The
The

The

ifs
ifs

ifs

yours
yours

yours

heavenly
heavenly

heavenly

their
their

their

negros
negros

negros

ghosted
ghosted

ghosted

played
played

played

overeating
overeating

overeating

good girls
good girls

good girls

🔥 | Latest

Alive, Arthur, and Best Friend: akingandhiswarlock: brolinmerthurendlesslove: #ugh #he’s saying thank you for choosing me even though i know how much your father means to you #and i will love you and protect you forever and always don’t you worry #you were the only one for me and i wouldn’t have it any other way #all with the look in his eyes (via magikalk) Now that I’m watching their faces on repeat, I’m realizing what their looks really mean in this moment. I have no doubt that Arthur protected Merlin from Uther more than once while he was alive; Uther handed out punishments like candy to anyone less than a knight, and we all know Merlin often made mistakes because he’s The Worst Manservant Ever. Even so, I don’t think it ever occurred to Arthur that Uther would kill Merlin for anything. Earlier he asked Merlin why Uther’s ghost would have tried to kill Guinevere, when “he knows how much I love her.” I think he thought the same thing about Merlin. Uther had seen the bond between his son and Merlin a lot more than he’d seen Arthur and Gwen’s love. It was obvious to everyone in the castle how much Merlin and Arthur cared about each other. I think it’s breaking Arthur’s heart right here to realize that Uther really did care more about his legacy than about how Arthur would feel if Merlin, his best friend and closest companion, were to die, when Uther knew the unspoken love his son had for Merlin. And Merlin, just like it says in the tags above, is realizing that Arthur really will put him first when it comes down to it. Arthur didn’t hesitate to send Uther back–didn’t try reasoning or talking to him like he had before. Arthur blew the horn without even stopping to let him finish his sentence, because once his father tried to kill Merlin, he was done with him for good. I think Merlin is seeing, once again, how worthy Arthur is of his love–how brave and strong his king must be to stand up to his father like that, when he’d spent all of his life respecting and fearing Uther. He’s relieved that he was saved and his magic wasn’t found out, but he’s also just so proud and loving Arthur more than ever. Merlin and Arthur is literally just the best love story ever.
Alive, Arthur, and Best Friend: akingandhiswarlock:

brolinmerthurendlesslove:
#ugh #he’s saying thank you for choosing me even though i know how much your father means to you #and i will love you and protect you forever and always don’t you worry #you were the only one for me and i wouldn’t have it any other way #all with the look in his eyes  (via magikalk)
Now that I’m watching their faces on repeat, I’m realizing what their looks really mean in this moment.
I have no doubt that Arthur protected Merlin from Uther more than once while he was alive; Uther handed out punishments like candy to anyone less than a knight, and we all know Merlin often made mistakes because he’s The Worst Manservant Ever. Even so, I don’t think it ever occurred to Arthur that Uther would kill Merlin for anything. Earlier he asked Merlin why Uther’s ghost would have tried to kill Guinevere, when “he knows how much I love her.” I think he thought the same thing about Merlin. Uther had seen the bond between his son and Merlin a lot more than he’d seen Arthur and Gwen’s love. It was obvious to everyone in the castle how much Merlin and Arthur cared about each other. I think it’s breaking Arthur’s heart right here to realize that Uther really did care more about his legacy than about how Arthur would feel if Merlin, his best friend and closest companion, were to die, when Uther knew the unspoken love his son had for Merlin.
And Merlin, just like it says in the tags above, is realizing that Arthur really will put him first when it comes down to it. Arthur didn’t hesitate to send Uther back–didn’t try reasoning or talking to him like he had before. Arthur blew the horn without even stopping to let him finish his sentence, because once his father tried to kill Merlin, he was done with him for good. I think Merlin is seeing, once again, how worthy Arthur is of his love–how brave and strong his king must be to stand up to his father like that, when he’d spent all of his life respecting and fearing Uther. He’s relieved that he was saved and his magic wasn’t found out, but he’s also just so proud and loving Arthur more than ever.
Merlin and Arthur is literally just the best love story ever.

akingandhiswarlock: brolinmerthurendlesslove: #ugh #he’s saying thank you for choosing me even though i know how much your father means to ...

Beautiful, Blessed, and Bones: deadcatwithaflamethrower: hebic: kyraneko: balencia: kitrazzle: pissedoffweasley: wizardingheadcanon: kyraneko: elidyce: thatgirlonstage: fuckyeahdeathlyhallows: sirlestrange: #that is a human as a rat as a cup That was a long 12 years for Wormtail. Can you imagine how differently their lives would’ve gone if Ron, in trying to transfigure Scabbers, had actually transfigured him back into a human?Just take a moment to imagine McGonagall’s reaction if Peter Pettigrew had abruptly appeared in her classroom from Ronald Weasley’s rat.Take a moment. Or if Ron had fucked it up a little worse and couldn’t get ‘Scabbers’ back and McGonagall had take him to disenchant him and next thing we know there’s a naked Peter Pettigrew sitting on McGonagall’s desk and the kids in that class learn six new swear words, a hex they will never dare to use, and a fear of Minerva McGonagall’s wrath that will be with them until the day they die. Ten and twenty years later first years are being pulled aside and warned never mess around in Transfiguration seriously the last time a kid mucked something up in that class Professor McGonagall used two semi-legal hexes, took down a Death Eater and sabotaged the rise of the Dark Lord before Potter had time to get his wand out. What most of Hogwarts learned first on that otherwise-unexceptionable day was that Professor McGonagall could sure scream loud. Professor Flitwick’s Charms 5th-year Charms class was close enough to catch the full effect, and the door had been left open besides; en masse the students recoiled with shock and a miscast Hiccuping Charm broke one of the windows (out which the entire flock of ravens they were practicing on escaped to the Forbidden Forest where they only had to worry about centaurs, rather than annoying young humans with wands). Up in the Divination Tower, Sibyl Trelawny preened over her foresight to have warned her students of an unprecedented catastrophe likely to occur before the hour was out. Out in Greenhouse Five, a NEWT-level Herbology class looked up in puzzlement, and most of them were subsequently bitten by the Venomous Tentaculae they were attempting to propagate. It does not do to ignore a Venomous Tentacula when you’re prodding at its intimate parts with a cotton ball held in tweezers, so the class was cancelled while two-thirds of the students headed for the infirmary and the rest of them headed into the castle because if they stayed with the Venomous Tentaculae they’d be outnumbered, and nobody wants that. And down in the dungeons, Professor Snape turned away from comparing Lee Jordan’s Pepper-Up Potion to spoiled cream at what sounded like a woman screaming from the entrance hall. At the second scream, he ordered the class to remain where they were and behave, sweeping out of the room just in time to miss Theodore Nott suddenly jumping up and yelping as if someone had put a crocodile heart down the back of his robes. Fred Weasley stepped back from the unfortunate Slytherin, shared a smirk with his twin, and stuck his head out the door to make sure Snape had rounded the corner before leading the way out of the classroom. - Back in the Transfiguration classroom, about four minutes ago, it had started innocently enough. Ron Weasley, possessed of a broken wand and a lurking suspicion that most of the family’s magical talent had been soaked up by his siblings before he was around to get any, had attempted to turn his pet rat, Scabbers, into a teacup. Scabbers had not become a teacup. Scabbers, blast his useless furry little backside, had become a furry, vaguely teacup-shaped monstrosity out of which absolutely no one would have been tempted to drink, and to make matters worse, he still had a tail. It was moving. Harry was hiding a smile behind his hand. Dean and Seamus weren’t even trying to hide, elbowing each other and laughing. Parvati and Lavender were looking with disgust and horror at either Scabbers or him, and Hermione was opening her mouth, no doubt ready to tell him exactly what he’d done wrong. Which only made it worse that he really thought he’d done everything right this time. He snatched Scabbers off the desk (eww, the base of the cup had the same texture as rat feet) and turned away from Hermione. He made the wand movement again, picturing in his mind the way McGonagall had demonstrated it. “Erreverto.” “Erreverto. Erreverto. Erreverto.” It