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Bad, Bad Jokes, and Beautiful: HE <p><a href="http://lastsonlost.tumblr.com/post/172136795052/theindependentconservative-lastsonlost" class="tumblr_blog">lastsonlost</a>:</p> <blockquote><p><a href="https://theindependentconservative.tumblr.com/post/172134527769/lastsonlost-heatandapathy" class="tumblr_blog">theindependentconservative</a>:</p> <blockquote><p><a href="http://lastsonlost.tumblr.com/post/172106090152/heatandapathy-concentrated-sunshine" class="tumblr_blog">lastsonlost</a>:</p><blockquote> <p><a href="https://heatandapathy.tumblr.com/post/172104814701/concentrated-sunshine-shitty-metta-mun" class="tumblr_blog">heatandapathy</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a href="https://concentrated-sunshine.tumblr.com/post/172103863265/shitty-metta-mun-goose-juggler-gservator" class="tumblr_blog">concentrated-sunshine</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a href="https://shitty-metta-mun.tumblr.com/post/172103123563/goose-juggler-gservator-hott-dogg-mann" class="tumblr_blog">shitty-metta-mun</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a href="http://goose-juggler.tumblr.com/post/172102081416/gservator-hott-dogg-mann-lastsonlost" class="tumblr_blog">goose-juggler</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a href="http://gservator.tumblr.com/post/172101816471/hott-dogg-mann-lastsonlost" class="tumblr_blog">gservator</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a href="http://hott-dogg-mann.tumblr.com/post/172095533311/lastsonlost-wanderingberserker-lastsonlost" class="tumblr_blog">hott-dogg-mann</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a href="http://lastsonlost.tumblr.com/post/172094764907/wanderingberserker-lastsonlost-speaking-of" class="tumblr_blog">lastsonlost</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a href="http://wanderingberserker.tumblr.com/post/172094692137/lastsonlost-speaking-of-jokes-and-nazis-with" class="tumblr_blog">wanderingberserker</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a href="http://lastsonlost.tumblr.com/post/172094647642/speaking-of-jokes-and-nazis-with-comedy-we-can" class="tumblr_blog">lastsonlost</a>:</p> <blockquote> <h2>Speaking of jokes and Nazis….</h2> <figure class="tmblr-full" data-orig-height="370" data-orig-width="718"><img src="https://78.media.tumblr.com/dffd11705aa681a806c2914d89e712d2/tumblr_inline_p5xi80MvlQ1sp5650_500.jpg" data-orig-height="370" data-orig-width="718"/></figure><h1><b>“With Comedy, We Can Rob Hitler of his Posthumous Power”</b></h1> <p>Jewish comic actor Mel Brooks talks about Hitler as a comical character, the limits of humor and his latest film “The Producers,” which hits screens in Germany and other European countries (that week in 2006.)</p> <p><b>SPIEGEL:</b></p> <p>Mr. Brooks, almost all the rogues in your film have moustaches. Is that the long shadow of Hitler?</p> <p><b>Brooks:</b> You must be joking! Rogues on the screen were already wearing moustaches when Hitler was still running around in short trousers. A cinema villain essentially needs a moustache so he can twiddle with it gleefully as he cooks up his next nasty plan. So Hitler’s incomplete moustache would never have been enough for that.</p> <p><b>SPIEGEL:</b> Your new comedy “The Producers” is set at the end of the 1950s on Broadway and concerns a Nazi musical that breaks box office records. It shows a dancing and singing Hitler. Isn’t that a bit tasteless?</p> <p><b>Brooks:</b> Of course. But it’s also funny, isn’t it? The film revolves around a Broadway producer who, for financial and technical reasons, wants to produce a flop. After he turns down the chance to adapt Kafka’s “The Metamorphosis,” he comes up with the idea of creating a musical about Hitler, produced by the lousiest director in the city, cast with the worst actors by far -– in the middle of the Jewish metropolis of New York. He’s sure it won’t work. Yet because the audience considers the piece to be a brilliant parody, his worst fears are realized, it’s a hit. “The Producers” therefore deals with the difficulty of having a flop. </p> <p><b>SPIEGEL:</b> Which you of course know well yourself. “The Producers” is based on a musical that you produced that ran successfully on Broadway for five years and also on the film “The Producers” that you shot in 1967. How did the audience react to the film back then?