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An Alternate Universe

An Alternate Universe

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out

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Bad, Beer, and Life: Guillermo del Toro says he saw a real UFO and it was 'horribly designed' The Shape of Water director Guillermo 2.4K by Laura Hudson/2d thefingerfuckingfemalefury: elphabaforpresidentofgallifrey: doux-amer: truestoriesaboutme: dragon-in-a-fez: imagine you saw an alien spacecraft and your first reaction was to critique its flat color palette and unimaginative lines The Truth is Out There and It Has Bad Aesthetics Because context actually makes the already great headline even greater: “I know this is horrible,” del Toro continues. “You sound like a complete lunatic, but I saw a UFO. I didn’t want to see a UFO. It was horribly designed. I was with a friend. We bought a six-pack. We didn’t consume it, and there was a place called Cerro del Cuatro, “Mountain of the Four,” on the periphery of Guadalajara. We said, ‘Let’s go to the highway.’ We sit down to watch the stars and have the beer and talk. We were the only guys by the freeway. And we saw a light on the horizon going super-fast, not linear. And I said, ‘Honk and flash the lights.’ And we started honking.” The UFO, says del Toro, “Went from 1,000 meters away [to much closer] in less than a second — and it was so crappy. It was a flying saucer, so clichéd, with lights [blinking]. It’s so sad: I wish I could reveal they’re not what you think they are. They are what you think they are. And the fear we felt was so primal. I have never been that scared in my life. We jumped in the car, drove really fast. It was following us, and then I looked back and it was gone.” (x) the same man that made a movie about making giant robots to fight aliens SAW SOME ALIENS, INSULTED THEIR AESTHETIC, and RAN AWAY SCREAMING “there is intelligent life out there but it’s really fuckin tacky”
Bad, Beer, and Life: Guillermo del Toro says he saw a
 real UFO and it was 'horribly
 designed'
 The Shape of Water director Guillermo
 2.4K by Laura Hudson/2d
thefingerfuckingfemalefury:

elphabaforpresidentofgallifrey:

doux-amer:

truestoriesaboutme:

dragon-in-a-fez:
imagine you saw an alien spacecraft and your first reaction was to critique its flat color palette and unimaginative lines
The Truth is Out There and It Has Bad Aesthetics

Because context actually makes the already great headline even greater:

“I know this is horrible,” del Toro continues. “You sound like a complete lunatic, but I saw a UFO. I didn’t want to see a UFO. It was horribly designed. I was with a friend. We bought a six-pack. We didn’t consume it, and there was a place called Cerro del Cuatro, “Mountain of the Four,” on the periphery of Guadalajara. We said, ‘Let’s go to the highway.’ We sit down to watch the stars and have the beer and talk. We were the only guys by the freeway. And we saw a light on the horizon going super-fast, not linear. And I said, ‘Honk and flash the lights.’ And we started honking.”
The UFO, says del Toro, “Went from 1,000 meters away [to much closer] in less than a second — and it was so crappy. It was a flying saucer, so clichéd, with lights [blinking]. It’s so sad: I wish I could reveal they’re not what you think they are. They are what you think they are. And the fear we felt was so primal. I have never been that scared in my life. We jumped in the car, drove really fast. It was following us, and then I looked back and it was gone.”
(x)



the same man that made a movie about making giant robots to fight aliens SAW SOME ALIENS, INSULTED THEIR AESTHETIC, and RAN AWAY SCREAMING

“there is intelligent life out there but it’s really fuckin tacky”

thefingerfuckingfemalefury: elphabaforpresidentofgallifrey: doux-amer: truestoriesaboutme: dragon-in-a-fez: imagine you saw an alien spa...