didn’t work. It didn’t work when Professor McGonagall stopped by and gave Hermione two points for Gryffindor for getting the spell perfect in both directions. It didn’t work when Harry made his successful transfiguration (Ron looked; the pattern was a little bit furry but it was definitely a teacup). Ron’s lips formed the shape of a word that would’ve made his mother box his ears had she heard it and attempted the reverse transfiguration, which didn’t work either. Finally, faced not only with the indignity of failure but the threat of Scabbers being stuck like that, he’d gone up to Professor McGonagall’s desk. “Um, Professor?” Professor McGonagall looked up from the paper she was grading and looked from him to the squirming teacup. “Problems, Mr. Weasley?” “Um, yeah, Professor. I can’t get it to work in either direction and it’s not fair to Scabbers to make him stay as a teacup just because I can’t do a spell right and can you maybe … ?” “I suppose so, Mr. Weasley,” she said, and waved her wand in the exact manner Ron had been doing all along. Nothing happened. Professor McGonagall looked very, very puzzled. “Now that’s odd,” she said softly. As one, the other students rose from their seats and quietly moved closer. She did not attempt the transfiguration in the other direction. Instead, she made a complex motion with her wand and murmured an incantation that possibly only Hermione recognized. The teacup squeaked. Professor McGonagall looked more puzzled than ever, and made a sweeping wand movement that ended with a sharp jab and uttered, “Arcanum finite!” And there was a loud bang, and there was a pale, pudgy, and very naked man sprawled out on her desk, and she jumped back hard enough to knock her chair into the wall and screamed. - Having taught a particularly rigorous course of magical study to children and teens for quite some time now, Minerva McGonagall had become accustomed to certain things. Students who didn’t listen. Students who did rude things to the mice when they thought she wasn’t looking. Students who accidentally turned a frog or a raven into a flock of starlings or a school of strange slimy South American fish (and tried to solve the immediate problem by filling the classroom with two feet of water, neglecting to consider the gap under the door). Students who tried to transfigure their noses into a more appealing shape and wound up in the hospital wing regrowing their nostrils. Naked men on her desk was something Minerva McGonagall had never had an occasion to get used to. What made it worse was that she recognized this one, and he’d been dead for more than a decade. Inferius! was her first thought, followed shortly thereafter by Animagus, which collided with Peter Pettigrew! and produced the utterly horrifying thought of what if all four of them were Animagi? which didn’t bear thinking about at all, so her brain jumped to if he wasn’t killed by a Dark Wizard then why didn’t he say so? and realized there was only one possible explanation why, and about that time her eyes registered that parts of Peter Pettigrew she really doesn’t want to know about were flopping about in front of her face, and she was screaming as she jumped back. The flow of invective which followed somehow failed to surprise her one bit. Some part of her registered, peripherally, the shocked faces of her students, but most of her attention was directed at Peter Pettigrew, who at very least faked his own death and at worst framed Sirius Black and if Black didn’t betray the Potters then who … did. And the words poured out of her, filthy English and filthier Latin while Pettigrew squirmed on the table, his face rage and guilt and fear and something shifty and contemptible, and he turned to look at the stunned students and lunged for Ron Weasley’s wand. - Severus Snape had reached the Entrance Hall by the time the scream died away and the invective replaced it. He almost smirked, amid the alarm; of all the things he’d never expected to hear from Minerva McGonagall … he took the stairs two at a time, still not noticing the students who followed. He did notice the Herbology class, which had stopped on the way to the Infirmary and were staring transfixed in the direction of the Transfiguration classroom, but pushed his way through them, getting Venomous Tentacula pollen all over his robes in the process. From the other end of the corridor came Professor Flitwick’s Charms class, with Professor Flitwick bringing up the rear and pushing his way between students. - Ron looked stunned as the man who’d been his pet rat snatched the wand from his hand; Professor McGonagal’s expression shifted to one beyond fury and when the entire class recoiled, it wasn’t from the naked man with the wand. “Laedo!“ Minerva McGonagall roared. - Ron Weasley’s wand cast a Splintering Curse many years beyond its rightful owner’s abilities, and it did Peter Pettigrew the poor favor of eliminating the door, which might have slowed him down a bit. - Severus Snape flailed and skidded to a halt as the Transfiguration classroom’s door shattered. He stepped back just in time, and stared, jaw dropped in shock, as a naked man he recognized from his school days flew past him and bellyflopped against the wall, bounced, and collapsed to the ground just in time to avoid the “Exitium!” which followed and vaporized an impresive chunk of the castle’s stone wall. Fred and George and Lee Jordan, determined to stay at the front of the crowd, had been pushed almost against Professor Snape by their fellow Potions classmates and some pollen-coated Hufflepuffs. Fred squirmed aside hastily as Professor McGonagall appeared in the doorway, the look on her face so utterly livid that Professors Snape and Flitwick both reflexively stepped back. Snape tripped over George’s foot and fell against a knot of Hufflepuffs, releasing another cloud of pollen and knocking them backwards. Pettigrew saw his opportunity and took it, scrambling to his feet, stumbling sideways, and launching himself towards the gap. And Minerva McGonagall made a thrust with her wand and said, “Perdo.” In the very loud silence which followed, Filius Flitwick squeaked, “The Splinching Charm, Minerva?” She might’ve looked embarrassed for a moment, and then she smiled as she looked down at Pettigrew, who lay on his belly, his arms and legs lying akimbo some distance away. “Unorthodox,” she said, “but useful in a pinch. If someone would inform the Headmaster, and send an owl to the Ministry—-not Fudge, not Crouch, someone competent—-Shacklebolt, perhaps. Students, return to your classrooms, please. Mr. Weasley, I’m very sorry, but I do believe it’s impossible to return you your rat. However, the zero I was going to have to give you for the day’s work is entirely undeserved, as you were not transfiguring a normal rat. You may make the lesson up any time this week.” - The story was, of course, much embellished by the time it reached all the students. Versions of it had the intruder peppering Snape with a Glitter Hex or transfiguring Ron’s rat into a pair of boxers, and people had to be disabused of the notion that it had been Voldemort who’d been hiding as a rat all this time. Snape gave both Weasley twins detention for tripping him, and took forty-seven points total from Gryffindor over the next few weeks for various pretend-subtle pollen references. Kingsley Shacklebolt showed up with a team of Aurors in time to meet Professor Dumbledore; the Wizengamot launched an investigation into the events surrounding the Potters’ murder; the results turned into a scandal which saw the release of Sirius Black and the forced resignation of both Director Bartemious Crouch and Minister Cornelius Fudge. Director of Magical Law Enforcement Amelia Bones was confirmed as Minister of Magic shortly thereafte, and the Daily Prophet reported that Sirius Black (“Godfather to the Boy-Who-Lived!” “Framed, Abandoned, Condemned to Living Hell!” “Heart-Wrenching: His Release In Pictures, Page 17!”) was considering applying for a teaching position at Hogwarts, “but just for a year, I’ve been cursed enough for one lifetime.” (“The Prophet reminds its readers that the so-called “curse” on a certain Hogwarts teaching position is almost certainly a mere string of coincidences.”) And, Minerva thought with relish some months later, it was almost three weeks before anyone attempted messing around in her class. A personal record. I’ve probably reblogged this before but I’m going to do it again right now I think this is literally the best au this entire fandom has produced I’ve only seen this legendary bit of writing in memes and screenshots. I feel so blessed to see it in person. Beautiful, simply beautiful! Reblogging my own post because a) it’s my damn horn and I’ll blow it if I want to, and b) I just (finally!) cross-posted this to Archive Of Our Own, so if anybody wants to go read it over there, here it is. @deadcatwithaflamethrower My only complaint is that Theodore Nott and Fred Weasely wouldn’t be in the same Potions class. *is pedantic* *reblogging because now you can bookmark it on AO3*
Beautiful, Blessed, and Bones: deadcatwithaflamethrower:

hebic:
kyraneko:

balencia:

kitrazzle:

pissedoffweasley:

wizardingheadcanon:

kyraneko:

elidyce:

thatgirlonstage:

fuckyeahdeathlyhallows:

sirlestrange:

#that is a human as a rat as a cup

That was a long 12 years for Wormtail.

Can you imagine how differently their lives would’ve gone if Ron, in trying to transfigure Scabbers, had actually transfigured him back into a human?Just take a moment to imagine McGonagall’s reaction if Peter Pettigrew had abruptly appeared in her classroom from Ronald Weasley’s rat.Take a moment.

Or if Ron had fucked it up a little worse and couldn’t get ‘Scabbers’ back and McGonagall had take him to disenchant him and next thing we know there’s a naked Peter Pettigrew sitting on McGonagall’s desk and the kids in that class learn six new swear words, a hex they will never dare to use, and a fear of Minerva McGonagall’s wrath that will be with them until the day they die.
Ten and twenty years later first years are being pulled aside and warned never mess around in Transfiguration seriously the last time a kid mucked something up in that class Professor McGonagall used two semi-legal hexes, took down a Death Eater and sabotaged the rise of the Dark Lord before Potter had time to get his wand out.

What most of Hogwarts learned first on that otherwise-unexceptionable day was that Professor McGonagall could sure scream loud.
Professor Flitwick’s Charms 5th-year Charms class was close enough to catch the full effect, and the door had been left open besides; en masse the students recoiled with shock and a miscast Hiccuping Charm broke one of the windows (out which the entire flock of ravens they were practicing on escaped to the Forbidden Forest where they only had to worry about centaurs, rather than annoying young humans with wands).
Up in the Divination Tower, Sibyl Trelawny preened over her foresight to have warned her students of an unprecedented catastrophe likely to occur before the hour was out.
Out in Greenhouse Five, a NEWT-level Herbology class looked up in puzzlement, and most of them were subsequently bitten by the Venomous Tentaculae they were attempting to propagate. It does not do to ignore a Venomous Tentacula when you’re prodding at its intimate parts with a cotton ball held in tweezers, so the class was cancelled while two-thirds of the students headed for the infirmary and the rest of them headed into the castle because if they stayed with the Venomous Tentaculae they’d be outnumbered, and nobody wants that.
And down in the dungeons, Professor Snape turned away from comparing Lee Jordan’s Pepper-Up Potion to spoiled cream at what sounded like a woman screaming from the entrance hall. At the second scream, he ordered the class to remain where they were and behave, sweeping out of the room just in time to miss Theodore Nott suddenly jumping up and yelping as if someone had put a crocodile heart down the back of his robes.
Fred Weasley stepped back from the unfortunate Slytherin, shared a smirk with his twin, and stuck his head out the door to make sure Snape had rounded the corner before leading the way out of the classroom.
-
Back in the Transfiguration classroom, about four minutes ago, it had started innocently enough. Ron Weasley, possessed of a broken wand and a lurking suspicion that most of the family’s magical talent had been soaked up by his siblings before he was around to get any, had attempted to turn his pet rat, Scabbers, into a teacup.
Scabbers had not become a teacup.
Scabbers, blast his useless furry little backside, had become a furry, vaguely teacup-shaped monstrosity out of which absolutely no one would have been tempted to drink, and to make matters worse, he still had a tail.
It was moving.
Harry was hiding a smile behind his hand. Dean and Seamus weren’t even trying to hide, elbowing each other and laughing. Parvati and Lavender were looking with disgust and horror at either Scabbers or him, and Hermione was opening her mouth, no doubt ready to tell him exactly what he’d done wrong.
Which only made it worse that he really thought he’d done everything right this time.
He snatched Scabbers off the desk (eww, the base of the cup had the same texture as rat feet) and turned away from Hermione. He made the wand movement again, picturing in his mind the way McGonagall had demonstrated it. “Erreverto.”
“Erreverto. Erreverto. Erreverto.”
It didn’t work. It didn’t work when Professor McGonagall stopped by and gave Hermione two points for Gryffindor for getting the spell perfect in both directions. It didn’t work when Harry made his successful transfiguration (Ron looked; the pattern was a little bit furry but it was definitely a teacup). Ron’s lips formed the shape of a word that would’ve made his mother box his ears had she heard it and attempted the reverse transfiguration, which didn’t work either.
Finally, faced not only with the indignity of failure but the threat of Scabbers being stuck like that, he’d gone up to Professor McGonagall’s desk.
“Um, Professor?”
Professor McGonagall looked up from the paper she was grading and looked from him to the squirming teacup. “Problems, Mr. Weasley?”
“Um, yeah, Professor. I can’t get it to work in either direction and it’s not fair to Scabbers to make him stay as a teacup just because I can’t do a spell right and can you maybe … ?”
“I suppose so, Mr. Weasley,” she said, and waved her wand in the exact manner Ron had been doing all along.
Nothing happened.
Professor McGonagall looked very, very puzzled.
“Now that’s odd,” she said softly.
As one, the other students rose from their seats and quietly moved closer.
She did not attempt the transfiguration in the other direction. Instead, she made a complex motion with her wand and murmured an incantation that possibly only Hermione recognized. The teacup squeaked. Professor McGonagall looked more puzzled than ever, and made a sweeping wand movement that ended with a sharp jab and uttered, “Arcanum finite!”
And there was a loud bang, and there was a pale, pudgy, and very naked man sprawled out on her desk, and she jumped back hard enough to knock her chair into the wall and screamed.
-
Having taught a particularly rigorous course of magical study to children and teens for quite some time now, Minerva McGonagall had become accustomed to certain things. Students who didn’t listen. Students who did rude things to the mice when they thought she wasn’t looking. Students who accidentally turned a frog or a raven into a flock of starlings or a school of strange slimy South American fish (and tried to solve the immediate problem by filling the classroom with two feet of water, neglecting to consider the gap under the door). Students who tried to transfigure their noses into a more appealing shape and wound up in the hospital wing regrowing their nostrils.
Naked men on her desk was something Minerva McGonagall had never had an occasion to get used to. What made it worse was that she recognized this one, and he’d been dead for more than a decade.
Inferius! was her first thought, followed shortly thereafter by Animagus, which collided with Peter Pettigrew! and produced the utterly horrifying thought of what if all four of them were Animagi? which didn’t bear thinking about at all, so her brain jumped to if he wasn’t killed by a Dark Wizard then why didn’t he say so? and realized there was only one possible explanation why, and about that time her eyes registered that parts of Peter Pettigrew she really doesn’t want to know about were flopping about in front of her face, and she was screaming as she jumped back.
The flow of invective which followed somehow failed to surprise her one bit. Some part of her registered, peripherally, the shocked faces of her students, but most of her attention was directed at Peter Pettigrew, who at very least faked his own death and at worst framed Sirius Black and if Black didn’t betray the Potters then who … did. And the words poured out of her, filthy English and filthier Latin while Pettigrew squirmed on the table, his face rage and guilt and fear and something shifty and contemptible, and he turned to look at the stunned students and lunged for Ron Weasley’s wand.
-
Severus Snape had reached the Entrance Hall by the time the scream died away and the invective replaced it. He almost smirked, amid the alarm; of all the things he’d never expected to hear from Minerva McGonagall … he took the stairs two at a time, still not noticing the students who followed.
He did notice the Herbology class, which had stopped on the way to the Infirmary and were staring transfixed in the direction of the Transfiguration classroom, but pushed his way through them, getting Venomous Tentacula pollen all over his robes in the process.
From the other end of the corridor came Professor Flitwick’s Charms class, with Professor Flitwick bringing up the rear and pushing his way between students.
-
Ron looked stunned as the man who’d been his pet rat snatched the wand from his hand; Professor McGonagal’s expression shifted to one beyond fury and when the entire class recoiled, it wasn’t from the naked man with the wand.
“Laedo!“ Minerva McGonagall roared.
-
Ron Weasley’s wand cast a Splintering Curse many years beyond its rightful owner’s abilities, and it did Peter Pettigrew the poor favor of eliminating the door, which might have slowed him down a bit.
-
Severus Snape flailed and skidded to a halt as the Transfiguration classroom’s door shattered. He stepped back just in time, and stared, jaw dropped in shock, as a naked man he recognized from his school days flew past him and bellyflopped against the wall, bounced, and collapsed to the ground just in time to avoid the “Exitium!” which followed and vaporized an impresive chunk of the castle’s stone wall.
Fred and George and Lee Jordan, determined to stay at the front of the crowd, had been pushed almost against Professor Snape by their fellow Potions classmates and some pollen-coated Hufflepuffs. Fred squirmed aside hastily as Professor McGonagall appeared in the doorway, the look on her face so utterly livid that Professors Snape and Flitwick both reflexively stepped back.
Snape tripped over George’s foot and fell against a knot of Hufflepuffs, releasing another cloud of pollen and knocking them backwards. Pettigrew saw his opportunity and took it, scrambling to his feet, stumbling sideways, and launching himself towards the gap.
And Minerva McGonagall made a thrust with her wand and said, “Perdo.”
In the very loud silence which followed, Filius Flitwick squeaked, “The Splinching Charm, Minerva?”
She might’ve looked embarrassed for a moment, and then she smiled as she looked down at Pettigrew, who lay on his belly, his arms and legs lying akimbo some distance away.
“Unorthodox,” she said, “but useful in a pinch. If someone would inform the Headmaster, and send an owl to the Ministry—-not Fudge, not Crouch, someone competent—-Shacklebolt, perhaps. Students, return to your classrooms, please. Mr. Weasley, I’m very sorry, but I do believe it’s impossible to return you your rat. However, the zero I was going to have to give you for the day’s work is entirely undeserved, as you were not transfiguring a normal rat. You may make the lesson up any time this week.”
-
The story was, of course, much embellished by the time it reached all the students. Versions of it had the intruder peppering Snape with a Glitter Hex or transfiguring Ron’s rat into a pair of boxers, and people had to be disabused of the notion that it had been Voldemort who’d been hiding as a rat all this time.
Snape gave both Weasley twins detention for tripping him, and took forty-seven points total from Gryffindor over the next few weeks for various pretend-subtle pollen references.
Kingsley Shacklebolt showed up with a team of Aurors in time to meet Professor Dumbledore; the Wizengamot launched an investigation into the events surrounding the Potters’ murder; the results turned into a scandal which saw the release of Sirius Black and the forced resignation of both Director Bartemious Crouch and Minister Cornelius Fudge. Director of Magical Law Enforcement Amelia Bones was confirmed as Minister of Magic shortly thereafte, and the Daily Prophet reported that Sirius Black (“Godfather to the Boy-Who-Lived!” “Framed, Abandoned, Condemned to Living Hell!” “Heart-Wrenching: His Release In Pictures, Page 17!”) was considering applying for a teaching position at Hogwarts, “but just for a year, I’ve been cursed enough for one lifetime.” (“The Prophet reminds its readers that the so-called “curse” on a certain Hogwarts teaching position is almost certainly a mere string of coincidences.”)
And, Minerva thought with relish some months later, it was almost three weeks before anyone attempted messing around in her class.
A personal record.

I’ve probably reblogged this before but I’m going to do it again right now

I think this is literally the best au this entire fandom has produced

I’ve only seen this legendary bit of writing in memes and screenshots. I feel so blessed to see it in person.

Beautiful, simply beautiful!

Reblogging my own post because a) it’s my damn horn and I’ll blow it if I want to, and b) I just (finally!) cross-posted this to Archive Of Our Own, so if anybody wants to go read it over there, here it is.


@deadcatwithaflamethrower 
My only complaint is that Theodore Nott and Fred Weasely wouldn’t be in the same Potions class. *is pedantic*

*reblogging because now you can bookmark it on AO3*

deadcatwithaflamethrower: hebic: kyraneko: balencia: kitrazzle: pissedoffweasley: wizardingheadcanon: kyraneko: elidyce: thatgirlons...

