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Being Alone, Radio, and The Worst: |HOW TO CRASH-LAND A PLANE ON WATER These instructions apply to small passenger propeller planes (not commercial airliners). 1 Take your place at the controls. If the plane has dual controls, the pilot will be in the left seat. Sit on the right. If the plane has only one set of controls and the pilot is unconscious, remove the pilot from the pilot's seat. Securely fasten your seat belt. 2 Put on the radio headset (if there is one) and call for help. There will be a control button on the yoke (the plane's steering wheel) or a CB-like microphone on the instrument panel. Depress the button to talk release it to listen. Say "Mayday! Mayday!" and give your situation, destination, and plane call numbers (which should be printed on the top of the instru- ment panel). If you get no response, try again on the emergency channel, 121.5. The person on the other end should be able to talk you through proper landing procedures. If you cannot reach someone to talk you through the landing process, you will have to do it alone. beading airspeed indicator altimeter fuel gauge yoke throttle landing gear 3 Get your bearings and identify the instruments. YOKE. This is the steering wheel, and it should be in front of you. The yoke turns the plane and controls its pitch. Pull back on the column to bring the nose up, push forward to point it down. Turn it left to turn the plane left, turn it right to turn the plane right. The yoke is very sensitive-move it only an inch or two in either direction to turn the plane. While cruising, the nose of the plane should be about three inches below the horizon. ф awesomage: The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook: Man Skills
Being Alone, Radio, and The Worst: |HOW TO
 CRASH-LAND
 A PLANE ON WATER
 These instructions apply to small passenger propeller
 planes (not commercial airliners).
 1 Take your place at the controls.
 If the plane has dual controls, the pilot will be in the
 left seat. Sit on the right. If the plane has only one
 set of controls and the pilot is unconscious, remove
 the pilot from the pilot's seat. Securely fasten your
 seat belt.
 2 Put on the radio headset (if there is one) and call
 for help.
 There will be a control button on the yoke (the
 plane's steering wheel) or a CB-like microphone on
 the instrument panel. Depress the button to talk
 release it to listen. Say "Mayday! Mayday!" and give
 your situation, destination, and plane call numbers
 (which should be printed on the top of the instru-
 ment panel). If you get no response, try again on
 the emergency channel, 121.5. The person on the
 other end should be able to talk you through proper
 landing procedures. If you cannot reach someone to
 talk you through the landing process, you will have
 to do it alone.

 beading
 airspeed indicator
 altimeter
 fuel gauge
 yoke
 throttle
 landing gear
 3 Get your bearings and identify the instruments.
 YOKE. This is the steering wheel, and it should be in
 front of you. The yoke turns the plane and controls its
 pitch. Pull back on the column to bring the nose up,
 push forward to point it down. Turn it left to turn the
 plane left, turn it right to turn the plane right. The
 yoke is very sensitive-move it only an inch or two in
 either direction to turn the plane. While cruising, the
 nose of the plane should be about three inches below
 the horizon.
 ф
awesomage:

The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook: Man Skills

awesomage: The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook: Man Skills

Being Alone, Radio, and The Worst: |HOW TO CRASH-LAND A PLANE ON WATER These instructions apply to small passenger propeller planes (not commercial airliners). 1 Take your place at the controls. If the plane has dual controls, the pilot will be in the left seat. Sit on the right. If the plane has only one set of controls and the pilot is unconscious, remove the pilot from the pilot's seat. Securely fasten your seat belt. 2 Put on the radio headset (if there is one) and call for help. There will be a control button on the yoke (the plane's steering wheel) or a CB-like microphone on the instrument panel. Depress the button to talk release it to listen. Say "Mayday! Mayday!" and give your situation, destination, and plane call numbers (which should be printed on the top of the instru- ment panel). If you get no response, try again on the emergency channel, 121.5. The person on the other end should be able to talk you through proper landing procedures. If you cannot reach someone to talk you through the landing process, you will have to do it alone. beading airspeed indicator altimeter fuel gauge yoke throttle landing gear 3 Get your bearings and identify the instruments. YOKE. This is the steering wheel, and it should be in front of you. The yoke turns the plane and controls its pitch. Pull back on the column to bring the nose up, push forward to point it down. Turn it left to turn the plane left, turn it right to turn the plane right. The yoke is very sensitive-move it only an inch or two in either direction to turn the plane. While cruising, the nose of the plane should be about three inches below the horizon. ф awesomage: The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook: Man Skills
Being Alone, Radio, and The Worst: |HOW TO
 CRASH-LAND
 A PLANE ON WATER
 These instructions apply to small passenger propeller
 planes (not commercial airliners).
 1 Take your place at the controls.
 If the plane has dual controls, the pilot will be in the
 left seat. Sit on the right. If the plane has only one
 set of controls and the pilot is unconscious, remove
 the pilot from the pilot's seat. Securely fasten your
 seat belt.
 2 Put on the radio headset (if there is one) and call
 for help.
 There will be a control button on the yoke (the
 plane's steering wheel) or a CB-like microphone on
 the instrument panel. Depress the button to talk
 release it to listen. Say "Mayday! Mayday!" and give
 your situation, destination, and plane call numbers
 (which should be printed on the top of the instru-
 ment panel). If you get no response, try again on
 the emergency channel, 121.5. The person on the
 other end should be able to talk you through proper
 landing procedures. If you cannot reach someone to
 talk you through the landing process, you will have
 to do it alone.

