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Ass, Bored, and Confused: 18 02:56 ....ll Thread James Dator @James.. 17 May In honor of John Wick 3 I have a Keanu Reeves story 615 ti 19.2K 54.3K James Dator @James.. 17 May Keanu came to the movie theater I worked at in Sydney in 2001. He was working on the Matrix series at the time. It's a quiet, Wednesday morning almost nobody is seeing movies. 6 C t524 8,415 James Dator @James.. 17 May I'm working the box office, bored as hell and suddenly this dude walks up in jeans, a leather jacket and a horse riding helmet. A full ass, weird equestrian looking helmet. It takes me a solid 30 seconds to ignore the helmet and realize it's Keanu Reeves 7 1450 8,840 James Dator @James 17 Mayv He wants to buy a ticket for "From Hell," the Johnny Depp movie. I'm so fucking star struck I do what any sensible 16-year-old does and tell him l'd like to give him my employee discount. This means he needs to sign my sheet and therefore I have his autograph 5 8,595 t439 James Dator @James. 17 May "I don't work here," Keanu says. Seemingly confused by my offer. I'm flustered and just charge him the normal price. Kicking myself after for not getting his autograph 9 8,300 t 410 James Dator @James.. 17 May 2 minutes later there's a knock on the door behind me that leads into the box office. I assume it's my manager. It's Keanu. 94 t 409 8,297 17 May "I realized you probably wanted my autograph," he says. "So I signed this." He hands me a receipt from the concessions stand that he signed on the back. He then casually throws an ice James Dator @James... cream cone in the trash can and sees his movie 26 t 639 13.8K James Dator @James Dator realize later that he bought an ice cream cone he didn't want, just to get receipt paper so he could scribble his autograph for a 16-year-old idiot. 19:21 17 May 19 Twitter for iPhone 2,750 Retweets 60.6K Likes awesomacious: Sweet Keanu
Ass, Bored, and Confused: 18
 02:56 ....ll
 Thread
 James Dator @James.. 17 May
 In honor of John Wick 3 I have a Keanu
 Reeves story
 615
 ti 19.2K 54.3K
 James Dator @James..
 17 May
 Keanu came to the movie theater I
 worked at in Sydney in 2001. He was
 working on the Matrix series at the time.
 It's a quiet, Wednesday morning
 almost nobody is seeing movies.
 6 C
 t524
 8,415
 James Dator @James..
 17 May
 I'm working the box office, bored as hell
 and suddenly this dude walks up in
 jeans, a leather jacket and a horse riding
 helmet. A full ass, weird equestrian
 looking helmet. It takes me a solid 30
 seconds to ignore the helmet and realize
 it's Keanu Reeves
 7
 1450
 8,840
 James Dator @James 17 Mayv
 He wants to buy a ticket for "From Hell,"
 the Johnny Depp movie. I'm so fucking
 star struck I do what any sensible
 16-year-old does and tell him l'd like to
 give him my employee discount. This
 means he needs to sign my sheet and
 therefore I have his autograph
 5
 8,595
 t439
 James Dator @James. 17 May
 "I don't work here," Keanu says.
 Seemingly confused by my offer. I'm
 flustered and just charge him the normal
 price. Kicking myself after for not getting
 his autograph
 9
 8,300
 t 410
 James Dator @James..
 17 May
 2 minutes later there's a knock on the
 door behind me that leads into the box
 office. I assume it's my manager. It's
 Keanu.
 94
 t 409
 8,297
 17 May
 "I realized you probably wanted my
 autograph," he says. "So I signed this."
 He hands me a receipt from the
 concessions stand that he signed on the
 back. He then casually throws an ice
 James Dator
 @James...
 cream cone in the trash can and sees his
 movie
 26
 t 639
 13.8K
 James Dator
 @James Dator
 realize later that he bought an
 ice cream cone he didn't want,
 just to get receipt paper so he
 could scribble his autograph for a
 16-year-old idiot.
 19:21 17 May 19 Twitter for iPhone
 2,750 Retweets 60.6K Likes
awesomacious:

Sweet Keanu

awesomacious: Sweet Keanu

Funny, God, and Head: jumpingjacktrash: arrghigiveup: cimness: China's netizens are all in a twitter over the account of a carpenter who was commissioned to make a cinnabar red high-backed chair with the finials at the top to be "in the shape of dragons' heads" (chéng lóngtóu Unfortunately, he misinterpreted the directions to mean "lin the shape ofl Jackie Chan's head" ("Chénglóng tóu ) (via Language Log Reanalysis, Jackie Chan edition) LMAO ok so to elaborate on this absolute gem, notice how the characters provided for "in the shape of dragons' heads" and "lin the shape of Jackie Chan's head" are identical? That wasn't a typo The thing you need to understand about Chinese names is that they all have meaning. And I don't mean that in the sense of "if you trace the etymology back through two languages it has its roots in a Hebrew phrase that means "God is my " that many Western names have. I mean that in the sense of "almost all of these words are still in regular use today and my parents very literally named me "pretty [and] wise" in Chinese. (Sidenote: This is why we get annoyed at made up 'Chinese' names that just pull two random vaguely Chinese-sounding syllables together. It is blindingly obvious when it's not a real name). (chéng) means "to become", "to turn into" L (lóng) is "dragon". Thus, Jackie Chan's Chinese stage name, (Chénglóng), literally means "become dragon". ((tóu), of course, means "head") (Further sidenote: This is actually a bit of a pun/reference. Specifically, it is a reference to Bruce Lee, whose stage name was (Xiãolóng), or, "Little dragon". So Jackie's chosen stage name means both "become dragon", and "become [like] Bruce Lee") The other thing you need to know about Chinese is that we don't put spaces between terms in written text. What all this means is that the way you'd write "Icarvel into dragon heads" can be identical to the way you'd write "Icarvel Jackie Chan's head", and literally the only difference would be where you pause when you vocalise it: before lóngtóu, or after chénglóng. XD i think the chair turned out great 25 Funny Tumblr Posts to Make You Laughing Today
Funny, God, and Head: jumpingjacktrash:
 arrghigiveup:
 cimness:
 China's netizens are all in a twitter over the
 account of a carpenter who was
 commissioned to make a cinnabar red
 high-backed chair with the finials at the
 top to be "in the shape of dragons' heads"
 (chéng lóngtóu Unfortunately, he
 misinterpreted the directions to mean "lin
 the shape ofl Jackie Chan's head"
 ("Chénglóng tóu )
 (via Language Log
 Reanalysis, Jackie Chan
 edition)
 LMAO ok so to elaborate on this absolute gem,
 notice how the characters provided for "in the
 shape of dragons' heads" and "lin the shape of
 Jackie Chan's head" are identical? That wasn't a
 typo
 The thing you need to understand about
 Chinese names is that they all have meaning.
 And I don't mean that in the sense of "if you
 trace the etymology back through two
 languages it has its roots in a Hebrew phrase
 that means "God is my " that many
 Western names have. I mean that in the sense
 of "almost all of these words are still in regular
 use today and my parents very literally named
 me "pretty [and] wise" in Chinese.
 (Sidenote: This is why we get annoyed at made
 up 'Chinese' names that just pull two random
 vaguely Chinese-sounding syllables together. It
 is blindingly obvious when it's not a real name).
 (chéng) means "to become", "to turn into"
 L (lóng) is "dragon". Thus, Jackie Chan's
 Chinese stage name, (Chénglóng),
 literally means "become dragon". ((tóu), of
 course, means "head")
 (Further sidenote: This is actually a bit of a
 pun/reference. Specifically, it is a reference to
 Bruce Lee, whose stage name was
 (Xiãolóng), or, "Little dragon". So Jackie's
 chosen stage name means both "become
 dragon", and "become [like] Bruce Lee")
 The other thing you need to know about
 Chinese is that we don't put spaces between
 terms in written text.
 What all this means is that the way you'd
 write "Icarvel into dragon heads" can
 be identical to the way you'd write "Icarvel
 Jackie Chan's head", and literally the only
 difference would be where you pause when
 you vocalise it: before lóngtóu, or after
 chénglóng. XD
 i think the chair turned out great
25 Funny Tumblr Posts to Make You Laughing Today