Beautiful, Blessed, and Bones: rmh8402: pegasusdragontiger: kyraneko: balencia: kitrazzle: pissedoffweasley: wizardingheadcanon: kyraneko: elidyce: thatgirlonstage: fuckyeahdeathlyhallows: sirlestrange: #that is a human as a rat as a cup That was a long 12 years for Wormtail. Can you imagine how differently their lives would’ve gone if Ron, in trying to transfigure Scabbers, had actually transfigured him back into a human?Just take a moment to imagine McGonagall’s reaction if Peter Pettigrew had abruptly appeared in her classroom from Ronald Weasley’s rat.Take a moment. Or if Ron had fucked it up a little worse and couldn’t get ‘Scabbers’ back and McGonagall had take him to disenchant him and next thing we know there’s a naked Peter Pettigrew sitting on McGonagall’s desk and the kids in that class learn six new swear words, a hex they will never dare to use, and a fear of Minerva McGonagall’s wrath that will be with them until the day they die. Ten and twenty years later first years are being pulled aside and warned never mess around in Transfiguration seriously the last time a kid mucked something up in that class Professor McGonagall used two semi-legal hexes, took down a Death Eater and sabotaged the rise of the Dark Lord before Potter had time to get his wand out. What most of Hogwarts learned first on that otherwise-unexceptionable day was that Professor McGonagall could sure scream loud. Professor Flitwick’s Charms 5th-year Charms class was close enough to catch the full effect, and the door had been left open besides; en masse the students recoiled with shock and a miscast Hiccuping Charm broke one of the windows (out which the entire flock of ravens they were practicing on escaped to the Forbidden Forest where they only had to worry about centaurs, rather than annoying young humans with wands). Up in the Divination Tower, Sibyl Trelawny preened over her foresight to have warned her students of an unprecedented catastrophe likely to occur before the hour was out. Out in Greenhouse Five, a NEWT-level Herbology class looked up in puzzlement, and most of them were subsequently bitten by the Venomous Tentaculae they were attempting to propagate. It does not do to ignore a Venomous Tentacula when you’re prodding at its intimate parts with a cotton ball held in tweezers, so the class was cancelled while two-thirds of the students headed for the infirmary and the rest of them headed into the castle because if they stayed with the Venomous Tentaculae they’d be outnumbered, and nobody wants that. And down in the dungeons, Professor Snape turned away from comparing Lee Jordan’s Pepper-Up Potion to spoiled cream at what sounded like a woman screaming from the entrance hall. At the second scream, he ordered the class to remain where they were and behave, sweeping out of the room just in time to miss Theodore Nott suddenly jumping up and yelping as if someone had put a crocodile heart down the back of his robes. Fred Weasley stepped back from the unfortunate Slytherin, shared a smirk with his twin, and stuck his head out the door to make sure Snape had rounded the corner before leading the way out of the classroom. - Back in the Transfiguration classroom, about four minutes ago, it had started innocently enough. Ron Weasley, possessed of a broken wand and a lurking suspicion that most of the family’s magical talent had been soaked up by his siblings before he was around to get any, had attempted to turn his pet rat, Scabbers, into a teacup. Scabbers had not become a teacup. Scabbers, blast his useless furry little backside, had become a furry, vaguely teacup-shaped monstrosity out of which absolutely no one would have been tempted to drink, and to make matters worse, he still had a tail. It was moving. Harry was hiding a smile behind his hand. Dean and Seamus weren’t even trying to hide, elbowing each other and laughing. Parvati and Lavender were looking with disgust and horror at either Scabbers or him, and Hermione was opening her mouth, no doubt ready to tell him exactly what he’d done wrong. Which only made it worse that he really thought he’d done everything right this time. He snatched Scabbers off the desk (eww, the base of the cup had the same texture as rat feet) and turned away from Hermione. He made the wand movement again, picturing in his mind the way McGonagall had demonstrated it. “Erreverto.” “Erreverto. Erreverto. Erreverto.” It didn’t work. It didn’t work when Professor McGonagall stopped by and gave Hermione two points for Gryffindor for getting the spell perfect in both directions. It didn’t work when Harry made his successful transfiguration (Ron looked; the pattern was a little bit furry but it was definitely a teacup). Ron’s lips formed the shape of a word that would’ve made his mother box his ears had she heard it and attempted the reverse transfiguration, which didn’t work either. Finally, faced not only with the indignity of failure but the threat of Scabbers being stuck like that, he’d gone up to Professor McGonagall’s desk. “Um, Professor?” Professor McGonagall looked up from the paper she was grading and looked from him to the squirming teacup. “Problems, Mr. Weasley?” “Um, yeah, Professor. I can’t get it to work in either direction and it’s not fair to Scabbers to make him stay as a teacup just because I can’t do a spell right and can you maybe … ?” “I suppose so, Mr. Weasley,” she said, and waved her wand in the exact manner Ron had been doing all along. Nothing happened. Professor McGonagall looked very, very puzzled. “Now that’s odd,” she said softly. As one, the other students rose from their seats and quietly moved closer. She did not attempt the transfiguration in the other direction. Instead, she made a complex motion with her wand and murmured an incantation that possibly only Hermione recognized. The teacup squeaked. Professor McGonagall looked more puzzled than ever, and made a sweeping wand movement that ended with a sharp jab and uttered, “Arcanum finite!” And there was a loud bang, and there was a pale, pudgy, and very naked man sprawled out on her desk, and she jumped back hard enough to knock her chair into the wall and screamed. - Having taught a particularly rigorous course of magical study to children and teens for quite some time now, Minerva McGonagall had become accustomed to certain things. Students who didn’t listen. Students who did rude things to the mice when they thought she wasn’t looking. Students who accidentally turned a frog or a raven into a flock of starlings or a school of strange slimy South American fish (and tried to solve the immediate problem by filling the classroom with two feet of water, neglecting to consider the gap under the door). Students who tried to transfigure their noses into a more appealing shape and wound up in the hospital wing regrowing their nostrils. Naked men on her desk was something Minerva McGonagall had never had an occasion to get used to. What made it worse was that she recognized this one, and he’d been dead for more than a decade. Inferius! was her first thought, followed shortly thereafter by Animagus, which collided with Peter Pettigrew! and produced the utterly horrifying thought of what if all four of them were Animagi? which didn’t bear thinking about at all, so her brain jumped to if he wasn’t killed by a Dark Wizard then why didn’t he say so? and realized there was only one possible explanation why, and about that time her eyes registered that parts of Peter Pettigrew she really doesn’t want to know about were flopping about in front of her face, and she was screaming as she jumped back. The flow of invective which followed somehow failed to surprise her one bit. Some part of her registered, peripherally, the shocked faces of her students, but most of her attention was directed at Peter Pettigrew, who at very least faked his own death and at worst framed Sirius Black and if Black didn’t betray the Potters then who … did. And the words poured out of her, filthy English and filthier Latin while Pettigrew squirmed on the table, his face rage and guilt and fear and something shifty and contemptible, and he turned to look at the stunned students and lunged for Ron Weasley’s wand. - Severus Snape had reached the Entrance Hall by the time the scream died away and the invective replaced it. He almost smirked, amid the alarm; of all the things he’d never expected to hear from Minerva McGonagall … he took the stairs two at a time, still not noticing the students who followed. He did notice the Herbology class, which had stopped on the way to the Infirmary and were staring transfixed in the direction of the Transfiguration classroom, but pushed his way through them, getting Venomous Tentacula pollen all over his robes in the process. From the other end of the corridor came Professor Flitwick’s Charms class, with Professor Flitwick bringing up the rear and pushing his way between students. - Ron looked stunned as the man who’d been his pet rat snatched the wand from his hand; Professor McGonagal’s expression shifted to one beyond fury and when the entire class recoiled, it wasn’t from the naked man with the wand. “Laedo!“ Minerva McGonagall roared. - Ron Weasley’s wand cast a Splintering Curse many years beyond its rightful owner’s abilities, and it did Peter Pettigrew the poor favor of eliminating the door, which might have slowed him down a bit. - Severus Snape flailed and skidded to a halt as the Transfiguration classroom’s door shattered. He stepped back just in time, and stared, jaw dropped in shock, as a naked man he recognized from his school days flew past him and bellyflopped against the wall, bounced, and collapsed to the ground just in time to avoid the “Exitium!” which followed and vaporized an impresive chunk of the castle’s stone wall. Fred and George and Lee Jordan, determined to stay at the front of the crowd, had been pushed almost against Professor Snape by their fellow Potions classmates and some pollen-coated Hufflepuffs. Fred squirmed aside hastily as Professor McGonagall appeared in the doorway, the look on her face so utterly livid that Professors Snape and Flitwick both reflexively stepped back. Snape tripped over George’s foot and fell against a knot of Hufflepuffs, releasing another cloud of pollen and knocking them backwards. Pettigrew saw his opportunity and took it, scrambling to his feet, stumbling sideways, and launching himself towards the gap. And Minerva McGonagall made a thrust with her wand and said, “Perdo.” In the very loud silence which followed, Filius Flitwick squeaked, “The Splinching Charm, Minerva?” She might’ve looked embarrassed for a moment, and then she smiled as she looked down at Pettigrew, who lay on his belly, his arms and legs lying akimbo some distance away. “Unorthodox,” she said, “but useful in a pinch. If someone would inform the Headmaster, and send an owl to the Ministry—-not Fudge, not Crouch, someone competent—-Shacklebolt, perhaps. Students, return to your classrooms, please. Mr. Weasley, I’m very sorry, but I do believe it’s impossible to return you your rat. However, the zero I was going to have to give you for the day’s work is entirely undeserved, as you were not transfiguring a normal rat. You may make the lesson up any time this week.” - The story was, of course, much embellished by the time it reached all the students. Versions of it had the intruder peppering Snape with a Glitter Hex or transfiguring Ron’s rat into a pair of boxers, and people had to be disabused of the notion that it had been Voldemort who’d been hiding as a rat all this time. Snape gave both Weasley twins detention for tripping him, and took forty-seven points total from Gryffindor over the next few weeks for various pretend-subtle pollen references. Kingsley Shacklebolt showed up with a team of Aurors in time to meet Professor Dumbledore; the Wizengamot launched an investigation into the events surrounding the Potters’ murder; the results turned into a scandal which saw the release of Sirius Black and the forced resignation of both Director Bartemious Crouch and Minister Cornelius Fudge. Director of Magical Law Enforcement Amelia Bones was confirmed as Minister of Magic shortly thereafte, and the Daily Prophet reported that Sirius Black (“Godfather to the Boy-Who-Lived!” “Framed, Abandoned, Condemned to Living Hell!” “Heart-Wrenching: His Release In Pictures, Page 17!”) was considering applying for a teaching position at Hogwarts, “but just for a year, I’ve been cursed enough for one lifetime.” (“The Prophet reminds its readers that the so-called “curse” on a certain Hogwarts teaching position is almost certainly a mere string of coincidences.”) And, Minerva thought with relish some months later, it was almost three weeks before anyone attempted messing around in her class. A personal record. I’ve probably reblogged this before but I’m going to do it again right now I think this is literally the best au this entire fandom has produced I’ve only seen this legendary bit of writing in memes and screenshots. I feel so blessed to see it in person. Beautiful, simply beautiful! Reblogging my own post because a) it’s my damn horn and I’ll blow it if I want to, and b) I just (finally!) cross-posted this to Archive Of Our Own, so if anybody wants to go read it over there, here it is. YESSSSSSS!  Love it!!
Beautiful, Blessed, and Bones: rmh8402:

pegasusdragontiger:


kyraneko:

balencia:

kitrazzle:

pissedoffweasley:

wizardingheadcanon:

kyraneko:

elidyce:

thatgirlonstage:

fuckyeahdeathlyhallows:

sirlestrange:

#that is a human as a rat as a cup

That was a long 12 years for Wormtail.

Can you imagine how differently their lives would’ve gone if Ron, in trying to transfigure Scabbers, had actually transfigured him back into a human?Just take a moment to imagine McGonagall’s reaction if Peter Pettigrew had abruptly appeared in her classroom from Ronald Weasley’s rat.Take a moment.

Or if Ron had fucked it up a little worse and couldn’t get ‘Scabbers’ back and McGonagall had take him to disenchant him and next thing we know there’s a naked Peter Pettigrew sitting on McGonagall’s desk and the kids in that class learn six new swear words, a hex they will never dare to use, and a fear of Minerva McGonagall’s wrath that will be with them until the day they die.
Ten and twenty years later first years are being pulled aside and warned never mess around in Transfiguration seriously the last time a kid mucked something up in that class Professor McGonagall used two semi-legal hexes, took down a Death Eater and sabotaged the rise of the Dark Lord before Potter had time to get his wand out.