 beading
 airspeed indicator
 altimeter
 fuel gauge
 yoke
 throttle
 landing gear
 3 Get your bearings and identify the instruments.
 YOKE. This is the steering wheel, and it should be in
 front of you. The yoke turns the plane and controls its
 pitch. Pull back on the column to bring the nose up,
 push forward to point it down. Turn it left to turn the
 plane left, turn it right to turn the plane right. The
 yoke is very sensitive-move it only an inch or two in
 either direction to turn the plane. While cruising, the
 nose of the plane should be about three inches below
 the horizon.
 ф
awesomage:

The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook: Man Skills

awesomage: The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook: Man Skills

Being Alone, Radio, and The Worst: |HOW TO CRASH-LAND A PLANE ON WATER These instructions apply to small passenger propeller planes (not commercial airliners). 1 Take your place at the controls. If the plane has dual controls, the pilot will be in the left seat. Sit on the right. If the plane has only one set of controls and the pilot is unconscious, remove the pilot from the pilot's seat. Securely fasten your seat belt. 2 Put on the radio headset (if there is one) and call for help. There will be a control button on the yoke (the plane's steering wheel) or a CB-like microphone on the instrument panel. Depress the button to talk release it to listen. Say "Mayday! Mayday!" and give your situation, destination, and plane call numbers (which should be printed on the top of the instru- ment panel). If you get no response, try again on the emergency channel, 121.5. The person on the other end should be able to talk you through proper landing procedures. If you cannot reach someone to talk you through the landing process, you will have to do it alone. beading airspeed indicator altimeter fuel gauge yoke throttle landing gear 3 Get your bearings and identify the instruments. YOKE. This is the steering wheel, and it should be in front of you. The yoke turns the plane and controls its pitch. Pull back on the column to bring the nose up, push forward to point it down. Turn it left to turn the plane left, turn it right to turn the plane right. The yoke is very sensitive-move it only an inch or two in either direction to turn the plane. While cruising, the nose of the plane should be about three inches below the horizon. ф awesomage: The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook: Man Skills
Being Alone, Radio, and The Worst: |HOW TO
 CRASH-LAND
 A PLANE ON WATER
 These instructions apply to small passenger propeller
 planes (not commercial airliners).
 1 Take your place at the controls.
 If the plane has dual controls, the pilot will be in the
 left seat. Sit on the right. If the plane has only one
 set of controls and the pilot is unconscious, remove
 the pilot from the pilot's seat. Securely fasten your
 seat belt.
 2 Put on the radio headset (if there is one) and call
 for help.
 There will be a control button on the yoke (the
 plane's steering wheel) or a CB-like microphone on
 the instrument panel. Depress the button to talk
 release it to listen. Say "Mayday! Mayday!" and give
 your situation, destination, and plane call numbers
 (which should be printed on the top of the instru-
 ment panel). If you get no response, try again on
 the emergency channel, 121.5. The person on the
 other end should be able to talk you through proper
 landing procedures. If you cannot reach someone to
 talk you through the landing process, you will have
 to do it alone.

 beading
 airspeed indicator
 altimeter
 fuel gauge
 yoke
 throttle
 landing gear
 3 Get your bearings and identify the instruments.
 YOKE. This is the steering wheel, and it should be in
 front of you. The yoke turns the plane and controls its
 pitch. Pull back on the column to bring the nose up,
 push forward to point it down. Turn it left to turn the
 plane left, turn it right to turn the plane right. The
 yoke is very sensitive-move it only an inch or two in
 either direction to turn the plane. While cruising, the
 nose of the plane should be about three inches below
 the horizon.
 ф
awesomage:

The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook: Man Skills

awesomage: The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook: Man Skills

Being Alone, Radio, and The Worst: |HOW TO CRASH-LAND A PLANE ON WATER These instructions apply to small passenger propeller planes (not commercial airliners). 1 Take your place at the controls. If the plane has dual controls, the pilot will be in the left seat. Sit on the right. If the plane has only one set of controls and the pilot is unconscious, remove the pilot from the pilot's seat. Securely fasten your seat belt. 2 Put on the radio headset (if there is one) and call for help. There will be a control button on the yoke (the plane's steering wheel) or a CB-like microphone on the instrument panel. Depress the button to talk release it to listen. Say "Mayday! Mayday!" and give your situation, destination, and plane call numbers (which should be printed on the top of the instru- ment panel). If you get no response, try again on the emergency channel, 121.5. The person on the other end should be able to talk you through proper landing procedures. If you cannot reach someone to talk you through the landing process, you will have to do it alone. beading airspeed indicator altimeter fuel gauge yoke throttle landing gear 3 Get your bearings and identify the instruments. YOKE. This is the steering wheel, and it should be in front of you. The yoke turns the plane and controls its pitch. Pull back on the column to bring the nose up, push forward to point it down. Turn it left to turn the plane left, turn it right to turn the plane right. The yoke is very sensitive-move it only an inch or two in either direction to turn the plane. While cruising, the nose of the plane should be about three inches below the horizon. ф awesomage: The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook: Man Skills
Being Alone, Radio, and The Worst: |HOW TO
 CRASH-LAND
 A PLANE ON WATER
 These instructions apply to small passenger propeller
 planes (not commercial airliners).
 1 Take your place at the controls.
 If the plane has dual controls, the pilot will be in the
 left seat. Sit on the right. If the plane has only one
 set of controls and the pilot is unconscious, remove
 the pilot from the pilot's seat. Securely fasten your
 seat belt.
 2 Put on the radio headset (if there is one) and call
 for help.
 There will be a control button on the yoke (the
 plane's steering wheel) or a CB-like microphone on
 the instrument panel. Depress the button to talk
 release it to listen. Say "Mayday! Mayday!" and give
 your situation, destination, and plane call numbers
 (which should be printed on the top of the instru-
 ment panel). If you get no response, try again on
 the emergency channel, 121.5. The person on the
 other end should be able to talk you through proper
 landing procedures. If you cannot reach someone to
 talk you through the landing process, you will have
 to do it alone.

 beading
 airspeed indicator
 altimeter
 fuel gauge
 yoke
 throttle
 landing gear
 3 Get your bearings and identify the instruments.
 YOKE. This is the steering wheel, and it should be in
 front of you. The yoke turns the plane and controls its
 pitch. Pull back on the column to bring the nose up,
 push forward to point it down. Turn it left to turn the
 plane left, turn it right to turn the plane right. The
 yoke is very sensitive-move it only an inch or two in
 either direction to turn the plane. While cruising, the
 nose of the plane should be about three inches below
 the horizon.
 ф
awesomage:

The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook: Man Skills

awesomage: The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook: Man Skills