Advice, Anna, and Dad: You're the mother, he's That's not what l've been told but... the father. He has as much right to take that child as you do. ns Well, if you've gotten different advice, you Okay. were mistaken. ..including judges and probation officers, who still don't get that message... In this country, fathers are not second-class citizens. I know there are a lot of people out there... ...but fathers are not Not always. Sometimes second-class citizens. it's 50-50 but it's a Sometimes they're actually better parents. case-by-case basis. But anybody that says.it's not yours. It's both to me 'he can't take my of yours. You made her daughter with him... together. gaylibertariansc: queer-anna: matriarchyforeveryone: michaelam1978: I love this! Judge Judy schools a naïve and obviously disappointed mom who thinks dad doesn’t have any right to their child. The mother carried that girl nine months in her stomach and then pushed her out of her body. No, the father does NOT have even remotely the same rights to the child as the mother! My mother carried me for nine months in her stomach and then pushed me out of her body. My mother also got drunk and refused to feed me or my three siblings and forced my oldest brother to cook for us while she was passed-out drunk on the couch. My father has fought for us for as long as I can remember, while my mother was busy getting drinking straight-vodka and brainwashing us to think my father was the evil one. I nearly starved at age 6 because my mother was too drunk to cook half of the time. I had to dress my 4 year old sister for school, at age six. I had to walk in heavy snow at age 6 with my 4 year old sister to a bus stop to ride to school. My father has fought a long, long time to get custody of us. He deeply loves us. My mother has never, ever done anything like that. She has never nursed me when I had the flu, or kissed me goodnight, or told me she loved me. She has never taught me how to tie my shoes, or how to brush my hair, or how to take care of myself. Yes, my mother carried me, and three other kids, to term and successfully gave birth, but only has my father put 100% of his life into something that should require two people to do. Still a good one
Advice, Anna, and Dad: You're the mother, he's
 That's not what l've
 been told but...
 the father. He has as
 much right to take that
 child as you do.
 ns

 Well, if you've gotten
 different advice, you
 Okay.
 were mistaken.

 ..including judges and
 probation officers, who
 still don't get that
 message...
 In this country, fathers
 are not second-class
 citizens. I know there
 are a lot of people out
 there...

 ...but fathers are not
 Not always. Sometimes
 second-class citizens.
 it's 50-50 but it's a
 Sometimes they're
 actually better parents.
 case-by-case basis.

 But anybody that says.it's not yours. It's both
 to me 'he can't take my of yours. You made her
 daughter with him...
 together.
gaylibertariansc:
queer-anna:

matriarchyforeveryone:


michaelam1978:
I love this! Judge Judy schools a naïve

 and obviously disappointed mom who thinks dad doesn’t have any right to their child.
The mother carried that girl nine months in her stomach and then pushed her out of her body. No, the father does NOT have even remotely the same rights to the child as the mother!


My mother carried me for nine months in her stomach and then pushed me out of her body. 
My mother also got drunk and refused to feed me or my three siblings and forced my oldest brother to cook for us while she was passed-out drunk on the couch. 
My father has fought for us for as long as I can remember, while my mother was busy getting drinking straight-vodka and brainwashing us to think my father was the evil one. 
I nearly starved at age 6 because my mother was too drunk to cook half of the time. I had to dress my 4 year old sister for school, at age six. I had to walk in heavy snow at age 6 with my 4 year old sister to a bus stop to ride to school. 
My father has fought a long, long time to get custody of us. He deeply loves us. My mother has never, ever done anything like that. She has never nursed me when I had the flu, or kissed me goodnight, or told me she loved me. She has never taught me how to tie my shoes, or how to brush my hair, or how to take care of myself. 
Yes, my mother carried me, and three other kids, to term and successfully gave birth, but only has my father put 100% of his life into something that should require two people to do. 


Still a good one

gaylibertariansc: queer-anna: matriarchyforeveryone: michaelam1978: I love this! Judge Judy schools a naïve and obviously disappointed ...

