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Apparently, Bitch, and Dude: Hacker Scripts Based on a true story: build engineer has left for another company. The dude was literally living inside the terminal. You know, Xxx: OK, so, our that type of a guy who loves Vim, creates diagrams in Dot and writes wiki-posts in Markdown... If something anything - requires more than 90 seconds of his time, he writes a script to automate that. xxx: So we're sitting here, looking through his, uhm, "legacy" xxx: You're gonna love this xxx: smack-my-bitch-up.sh - sends a text message "late at work" to his wife (apparently). Automatically picks reasons from an array of strings, randomly. Runs inside a cron-job. The job fires if there are active SSH-sessions on the server after 9pm with his login. xxx: kumar-asshole.sh scans the inbox for emails from "Kumar" (a DBA at our clients). Looks for keywords like "help" "trouble", "sorry" etc. If keywords are found - the script SSHes into the clients server and rolls back the staging database to the latest backup. Then sends a reply "no worries mate, be careful next time". xxx: hangover.sh another cron-job that is set to specific dates. Sends automated emails like "not feeling well/gonna work from home" etc. Adds a random "reason" from another predefined array of strings. Fires if there are no interactive sessions on the server at 8:45am. xxx: (and the oscar goes to) fucking-coffee.sh - this one waits exactly 17 seconds (!), then opens a telnet session to our coffee-machine (we had no frikin idea the coffee machine is on the network, runs linux and has a TCP socket up and running) and sends something like sys brew. Turns out this thing starts brewing a mid-sized half-caf latte and waits another 24 () seconds before pouring it into a cup. The timing is exactly how long it takes to walk to the machine from the dudes desk. xxx: holy sh*t I'm keeping those XX: A true programmer
Apparently, Bitch, and Dude: Hacker Scripts
 Based on a true story:
 build engineer has left for another company. The dude was literally living inside the terminal. You know,
 Xxx: OK, so, our
 that type of a guy who loves Vim, creates diagrams in Dot and writes wiki-posts in Markdown... If something anything
 - requires more than 90 seconds of his time, he writes a script to automate that.
 xxx: So we're sitting here, looking through his, uhm, "legacy"
 xxx: You're gonna love this
 xxx: smack-my-bitch-up.sh - sends a text message "late at work" to his wife (apparently). Automatically picks reasons
 from an array of strings, randomly. Runs inside a cron-job. The job fires if there are active SSH-sessions on the server
 after 9pm with his login.
 xxx: kumar-asshole.sh scans the inbox for emails from "Kumar" (a DBA at our clients). Looks for keywords like "help"
 "trouble", "sorry" etc. If keywords are found - the script SSHes into the clients server and rolls back the staging database
 to the latest backup. Then sends a reply "no worries mate, be careful next time".
 xxx: hangover.sh another cron-job that is set to specific dates. Sends automated emails like "not feeling well/gonna
 work from home" etc. Adds a random "reason" from another predefined array of strings. Fires if there are no interactive
 sessions on the server at 8:45am.
 xxx: (and the oscar goes to) fucking-coffee.sh - this one waits exactly 17 seconds (!), then opens a telnet session to
 our coffee-machine (we had no frikin idea the coffee machine is on the network, runs linux and has a TCP socket up and
 running) and sends something like sys brew. Turns out this thing starts brewing a mid-sized half-caf latte and waits
 another 24 () seconds before pouring it into a cup. The timing is exactly how long it takes to walk to the machine from
 the dudes desk.
 xxx: holy sh*t I'm keeping those
 XX:
A true programmer

