOKIE!
 I go like "Oooh cookie!" I break it open
 and eat the cookie while I read. And
 also keep petting them, like a good
 rub under the chin.
 You slowly chew the cookie, the slight
 chocolate taste is well welcome at this
 moment, unravel the note, and it says
 , hit me up for fries &
 movies sometime.
 Sept
Her profile said she was into RPGs

Her profile said she was into RPGs