</p> <p><b>Brooks:</b> The Jews were horrified. I received resentful letters of protest, saying things like: “How can you make jokes about Hitler? The man murdered 6 million Jews.“ But “The Producers” doesn’t concern a concentration camp or the Holocaust. </p> <p><b>SPIEGEL:</b> Can you really separate Hitler from the Holocaust?</p> <p><b>Brooks:</b> You have to separate it. For example, Roberto Benigni’s comedy “Life Is Beautiful” really annoyed me. A crazy film that even attempted to find comedy in a concentration camp. It showed the barracks in which Jews were kept like cattle, and it made jokes about it. The philosophy of the film is: people can get over anything. No, they can’t. They can’t get over a concentration camp.</p> <p><b>SPIEGEL:</b> But the film has deeply moved a lot of people.</p> <p><b>Brooks:</b> I always asked myself: Tell me, Roberto, are you nuts? You didn’t lose any relatives in the Holocaust, you’re not even Jewish. You really don’t understand what it’s all about. The Americans were incredibly thrilled to discover from him that it wasn’t all that bad in the concentration camps after all. And that’s why they immediately pressed an Oscar into his hand. </p> <p><b>SPIEGEL:</b> So there are limits to humor?</p> <p><b>Brooks:</b> Definitely. In 1974, I produced the western parody “Blazing Saddles,” in which the word “nigger” was used constantly. But I would never have thought of the idea of showing how a black was lynched. It’s only funny when he escapes getting sent to the gallows. You can laugh at Hitler because you can cut him down to normal size.</p> <p><b>SPIEGEL:</b> Can you also get your revenge on him by using comedy?</p> <p><b>Brooks:</b> Yes, absolutely. Of course it is impossible to take revenge for 6 million murdered Jews. But by using the medium of comedy, we can try to rob Hitler of his posthumous power and myths. In doing so, we should remember that Hitler did have some talents. He was able to fool an entire population into letting him be their leader. However, this role was basically a few numbers too great for him –- but he simply covered over this deficiency.</p> <p><b>SPIEGEL:</b> Was he a good actor?</p> <p><b>Brooks:</b> Yes, as he convinced many millions of Germans. It’s not without good reason that comedies about Hitler often concern actors who should play him. Just think about Charlie Chaplin’s “The Great Dictator” (1940) or Ernst Lubitsch’s “To Be or not To Be” (1942). There’s no doubt about it, Hitler worked in the same branch as we do: he created illusions. </p> <p><b>SPIEGEL:</b> In a documentary film about the downfall of the German battleship the Bismarck, US director James Cameron referred to Hitler as the “greatest pop star of his time.“</p> <p><b>Brooks:</b> There’s something in that. Hitler must have had a magnetic attractive force, like a rock star he used his voice to spellbind umpteen thousands of listeners. So it’s only fitting when comic actors make him the limelight hog of world history. We take away from him the holy seriousness that always surrounded him and protected him like a cordon.</p> <p><br/></p> <p><b>SPIEGEL:</b> You yourself fought against the Nazis in Europe in 1945 and came to Berlin just after the end of the war and stayed there for eight months. Could you still feel much of a Hitler reverence?</p> <p><b>Brooks:</b> Everywhere you went you could sense a great relief that the war was finally over. I myself was shaken by the extent of the destruction. When we were transporting away a few prisoners of war in a train, I discovered an old man who looked like my grandfather. He suddenly leaped out of the carriage. I took my rifle and aimed at him. He called (Brooks says in German): “Don’t shoot, I have to shit”. Most of the Germans who survived the war were just poor simple people. Was National Socialism ever taught in German schools?