Being Alone, Radio, and The Worst: |HOW TO CRASH-LAND A PLANE ON WATER These instructions apply to small passenger propeller planes (not commercial airliners). 1 Take your place at the controls. If the plane has dual controls, the pilot will be in the left seat. Sit on the right. If the plane has only one set of controls and the pilot is unconscious, remove the pilot from the pilot's seat. Securely fasten your seat belt. 2 Put on the radio headset (if there is one) and call for help. There will be a control button on the yoke (the plane's steering wheel) or a CB-like microphone on the instrument panel. Depress the button to talk release it to listen. Say "Mayday! Mayday!" and give your situation, destination, and plane call numbers (which should be printed on the top of the instru- ment panel). If you get no response, try again on the emergency channel, 121.5. The person on the other end should be able to talk you through proper landing procedures. If you cannot reach someone to talk you through the landing process, you will have to do it alone. beading airspeed indicator altimeter fuel gauge yoke throttle landing gear 3 Get your bearings and identify the instruments. YOKE. This is the steering wheel, and it should be in front of you. The yoke turns the plane and controls its pitch. Pull back on the column to bring the nose up, push forward to point it down. Turn it left to turn the plane left, turn it right to turn the plane right. The yoke is very sensitive-move it only an inch or two in either direction to turn the plane. While cruising, the nose of the plane should be about three inches below the horizon. ф awesomage: The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook: Man Skills
Being Alone, Radio, and The Worst: |HOW TO
 CRASH-LAND
 A PLANE ON WATER
 These instructions apply to small passenger propeller
 planes (not commercial airliners).
 1 Take your place at the controls.
 If the plane has dual controls, the pilot will be in the
 left seat. Sit on the right. If the plane has only one
 set of controls and the pilot is unconscious, remove
 the pilot from the pilot's seat. Securely fasten your
 seat belt.
 2 Put on the radio headset (if there is one) and call
 for help.
 There will be a control button on the yoke (the
 plane's steering wheel) or a CB-like microphone on
 the instrument panel. Depress the button to talk
 release it to listen. Say "Mayday! Mayday!" and give
 your situation, destination, and plane call numbers
 (which should be printed on the top of the instru-
 ment panel). If you get no response, try again on
 the emergency channel, 121.5. The person on the
 other end should be able to talk you through proper
 landing procedures. If you cannot reach someone to
 talk you through the landing process, you will have
 to do it alone.

 beading
 airspeed indicator
 altimeter
 fuel gauge
 yoke
 throttle
 landing gear
 3 Get your bearings and identify the instruments.
 YOKE. This is the steering wheel, and it should be in
 front of you. The yoke turns the plane and controls its
 pitch. Pull back on the column to bring the nose up,
 push forward to point it down. Turn it left to turn the
 plane left, turn it right to turn the plane right. The
 yoke is very sensitive-move it only an inch or two in
 either direction to turn the plane. While cruising, the
 nose of the plane should be about three inches below
 the horizon.
 ф
awesomage:

The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook: Man Skills

awesomage: The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook: Man Skills

Bailey Jay, Funny, and Target: FedEX HumOr Fedx FedEx FedEx After every flight, FEDEX pilots fill out a form, known as a "gripe sheet to tell mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics fix the problem, and then document their repairs on the form. Here are some actual maintenance problems submitted by the pilots (marked with a "P") and the solutions recorded (marked by an "S")by maintenance engineers, who by the way have a sense of humor: P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement. S: Left inside main tire almost replaced. P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft. P: Something loose in cockpit S: Something tightened in cockpit P: Dead bugs on windshield S: Live bugs on back order. P: Auto pilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent. S: Can't reproduce problem on the ground. P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear. S: Evidence removed P: DME volume unbelievably loud S: DME voulme set more believeable level. P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick S: That's what friction locks are for P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode. S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode. P: Suspect crack in windshield. S: Suspect you're right. P: Number 3 engine missing. S: Engine found on right wing after brief search. P: Aircraft handles funny. S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious. P: Target radar hums. S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics. P: Mouse in cockpit S: Cat installed in cockpit. P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer S: Took hammer away from midget. srsfunny:The Fedex Pilots Gripe Sheet
Bailey Jay, Funny, and Target: FedEX
 HumOr
 Fedx
 FedEx
 FedEx
 After every flight, FEDEX pilots fill out a form, known
 as a "gripe sheet to tell mechanics about problems
 with the aircraft. The mechanics fix the problem, and
 then document their repairs on the form.
 Here are some actual maintenance problems submitted
 by the pilots (marked with a "P") and the solutions
 recorded (marked by an "S")by maintenance
 engineers, who by the way have a sense of humor:
 P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
 S: Left inside main tire almost replaced.
 P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough
 S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
 P: Something loose in cockpit
 S: Something tightened in cockpit
 P: Dead bugs on windshield
 S: Live bugs on back order.
 P: Auto pilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200
 feet per minute descent.
 S: Can't reproduce problem on the ground.
 P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
 S: Evidence removed
 P: DME volume unbelievably loud
 S: DME voulme set more believeable level.
 P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick
 S: That's what friction locks are for
 P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
 S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
 P: Suspect crack in windshield.
 S: Suspect you're right.
 P: Number 3 engine missing.
 S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
 P: Aircraft handles funny.
 S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and
 be serious.
 P: Target radar hums.
 S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
 P: Mouse in cockpit
 S: Cat installed in cockpit.
 P: Noise coming from under instrument panel.
 Sounds like a midget pounding on something
 with a hammer
 S: Took hammer away from midget.
srsfunny:The Fedex Pilots Gripe Sheet

