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Bluetooth, Bored, and Cars: . Verizon LTE 12:09 PM a houston.craigslist.org image 1 of 23 TEXAS BNL-2934 You want a car that gets the job done? You want a car that's hassle free? You want a car that literally no one will ever compliment you on? Well look no further. The 1999 Toyota Corolla Let's talk about features Bluetooth: nope Sunroof: nope Fancy wheels: nope Rear view camera: nope...but it's got a transparent rear window and you have a fucking neck that can turn Let me tell you a story. One day my Corolla started making a strange sound. I didn't give a shit and ignored it. It went away. The End You could take the engine out of this car, drop it off the Golden Gate Bridge, fish it out of the water a thousand years later, put it in the trunk of the car, fill the gas tank up with Nutella, turn the key, and this puppy would fucking start right This car will outlive you, it will outlive your children Things this car is old enough to do: Vote: yes Consent to sex: ves Rent a car: it IS a car This car's got history. It's seen some shit. People have done straight things in this car. People have done gay things ın this car. It's not going to judge you like a fucking Volkswagen would Interesting facts This car's exterior color is gray, but it's interior color is grey In the owner's manual, oil is listed as "optional." When this car was unveiled at the 1998 Detroit Auto Show, it caused all 2,000 attendees to spontaneously yawn. The resulting abrupt change in air pressure inside the building caused a partial collapse of the roof. Four people died. The event is chronicled in the documentary "Bored to Death: The Story of the 1999 Tovota Corolla" You wanna know more? Great, I had my car fill out a Facebook survey. Favorite food: spaghetti Favorite tv show: Alf Favorite band: tie between Bush and the Gin Blossoms This car is as practical as a Roth IRA. It's as middle-of-the- road as your grandpa during his last Silver Alert. It's as utilitarian as a member of a church whose scripture is based entirely on water bills When I ran the CarFax for this car, I got back a single piece of paper that said, "It's a Corolla. It's fine." Let's face the facts, this car isn't going to win any beauty contests, but neither are you. Stop lying to yourself and stop lying to your wife. This isn't the car you want, it's the car you deserve: The fucking 1999 Toyota Corolla. Whit Bayou BWa catchymemes: This man knows how to sell a car
Bluetooth, Bored, and Cars: . Verizon LTE
 12:09 PM
 a houston.craigslist.org
 image 1 of 23
 TEXAS
 BNL-2934
 You want a car that gets the job done? You want a car that's
 hassle free? You want a car that literally no one will ever
 compliment you on? Well look no further.

 The 1999 Toyota Corolla
 Let's talk about features
 Bluetooth: nope
 Sunroof: nope
 Fancy wheels: nope
 Rear view camera: nope...but it's got a transparent rear
 window and you have a fucking neck that can turn
 Let me tell you a story. One day my Corolla started making a
 strange sound. I didn't give a shit and ignored it. It went
 away. The End
 You could take the engine out of this car, drop it off the
 Golden Gate Bridge, fish it out of the water a thousand years
 later, put it in the trunk of the car, fill the gas tank up with
 Nutella, turn the key, and this puppy would fucking start right
 This car will outlive you, it will outlive your children
 Things this car is old enough to do:
 Vote: yes
 Consent to sex: ves
 Rent a car: it IS a car
 This car's got history. It's seen some shit. People have done
 straight things in this car. People have done gay things ın this
 car. It's not going to judge you like a fucking Volkswagen
 would

 Interesting facts
 This car's exterior color is gray, but it's interior color is grey
 In the owner's manual, oil is listed as "optional."
 When this car was unveiled at the 1998 Detroit Auto Show, it
 caused all 2,000 attendees to spontaneously yawn. The
 resulting abrupt change in air pressure inside the building
 caused a partial collapse of the roof. Four people died. The
 event is chronicled in the documentary "Bored to Death: The
 Story of the 1999 Tovota Corolla"
 You wanna know more? Great, I had my car fill out a
 Facebook survey.
 Favorite food: spaghetti
 Favorite tv show: Alf
 Favorite band: tie between Bush and the Gin Blossoms
 This car is as practical as a Roth IRA. It's as middle-of-the-
 road as your grandpa during his last Silver Alert. It's as
 utilitarian as a member of a church whose scripture is based
 entirely on water bills
 When I ran the CarFax for this car, I got back a single piece
 of paper that said, "It's a Corolla. It's fine."
 Let's face the facts, this car isn't going to win any beauty
 contests, but neither are you. Stop lying to yourself and stop
 lying to your wife. This isn't the car you want, it's the car you
 deserve: The fucking 1999 Toyota Corolla.
 Whit
 Bayou
 BWa
catchymemes:

This man knows how to sell a car

catchymemes: This man knows how to sell a car

Bad, Bitch, and Chihuahua: Highlights Always willing to make a rain Laughs at medioore jokers . I play s different instrument . Turned my recorder into a fully functional obacco po Very optimistic when hungover Friendship bracelets Can drive a stick shift I got bars Iget along with overy dog rve met and at a 73% oftro people rve moc. * Downsides Will be late nearly every day with iterally no excuse Will spook the customers with I have ADHD, but don't worry, I buy other peoples adderall Allergic to mushrooms (still willing to trip them) .I have been the cause of 13 car accidents (that I know ofy . Kind of bad at doing accents, usually just comes off as disrespecttuil Contributions Inventor Sauce Boss . A safe space and secure area for your sauces in the car. For a spill and worry free drive home . Part the Red Sea .The thick, untamed, poofy, distressed mane usually accompanied by a Mo Moses Tampons Coined the phrase "jean skirt hair mon in a floor length jean skirt Coined the term *Escobars When someone snorts a mix of cocaine and Xanax .Not recommended Education Bradford Elementary School Made it to round 1 of the 6th grade spelling bee Mullen High School 2008-2012 . Graduated 1st place in worst attendance in class of 2012 . Dia though Had an impact on the student handbook because I rode a donkey to schook of Northem Colorado 2012-201 Survived Greeley Majored in like 7 different things so I'm well rounded University of the Virgin Isiands 2015-2017 Majored in Political Science and English- Creative Whiting School blew away in Hurricane Irma School cut major Jobs I Didnt Quit In Less Than 3 Weeks Or Get Fired From Colorado Saddlery 2012-Present I make everyone feel good about themselves in the company because I ne ver know what's going on there They don't pay me anymore but I still show up from time to time . Laboniously diverse in that bitch . I programmed their Alexa to play the world's national anthems at noon ever y day - They pretty much can't fire me thered e Intenship in Haiti 2016 Partially fluent in Haitian Creole, which I speak in when dicey fools speak to me at the bar and I want them to leave 4ever Spent about a year total in Hait I had Zika, so don't worry, I won't be having children any time soono Harley Davidson-St. Thomas . I folded shits, talked to drunk people, then I sold said shits to said drunk p eople I'm very impressive at folding shirts Reason(s) I Dipped: I wanted to get off the islandl over Christmas I kept accidentally throwing piles of clothes onto the owner's chihuahua a d I felt really guilty about ito They said I quit better than any other employee they've had, that was co sort of Local Color Clothing Boutique More folding, but the clothes were more expensive) Some girl just dropped this resume off at my work
Bad, Bitch, and Chihuahua: Highlights
 Always willing to make a rain
 Laughs at medioore jokers
 . I play s different instrument
 . Turned my recorder into a fully functional obacco po
 Very optimistic when hungover
 Friendship bracelets
 Can drive a stick shift
 I got bars
 Iget along with overy dog rve met and at a 73% oftro people rve moc.
 *
 Downsides
 Will be late nearly every day with iterally no excuse
 Will spook the customers with
 I have ADHD, but don't worry, I buy other peoples adderall
 Allergic to mushrooms (still willing to trip them)
 .I have been the cause of 13 car accidents (that I know ofy
 . Kind of bad at doing accents, usually just comes off as disrespecttuil
 Contributions
 Inventor
 Sauce Boss
 . A safe space and secure area for your sauces in the car.
 For a spill and worry free drive home
 . Part the Red Sea
 .The thick, untamed, poofy, distressed mane usually accompanied by a Mo
 Moses Tampons
 Coined the phrase "jean skirt hair
 mon in a floor length jean skirt
 Coined the term *Escobars
 When someone snorts a mix of cocaine and Xanax
 .Not recommended
 Education
 Bradford Elementary School
 Made it to round 1 of the 6th grade spelling bee
 Mullen High School 2008-2012
 .
 Graduated 1st place in worst attendance in class of 2012
 .

 Dia
 though
 Had an impact on the student handbook because I rode a donkey to schook
 of Northem Colorado 2012-201
 Survived Greeley
 Majored in like 7 different things so I'm well rounded
 University of the Virgin Isiands 2015-2017
 Majored in Political Science and English- Creative Whiting
 School blew away in Hurricane Irma
 School cut major
 Jobs I Didnt Quit In Less Than 3 Weeks Or Get Fired From
 Colorado Saddlery 2012-Present
 I make everyone feel good about themselves in the company because I ne
 ver know what's going on there
 They don't pay me anymore but I still show up from time to time
 . Laboniously diverse in that bitch
 . I programmed their Alexa to play the world's national anthems at noon ever
 y day
 - They pretty much can't fire me thered
 e Intenship in Haiti 2016
 Partially fluent in Haitian Creole, which I speak in when dicey fools speak to
 me at the bar and I want them to leave 4ever
 Spent about a year total in Hait
 I had Zika, so don't worry, I won't be having children any time soono
 Harley Davidson-St. Thomas
 . I folded shits, talked to drunk people, then I sold said shits to said drunk p
 eople
 I'm very impressive at folding shirts
 Reason(s) I Dipped:
 I wanted to get off the islandl over Christmas
 I kept accidentally throwing piles of clothes onto the owner's chihuahua a
 d I felt really guilty about ito
 They said I quit better than any other employee they've had, that was co
 sort of
 Local Color Clothing Boutique
 More folding, but the clothes were more expensive)
Some girl just dropped this resume off at my work

Some girl just dropped this resume off at my work