</p> <p><b>SPIEGEL:</b> Yes, and in great detail.</p> <p><b>Brooks:</b> That is comforting to know. When you come to Germany as a Jew you have an uneasy feeling, but I’ve always felt okay in Berlin. It was there that I saw Brecht and Weill’s “Three Penny Opera” and was totally crazy about this kind of musical theater. </p> <p><br/></p> <p><b>SPIEGEL:</b> Have you seen Oliver Hirschbiegels’s film “Downfall”?</p> <p><b>Brooks:</b> Yes, and I thought it was excellent. It shows us Hitler’s self destruction. While Goebbels was idolizing Hitler as the new Christ, like the salvation in the flesh, he was decaying before our very eyes – and all that was needed to illustrate this was a shot of his trembling hand.  </p> <p><b>SPIEGEL:</b> Don’t you think the film humanizes Hitler too much?</p> <p><b>Brooks:</b> No, it doesn’t arouse the slightest bit of sympathy for Hitler. It shows a man who went mad. Let’s face it; he too started off as a small, innocent baby. His monstrous grimace comes across all the more startling when you can sense the paltry remains of his human nature.</p> <p><b>SPIEGEL:</b> Was Hitler funny? Would you have been able to make him laugh?</p> <p><b>Brooks:</b> I have no delusions of grandeur. Hitler would definitely not have smacked himself on the thigh and cried out (Brooks says in German): “What fantastic fun.“ If he had found something funny you’d probably see at the most a flinch in the corner of his mouth.  </p> <p><b>SPIEGEL:</b> You yourself played Hitler in 1983 in your remake of the film “To Be or not To Be”…</p> <figure class="tmblr-full" data-orig-height="130" data-orig-width="240"><img src="https://78.media.tumblr.com/054ed98db8d99065bb0c2d5edafdf864/tumblr_inline_p5xi81rWN21sp5650_500.gif" data-orig-height="130" data-orig-width="240"/></figure><p><b>Brooks:</b> … and I also gave him my voice in a song in “The Producers”.</p> <p><b>SPIEGEL:</b> How does it feel for a <b>JEW</b> to slip into the skin of his greatest enemy?  </p> <p><b>Brooks:</b> It is an inverted seizure of power. For many years Hitler was the most powerful man in the world and almost destroyed us. </p> <h2>To posses this power and turn it against him -– it is simply alluring. </h2> <p><i>Interview conducted by Lars-Olav Beier.</i></p> <h2>&lt;Imagine being able to stand up to Great Evil by laughing in its face.</h2> <figure class="tmblr-full" data-orig-height="118" data-orig-width="210"><img src="https://78.media.tumblr.com/a79626891f6befc1cdd796f032952869/tumblr_inline_p5xi808Qxb1sp5650_500.gif" data-orig-height="118" data-orig-width="210"/></figure><p>Meanwhile the UK is going full Orwell.</p> <p>What I wouldn’t give for a Mel Brooks to lead Lewis Black Jerry Seinfeld Richard Lewis Larry David Jon Stewart Billy Crystal Ben &amp; Jerry Stiller Garry Shandling Sacha Baron Cohen Lisa Lampanelli and Robert Klein in a conga line of Nazi jokes outside of British Parliament.</p> <p>I’m not really going anywhere with this but I just think it would be hilarious. </p> <p>Also such an event would need a proper host and I can only think of one choice.</p> <figure class="tmblr-full" data-orig-height="134" data-orig-width="240"><img src="https://78.media.tumblr.com/bec1c6c06b335123340a94175c5b2cfa/tumblr_inline_p5xi82H2BL1sp5650_500.gif" data-orig-height="134" data-orig-width="240"/></figure></blockquote> <p>Personal favorite will ALWAYS be John Cleese…</p> <figure class="tmblr-embed tmblr-full" data-provider="youtube" data-orig-width="459" data-orig-height="344" data-url="https%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DvlmGknvr_Pg"><iframe width="540" height="405" id="youtube_iframe" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/vlmGknvr_Pg?feature=oembed&amp;enablejsapi=1&amp;origin=https://safe.txmblr.com&amp;wmode=opaque" frameborder="0" allow="autoplay; encrypted-media" allowfullscreen=""></iframe></figure></blockquote> <p>Always.