srsfunny:The Fedex Pilots Gripe Sheet

Bailey Jay, Funny, and Target: After every flight, FedEx pilots fill out a form, known as a gripe sheet" to tell mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics fix the problem, and then document their repairs on the form. Here are some actual maintenance problems submitted by the pilots (marked with a "P") and the solutions recorded (marked by an "S") by maintenance engineers, who by the way have a sense if humour. P. Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement. S: Left inside main tyre almost replaced. P Test flight OK, auto-land very rough. S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft. P Something loose in cockpit. S: Something tightened in cockpit. P Dead bugs on windshield. S: Live bugs on back order. P. Auto pilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent. S: Can't reproduce problem on the ground P. Evidence of leak on right main landing gear. S: Evidence removed. P DME volume unbelievably loud. S: DME volume set to more believable level P Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick. S: That's what friction locks are for. P IFF inoperative in OFF mode. S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode. P Suspect crack in windshield. S: Suspect you're right. P Number 3 engine missing S: Engine found on right wing after brief search P Aircraft handles funny S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious. P Target radar hums S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics. P Mouse in cockpit. S: Cat installed in cockpit. P. Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer. s: Took hammer away from midget. CABAGE or DAMAGE
Bailey Jay, Funny, and Target: After every flight, FedEx pilots fill out a form, known as a
 gripe sheet" to tell mechanics about problems with the
 aircraft. The mechanics fix the problem, and then
 document their repairs on the form.
 Here are some actual maintenance problems submitted by
 the pilots (marked with a "P") and the solutions recorded
 (marked by an "S") by maintenance engineers, who by the
 way have a sense if humour.
 P. Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement.
 S: Left inside main tyre almost replaced.
 P Test flight OK, auto-land very rough.
 S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
 P Something loose in cockpit.
 S: Something tightened in cockpit.
 P Dead bugs on windshield.
 S: Live bugs on back order.
 P. Auto pilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per
 minute descent.
 S: Can't reproduce problem on the ground
 P. Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
 S: Evidence removed.
 P DME volume unbelievably loud.
 S: DME volume set to more believable level
 P Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
 S: That's what friction locks are for.
 P IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
 S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
 P Suspect crack in windshield.
 S: Suspect you're right.
 P Number 3 engine missing
 S: Engine found on right wing after brief search
 P Aircraft handles funny
 S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious.
 P Target radar hums
 S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
 P Mouse in cockpit.
 S: Cat installed in cockpit.
 P. Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like
 a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
 s: Took hammer away from midget.
CABAGE or DAMAGE

CABAGE or DAMAGE

Bailey Jay, Club, and Funny: FedEX HumOr Fedx FedEx FedEx After every flight, FEDEX pilots fill out a form, known as a "gripe sheet to tell mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics fix the problem, and then document their repairs on the form. Here are some actual maintenance problems submitted by the pilots (marked with a "P") and the solutions recorded (marked by an "S")by maintenance engineers, who by the way have a sense of humor: P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement. S: Left inside main tire almost replaced. P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft. P: Something loose in cockpit S: Something tightened in cockpit P: Dead bugs on windshield S: Live bugs on back order. P: Auto pilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent. S: Can't reproduce problem on the ground. P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear. S: Evidence removed P: DME volume unbelievably loud S: DME voulme set more believeable level. P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick S: That's what friction locks are for P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode. S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode. P: Suspect crack in windshield. S: Suspect you're right. P: Number 3 engine missing. S: Engine found on right wing after brief search. P: Aircraft handles funny. S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious. P: Target radar hums. S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics. P: Mouse in cockpit S: Cat installed in cockpit. P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer S: Took hammer away from midget. laughoutloud-club: The Fedex Pilots Gripe Sheet
Bailey Jay, Club, and Funny: FedEX
 HumOr
 Fedx
 FedEx
 FedEx
 After every flight, FEDEX pilots fill out a form, known
 as a "gripe sheet to tell mechanics about problems
 with the aircraft. The mechanics fix the problem, and
 then document their repairs on the form.
 Here are some actual maintenance problems submitted
 by the pilots (marked with a "P") and the solutions
 recorded (marked by an "S")by maintenance
 engineers, who by the way have a sense of humor:
 P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
 S: Left inside main tire almost replaced.
 P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough
 S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
 P: Something loose in cockpit
 S: Something tightened in cockpit
 P: Dead bugs on windshield
 S: Live bugs on back order.
 P: Auto pilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200
 feet per minute descent.
 S: Can't reproduce problem on the ground.
 P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
 S: Evidence removed
 P: DME volume unbelievably loud
 S: DME voulme set more believeable level.
 P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick
 S: That's what friction locks are for
 P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
 S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
 P: Suspect crack in windshield.
 S: Suspect you're right.
 P: Number 3 engine missing.
 S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
 P: Aircraft handles funny.
 S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and
 be serious.
 P: Target radar hums.
 S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
 P: Mouse in cockpit
 S: Cat installed in cockpit.
 P: Noise coming from under instrument panel.
 Sounds like a midget pounding on something
 with a hammer
 S: Took hammer away from midget.
laughoutloud-club:

The Fedex Pilots Gripe Sheet

laughoutloud-club: The Fedex Pilots Gripe Sheet

Club, Funny, and Target: FedEX HumOr Fedx FedEx FedEx After every flight, FEDEX pilots fill out a form, known as a "gripe sheet to tell mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics fix the problem, and then document their repairs on the form. Here are some actual maintenance problems submitted by the pilots (marked with a "P") and the solutions recorded (marked by an "S")by maintenance engineers, who by the way have a sense of humor: P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement. S: Left inside main tire almost replaced. P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft. P: Something loose in cockpit S: Something tightened in cockpit P: Dead bugs on windshield S: Live bugs on back order. P: Auto pilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent. S: Can't reproduce problem on the ground. P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear. S: Evidence removed P: DME volume unbelievably loud S: DME voulme set more believeable level. P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick S: That's what friction locks are for P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode. S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode. P: Suspect crack in windshield. S: Suspect you're right. P: Number 3 engine missing. S: Engine found on right wing after brief search. P: Aircraft handles funny. S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious. P: Target radar hums. S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics. P: Mouse in cockpit S: Cat installed in cockpit. P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer S: Took hammer away from midget. laughoutloud-club: The Fedex Pilots Gripe Sheet
Club, Funny, and Target: FedEX
 HumOr
 Fedx
 FedEx
 FedEx
 After every flight, FEDEX pilots fill out a form, known
 as a "gripe sheet to tell mechanics about problems
 with the aircraft. The mechanics fix the problem, and
 then document their repairs on the form.
 Here are some actual maintenance problems submitted
 by the pilots (marked with a "P") and the solutions
 recorded (marked by an "S")by maintenance
 engineers, who by the way have a sense of humor:
 P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
 S: Left inside main tire almost replaced.
 P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough
 S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
 P: Something loose in cockpit
 S: Something tightened in cockpit
 P: Dead bugs on windshield
 S: Live bugs on back order.
 P: Auto pilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200
 feet per minute descent.
 S: Can't reproduce problem on the ground.
 P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
 S: Evidence removed
 P: DME volume unbelievably loud
 S: DME voulme set more believeable level.
 P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick
 S: That's what friction locks are for
 P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
 S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
 P: Suspect crack in windshield.
 S: Suspect you're right.
 P: Number 3 engine missing.
 S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
 P: Aircraft handles funny.
 S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and
 be serious.
 P: Target radar hums.
 S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
 P: Mouse in cockpit
 S: Cat installed in cockpit.
 P: Noise coming from under instrument panel.
 Sounds like a midget pounding on something
 with a hammer
 S: Took hammer away from midget.
laughoutloud-club:

The Fedex Pilots Gripe Sheet

laughoutloud-club: The Fedex Pilots Gripe Sheet

Bailey Jay, Funny, and Target: FedEx HumOr Fed x fedEx FedEx After every flight, FEDEX pilots fill out a form, known as a "gripe sheet" to tell mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics fix the problem, and then document their repairs on the form. Here are some actual maintenance problems submitted by the pilots (marked with a "P") and the solutions recorded (marked by an "S")by maintenance engineers, who by the way have a sense of humor: P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement. S: Left inside main tire almost replaced. P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough. S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft. P: Something loose in cockpit S: Something tightened in cockpit P: Dead bugs on windshield S: Live bugs on back order. P: Auto pilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent. S: Can't reproduce problem on the ground P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear S: Evidence removed. P: DME volume unbelievably loud. S: DME voulme set more believeable level P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick S: That's what friction locks are for. P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode. S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode. P: Suspect crack in windshield S: Suspect you're right. P: Number 3 engine missing S: Engine found on right wing after brief search. P: Aircraft handles funny. S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious. P: Target radar hums. S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics. P: Mouse in cockpit S: Cat installed in cockpit. P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer S: Took hammer away from midget.
Bailey Jay, Funny, and Target: FedEx
 HumOr
 Fed x
 fedEx
 FedEx
 After every flight, FEDEX pilots fill out a form, known
 as a "gripe sheet" to tell mechanics about problems
 with the aircraft. The mechanics fix the problem, and
 then document their repairs on the form.
 Here are some actual maintenance problems submitted
 by the pilots (marked with a "P") and the solutions
 recorded (marked by an "S")by maintenance
 engineers, who by the way have a sense of humor:
 P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
 S: Left inside main tire almost replaced.
 P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
 S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
 P: Something loose in cockpit
 S: Something tightened in cockpit
 P: Dead bugs on windshield
 S: Live bugs on back order.
 P: Auto pilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200
 feet per minute descent.
 S: Can't reproduce problem on the ground
 P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear
 S: Evidence removed.
 P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
 S: DME voulme set more believeable level
 P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick
 S: That's what friction locks are for.
 P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
 S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
 P: Suspect crack in windshield
 S: Suspect you're right.
 P: Number 3 engine missing
 S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
 P: Aircraft handles funny.
 S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and
 be serious.
 P: Target radar hums.
 S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
 P: Mouse in cockpit
 S: Cat installed in cockpit.
 P: Noise coming from under instrument panel.
 Sounds like a midget pounding on something
 with a hammer
 S: Took hammer away from midget.
Bailey Jay, Funny, and Target: FedEx HumOr Fed x fedEx FedEx After every flight, FEDEX pilots fill out a form, known as a "gripe sheet" to tell mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics fix the problem, and then document their repairs on the form. Here are some actual maintenance problems submitted by the pilots (marked with a "P") and the solutions recorded (marked by an "S")by maintenance engineers, who by the way have a sense of humor: P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement. S: Left inside main tire almost replaced. P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough. S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft. P: Something loose in cockpit S: Something tightened in cockpit P: Dead bugs on windshield S: Live bugs on back order. P: Auto pilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent. S: Can't reproduce problem on the ground P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear S: Evidence removed. P: DME volume unbelievably loud. S: DME voulme set more believeable level P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick S: That's what friction locks are for. P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode. S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode. P: Suspect crack in windshield S: Suspect you're right. P: Number 3 engine missing S: Engine found on right wing after brief search. P: Aircraft handles funny. S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious. P: Target radar hums. S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics. P: Mouse in cockpit S: Cat installed in cockpit. P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer S: Took hammer away from midget.
Bailey Jay, Funny, and Target: FedEx
 HumOr
 Fed x
 fedEx
 FedEx
 After every flight, FEDEX pilots fill out a form, known
 as a "gripe sheet" to tell mechanics about problems
 with the aircraft. The mechanics fix the problem, and
 then document their repairs on the form.
 Here are some actual maintenance problems submitted
 by the pilots (marked with a "P") and the solutions
 recorded (marked by an "S")by maintenance
 engineers, who by the way have a sense of humor:
 P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
 S: Left inside main tire almost replaced.
 P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
 S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
 P: Something loose in cockpit
 S: Something tightened in cockpit
 P: Dead bugs on windshield
 S: Live bugs on back order.
 P: Auto pilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200
 feet per minute descent.
 S: Can't reproduce problem on the ground
 P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear
 S: Evidence removed.
 P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
 S: DME voulme set more believeable level
 P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick
 S: That's what friction locks are for.
 P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
 S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
 P: Suspect crack in windshield
 S: Suspect you're right.
 P: Number 3 engine missing
 S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
 P: Aircraft handles funny.
 S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and
 be serious.
 P: Target radar hums.
 S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
 P: Mouse in cockpit
 S: Cat installed in cockpit.
 P: Noise coming from under instrument panel.
 Sounds like a midget pounding on something
 with a hammer
 S: Took hammer away from midget.