What most of Hogwarts learned first on that otherwise-unexceptionable day was that Professor McGonagall could sure scream loud.
Professor Flitwick’s Charms 5th-year Charms class was close enough to catch the full effect, and the door had been left open besides; en masse the students recoiled with shock and a miscast Hiccuping Charm broke one of the windows (out which the entire flock of ravens they were practicing on escaped to the Forbidden Forest where they only had to worry about centaurs, rather than annoying young humans with wands).
Up in the Divination Tower, Sibyl Trelawny preened over her foresight to have warned her students of an unprecedented catastrophe likely to occur before the hour was out.
Out in Greenhouse Five, a NEWT-level Herbology class looked up in puzzlement, and most of them were subsequently bitten by the Venomous Tentaculae they were attempting to propagate. It does not do to ignore a Venomous Tentacula when you’re prodding at its intimate parts with a cotton ball held in tweezers, so the class was cancelled while two-thirds of the students headed for the infirmary and the rest of them headed into the castle because if they stayed with the Venomous Tentaculae they’d be outnumbered, and nobody wants that.
And down in the dungeons, Professor Snape turned away from comparing Lee Jordan’s Pepper-Up Potion to spoiled cream at what sounded like a woman screaming from the entrance hall. At the second scream, he ordered the class to remain where they were and behave, sweeping out of the room just in time to miss Theodore Nott suddenly jumping up and yelping as if someone had put a crocodile heart down the back of his robes.
Fred Weasley stepped back from the unfortunate Slytherin, shared a smirk with his twin, and stuck his head out the door to make sure Snape had rounded the corner before leading the way out of the classroom.
-
Back in the Transfiguration classroom, about four minutes ago, it had started innocently enough. Ron Weasley, possessed of a broken wand and a lurking suspicion that most of the family’s magical talent had been soaked up by his siblings before he was around to get any, had attempted to turn his pet rat, Scabbers, into a teacup.
Scabbers had not become a teacup.
Scabbers, blast his useless furry little backside, had become a furry, vaguely teacup-shaped monstrosity out of which absolutely no one would have been tempted to drink, and to make matters worse, he still had a tail.
It was moving.
Harry was hiding a smile behind his hand. Dean and Seamus weren’t even trying to hide, elbowing each other and laughing. Parvati and Lavender were looking with disgust and horror at either Scabbers or him, and Hermione was opening her mouth, no doubt ready to tell him exactly what he’d done wrong.
Which only made it worse that he really thought he’d done everything right this time.
He snatched Scabbers off the desk (eww, the base of the cup had the same texture as rat feet) and turned away from Hermione. He made the wand movement again, picturing in his mind the way McGonagall had demonstrated it. “Erreverto.”
“Erreverto. Erreverto. Erreverto.”
It didn’t work. It didn’t work when Professor McGonagall stopped by and gave Hermione two points for Gryffindor for getting the spell perfect in both directions. It didn’t work when Harry made his successful transfiguration (Ron looked; the pattern was a little bit furry but it was definitely a teacup). Ron’s lips formed the shape of a word that would’ve made his mother box his ears had she heard it and attempted the reverse transfiguration, which didn’t work either.
Finally, faced not only with the indignity of failure but the threat of Scabbers being stuck like that, he’d gone up to Professor McGonagall’s desk.
“Um, Professor?”
Professor McGonagall looked up from the paper she was grading and looked from him to the squirming teacup. “Problems, Mr. Weasley?”
“Um, yeah, Professor. I can’t get it to work in either direction and it’s not fair to Scabbers to make him stay as a teacup just because I can’t do a spell right and can you maybe … ?”
“I suppose so, Mr. Weasley,” she said, and waved her wand in the exact manner Ron had been doing all along.
Nothing happened.
Professor McGonagall looked very, very puzzled.
“Now that’s odd,” she said softly.
As one, the other students rose from their seats and quietly moved closer.
She did not attempt the transfiguration in the other direction. Instead, she made a complex motion with her wand and murmured an incantation that possibly only Hermione recognized. The teacup squeaked. Professor McGonagall looked more puzzled than ever, and made a sweeping wand movement that ended with a sharp jab and uttered, “Arcanum finite!”
And there was a loud bang, and there was a pale, pudgy, and very naked man sprawled out on her desk, and she jumped back hard enough to knock her chair into the wall and screamed.
-
Having taught a particularly rigorous course of magical study to children and teens for quite some time now, Minerva McGonagall had become accustomed to certain things. Students who didn’t listen. Students who did rude things to the mice when they thought she wasn’t looking. Students who accidentally turned a frog or a raven into a flock of starlings or a school of strange slimy South American fish (and tried to solve the immediate problem by filling the classroom with two feet of water, neglecting to consider the gap under the door). Students who tried to transfigure their noses into a more appealing shape and wound up in the hospital wing regrowing their nostrils.
Naked men on her desk was something Minerva McGonagall had never had an occasion to get used to. What made it worse was that she recognized this one, and he’d been dead for more than a decade.
Inferius! was her first thought, followed shortly thereafter by Animagus, which collided with Peter Pettigrew! and produced the utterly horrifying thought of what if all four of them were Animagi? which didn’t bear thinking about at all, so her brain jumped to if he wasn’t killed by a Dark Wizard then why didn’t he say so? and realized there was only one possible explanation why, and about that time her eyes registered that parts of Peter Pettigrew she really doesn’t want to know about were flopping about in front of her face, and she was screaming as she jumped back.
The flow of invective which followed somehow failed to surprise her one bit. Some part of her registered, peripherally, the shocked faces of her students, but most of her attention was directed at Peter Pettigrew, who at very least faked his own death and at worst framed Sirius Black and if Black didn’t betray the Potters then who … did. And the words poured out of her, filthy English and filthier Latin while Pettigrew squirmed on the table, his face rage and guilt and fear and something shifty and contemptible, and he turned to look at the stunned students and lunged for Ron Weasley’s wand.
-
Severus Snape had reached the Entrance Hall by the time the scream died away and the invective replaced it. He almost smirked, amid the alarm; of all the things he’d never expected to hear from Minerva McGonagall … he took the stairs two at a time, still not noticing the students who followed.
He did notice the Herbology class, which had stopped on the way to the Infirmary and were staring transfixed in the direction of the Transfiguration classroom, but pushed his way through them, getting Venomous Tentacula pollen all over his robes in the process.
From the other end of the corridor came Professor Flitwick’s Charms class, with Professor Flitwick bringing up the rear and pushing his way between students.
-
Ron looked stunned as the man who’d been his pet rat snatched the wand from his hand; Professor McGonagal’s expression shifted to one beyond fury and when the entire class recoiled, it wasn’t from the naked man with the wand.
“Laedo!“ Minerva McGonagall roared.
-
Ron Weasley’s wand cast a Splintering Curse many years beyond its rightful owner’s abilities, and it did Peter Pettigrew the poor favor of eliminating the door, which might have slowed him down a bit.
-
Severus Snape flailed and skidded to a halt as the Transfiguration classroom’s door shattered. He stepped back just in time, and stared, jaw dropped in shock, as a naked man he recognized from his school days flew past him and bellyflopped against the wall, bounced, and collapsed to the ground just in time to avoid the “Exitium!” which followed and vaporized an impresive chunk of the castle’s stone wall.
Fred and George and Lee Jordan, determined to stay at the front of the crowd, had been pushed almost against Professor Snape by their fellow Potions classmates and some pollen-coated Hufflepuffs. Fred squirmed aside hastily as Professor McGonagall appeared in the doorway, the look on her face so utterly livid that Professors Snape and Flitwick both reflexively stepped back.
Snape tripped over George’s foot and fell against a knot of Hufflepuffs, releasing another cloud of pollen and knocking them backwards. Pettigrew saw his opportunity and took it, scrambling to his feet, stumbling sideways, and launching himself towards the gap.
And Minerva McGonagall made a thrust with her wand and said, “Perdo.”
In the very loud silence which followed, Filius Flitwick squeaked, “The Splinching Charm, Minerva?”
She might’ve looked embarrassed for a moment, and then she smiled as she looked down at Pettigrew, who lay on his belly, his arms and legs lying akimbo some distance away.
“Unorthodox,” she said, “but useful in a pinch. If someone would inform the Headmaster, and send an owl to the Ministry—-not Fudge, not Crouch, someone competent—-Shacklebolt, perhaps. Students, return to your classrooms, please. Mr. Weasley, I’m very sorry, but I do believe it’s impossible to return you your rat. However, the zero I was going to have to give you for the day’s work is entirely undeserved, as you were not transfiguring a normal rat. You may make the lesson up any time this week.”
-
The story was, of course, much embellished by the time it reached all the students. Versions of it had the intruder peppering Snape with a Glitter Hex or transfiguring Ron’s rat into a pair of boxers, and people had to be disabused of the notion that it had been Voldemort who’d been hiding as a rat all this time.
Snape gave both Weasley twins detention for tripping him, and took forty-seven points total from Gryffindor over the next few weeks for various pretend-subtle pollen references.
Kingsley Shacklebolt showed up with a team of Aurors in time to meet Professor Dumbledore; the Wizengamot launched an investigation into the events surrounding the Potters’ murder; the results turned into a scandal which saw the release of Sirius Black and the forced resignation of both Director Bartemious Crouch and Minister Cornelius Fudge. Director of Magical Law Enforcement Amelia Bones was confirmed as Minister of Magic shortly thereafte, and the Daily Prophet reported that Sirius Black (“Godfather to the Boy-Who-Lived!” “Framed, Abandoned, Condemned to Living Hell!” “Heart-Wrenching: His Release In Pictures, Page 17!”) was considering applying for a teaching position at Hogwarts, “but just for a year, I’ve been cursed enough for one lifetime.” (“The Prophet reminds its readers that the so-called “curse” on a certain Hogwarts teaching position is almost certainly a mere string of coincidences.”)
And, Minerva thought with relish some months later, it was almost three weeks before anyone attempted messing around in her class.
A personal record.

I’ve probably reblogged this before but I’m going to do it again right now

I think this is literally the best au this entire fandom has produced

I’ve only seen this legendary bit of writing in memes and screenshots. I feel so blessed to see it in person.

Beautiful, simply beautiful!

Reblogging my own post because a) it’s my damn horn and I’ll blow it if I want to, and b) I just (finally!) cross-posted this to Archive Of Our Own, so if anybody wants to go read it over there, here it is.

YESSSSSSS! 


Love it!!

rmh8402: pegasusdragontiger: kyraneko: balencia: kitrazzle: pissedoffweasley: wizardingheadcanon: kyraneko: elidyce: thatgirlonsta...