</p> </blockquote> <p>Mel Brooks is my hero but that black Hitler joke MADE MY FUCKING DAY</p> </blockquote> <figure class="tmblr-full" data-orig-height="598" data-orig-width="649"><img src="https://78.media.tumblr.com/741893db579a951a6efa891de4345bf4/tumblr_inline_p5y292RoPA1rkd5oa_500.jpg" data-orig-height="598" data-orig-width="649"/></figure></blockquote> <p>Cameron Pierce “Ass Goblins of Auschwitz” is a bizarre fiction book that turns the SS into walking asses.</p> </blockquote> <p>always mock hitler. always.</p> </blockquote> <figure class="tmblr-embed tmblr-full" data-provider="youtube" data-orig-width="459" data-orig-height="344" data-url="https%3A%2F%2Fyoutu.be%2F8c1GhbpObv0"><iframe width="540" height="405" id="youtube_iframe" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/8c1GhbpObv0?feature=oembed&amp;enablejsapi=1&amp;origin=https://safe.txmblr.com&amp;wmode=opaque" frameborder="0" allow="autoplay; encrypted-media" allowfullscreen=""></iframe></figure></blockquote> <p>People keep forgetting the power of humor. </p> </blockquote> <p>They are too busy being addicted to outrage. </p> <h2><b><i>On an unrelated note………</i></b></h2> <figure class="tmblr-full" data-orig-height="215" data-orig-width="500"><img src="https://78.media.tumblr.com/2c5f7fba5d805164566b53ee88ee94fb/tumblr_inline_p5ya7pSA2A1sp5650_540.gif" data-orig-height="215" data-orig-width="500"/></figure><p>Its all about the  Brooks baby.</p> </blockquote> <p>Thank God Brooks made the movies when he did, they’d never be made today.</p></blockquote> <p>Laughter is a very powerful weapon against rage hatred and madness and even more powerful tool of love and healing.</p><p>Most kids don’t get that when they’re making angry bitter hateful bad jokes as a “ coping mechanism”. Coping isn’t feeding the poison in your heart. Coping it’s simply coming to terms with it well real healing tries to clean that poison from your very soul.</p></blockquote> <p>Make jokes about Nazis. Make fun of Nazis. Make jokes about Hitler. Mock Nazis. That robs them of their power. Being too afraid to speak of them only makes them feel stronger.</p><p>“Fear of a name increases fear of the thing itself.”-Dumbledore.</p><p>For people who constantly reference Harry Potter, I would think that lesson would’ve sunk in.</p>
Bad, Bad Jokes, and Beautiful: HE
<p><a href="http://lastsonlost.tumblr.com/post/172136795052/theindependentconservative-lastsonlost" class="tumblr_blog">lastsonlost</a>:</p>

<blockquote><p><a href="https://theindependentconservative.tumblr.com/post/172134527769/lastsonlost-heatandapathy" class="tumblr_blog">theindependentconservative</a>:</p>

<blockquote><p><a href="http://lastsonlost.tumblr.com/post/172106090152/heatandapathy-concentrated-sunshine" class="tumblr_blog">lastsonlost</a>:</p><blockquote>
<p><a href="https://heatandapathy.tumblr.com/post/172104814701/concentrated-sunshine-shitty-metta-mun" class="tumblr_blog">heatandapathy</a>:</p>
<blockquote>
<p><a href="https://concentrated-sunshine.tumblr.com/post/172103863265/shitty-metta-mun-goose-juggler-gservator" class="tumblr_blog">concentrated-sunshine</a>:</p>

<blockquote>
<p><a href="https://shitty-metta-mun.tumblr.com/post/172103123563/goose-juggler-gservator-hott-dogg-mann" class="tumblr_blog">shitty-metta-mun</a>:</p>
<blockquote>
<p><a href="http://goose-juggler.tumblr.com/post/172102081416/gservator-hott-dogg-mann-lastsonlost" class="tumblr_blog">goose-juggler</a>:</p>

<blockquote>
<p><a href="http://gservator.tumblr.com/post/172101816471/hott-dogg-mann-lastsonlost" class="tumblr_blog">gservator</a>:</p>

<blockquote>
<p><a href="http://hott-dogg-mann.tumblr.com/post/172095533311/lastsonlost-wanderingberserker-lastsonlost" class="tumblr_blog">hott-dogg-mann</a>:</p>

<blockquote>
<p><a href="http://lastsonlost.tumblr.com/post/172094764907/wanderingberserker-lastsonlost-speaking-of" class="tumblr_blog">lastsonlost</a>:</p>

<blockquote>
<p><a href="http://wanderingberserker.tumblr.com/post/172094692137/lastsonlost-speaking-of-jokes-and-nazis-with" class="tumblr_blog">wanderingberserker</a>:</p>

<blockquote>
