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Ass, Fall, and Hail Mary: I almost died today. Here is the true story So Iwas derping in my backyard today, picking up dog crap. The whole time, my dog was just sitting there watching me, enjoying the sight. So I go to the small section in between my trampoline and my fence. Now if any of you haven't seen my trampoline, it is really old and there are these black foam things on the bars that used to hold up a net, but they are mostly destroyed now. So I walk in the narrow space, and I get completely covered by the hugest web I've ever felt. All over my face, all over my chest and shoulders. I freak out, but I realize that there is no worries. I see no spider, and it would have to be a big ass spider to concoct such a glorious web. Well, sure enough, in the middle of my struggle to break free, I look up, and slowly, ever so slowly, I see the huge, black-brown mass of a spider about the size of my fist crawl out of some old, decaying foam protectors. I stare at it; it stares back. I look closely for any threads connecting us, and there, glinting back at me with sunlight, is one strand of spider web, connecting the hulk spider to my face. It realizes the fact at the same time as me, and thinks, "Yes! This boy's eye sockets will make excellent breeding holes for my eggs!! and starts a full on crawling sprint towards me. I freak out, and begin to struggle even more and more to release myself from this web. It reaches the halfway mark and sees me begin to escape, so it goes for gold. The Hail Mary play. A daring leap straight for the head. Time slows down. This thing has all legs extended, blocking out the sun. A sure death for me. My left arm breaks free from the web. This could be my chance! A quick and decisive left cross reaches the spider JUST in time knocking the behemoth against the fence. It looks dazed; begins to squirm around on the ground, preparing for a counteroffensive. I don't give it a chance. I take the poop shovel in both my hands, shout a battle cry of pure victorious slaughter and smash my enemy into a crumpled pile, each strike emanating a loud crunch of the monster's body.I emerge the survivor in this battle. Thank you video games, for my improved reaction time, lest I fall victim to fate Unlike Comment Share 3 hours ago you should probably go to TheMetaPicture.com epicjohndoe: This Man Should Write A Novel
Ass, Fall, and Hail Mary: I almost died today. Here is the true story
 So Iwas derping in my backyard today, picking up dog crap. The whole
 time, my dog was just sitting there watching me, enjoying the sight. So I
 go to the small section in between my trampoline and my fence. Now if
 any of you haven't seen my trampoline, it is really old and there are
 these black foam things on the bars that used to hold up a net, but they
 are mostly destroyed now. So I walk in the narrow space, and I get
 completely covered by the hugest web I've ever felt. All over my face, all
 over my chest and shoulders. I freak out, but I realize that there is no
 worries. I see no spider, and it would have to be a big ass spider to
 concoct such a glorious web. Well, sure enough, in the middle of my
 struggle to break free, I look up, and slowly, ever so slowly, I see the
 huge, black-brown mass of a spider about the size of my fist crawl out
 of some old, decaying foam protectors. I stare at it; it stares back. I look
 closely for any threads connecting us, and there, glinting back at me
 with sunlight, is one strand of spider web, connecting the hulk spider to
 my face. It realizes the fact at the same time as me, and thinks, "Yes!
 This boy's eye sockets will make excellent breeding holes for my eggs!!
 and starts a full on crawling sprint towards me. I freak out, and begin to
 struggle even more and more to release myself from this web. It
 reaches the halfway mark and sees me begin to escape, so it goes for
 gold. The Hail Mary play. A daring leap straight for the head. Time slows
 down. This thing has all legs extended, blocking out the sun. A sure
 death for me. My left arm breaks free from the web. This could be my
 chance! A quick and decisive left cross reaches the spider JUST in time
 knocking the behemoth against the fence. It looks dazed; begins to
 squirm around on the ground, preparing for a counteroffensive. I don't
 give it a chance. I take the poop shovel in both my hands, shout a battle
 cry of pure victorious slaughter and smash my enemy into a crumpled
 pile, each strike emanating a loud crunch of the monster's body.I
 emerge the survivor in this battle. Thank you video games, for my
 improved reaction time, lest I fall victim to fate
 Unlike Comment Share 3 hours ago
 you should probably go to TheMetaPicture.com
epicjohndoe:

This Man Should Write A Novel

epicjohndoe: This Man Should Write A Novel

Martin, Poop, and Streets: WEDNESDAY, Aug. 15, 2018 o. 1 in Palo Alto and the Mid-Peninsula 890 BERKELEY AVENUE MENLO PARK SF launches 'Poop Patrol' to clean up streets The San Francisco Department of Public Works announced today it will assemble a new team, known as the Poop Patrol, which will be focused on cleaning up human and animal SOLD waste throughout the city The team, which will be made up of six peo- ZACH TRAILER ple- a supervisor and five workers, is part of a pilot program set to start sometime in Sep- tember, according to public works department spokeswoman Rachel Gordon. Reports of waste (650) 906-8008 ztrailer@zachtrailer.com AAINPINEL [See PATROL, page 18] Locally owned, independent Www.ZACHTRAILER.COM Bitcoin now accepted for bail "It's a new world,' District Attorney says BYALLİSON LEVITSKY cryptocurrency for bail. Judges can or Daily Post Staff Writer der many kinds of bail, including real High-tech criminal charges call for estate owned by another person high-tech bail in Silicon Valley Electronic Arts has been ordered to pay made his first appearance in federal U.S. Assistant District Attorney to comply with an order to appear later." the U.S. Attorney's Office. Martin Marsich, 25, a Serbian and ordered him to pay $750,000 in Bitcoin "It really is quite broad." Simmons said. living in Udine, Ita- or any other kind of cryptocurrency to The judge could order just about anything. What the objective is is to get the defendant with hacking the Italian national ly, was arrested at SFO on Aug. 8 and A man charged Redwood City video game company be released to a halfway house his bail in cryptocurrency, according to court in San Francisco on Thursday, Abraham Simmons said he doubted it when federal Judge Jacqueline Corley was the first time a judge had allowed If the value of the currency were to See BITCOIN, page 18)
Martin, Poop, and Streets: WEDNESDAY, Aug. 15, 2018
 o. 1 in Palo Alto and the Mid-Peninsula
 890 BERKELEY AVENUE
 MENLO PARK
 SF launches
 'Poop Patrol' to
 clean up streets
 The San Francisco Department of Public
 Works announced today it will assemble a new
 team, known as the Poop Patrol, which will
 be focused on cleaning up human and animal
 SOLD
 waste throughout the city
 The team, which will be made up of six peo-
 ZACH TRAILER
 ple- a supervisor and five workers, is part of
 a pilot program set to start sometime in Sep-
 tember, according to public works department
 spokeswoman Rachel Gordon. Reports of waste
 (650) 906-8008
 ztrailer@zachtrailer.com AAINPINEL
 [See PATROL, page 18]
 Locally owned, independent
 Www.ZACHTRAILER.COM
 Bitcoin now accepted for bail
 "It's a new world,' District Attorney says
 BYALLİSON LEVITSKY
 cryptocurrency for bail. Judges
 can or
 Daily Post Staff Writer
 der many kinds of bail, including real
 High-tech criminal charges call for
 estate owned by another person
 high-tech bail in Silicon Valley
 Electronic Arts has been ordered to pay made his first appearance in federal U.S. Assistant District Attorney to comply with an order to appear later."
 the U.S. Attorney's Office.
 Martin Marsich, 25, a Serbian and ordered him to pay $750,000 in Bitcoin "It really is quite broad." Simmons said.
 living in Udine, Ita- or any other kind of cryptocurrency to The judge could order just about anything.
 What the objective is is to get the defendant
 with hacking the
 Italian national
 ly, was arrested at SFO on Aug. 8 and
 A man
 charged
 Redwood City video game company
 be released to a halfway house
 his bail in cryptocurrency, according to
 court in San Francisco on Thursday, Abraham Simmons said he doubted it
 when federal Judge Jacqueline Corley was the first time a judge had allowed
 If the value of the currency were to
 See BITCOIN, page 18)
Anaconda, Bless Up, and Costco: Good old boy still has some wags left I know people love to give puppies as presents on holidays bc they cute but keep in mind they cutely poop on the couch and pee down the heat - AC vent lol check out pet finder aka pet tinder and get your loved one a lovely doggo who can live out his or her last years with love. “But smash they’ll die and my kids will be sad! 😢” Well bish listen lol. That’s the thing. People were never sheltered from death. Their grandpa would die. Their dad would die. Their horse would die. Their mule would die. They pup would die. That was life 100+ years ago. Now we shelter all the bb’s from death and are they happier or more well adjusted? 🤔 FVCK NAH ... We’re less well adjusted than we ever been 😂. Don’t worry. Five or six year old doggie ain’t finna die tmrow plus he was already in a home before coming to the shelter so he or she usually house trained. Consider it, beloveds! “Smash my girlfriend Kelsey wants a pure bred newborn retriever she doesn’t want an adult doggie she’s doesn’t even like most dogs she’s very specific u wouldn’t understand sorry.” Aye I feel u bro! But Kelsey might be trash - I didn’t say she’s trash - she might be Mother Theresa - I said ‘might’!!! 🤷‍♂️😂. Just as there is tinder for pets called pet finder it’s also a tinder for humans called “regular a$$ tinder” - I never been on it bc I’m bold - stupid - reckless Enuf to ask girls out at whole food - traders joe - the gym - Costco - hotel lobby - intelligentsia coffee - the doctor’s office 🤦‍♂️😂 but it work - U might could find a comely lass with artful tattoos, hygienic nether regions and a love of old boyes - bam - dont Short yaself, YOLO Bless up 😍❤️😂
Anaconda, Bless Up, and Costco: Good old boy still has some wags left
I know people love to give puppies as presents on holidays bc they cute but keep in mind they cutely poop on the couch and pee down the heat - AC vent lol check out pet finder aka pet tinder and get your loved one a lovely doggo who can live out his or her last years with love. “But smash they’ll die and my kids will be sad! 😢” Well bish listen lol. That’s the thing. People were never sheltered from death. Their grandpa would die. Their dad would die. Their horse would die. Their mule would die. They pup would die. That was life 100+ years ago. Now we shelter all the bb’s from death and are they happier or more well adjusted? 🤔 FVCK NAH ... We’re less well adjusted than we ever been 😂. Don’t worry. Five or six year old doggie ain’t finna die tmrow plus he was already in a home before coming to the shelter so he or she usually house trained. Consider it, beloveds! “Smash my girlfriend Kelsey wants a pure bred newborn retriever she doesn’t want an adult doggie she’s doesn’t even like most dogs she’s very specific u wouldn’t understand sorry.” Aye I feel u bro! But Kelsey might be trash - I didn’t say she’s trash - she might be Mother Theresa - I said ‘might’!!! 🤷‍♂️😂. Just as there is tinder for pets called pet finder it’s also a tinder for humans called “regular a$$ tinder” - I never been on it bc I’m bold - stupid - reckless Enuf to ask girls out at whole food - traders joe - the gym - Costco - hotel lobby - intelligentsia coffee - the doctor’s office 🤦‍♂️😂 but it work - U might could find a comely lass with artful tattoos, hygienic nether regions and a love of old boyes - bam - dont Short yaself, YOLO Bless up 😍❤️😂

I know people love to give puppies as presents on holidays bc they cute but keep in mind they cutely poop on the couch and pee down the heat...