A true programmer

Alive, Apparently, and Come Over: I'm a therapist and keep this poster in my waiting room, apparently it's saved a few lives I DONT LIKE THE PHRASE "A CRY FOR HELP"ェJuST DONT LKE HOW IT SOuNDS, WHEN SOMEBODY SAYS TO ME, "I'M THINKING ABOUT SUICIDE, I HAVE A PLAN: I JUST NEED A REASON NOT TO DOITTHE LAST THING I SEE IS HELPLESSNESS. I THINK: YOUR DEPRESSION HAS BEEN BEATING YOU UP FOR YEARS. IT'S CALLED YOU UGLY, AND STUPID, AND PATHETIC, AND A FAILURE, FOR SO LONG THAT YOU'VE FORGOTTEN THAT IT'S WRONG. YOU DON'T SEE ANY GOOD IN YOURSELF, AND YOu DON'T HAVE ANY HOPE. BUT STILL, HERE YOu ARE: YOU'VE COME OVER TO ME, BANGED ON MY DOOR, AND SAID, "HEY! STAYING ALIVE IS REALLY HARD RIGHT NOW! JUST GIVE ME SOMETHING TO FIGHT WITHI I DON'T CARE IF IT'S A STICK! GIVE ME A STICK AND I CAN STAY ALIVE!" HOW IS THAT HELPLESS? I THINK THAT'S INCREDIBLE. YOU'RE LIKE A MARINE: TRAPPED FOR YEARS BEHIND ENEMY LINES, YOUR GUN HAS BEEN TAKEN AWAY, YOU'RE OUT OF AMMO, YOU'RE MALNOURISHED, AND YOU'VE PROBABLY CAIGHT SOME KIND OF JUNGLE VIRUS THAT'S MAKING YOU HALLLICINATE GIANT SPIDERS AND YOU'RE STILL JUST GOING, "GIVE ME A STICK. I'M NOT DYING OUT HERE." "A CRY FOR HELP" MAKES IT SOND LIKE I'M SuppOSED TO AKE PITY ON YOu, BUT YOU DON'T NEED MY PITY THIS ISNT PATHETIC. THIS IS THE WILL TO SURVIVE. THIS IS HOW HUMANS LIVED LONG ENOIGH TO BECOME THE DOMINANT SPECIES. WITH NO HOPE, RUNNING ON NOTHING, YOU'RE READY TO CLIT THROUGH A HUNDRED MILES OF HOSTILE JUNGLE WITH NOTHING BUT A STICK, IF THATS WHAT IT TAKES TO GET TO SAFETY ALL IM DOING IS HANDING OUT STICKS YOU'RE THE ONE STAYING ALIVE irondad-not-ironsad: aurora-nerin: tea-rabbits: ultimate-science-nerd: positivelyqueerace: dreamsrainandwitchythings: intp-again: muslimintp-1999-girl: asexualchristian: mentalmentalhealth: girlwhorpsalot: I needed this. Thank you to all the people who posted this so I ended up seeing it. I really needed this right now. Thank you! Yeah… Not gonna lie… I cried… We need more people like this Goddamn it stop making me feel human The therapist I wanna be. Text in the image: “I’m a therapist and keep this poster in my waiting room, apparently it’s saved a few lives.” I don’t like the phrase “a cry for help.” I just don’t like how it sounds. When somebody says to me, “I’m thinking about suicide. I have a plan: I just need a reason not to do it,” the last thing I see is helplessness. I think your depression has been beating you up for years. It’s called you ugly, and stupid, and pathetic, and a failure, for so long that you’ve forgotten that it’s wrong. You don’t see any good in yourself, and you don’t have any hope. But still here you are: you’ve come over to me, banged on my door and said, “HEY! Staying alive is REALLY HARD right now! Just give me something to fight with! I don’t care if it’s a stick! Give me a stick and I can stay alive!” How is that helpless? I think that’s incredible. You’re like a marine: trapped for years behind enemy lines. Your gun has been taken away, you’re out of ammo, you’re malnourished, and you’ve probably caught some kind of jungle virus that’s making you hallucinate giant spiders. And you’re still just going, “GIVE ME A STICK. I’M NOT DYING OUT HERE.”“A cry for help” makes it sound like I’m supposed to take pity on you, but you don’t need my pity. This isn’t pathetic. This is the will to survive. This is how humans lived long enough to become the dominant species. With NO hope, running on NOTHING, you’re ready to cut through a hundred miles of hostile jungle with nothing but a stick, if that’s what it takes to get to safety. All I’m doing is handing out sticks. You’re the one saying alive. I legit cried at this. I’ve needed to hear it put this way. Bless this post. Every time I see this post I stop to read the whole image. It always helps — even on the good days. Because it wasn’t weakness. It wasn’t shameful to seek help. It wasn’t pathetic to “cry for help”. I was looking for a stick, be that from myself or from someone else. I was trying to find a way out. I was trying to heal myself. this is fuckin incredible.  I’m sorry if I repost to many of these, but if it could be someone’s “stick” then it’s worth it
Alive, Apparently, and Come Over: I'm a therapist and keep this poster
 in my waiting room, apparently it's
 saved a few lives
 I DONT LIKE THE PHRASE "A CRY FOR HELP"ェJuST DONT LKE
 HOW IT SOuNDS, WHEN SOMEBODY SAYS TO ME, "I'M THINKING
 ABOUT SUICIDE, I HAVE A PLAN: I JUST NEED A REASON NOT TO
 DOITTHE LAST THING I SEE IS HELPLESSNESS.
 I THINK: YOUR DEPRESSION HAS BEEN BEATING YOU UP FOR YEARS.
 IT'S CALLED YOU UGLY, AND STUPID, AND PATHETIC, AND A FAILURE,
 FOR SO LONG THAT YOU'VE FORGOTTEN THAT IT'S WRONG. YOU DON'T
 SEE ANY GOOD IN YOURSELF, AND YOu DON'T HAVE ANY HOPE.
 BUT STILL, HERE YOu ARE: YOU'VE COME OVER TO ME, BANGED ON MY
 DOOR, AND SAID, "HEY! STAYING ALIVE IS REALLY HARD RIGHT NOW!
 JUST GIVE ME SOMETHING TO FIGHT WITHI I DON'T CARE IF IT'S
 A STICK! GIVE ME A STICK AND I CAN STAY ALIVE!"
 HOW IS THAT HELPLESS? I THINK THAT'S INCREDIBLE. YOU'RE LIKE
 A MARINE: TRAPPED FOR YEARS BEHIND ENEMY LINES, YOUR GUN
 HAS BEEN TAKEN AWAY, YOU'RE OUT OF AMMO, YOU'RE
 MALNOURISHED, AND YOU'VE PROBABLY CAIGHT SOME KIND OF
 JUNGLE VIRUS THAT'S MAKING YOU HALLLICINATE GIANT SPIDERS
 AND YOU'RE STILL JUST GOING, "GIVE ME A STICK.
 I'M NOT DYING OUT HERE."
 "A CRY FOR HELP" MAKES IT SOND LIKE I'M SuppOSED TO
 AKE PITY ON YOu, BUT YOU DON'T NEED MY PITY THIS ISNT
 PATHETIC. THIS IS THE WILL TO SURVIVE. THIS IS HOW HUMANS
 LIVED LONG ENOIGH TO BECOME THE DOMINANT SPECIES.
 WITH NO HOPE, RUNNING ON NOTHING, YOU'RE READY TO CLIT
 THROUGH A HUNDRED MILES OF HOSTILE JUNGLE WITH NOTHING
 BUT A STICK, IF THATS WHAT IT TAKES TO GET TO SAFETY
 ALL IM DOING IS HANDING OUT STICKS
 YOU'RE THE ONE STAYING ALIVE
irondad-not-ironsad:
aurora-nerin:

tea-rabbits:

ultimate-science-nerd:


positivelyqueerace:


dreamsrainandwitchythings:

intp-again:

muslimintp-1999-girl:


asexualchristian:

mentalmentalhealth:

girlwhorpsalot:

I needed this.


Thank you to all the people who posted this so I ended up seeing it.  I really needed this right now. Thank you!

Yeah… Not gonna lie… I cried…


We need more people like this


Goddamn it stop making me feel human

The therapist I wanna be.

Text in the image:
“I’m a therapist and keep this poster in my waiting room, apparently it’s saved a few lives.”
I don’t like the phrase “a cry for help.” I just don’t like how it sounds. When somebody says to me, “I’m thinking about suicide. I have a plan: I just need a reason not to do it,” the last thing I see is helplessness.
I think your depression has been beating you up for years. It’s called you ugly, and stupid, and pathetic, and a failure, for so long that you’ve forgotten that it’s wrong. You don’t see any good in yourself, and you don’t have any hope.
But still here you are: you’ve come over to me, banged on my door and said, “HEY! Staying alive is REALLY HARD right now! Just give me something to fight with! I don’t care if it’s a stick! Give me a stick and I can stay alive!”
How is that helpless? I think that’s incredible. You’re like a marine: trapped for years behind enemy lines. Your gun has been taken away, you’re out of ammo, you’re malnourished, and you’ve probably caught some kind of jungle virus that’s making you hallucinate giant spiders.
And you’re still just going, “GIVE ME A STICK. I’M NOT DYING OUT HERE.”“A cry for help” makes it sound like I’m supposed to take pity on you, but you don’t need my pity. This isn’t pathetic. This is the will to survive. This is how humans lived long enough to become the dominant species.
With NO hope, running on NOTHING, you’re ready to cut through a hundred miles of hostile jungle with nothing but a stick, if that’s what it takes to get to safety.
All I’m doing is handing out sticks.
You’re the one saying alive.


I legit cried at this. I’ve needed to hear it put this way. Bless this post.