Android, Be Like, and Dude: FightinCowboy RewTIN Cefoy @Fightincowboy So lately there's been a lot of fuss over gaming "forcing diversity" and people getting upset that a character is gay, trans, etc. and I want to take a moment and try to explain this to folks that are having trouble understanding the issue, as a straight white dude myself. 3:13 AM 10 Feb 19 from Nashville, TN Twitter for Android 48 Retweets 243 Likes FightinCowboy @Fightincowboy 11h As a straight white dude my whole life has been filled with cool white dudes in gaming and comics. Iron Man, He-Man, Spiderman, Cloud, you get the idea. There's literally a million different choices you could pick from and think "oh I want to be like them, I can ANTIN Cooy relate to them". ti 3 92 FightinCowboy @Fightincowboy 11h And now we're seeing more women, more people of color, more people of varying sexual orientations, and dudes are asking "Why does my character have to be gay?", "I like this character but why do I have to play as a black girl? ANTIN CofoBoy 9 1 ti 3 91 FightinCowboy @Fightincowboy 11h And to be honest, y'all been playing as the "straight white dude for so long you're treating that as the default setting in life. But that's not true. The world isn't made of RNTIN CopOBoY nothing but straight white dudes. There's billions of different people out there. 1 ti 6 112 FightinCowboy @Fightincowboy 11h And you'll say well why does my character have to be gay, it doesn't matter to the gameplay" and you're right, it doesn't, so why the fuck do you care? Playing as a gay character doesn't mean cocks start para- dropping into your room to assault you ANTIN cofeo 3 ti 12 129 FightinCowboy @Fightincowboy 11h But to that 13 yr old kid that's gay and still in the closet, he suddenly has a role model. He has someone he can relate to the same way you looked up to Tony Stark or Mario or whoever. That little black girl who was too shy of gaming has a character she sees herself in AANTIN Cojso 9 1 t 10 150 FightinCowboy @Fightincowboy 11h The point is while it might not impact the gameplay AT ALL, it's not hurting you and it's potentially helping someone else. And if you still disagree with that, then the real problem is just that you're an asshole. AeNTIN Cofeso 21 ti 13 242
Android, Be Like, and Dude: FightinCowboy
 RewTIN
 Cefoy
 @Fightincowboy
 So lately there's been a lot of fuss
 over gaming "forcing diversity" and
 people getting upset that a character
 is gay, trans, etc. and I want to take
 a moment and try to explain this
 to folks that are having trouble
 understanding the issue, as a straight
 white dude myself.
 3:13 AM 10 Feb 19 from Nashville, TN Twitter for
 Android
 48 Retweets 243 Likes
 FightinCowboy @Fightincowboy 11h
 As a straight white dude my whole life has
 been filled with cool white dudes in gaming
 and comics. Iron Man, He-Man, Spiderman,
 Cloud, you get the idea. There's literally a
 million different choices you could pick from
 and think "oh I want to be like them, I can
 ANTIN
 Cooy
 relate to them".
 ti 3
 92
 FightinCowboy @Fightincowboy 11h
 And now we're seeing more women, more
 people of color, more people of varying
 sexual orientations, and dudes are asking
 "Why does my character have to be gay?", "I
 like this character but why do I have to play
 as a black girl?
 ANTIN
 CofoBoy
 9 1
 ti 3
 91
 FightinCowboy @Fightincowboy 11h
 And to be honest, y'all been playing as the
 "straight white dude for so long you're
 treating that as the default setting in life. But
 that's not true. The world isn't made of
 RNTIN
 CopOBoY
 nothing but straight white dudes. There's
 billions of different people out there.
 1
 ti 6
 112
 FightinCowboy @Fightincowboy 11h
 And you'll say well why does my character
 have to be gay, it doesn't matter to the
 gameplay" and you're right, it doesn't, so why
 the fuck do you care? Playing as a gay
 character doesn't mean cocks start para-
 dropping into your room to assault you
 ANTIN
 cofeo
 3
 ti 12
 129
 FightinCowboy @Fightincowboy 11h
 But to that 13 yr old kid that's gay and still in
 the closet, he suddenly has a role model. He
 has someone he can relate to the same way