Being Alone, Anaconda, and Apple: There are castles that are less expensive than NYC apartments. Ultrafacts.tumblr.com soloshikigami: lesbian-moira: brunhiddensmusings: greatfulldedd: pizzaismylifepizzaisking: legend-of-sora: kazu-kuns-corner: ultrafacts: Source If you want more facts, follow Ultrafacts I’m buying a castle. https://www.moulin.nl/en/realestate/castle-for-sale-france-midi-pyrenees-gers-32_102909/ Update: The castle as of April 2015 is actually only around $1,300,000 USD now due to the currency exchange rates! :D this goes even further, some European countries will give you a castle for free if you submit a plan stating how you intend to restore or preserve it. Italy alone for example has somewhere between 100 and 300 castles they intend to give away to anyone with intent to be a caretaker, they literally cant keep track of how many discount castles are up for grabsit doesn’t even have to be an ambitious plan, even if it says you just intend to keep it from becoming more shitty and will occasionally add a few bricks when you can afford it. given that most of them come with land you could convert the grounds to actually produce enough income to pay for the repairs- like setting up apple trees and brewing cider you sell with your castle name on the bottle, or raising some goats for cheese, a hobby farm could turn this into an actual income opportunity. hell, throwing parties at the castle could make it an income opportunitythey will literally -GIVE- you a castle to make sure someone is taking care of it rather then let them all sit empty Honest to goddess keeping this in mind….
Being Alone, Anaconda, and Apple: There are castles that are less
 expensive than NYC apartments.
 Ultrafacts.tumblr.com
soloshikigami:

lesbian-moira:

brunhiddensmusings:

greatfulldedd:

pizzaismylifepizzaisking:


legend-of-sora:

kazu-kuns-corner:

ultrafacts:

Source If you want more facts, follow Ultrafacts

I’m buying a castle.



https://www.moulin.nl/en/realestate/castle-for-sale-france-midi-pyrenees-gers-32_102909/
Update: The castle as of April 2015 is actually only around $1,300,000 USD now due to the currency exchange rates! :D



this goes even further, some European countries will give you a castle for free if you submit a plan stating how you intend to restore or preserve it. Italy alone for example has somewhere between 100 and 300 castles they intend to give away to anyone with intent to be a caretaker, they literally cant keep track of how many discount castles are up for grabsit doesn’t even have to be an ambitious plan, even if it says you just intend to keep it from becoming more shitty and will occasionally add a few bricks when you can afford it. given that most of them come with land you could convert the grounds to actually produce enough income to pay for the repairs- like setting up apple trees and brewing cider you sell with your castle name on the bottle, or raising some goats for cheese, a hobby farm could turn this into an actual income opportunity. hell, throwing parties at the castle could make it an income opportunitythey will literally -GIVE- you a castle to make sure someone is taking care of it rather then let them all sit empty 



Honest to goddess keeping this in mind….

soloshikigami: lesbian-moira: brunhiddensmusings: greatfulldedd: pizzaismylifepizzaisking: legend-of-sora: kazu-kuns-corner: ultrafa...

Disney, Fucking, and Love: Examples of Stockholm Syndrome in Disney trademarkednothing Frollo and Quasimodo Mother Gothel and Rapunzel Frollo and Mother Gothel convince Quasimodo and Rapunzel that their lives are dependent on them. The two villains claim the outside world is a terrible place even though they know this is not true. They also constantly emotionally abuse their victims by implying their Quasimodo and Rapunzel sympathize with their captors and even believe their captors are protecting them and treating them with kindness. However, both captors are merely using and manipulating their victims for their own selfish purposes. NOT Belle does not sympathize with the Beast when she is treated poorly She becomes angry and leaves the castle, only returning by her own wish so that the Beast (who saves her) does not freeze to death. She does not respond nicely towards the Beast until he treats her with respect. In this situation, Belle has control and is not manipulated into feeling for the Beast, nor does the Beast treat her disrespectfully after the first night. While the Beast does have an underlying motive as to keeping Belle in his castle, he abandons this idea and sets her free to make her happy. If anything, this story is a case of Lima Syndrome where the captor starts to sympathize with the victim. Check out this post which refocuses the purpose of Beauty and the Beast from merely (and wrongly) being about Stockholm Syndrome to it's original purpose onlyleigh FUCKING FINALLY spiritsonic I don't usually reblog stuff like this, but Beauty and the Beast is my favorite movie and l'd like to have this on my pagel toasterlyreasons this is actually a very good analysis. I take back all the times I've called Beauty and the Beast a 'stockholm syndrome' romance segasister If anything, the story of Beauty and the Beast falls under Lima Syndrome, where the captor sympathizes with their captives and, in some cases, lets them go. This term originated after a group of terrorists held the Japanese Ambassador's residence in Lima, Peru hostage in 1996 (fives years after this film was released). To quote from the film's entry on the Lima Syndrome TV Tropes page agrees to be the Beast's prisoner in exchange for letting her father go. When he puts her happiness ahead of his own, he eventually lets her go too. She retuns to him later to help him, but this is because HE has made the greater improvement in his attitude towards her. By the film's own admission it was he who first fell in love with her, and Lima Syndrome is more prevalent than the Stockholm Syndrome some believe is at work. It is worth noting that the movie takes place over several months." Stockholm Syndrome in Disney movies
Disney, Fucking, and Love: Examples of Stockholm
 Syndrome in Disney
 trademarkednothing
 Frollo and Quasimodo
 Mother Gothel and Rapunzel
 Frollo and Mother Gothel convince Quasimodo and Rapunzel that
 their lives are dependent on them. The two villains claim the outside
 world is a terrible place even though they know this is not true. They
 also constantly emotionally abuse their victims by implying their
 Quasimodo and
 Rapunzel sympathize with their captors and even believe their
 captors are protecting them and treating them with kindness.
 However, both captors are merely using and manipulating their
 victims for their own selfish purposes.
 NOT
 Belle does not sympathize with the Beast when she is treated poorly
 She becomes angry and leaves the castle, only returning by her own
 wish so that the Beast (who saves her) does not freeze to death. She
 does not respond nicely towards the Beast until he treats her with
 respect. In this situation, Belle has control and is not manipulated
 into feeling for the Beast, nor does the Beast treat her disrespectfully
 after the first night. While the Beast does have an underlying motive
 as to keeping Belle in his castle, he abandons this idea and sets her
 free to make her happy. If anything, this story is a case of Lima
 Syndrome where the captor starts to sympathize with the victim.
 Check out this post which refocuses the purpose of Beauty and the
 Beast from merely (and wrongly) being about Stockholm Syndrome
 to it's original purpose
 onlyleigh
 FUCKING FINALLY
 spiritsonic
 I don't usually reblog stuff like this, but Beauty and the Beast is my
 favorite movie and l'd like to have this on my pagel
 toasterlyreasons
 this is actually a very good analysis. I take back all the times I've
 called Beauty and the Beast a 'stockholm syndrome' romance
 segasister
 If anything, the story of Beauty and the Beast falls under Lima
 Syndrome, where the captor sympathizes with their captives and, in
 some cases, lets them go. This term originated after a group of
 terrorists held the Japanese Ambassador's residence in Lima, Peru
 hostage in 1996 (fives years after this film was released). To quote
 from the film's entry on the Lima Syndrome TV Tropes page
 agrees to be the Beast's prisoner
 in exchange for letting her
 father go. When he puts her happiness ahead of his own, he
 eventually lets her go too. She retuns to him later to help him, but
 this is because HE has made the greater improvement in his attitude
 towards her. By the film's own admission it was he who first fell in
 love with her, and Lima Syndrome is more prevalent than the
 Stockholm Syndrome some believe is at work. It is worth noting that
 the movie takes place over several months."
Stockholm Syndrome in Disney movies

Stockholm Syndrome in Disney movies

Being Alone, Anaconda, and Apple: There are castles that are less expensive than NYC apartments. Ultrafacts.tumblr.com pyronoid-d: thantos1991: brunhiddensmusings: greatfulldedd: pizzaismylifepizzaisking: legend-of-sora: kazu-kuns-corner: ultrafacts: Source If you want more facts, follow Ultrafacts I’m buying a castle. https://www.moulin.nl/en/realestate/castle-for-sale-france-midi-pyrenees-gers-32_102909/ Update: The castle as of April 2015 is actually only around $1,300,000 USD now due to the currency exchange rates! :D this goes even further, some European countries will give you a castle for free if you submit a plan stating how you intend to restore or preserve it. Italy alone for example has somewhere between 100 and 300 castles they intend to give away to anyone with intent to be a caretaker, they literally cant keep track of how many discount castles are up for grabsit doesn’t even have to be an ambitious plan, even if it says you just intend to keep it from becoming more shitty and will occasionally add a few bricks when you can afford it. given that most of them come with land you could convert the grounds to actually produce enough income to pay for the repairs- like setting up apple trees and brewing cider you sell with your castle name on the bottle, or raising some goats for cheese, a hobby farm could turn this into an actual income opportunity. hell, throwing parties at the castle could make it an income opportunitythey will literally -GIVE- you a castle to make sure someone is taking care of it rather then let them all sit empty Could defenitly make bank turning one into a huge paintball arena or a L.A.R.P. zone/retreat Gonna move into an old castle and sell it out as a John Wick-esque paintball arena
Being Alone, Anaconda, and Apple: There are castles that are less
 expensive than NYC apartments.
 Ultrafacts.tumblr.com
pyronoid-d:

thantos1991:
brunhiddensmusings:

greatfulldedd:

pizzaismylifepizzaisking:


legend-of-sora:

kazu-kuns-corner:

ultrafacts:

Source If you want more facts, follow Ultrafacts

I’m buying a castle.



https://www.moulin.nl/en/realestate/castle-for-sale-france-midi-pyrenees-gers-32_102909/
Update: The castle as of April 2015 is actually only around $1,300,000 USD now due to the currency exchange rates! :D



this goes even further, some European countries will give you a castle for free if you submit a plan stating how you intend to restore or preserve it. Italy alone for example has somewhere between 100 and 300 castles they intend to give away to anyone with intent to be a caretaker, they literally cant keep track of how many discount castles are up for grabsit doesn’t even have to be an ambitious plan, even if it says you just intend to keep it from becoming more shitty and will occasionally add a few bricks when you can afford it. given that most of them come with land you could convert the grounds to actually produce enough income to pay for the repairs- like setting up apple trees and brewing cider you sell with your castle name on the bottle, or raising some goats for cheese, a hobby farm could turn this into an actual income opportunity. hell, throwing parties at the castle could make it an income opportunitythey will literally -GIVE- you a castle to make sure someone is taking care of it rather then let them all sit empty 


Could defenitly make bank turning one into a huge paintball arena or a L.A.R.P. zone/retreat


Gonna move into an old castle and sell it out as a John Wick-esque paintball arena

pyronoid-d: thantos1991: brunhiddensmusings: greatfulldedd: pizzaismylifepizzaisking: legend-of-sora: kazu-kuns-corner: ultrafacts: ...