<p><a href="http://lastsonlost.tumblr.com/post/172094647642/speaking-of-jokes-and-nazis-with-comedy-we-can" class="tumblr_blog">lastsonlost</a>:</p>
<blockquote>
<h2>Speaking of jokes and Nazis….</h2>
<figure class="tmblr-full" data-orig-height="370" data-orig-width="718"><img src="https://78.media.tumblr.com/dffd11705aa681a806c2914d89e712d2/tumblr_inline_p5xi80MvlQ1sp5650_500.jpg" data-orig-height="370" data-orig-width="718"/></figure><h1><b>“With Comedy, We Can Rob Hitler of his Posthumous Power”</b></h1>
<p>Jewish comic actor Mel Brooks talks about Hitler as a comical character, the limits of humor and his latest film “The Producers,” which hits screens in Germany and other European countries (that week in 2006.)</p>
<p><b>SPIEGEL:</b></p>
<p>Mr. Brooks, almost all the rogues in your film have moustaches. Is that the long shadow of Hitler?</p>
<p><b>Brooks:</b> You must be joking! Rogues on the screen were already wearing moustaches when Hitler was still running around in short trousers. A cinema villain essentially needs a moustache so he can twiddle with it gleefully as he cooks up his next nasty plan. So Hitler’s incomplete moustache would never have been enough for that.</p>
<p><b>SPIEGEL:</b> Your new comedy “The Producers” is set at the end of the 1950s on Broadway and concerns a Nazi musical that breaks box office records. It shows a dancing and singing Hitler. Isn’t that a bit tasteless?</p>
<p><b>Brooks:</b> Of course. But it’s also funny, isn’t it? The film revolves around a Broadway producer who, for financial and technical reasons, wants to produce a flop. After he turns down the chance to adapt Kafka’s “The Metamorphosis,” he comes up with the idea of creating a musical about Hitler, produced by the lousiest director in the city, cast with the worst actors by far -– in the middle of the Jewish metropolis of New York. He’s sure it won’t work. Yet because the audience considers the piece to be a brilliant parody, his worst fears are realized, it’s a hit. “The Producers” therefore deals with the difficulty of having a flop. </p>
<p><b>SPIEGEL:</b> Which you of course know well yourself. “The Producers” is based on a musical that you produced that ran successfully on Broadway for five years and also on the film “The Producers” that you shot in 1967. How did the audience react to the film back then?</p>
<p><b>Brooks:</b> The Jews were horrified. I received resentful letters of protest, saying things like: “How can you make jokes about Hitler? The man murdered 6 million Jews.“ But “The Producers” doesn’t concern a concentration camp or the Holocaust. </p>
<p><b>SPIEGEL:</b> Can you really separate Hitler from the Holocaust?</p>
<p><b>Brooks:</b> You have to separate it. For example, Roberto Benigni’s comedy “Life Is Beautiful” really annoyed me. A crazy film that even attempted to find comedy in a concentration camp. It showed the barracks in which Jews were kept like cattle, and it made jokes about it. The philosophy of the film is: people can get over anything. No, they can’t. They can’t get over a concentration camp.</p>
<p><b>SPIEGEL:</b> But the film has deeply moved a lot of people.</p>
<p><b>Brooks:</b> I always asked myself: Tell me, Roberto, are you nuts? You didn’t lose any relatives in the Holocaust, you’re not even Jewish. You really don’t understand what it’s all about. The Americans were incredibly thrilled to discover from him that it wasn’t all that bad in the concentration camps after all. And that’s why they immediately pressed an Oscar into his hand. </p>
<p><b>SPIEGEL:</b> So there are limits to humor?</p>
<p><b>Brooks:</b> Definitely. In 1974, I produced the western parody “Blazing Saddles,” in which the word “nigger” was used constantly. But I would never have thought of the idea of showing how a black was lynched. It’s only funny when he escapes getting sent to the gallows. You can laugh at Hitler because you can cut him down to normal size.</p>
<p><b>SPIEGEL:</b> Can you also get your revenge on him by using comedy?</p>