 you looked up to Tony Stark or Mario or
 whoever. That little black girl who was too
 shy of gaming has a character she sees
 herself in
 AANTIN
 Cojso
 9 1
 t 10
 150
 FightinCowboy @Fightincowboy 11h
 The point is while it might not impact the
 gameplay AT ALL, it's not hurting you and it's
 potentially helping someone else. And if you
 still disagree with that, then the real problem
 is just that you're an asshole.
 AeNTIN
 Cofeso
 21
 ti 13
 242
Animals, Deer, and Fucking: I HAVE TINY CRUSTACEANS STUCK IN MY GILLS! I'M HUNGRY FOR SEA BUGS! WHITETIP SHARK CLEANER WRASSE I NEED SOMEONE TO CARRY MY POLLEN TO OTHER FLOWERS I NEED NECTAR TO EAT! TICKSEED FLOWERS BUCKEYE BUTTERFLY l'M LOOKING FOR A BIG MEAL, BUT I NEED HELP FINDING A DEER I WANT TO EAT VENISON, BUT I'M TOO SMALL TO HUNT DEER! COMMON RAVEN COYOTE I NEED SOMEONE TO KEEP ANTS FROM EATING MY EGGS! I WANT A HOME WITH A BODYGUARD AND FREE ANT DELIVERY INCLUDED! COLOMBIAN LESSERBLACK TARANTULA DOTTED HUMMING FROG M. TILLERY - CYANEUS.COM /w/Av[ paramud: personal-scientist: draconym: themaishi: draconym: Mutualistic pairs for an “Odd Couples” Valentine’s program at my work. (Why do so many of my big work projects revolve around Valentine’s programs?) Also, by “sea bugs,” I obviously meant “gnathiid isopod larvae.” The himan one is not as good as the rest If you mean the mutualism between humans and honeyguides, I respectfully disagree. Human/honeyguide mutualism is one of the most sophisticated interspecies relationships in the animal kingdom. While humans have domesticated many other animals for their labor, the honeyguide remains entirely wild while electing to partner up with humans. Both humans and honeyguides have each developed specific calls to signal to one another that they are on the hunt, and these calls greatly increase the likelihood of success. According to this paper: The production of this sound increased the probability of being guided by a honeyguide from about 33 to 66% and the overall probability of thus finding a bees’ nest from 17 to 54%, as compared with other animal or human sounds of similar amplitude. That’s fucking bonkers, you guys!!! There are people out there who over the course of human history have created a sound to communicate with birds, and the birds themselves have a Human Call they use to communicate with us. There is no other wild animal you can just make noises at and immediately communicate that you want it to come help you!!! What’s more, many scientists consider this relationship more exploitative on the honeyguide’s end than on our end! That’s unprecedented!! These birds have essentially negotiated a trade deal with humanity!!!! This is the stuff of fantasy movies, except it’s real. Here’s an article from The Guardian about the broader implications of this kind of relationship with wild animals. It’s a good read: Apart from with our gut bacteria, we humans don’t really have any mutualistic relationships with other creatures. There is no special tune that we can sing to magically attract nearby hedgehogs into our gardens to feast on slugs. There will never be a special wink that fishermen can offer otters, encouraging them to catch fish that we might then de-bone for them, in return for some of the catch. The world is poorer for this. OKAY BUT the noise we make at honeyguides is one of my favorite noises there is, and if y’all haven’t heard the “BRRR-HM?” call that hunters use to summon honeyguides you are SERIOUSLY missing out. There’s an audio clip on the Audobon Society’s article about them [link] @metalpaca
Animals, Deer, and Fucking: I HAVE TINY CRUSTACEANS
 STUCK IN MY GILLS!
 I'M HUNGRY FOR SEA BUGS!
 WHITETIP SHARK
 CLEANER WRASSE
 I NEED SOMEONE TO CARRY
 MY POLLEN TO OTHER FLOWERS
 I NEED NECTAR TO EAT!
 TICKSEED FLOWERS
 BUCKEYE BUTTERFLY
 l'M LOOKING FOR A BIG MEAL,
 BUT I NEED HELP FINDING A DEER
 I WANT TO EAT VENISON, BUT
 I'M TOO SMALL TO HUNT DEER!
 COMMON RAVEN
 COYOTE
 I NEED SOMEONE TO KEEP
 ANTS FROM EATING MY EGGS!
 I WANT A HOME WITH A BODYGUARD
 AND FREE ANT DELIVERY INCLUDED!
 COLOMBIAN LESSERBLACK TARANTULA
 DOTTED HUMMING FROG
 M. TILLERY - CYANEUS.COM
 /w/Av[
paramud:

personal-scientist:
draconym:

themaishi:

draconym:

Mutualistic pairs for an “Odd Couples” Valentine’s program at my work. (Why do so many of my big work projects revolve around Valentine’s programs?)
Also, by “sea bugs,” I obviously meant “gnathiid isopod larvae.”


The himan one is not as good as the rest 

If you mean the mutualism between humans and honeyguides, I respectfully disagree. Human/honeyguide mutualism is one of the most sophisticated interspecies relationships in the animal kingdom.
While humans have domesticated many other animals for their labor, the honeyguide remains entirely wild while electing to partner up with humans. Both humans and honeyguides have each developed specific calls to signal to one another that they are on the hunt, and these calls greatly increase the likelihood of success. According to this paper:
The production of this sound increased the probability of being guided 
by a honeyguide from about 33 to 66% and the overall probability of thus
 finding a bees’ nest from 17 to 54%, as compared with other animal or 
human sounds of similar amplitude.
That’s fucking bonkers, you guys!!! There are people out there who over the course of human history have created a sound to communicate with birds, and the birds themselves have a Human Call they use to communicate with us. There is no other wild animal you can just make noises at and immediately communicate that you want it to come help you!!!
What’s more, many scientists consider this relationship more exploitative on the honeyguide’s end than on our end! That’s unprecedented!! These birds have essentially negotiated a trade deal with humanity!!!! This is the stuff of fantasy movies, except it’s real.
Here’s an article from The Guardian about the broader implications of this kind of relationship with wild animals. It’s a good read:

Apart from with our gut bacteria, we humans don’t really have any 
mutualistic relationships with other creatures. There is no special tune
 that we can sing to magically attract nearby hedgehogs into our gardens
 to feast on slugs. There will never be a special wink that fishermen 
can offer otters, encouraging them to catch fish that we might then 
de-bone for them, in return for some of the catch. The world is poorer 
for this.



OKAY BUT the noise we make at honeyguides is one of my favorite noises there is, and if y’all haven’t heard the “BRRR-HM?” call that hunters use to summon honeyguides you are SERIOUSLY missing out. 
There’s an audio clip on the Audobon Society’s article about them [link]


@metalpaca

paramud: personal-scientist: draconym: themaishi: draconym: Mutualistic pairs for an “Odd Couples” Valentine’s program at my work. (Why ...

Ass, Lol, and Nudes: lweet A Boogie @BoogieBankss 22h I had a chick go behind my car and text her homegirl my plate number before she got in the car with me. 58 163 415 @saintcleopatra 17h Did you enjoy your date? O 1 04 A Boogie @BoogieBankss Replying to @saintcleopatra I left her ass there and went home lol Not taking no woman nowhere that's doin all that. 7/17/17, 3:22 PM 23 Retweets 25 Likes itsgonnabeacoldwinter-soldier: furbytheminx: dandridgegirl: adreamdeferred: dynastylnoire: blackgirloutrage2: PAY ATTENTION! This is how you weed out the men who deserve your time and the ones that don’t. These dudes are literally telling you who they are, but y'all refuse to listen. Your safety comes first. I’m in a FB group where dudes 30 and older were having full tantrums over this post. These are the same guys that admit: Not deleting nudes post break up Not believing when women that were sexually assaulted Not believing sex with a partner that is sleeping is rape Etc. Please do not date people that take issue with your protecting yourself. i deadass took a picture of my dates license and sent to my homegirls in the gc. and turned on my location. yea you cool but it’s always about me and my safety. Men who aren’t trash should already know this is commonplace. One of my last dates even offered to take a picture together for my safety text. Men who get mad when women try to protect themselves are just telling on themselves, nothing more. All you people out there talking about “spreading my private information” like you don’t drive around with your liscense plate out there for everyone and their mom to see all day every day. Sit down. Shut up. She didn’t ask for your social security number you absolute acorn. Your plates are public knowledge.
Ass, Lol, and Nudes: lweet
 A Boogie @BoogieBankss 22h
 I had a chick go behind my car and text
 her homegirl my plate number before
 she got in the car with me.
 58 163 415
 @saintcleopatra 17h
 Did you enjoy your date?
 O 1
 04
 A Boogie
 @BoogieBankss
 Replying to @saintcleopatra
 I left her ass there and went home lol
 Not taking no woman nowhere that's
 doin all that.
 7/17/17, 3:22 PM
 23 Retweets 25 Likes
itsgonnabeacoldwinter-soldier:

furbytheminx:

dandridgegirl:


adreamdeferred:


dynastylnoire:


blackgirloutrage2:

PAY ATTENTION! This is how you weed out the men who deserve your time and the ones that don’t. These dudes are literally telling you who they are, but y'all refuse to listen. Your safety comes first.