Being Alone, Anaconda, and Apple: There are castles that are less expensive than NYC apartments. Ultrafacts.tumblr.com lesbian-moira: brunhiddensmusings: greatfulldedd: pizzaismylifepizzaisking: legend-of-sora: kazu-kuns-corner: ultrafacts: Source If you want more facts, follow Ultrafacts I’m buying a castle. https://www.moulin.nl/en/realestate/castle-for-sale-france-midi-pyrenees-gers-32_102909/ Update: The castle as of April 2015 is actually only around $1,300,000 USD now due to the currency exchange rates! :D this goes even further, some European countries will give you a castle for free if you submit a plan stating how you intend to restore or preserve it. Italy alone for example has somewhere between 100 and 300 castles they intend to give away to anyone with intent to be a caretaker, they literally cant keep track of how many discount castles are up for grabsit doesn’t even have to be an ambitious plan, even if it says you just intend to keep it from becoming more shitty and will occasionally add a few bricks when you can afford it. given that most of them come with land you could convert the grounds to actually produce enough income to pay for the repairs- like setting up apple trees and brewing cider you sell with your castle name on the bottle, or raising some goats for cheese, a hobby farm could turn this into an actual income opportunity. hell, throwing parties at the castle could make it an income opportunitythey will literally -GIVE- you a castle to make sure someone is taking care of it rather then let them all sit empty
Being Alone, Anaconda, and Apple: There are castles that are less
 expensive than NYC apartments.
 Ultrafacts.tumblr.com
lesbian-moira:
brunhiddensmusings:

greatfulldedd:

pizzaismylifepizzaisking:


legend-of-sora:

kazu-kuns-corner:

ultrafacts:

Source If you want more facts, follow Ultrafacts

I’m buying a castle.



https://www.moulin.nl/en/realestate/castle-for-sale-france-midi-pyrenees-gers-32_102909/
Update: The castle as of April 2015 is actually only around $1,300,000 USD now due to the currency exchange rates! :D



this goes even further, some European countries will give you a castle for free if you submit a plan stating how you intend to restore or preserve it. Italy alone for example has somewhere between 100 and 300 castles they intend to give away to anyone with intent to be a caretaker, they literally cant keep track of how many discount castles are up for grabsit doesn’t even have to be an ambitious plan, even if it says you just intend to keep it from becoming more shitty and will occasionally add a few bricks when you can afford it. given that most of them come with land you could convert the grounds to actually produce enough income to pay for the repairs- like setting up apple trees and brewing cider you sell with your castle name on the bottle, or raising some goats for cheese, a hobby farm could turn this into an actual income opportunity. hell, throwing parties at the castle could make it an income opportunitythey will literally -GIVE- you a castle to make sure someone is taking care of it rather then let them all sit empty

lesbian-moira: brunhiddensmusings: greatfulldedd: pizzaismylifepizzaisking: legend-of-sora: kazu-kuns-corner: ultrafacts: Source If y...

Being Alone, Anaconda, and Apple: There are castles that are less expensive than NYC apartments. Ultrafacts.tumblr.com lesbian-moira: brunhiddensmusings: greatfulldedd: pizzaismylifepizzaisking: legend-of-sora: kazu-kuns-corner: ultrafacts: Source If you want more facts, follow Ultrafacts I’m buying a castle. https://www.moulin.nl/en/realestate/castle-for-sale-france-midi-pyrenees-gers-32_102909/ Update: The castle as of April 2015 is actually only around $1,300,000 USD now due to the currency exchange rates! :D this goes even further, some European countries will give you a castle for free if you submit a plan stating how you intend to restore or preserve it. Italy alone for example has somewhere between 100 and 300 castles they intend to give away to anyone with intent to be a caretaker, they literally cant keep track of how many discount castles are up for grabsit doesn’t even have to be an ambitious plan, even if it says you just intend to keep it from becoming more shitty and will occasionally add a few bricks when you can afford it. given that most of them come with land you could convert the grounds to actually produce enough income to pay for the repairs- like setting up apple trees and brewing cider you sell with your castle name on the bottle, or raising some goats for cheese, a hobby farm could turn this into an actual income opportunity. hell, throwing parties at the castle could make it an income opportunitythey will literally -GIVE- you a castle to make sure someone is taking care of it rather then let them all sit empty
Being Alone, Anaconda, and Apple: There are castles that are less
 expensive than NYC apartments.
 Ultrafacts.tumblr.com
lesbian-moira:

brunhiddensmusings:

greatfulldedd:

pizzaismylifepizzaisking:


legend-of-sora:

kazu-kuns-corner:

ultrafacts:

Source If you want more facts, follow Ultrafacts

I’m buying a castle.



https://www.moulin.nl/en/realestate/castle-for-sale-france-midi-pyrenees-gers-32_102909/
Update: The castle as of April 2015 is actually only around $1,300,000 USD now due to the currency exchange rates! :D



this goes even further, some European countries will give you a castle for free if you submit a plan stating how you intend to restore or preserve it. Italy alone for example has somewhere between 100 and 300 castles they intend to give away to anyone with intent to be a caretaker, they literally cant keep track of how many discount castles are up for grabsit doesn’t even have to be an ambitious plan, even if it says you just intend to keep it from becoming more shitty and will occasionally add a few bricks when you can afford it. given that most of them come with land you could convert the grounds to actually produce enough income to pay for the repairs- like setting up apple trees and brewing cider you sell with your castle name on the bottle, or raising some goats for cheese, a hobby farm could turn this into an actual income opportunity. hell, throwing parties at the castle could make it an income opportunitythey will literally -GIVE- you a castle to make sure someone is taking care of it rather then let them all sit empty

lesbian-moira: brunhiddensmusings: greatfulldedd: pizzaismylifepizzaisking: legend-of-sora: kazu-kuns-corner: ultrafacts: Source If ...

Being Alone, Anaconda, and Apple: There are castles that are less expensive than NYC apartments Ultrafacts.tumblr.com ultrafacts Source it you want more facts, follow Ultrafacts I'm buying a castle legend-ol-sora GUYS I WANT CASTLE 1. PRICE: $1,621,200 This 13,993-square-foot, 6-bedroom cestle sits on 24 acres of land overlooking the countryside of Midi Pyrenees. Features include a large entrance hall opening to the courtyard, salon with a fireplace, grand staircase, elevator, large dining room with fireplace, two kitchens, a bedroom wing with a hal onto the courtyard, study rooms in the towers, two garages, and access to the chapel and east wing PRICE: $1,650,000 Here's a 1-bed, 15-bath, 1200-square-foot apartment on Eest 30th Street 2 102909 Update The castle as of April 2015 is actualy only around $1,300,000 USD now due to the currency exchange ratesl D this goes even further, some European countries will give you a castle for free if you submit a plan stating how you intend to restore or preserve it Italy alone for example has somewhere between 100 and 300 castles they intend to give away to anyone with intent to be a caretaker, they iteraly cant keep track of how many discount casties are up for grabs It doesn't even have to be an ambitious plan, even it it says you just intend to keep it from becoming more shitty and will occasionally add a few bricks when you can aford it. given that most of them come with land you could convert the grounds to actually produce enough income to pay for the repairs-like setting up apple trees and brewing cider you sell with your castle name on the bottle or raising some goats for cheese, a hobby farm could turn this into an actual income opportunity. hell, throwing parties at the caste could make it an income opportunity they will literally-GIVE you a caste to make sure someone is taking care of ramer men let them a sit empty stowebery Fuck, I need to move to Europe BRB breaking my piggy bank and moving to Europe
Being Alone, Anaconda, and Apple: There are castles that are less
 expensive than NYC apartments
 Ultrafacts.tumblr.com
 ultrafacts
 Source it you want more facts, follow Ultrafacts
 I'm buying a castle
 legend-ol-sora
 GUYS I WANT CASTLE
 1. PRICE: $1,621,200
 This 13,993-square-foot, 6-bedroom cestle sits on 24 acres of land overlooking the
 countryside of Midi Pyrenees. Features include a large entrance hall opening to the
 courtyard, salon with a fireplace, grand staircase, elevator, large dining room with
 fireplace, two kitchens, a bedroom wing with a hal onto the courtyard, study rooms
 in the towers, two garages, and access to the chapel and east wing
 PRICE: $1,650,000
 Here's a 1-bed, 15-bath, 1200-square-foot apartment on Eest 30th Street
 2 102909
 Update The castle as of April 2015 is actualy only around $1,300,000 USD now
 due to the currency exchange ratesl D
 this goes even further, some European countries will give you a castle for free if
 you submit a plan stating how you intend to restore or preserve it Italy alone for
 example has somewhere between 100 and 300 castles they intend to give away
 to anyone with intent to be a caretaker, they iteraly cant keep track of how
 many discount casties are up for grabs
 It doesn't even have to be an ambitious plan, even it it says you just intend to
 keep it from becoming more shitty and will occasionally add a few bricks when
 you can aford it. given that most of them come with land you could convert the
 grounds to actually produce enough income to pay for the repairs-like setting up
 apple trees and brewing cider you sell with your castle name on the bottle or
 raising some goats for cheese, a hobby farm could turn this into an actual
 income opportunity. hell, throwing parties at the caste could make it an income
 opportunity
 they will literally-GIVE you a caste to make sure someone is taking care of
 ramer men let them a sit empty
 stowebery
 Fuck, I need to move to Europe
BRB breaking my piggy bank and moving to Europe