25 Funny Tumblr Posts to Make You Laughing Today

Ass, Bitch, and Fucking: vialsofbrightforgettingpowders ALRIGHT MOTHERFUCKERS, TIME FOR SOME LEARNIN SO SIT OUR BITCH ASS DOWN AND GET OUT OUR NOTEPAD THIS SHIT RIGHT HERE IS SUGAR SCRUB. YEAH I KNOW YOUVE SEEN IT BEFORE BUT YOU DONT KNOW WHAT I KNOW AND THAT WHEN YOU USE IT WITH ONE OF THESE FUCKERS YOU WILL GET LEGS AND ARMS AND ANY OTHER SHIT YOU WANT THAT IS SO SOFT YOU WILL BE SHOVING IT IN THE FACE OF EVERYONE YOU KNOW AND ASKING THEM TO COMPARE IT TO THE TENDER PINK FLESH OF A NEWBORN sO GET YOURSELF SOME FUCKING WHITE SUGAR AND SOME CHEAP ASS OIL LIKE CANOLA OR SOME SHIT AND MIX THAT SHIT WITH TWO PARTS SUGAR AND ONE PART OIL( THAT MEANS TWICE AS MUCH SUGAR AS OIL BITCHES I USUALLY USE ONE CUP OF SUGAR AND DO SOME FUCKING MATH TO FIGURE OUT HOW MUCH OIL THAT IS) DROP A FEW DROPS OF VANILLA ESSENCE OR MAYBE SOME FUCKING LAVENDER OIL WHATEVER YOU WANNA SMELL LIKE. MIX IT UP REALLY GOOD MMMM SMELLS LIKE CAKE BATTER FUCK YEAH. NOW GET YOURSELF GOOD AND NAKED. REAL NAKED PAMPER YOUR GODDESS-LIKE ASS WITHA BUBBLE BATH. TAKE ONE OF THOSE RAZORS YOU GOT AND SHAVE WHATEVER YOU LIKE TO SHAVE LEGS ARMS VAJAYJAY PITS I DONT FUCKING CARE NOW GET OUT OF THAT GROSS HAIRY DIRT WATER AND SIT ON THE EDGE OF THAT THERE BATHTUB. TAKE A HANDFUL OF THAT SWEET GOOP AND RUB IT ALL OVER THAT SKIN OF YOURS(just dont use this stuff on or near your lady bits i put this in lower case because it is really important your love cavern does not like sugar uh uh no way its diabetic) RUB RUB RUB KEEP RUBBIN YEAH YOUR HANDS STARTING TO FEEL WEIRD GOOD BECAUSE ITS WORKING NOW TAKE THAT CHEAP-ASS DISPOSABLE RAZOR YOU HAVE AND SHAVE OFF THAT NASTY-ASS DEAD SKIN EWW ITS SO GROSS NO ITS NOT ITS YOUR OWN SKIN BUT ITS ALL GREY. RINSE OF THAT OILY STUFF BECAUSE YOUR SKIN AINT NO SLIP-N-SLIDE GOOD NOW FEEL YOUR NEWFOUND SOFT SKIN THAT WAS ONCE BURIED UNDER LAYERS OF DEAD FLAKES OF YOUR PAST SELF YOUR WELCOME MOTHERFUCKERS CLASS DISMISSED of only they taught beauty class like this Best description of sugar scrub ever.
Ass, Bitch, and Fucking: vialsofbrightforgettingpowders
 ALRIGHT MOTHERFUCKERS, TIME FOR SOME LEARNIN
 SO SIT OUR BITCH ASS DOWN AND GET OUT OUR
 NOTEPAD
 THIS SHIT RIGHT HERE IS SUGAR SCRUB. YEAH I KNOW
 YOUVE SEEN IT BEFORE BUT YOU DONT KNOW WHAT I
 KNOW AND THAT WHEN YOU USE IT WITH ONE OF THESE
 FUCKERS
 YOU WILL GET LEGS AND ARMS AND ANY OTHER SHIT
 YOU WANT THAT IS SO SOFT YOU WILL BE SHOVING IT IN
 THE FACE OF EVERYONE YOU KNOW AND ASKING THEM
 TO COMPARE IT TO THE TENDER PINK FLESH OF A
 NEWBORN
 sO GET YOURSELF SOME FUCKING WHITE SUGAR AND
 SOME CHEAP ASS OIL LIKE CANOLA OR SOME SHIT AND
 MIX THAT SHIT WITH TWO PARTS SUGAR AND ONE PART
 OIL( THAT MEANS TWICE AS MUCH SUGAR AS OIL
 BITCHES I USUALLY USE ONE CUP OF SUGAR AND DO
 SOME FUCKING MATH TO FIGURE OUT HOW MUCH OIL
 THAT IS) DROP A FEW DROPS OF VANILLA ESSENCE OR
 MAYBE SOME FUCKING LAVENDER OIL WHATEVER YOU
 WANNA SMELL LIKE. MIX IT UP REALLY GOOD MMMM
 SMELLS LIKE CAKE BATTER FUCK YEAH.
 NOW GET YOURSELF GOOD AND NAKED. REAL NAKED
 PAMPER YOUR GODDESS-LIKE ASS WITHA BUBBLE
 BATH. TAKE ONE OF THOSE RAZORS YOU GOT AND
 SHAVE WHATEVER YOU LIKE TO SHAVE LEGS ARMS
 VAJAYJAY PITS I DONT FUCKING CARE
 NOW GET OUT OF THAT GROSS HAIRY DIRT WATER AND
 SIT ON THE EDGE OF THAT THERE BATHTUB. TAKE A
 HANDFUL OF THAT SWEET GOOP AND RUB IT ALL OVER
 THAT SKIN OF YOURS(just dont use this stuff on or near
 your lady bits i put this in lower case because it is really
 important your love cavern does not like sugar uh uh no way
 its diabetic) RUB RUB RUB KEEP RUBBIN YEAH YOUR
 HANDS STARTING TO FEEL WEIRD GOOD BECAUSE ITS
 WORKING
 NOW TAKE THAT CHEAP-ASS DISPOSABLE RAZOR YOU
 HAVE AND SHAVE OFF THAT NASTY-ASS DEAD SKIN
 EWW ITS SO GROSS NO ITS NOT ITS YOUR OWN SKIN
 BUT ITS ALL GREY. RINSE OF THAT OILY STUFF
 BECAUSE YOUR SKIN AINT NO SLIP-N-SLIDE
 GOOD NOW FEEL YOUR NEWFOUND SOFT SKIN THAT
 WAS ONCE BURIED UNDER LAYERS OF DEAD FLAKES OF
 YOUR PAST SELF YOUR WELCOME MOTHERFUCKERS
 CLASS DISMISSED
 of only they taught beauty class like this
Best description of sugar scrub ever.

Best description of sugar scrub ever.