Every time I see this post I stop to read the whole image.  It always helps — even on the good days.  
Because it wasn’t weakness.  It wasn’t shameful to seek help.  It wasn’t pathetic to “cry for help”.  I was looking for a stick, be that from myself or from someone else.  I was trying to find a way out. I was trying to heal myself.

this is fuckin incredible. 


I’m sorry if I repost to many of these, but if it could be someone’s “stick” then it’s worth it

irondad-not-ironsad: aurora-nerin: tea-rabbits: ultimate-science-nerd: positivelyqueerace: dreamsrainandwitchythings: intp-again: mu...

Spider, Tumblr, and Blog: INKIT gcinkdraws: ~ spider dreg, spider peg - running around on his little peg legs~
Spider, Tumblr, and Blog: INKIT
gcinkdraws:

~ spider dreg, spider peg - running around on his little peg legs~

gcinkdraws: ~ spider dreg, spider peg - running around on his little peg legs~

Target, Tumblr, and Blog: CAPTAAAAAAIN. LET'S PLEASE TAKE a BREAK CRAZYCEMAA crazycookiemaniac: “Italy, we’ve been running for like 5 minutes”been a while since I drew hetalia fanart. Small gift for @darkumbreon9! ♥
Target, Tumblr, and Blog: CAPTAAAAAAIN.
 LET'S PLEASE TAKE a
 BREAK
 CRAZYCEMAA
crazycookiemaniac:

“Italy, we’ve been running for like 5 minutes”been a while since I drew hetalia fanart. Small gift for @darkumbreon9! ♥

crazycookiemaniac: “Italy, we’ve been running for like 5 minutes”been a while since I drew hetalia fanart. Small gift for @darkumbreon9! ♥

Driving, Fail, and Meme: l night to make Me staying up the worlds longest meme The driving test I have tomarrow Reddit Me taking the driving test Boad safety laws prepare to be ignored Me learning I failed the driving test The other kids at the driving school after learning I was the only one to fail My mom Me explaining how i stayed up all night to make a meme My sister learning that I've been grounded for failing my driving test her remembering she's also currently grounded Me running to school to see the boys on Monday The boys learning that I've been grounded called down to office durring p Me bei pals He savs he has a work opportunity for me Which will be held after school As part of Detention Me actually doing the work Slacking off for one and a half hours instead the principal learning I didn't do jack shit *ANGRY AS FUK* Me after learning I've been given another two detentions OK Me realizing I can just continue to slack off until the principal eventually gives up, therefore having done no work 560 0168 0.9% 0.12 .286 2.286 14563 156 0287 WAStonks 0.1204 234 0.1902 N/A The principal expelling me Me showing p two days l anted me Me being called down to the principals office on my first day back ah shit, bere we go ogain he admits defeat, claiming I've learned a "valuble" lesson Hoo! Woo Reddit users realizing I've told a consistent story over the course of 18 memes This is beyond science I made the worlds longest meme! (20 memes) #news
Driving, Fail, and Meme: l night to make
 Me staying up
 the worlds longest meme
 The driving test I
 have tomarrow
 Reddit
 Me taking the driving test
 Boad safety laws prepare to be ignored
 Me learning I failed the driving test
 The other kids at the driving school
 after learning I was the only one to fail
 My mom
 Me explaining how i
 stayed up all night
 to make a meme
 My sister learning that I've been
 grounded for failing my driving test
 her remembering she's also
 currently grounded
 Me running to school to see the
 boys on Monday
 The boys learning that
 I've been grounded
 called down to
 office durring p
 Me bei
 pals
 He savs he has a
 work opportunity
 for me
 Which will be
 held after school
 As part of
 Detention
 Me actually
 doing the work
 Slacking off for
 one and a half
 hours instead
 the principal learning I
 didn't do jack shit
 *ANGRY AS FUK*
 Me after learning I've been given
 another two detentions
 OK
 Me realizing I can just continue to slack
 off until the principal eventually gives
 up, therefore having done no work
 560
 0168
 0.9%
 0.12
 .286
 2.286 14563
 156 0287
 WAStonks
 0.1204
 234 0.1902
 N/A
 The principal
 expelling me
 Me showing
 p two days
 l anted me
 Me being called down to the principals
 office on my first day back
 ah shit, bere we go ogain
 he admits defeat, claiming I've
 learned a "valuble" lesson
 Hoo!
 Woo
 Reddit users realizing I've told a consistent
 story over the course of 18 memes
 This is beyond science
I made the worlds longest meme! (20 memes) #news

I made the worlds longest meme! (20 memes) #news