BRB breaking my piggy bank and moving to Europe

Fire, Head, and Puns: 00, 285 and ed the popula T 383), "I can't believe I ate that whole pineapple!" Tom said dolehtu "I dropped the toothpaste," Tom said, crestfallen. "We don't have a homerun hitter," Tom said ruthlessly "I keep shocking myself," said Tom, revolted "My steering wheel won't turn," Tom said straightforwardly iThat's the last time I pet a lion," Tom said offhandedly "I'll dig another ditch around the castle," Tom said remotely i "I shouldn't sleep on railroad tracks," said Tom, beside himselfi "I've lost a lot of weight," Tom expounded. "I keep banging my head on things," Tom said bashfully. "I'lI have to telegraph him again," Tom said remorsefully “I can't get down from the mountain." Tom alleged. "Let's play a C, E, and G," said Tom's band, in accord. "You call this a musical?" asked Les miserably "I must make the fire hotter!" Tom bellowed. i i mothmanismyuncle: american-auror-story: jellyfish-blob: quiteawfulpretty: he-wants-the-221d: sweethoneysempai: smarsupial: womandrogyne: I am so aroused right now Oh I know some folks who will get this much faster than I did. @misshoneywheeler @aliceofalonso my favorite pundits. Tag urself im “I keep bashing my head on things,” Tom said bashfully We had to make some of these up for our standardised state testing. “You call this a musical?” I’m SCREAMINF i was halfway through before i realized these were puns i am so mad This was fun to read the first time through before you realized anything It was INCREDIBLE the second time and you realize how blind you were the first time IM SOBBIN HOLY FUCKIN SHIT
Fire, Head, and Puns: 00,
 285
 and
 ed the popula T
 383),
 "I can't believe I ate that whole pineapple!" Tom said dolehtu
 "I dropped the toothpaste," Tom said, crestfallen.
 "We don't have a homerun hitter," Tom said ruthlessly
 "I keep shocking myself," said Tom, revolted
 "My steering wheel won't turn," Tom said straightforwardly
 iThat's the last time I pet a lion," Tom said offhandedly
 "I'll dig another ditch around the castle," Tom said remotely
 i "I shouldn't sleep on railroad tracks," said Tom, beside himselfi
 "I've lost a lot of weight," Tom expounded.
 "I keep banging my head on things," Tom said bashfully.
 "I'lI have to telegraph him again," Tom said remorsefully
 “I can't get down from the mountain." Tom alleged.
 "Let's play a C, E, and G," said Tom's band, in accord.
 "You call this a musical?" asked Les miserably
 "I must make the fire hotter!" Tom bellowed.
 i
 i
mothmanismyuncle:

american-auror-story:

jellyfish-blob:

quiteawfulpretty:

he-wants-the-221d:

sweethoneysempai:


smarsupial:


womandrogyne:

I am so aroused right now


Oh I know some folks who will get this much faster than I did. @misshoneywheeler @aliceofalonso my favorite pundits.


Tag urself im “I keep bashing my head on things,” Tom said bashfully


We had to make some of these up for our standardised state testing.


“You call this a musical?” I’m SCREAMINF

i was halfway through before i realized these were puns i am so mad


This was fun to read the first time through before you realized anything
It was INCREDIBLE the second time and you realize how blind you were the first time


IM SOBBIN HOLY FUCKIN SHIT

mothmanismyuncle: american-auror-story: jellyfish-blob: quiteawfulpretty: he-wants-the-221d: sweethoneysempai: smarsupial: womandro...

Ash, Bad, and Beef: THE SPELLBINDING NATIONAL BESTSELLER Hartty Potter CH A P TER THIRTEEN THE HANDSOME ONE he castle grounds snarled with a wave of magically magnified wind. The sky outside was a great black ceiling, which was full of blood. The only sounds drifting from Hagrid's hut were the disdainful shrieks of his own furniture Magic: it was something that Harry Potter thought was very good Leathery sheets of rain lashed at Harry's ghost as he walked across the grounds toward the castle. Ron was standing there and doing a kind of frenzied tap dance. He saw Harry and immediately began to eat Hermione's family Ron's Ron shirt was just as bad as Ron himself. If you two can't clump happily, I'm going to get aggressive," confessed the reasonable Hermione 271. CHADTER THIRTEE N "What about Ron magic?" offered Ron. To Harry, Ron was a loud, slow, and soft bird. Harry did not like to think about birds. "Death Eaters are on top of the castle!" Ron bleated, quivering. Ron was going to be spiders. He just was. He wasn't proud of that, but it was going to be hard to not have spiders all over his body after all is said and done. "Look," said Hermione. "Obviously there are loads of Death Eaters in the castle. Let's listen in on their meetings." The three complete friends zapped onto the landing outside the door to the castle roof. They almost legged it, but witches are not climbing. Ron looked at the doorknob and then looked at Hermione with searing pain. "I think it's closed," he noticed. "Locked," said Mr. Staircase, the shabby-robed ghost. They looked at the door, screaming about how closed it was and asking it to be replaced with a small orb. The password was "BEEF WOMEN," Hermione cried. Harry, Ron, and Hermione quietly stood behind a circle of Death Eaters who looked bad. "I think it's okay if you like me," said one Death Eater. "Thank you very much," replied the other. The first Death Eater confidently leaned forward to plant a kiss on his cheek. "Oh! Well done!" said the second as his friend stepped back again. All the other Death Eaters clapped politely. Then they all took a few minutes to go over the plan to get rid of Harry's magic 272 THE HANDSOME ONE Harry could tell that Voldemort was standing right behind him. He felt a great overreaction. Harry tore his eyes from his head and threw them into the forest. Voldemort raised his eyebrows at Harry, who could not see anything at the moment. "Voldemort, you're a very bad and mean wizard," Harry savagely saic How To Dance. so Hermione dipped his face in mud. Ron smiled. Ron reached for his wand slowly. ermione nodded encour Eater was wearing a shirt that said Hermione Has Forgotten Ron threw a wand at Voldemort and everyone applauded. "Ron's the handsome one," muttered Harry as he reluctantly reached for his. They cast a spell or two, and jets of green light shot out of the Death Eaters' heads. Ron flinched. "Not so handsome now." thought Harry as he dipped Hermione in hot sauce. The Death Eaters were dead now, and Harry was hungrier than he had ever been. The Great Hall was filled with incredible moaning chandeliers and a large librarian who had decorated the sinks with books about masonry. Mountains of mice exploded. Several long pumpkins fell out of McGonagall. Dumbledore's hair scooted next to Hermione as Dumbledore arrived at school The pig of Hufflepuff pulsed like a large bullfrog Dumbledore smiled at it, and placed his hand on its head: You are Hagrid now." CH A P TER T HIR TEE N We're the only people who matter. He's never going to get rid of us," Harry, Hermione, and Ron said in chorus. The floor of the castle seemed like a large pile of magic. The Dursleys had never been to the castle and they were not about to come there in Harry Potter and the Portrait of What Looked Like a Large Pile of Ash. Harry looked around and then fell down the spiral staircase for the rest of the summe. "I'm Harry Potter, Harry began yelling. "The dark arts better be worried, oh boy! An AI writes the next Harry Potter novel
Ash, Bad, and Beef: THE SPELLBINDING NATIONAL BESTSELLER
 Hartty Potter

 CH A P TER THIRTEEN
 THE HANDSOME ONE
 he castle grounds snarled with a wave of magically
 magnified wind. The sky outside was a great black
 ceiling, which was full of blood. The only sounds drifting from
 Hagrid's hut were the disdainful shrieks of his own furniture
 Magic: it was something that Harry Potter thought was very
 good
 Leathery sheets of rain lashed at Harry's ghost as he walked
 across the grounds toward the castle. Ron was standing there
 and doing a kind of frenzied tap dance. He saw Harry and
 immediately began to eat Hermione's family
 Ron's Ron shirt was just as bad as Ron himself.
 If you two can't clump happily, I'm going to get aggressive,"
 confessed the reasonable Hermione
 271.

 CHADTER THIRTEE N
 "What about Ron magic?" offered Ron. To Harry, Ron
 was a loud, slow, and soft bird. Harry did not like to think
 about birds.
 "Death Eaters are on top of the castle!" Ron bleated,
 quivering. Ron was going to be spiders. He just was. He
 wasn't proud of that, but it was going to be hard to not
 have spiders all over his body after all is said and done.
 "Look," said Hermione. "Obviously there are loads of Death
 Eaters in the castle. Let's listen in on their meetings."
 The three complete friends zapped onto the landing outside
 the door to the castle roof. They almost legged it, but witches
 are not climbing. Ron looked at the doorknob and then looked
 at Hermione with searing pain.
 "I think it's closed," he noticed.
 "Locked," said Mr. Staircase, the shabby-robed ghost. They
 looked at the door, screaming about how closed it was and
 asking it to be replaced with a small orb. The password was
 "BEEF WOMEN," Hermione cried.
 Harry, Ron, and Hermione quietly stood behind a circle of
 Death Eaters who looked bad.
 "I think it's okay if you like me," said one Death Eater.
 "Thank you very much," replied the other. The first Death
 Eater confidently leaned forward to plant a kiss on his cheek.
 "Oh! Well done!" said the second as his friend stepped back
 again. All the other Death Eaters clapped politely. Then they
 all took a few minutes to go over the plan to get rid of Harry's
 magic
 272

 THE HANDSOME ONE
 Harry could tell that Voldemort was standing right behind
 him. He felt a great overreaction. Harry tore his eyes from
 his head and threw them into the forest. Voldemort raised his
 eyebrows at Harry, who could not see anything at the moment.
 "Voldemort, you're a very bad and mean wizard," Harry
 savagely saic
 How To Dance. so Hermione dipped his face in mud.
 Ron smiled. Ron reached for his wand slowly.
 ermione nodded encour
 Eater was wearing a shirt that said Hermione Has Forgotten
 Ron threw a wand at Voldemort and everyone applauded.
 "Ron's the handsome one," muttered Harry as he reluctantly
 reached for his. They cast a spell or two, and jets of green light
 shot out of the Death Eaters' heads. Ron flinched.
 "Not so handsome now." thought Harry as he dipped
 Hermione in hot sauce. The Death Eaters were dead
 now, and Harry was hungrier than he had ever been.
 The Great Hall was filled with incredible moaning
 chandeliers and a large librarian who had decorated the sinks
 with books about masonry. Mountains of mice exploded.
 Several long pumpkins fell out of McGonagall. Dumbledore's
 hair scooted next to Hermione as Dumbledore arrived at
 school
 The pig of Hufflepuff pulsed like a large bullfrog
 Dumbledore smiled at it, and placed his hand on its head:
 You are Hagrid now."

 CH A P TER T HIR TEE N
 We're the only people who matter. He's never going to get
 rid of us," Harry, Hermione, and Ron said in chorus.
 The floor of the castle seemed like a large pile of magic. The
 Dursleys had never been to the castle and they were not about
 to come there in Harry Potter and the Portrait of What Looked
 Like a Large Pile of Ash. Harry looked around and then fell
 down the spiral staircase for the rest of the summe.
 "I'm Harry Potter, Harry began yelling. "The dark arts
 better be worried, oh boy!
An AI writes the next Harry Potter novel

An AI writes the next Harry Potter novel