I’m in a FB group where dudes 30 and older were having full tantrums over this post. These are the same guys that admit:
Not deleting nudes post break up
Not believing when women that were sexually assaulted 
Not believing sex with a partner that is sleeping is rape
Etc. 
Please do not date people that take issue with your protecting yourself.


i deadass took a picture of my dates license and sent to my homegirls in the gc. and turned on my location. yea you cool but it’s always about me and my safety. 


Men who aren’t trash should already know this is commonplace. One of my last dates even offered to take a picture together for my safety text. 


Men who get mad when women try to protect themselves are just telling on themselves, nothing more. 


All you people out there talking about “spreading my private information” like you don’t drive around with your liscense plate out there for everyone and their mom to see all day every day. Sit down. Shut up. She didn’t ask for your social security number you absolute acorn. Your plates are public knowledge.

itsgonnabeacoldwinter-soldier: furbytheminx: dandridgegirl: adreamdeferred: dynastylnoire: blackgirloutrage2: PAY ATTENTION! This i...

Advice, Dad, and Dude: Lol yeah YOU MATCHED WITH ON 9/20/19 I am her 8 year old son and I am look big for a date for her because I need a dad and when I read ur bio I was like "is this me from the future?" Hi this is not And how are you doing Lol feeling a bit ris ky as I am sitting next to he sleeping (my mom) and using tinder I feel like this is a kinda mission impossible thing ya know? cause I play a heck ton of video games too and I think you would be he perfect father. Addicted to video games already? My kinda fella I sure do but I don't think you should be using her phone and messaging random strangers at your age like that. Plenty of weirdos out there that you shouldn't be talking too. Lol yeah And how are you doing Well u are right but technically I'm not using her phone I'm using her ipad Lol feeling a bit risky as I am sitting next to he sleeping Ashley brown (my mom) and using tinder I feel like this is a kinda mission I'll take ur advice though impossible thing ya know? Might talk to my mom bout u in he morning but bye for now! I sure do but I don't think you should be using her phone and Sent massaaina random etranners at Send Send Type a message Type a message GIF GIF This is what happens when I let the kid use the iPad and then fall asleep 🤦‍♀️ Thanks, random Tinder dude, for not being an asshole. I think I’m too mortified to message him back
Advice, Dad, and Dude: Lol yeah
 YOU MATCHED WITH
 ON 9/20/19
 I am her 8
 year old son and I am look big for
 a date for her because I need a
 dad and when I read ur bio I was
 like "is this me from the future?"
 Hi this is not
 And how are you doing
 Lol feeling a bit ris ky as I am
 sitting next to he sleeping
 (my mom) and using tinder
 I feel like this is a kinda mission
 impossible thing ya know?
 cause I play a heck ton of video
 games too and I think you would
 be he perfect father.
 Addicted to video games already?
 My kinda fella
 I sure do but I don't think you
 should be using her phone and
 messaging random strangers at
 your age like that. Plenty of
 weirdos out there that you
 shouldn't be talking too.
 Lol yeah
 And how are you doing
 Well u are right but technically I'm
 not using her phone I'm using
 her ipad
 Lol feeling a bit risky as I am
 sitting next to he sleeping Ashley
 brown (my mom) and using tinder
 I feel like this is a kinda mission
 I'll take ur advice though
 impossible thing ya know?
 Might talk to my mom bout u in he
 morning but bye for now!
 I sure do but I don't think you
 should be using her phone and
 Sent
 massaaina random etranners at
 Send
 Send
 Type a message
 Type a message
 GIF
 GIF
This is what happens when I let the kid use the iPad and then fall asleep 🤦‍♀️ Thanks, random Tinder dude, for not being an asshole. I think I’m too mortified to message him back

This is what happens when I let the kid use the iPad and then fall asleep 🤦‍♀️ Thanks, random Tinder dude, for not being an asshole. I think...