<p><b>Brooks:</b> Yes, absolutely. Of course it is impossible to take revenge for 6 million murdered Jews. But by using the medium of comedy, we can try to rob Hitler of his posthumous power and myths. In doing so, we should remember that Hitler did have some talents. He was able to fool an entire population into letting him be their leader. However, this role was basically a few numbers too great for him –- but he simply covered over this deficiency.</p>
<p><b>SPIEGEL:</b> Was he a good actor?</p>
<p><b>Brooks:</b> Yes, as he convinced many millions of Germans. It’s not without good reason that comedies about Hitler often concern actors who should play him. Just think about Charlie Chaplin’s “The Great Dictator” (1940) or Ernst Lubitsch’s “To Be or not To Be” (1942). There’s no doubt about it, Hitler worked in the same branch as we do: he created illusions. </p>
<p><b>SPIEGEL:</b> In a documentary film about the downfall of the German battleship the Bismarck, US director James Cameron referred to Hitler as the “greatest pop star of his time.“</p>
<p><b>Brooks:</b> There’s something in that. Hitler must have had a magnetic attractive force, like a rock star he used his voice to spellbind umpteen thousands of listeners. So it’s only fitting when comic actors make him the limelight hog of world history. We take away from him the holy seriousness that always surrounded him and protected him like a cordon.</p>
<p><br/></p>
<p><b>SPIEGEL:</b> You yourself fought against the Nazis in Europe in 1945 and came to Berlin just after the end of the war and stayed there for eight months. Could you still feel much of a Hitler reverence?</p>
<p><b>Brooks:</b> Everywhere you went you could sense a great relief that the war was finally over. I myself was shaken by the extent of the destruction. When we were transporting away a few prisoners of war in a train, I discovered an old man who looked like my grandfather. He suddenly leaped out of the carriage. I took my rifle and aimed at him. He called (Brooks says in German): “Don’t shoot, I have to shit”. Most of the Germans who survived the war were just poor simple people. Was National Socialism ever taught in German schools?</p>
<p><b>SPIEGEL:</b> Yes, and in great detail.</p>
<p><b>Brooks:</b> That is comforting to know. When you come to Germany as a Jew you have an uneasy feeling, but I’ve always felt okay in Berlin. It was there that I saw Brecht and Weill’s “Three Penny Opera” and was totally crazy about this kind of musical theater. </p>
<p><br/></p>
<p><b>SPIEGEL:</b> Have you seen Oliver Hirschbiegels’s film “Downfall”?</p>
<p><b>Brooks:</b> Yes, and I thought it was excellent. It shows us Hitler’s self destruction. While Goebbels was idolizing Hitler as the new Christ, like the salvation in the flesh, he was decaying before our very eyes – and all that was needed to illustrate this was a shot of his trembling hand.  </p>
<p><b>SPIEGEL:</b> Don’t you think the film humanizes Hitler too much?</p>
<p><b>Brooks:</b> No, it doesn’t arouse the slightest bit of sympathy for Hitler. It shows a man who went mad. Let’s face it; he too started off as a small, innocent baby. His monstrous grimace comes across all the more startling when you can sense the paltry remains of his human nature.</p>
<p><b>SPIEGEL:</b> Was Hitler funny? Would you have been able to make him laugh?</p>
<p><b>Brooks:</b> I have no delusions of grandeur. Hitler would definitely not have smacked himself on the thigh and cried out (Brooks says in German): “What fantastic fun.“ If he had found something funny you’d probably see at the most a flinch in the corner of his mouth.  </p>
<p><b>SPIEGEL:</b> You yourself played Hitler in 1983 in your remake of the film “To Be or not To Be”…</p>
<figure class="tmblr-full" data-orig-height="130" data-orig-width="240"><img src="https://78.media.tumblr.com/054ed98db8d99065bb0c2d5edafdf864/tumblr_inline_p5xi81rWN21sp5650_500.gif" data-orig-height="130" data-orig-width="240"/></figure><p><b>Brooks:</b> … and I also gave him my voice in a song in “The Producers”.</p>
<p><b>SPIEGEL:</b> How does it feel for a <b>JEW</b> to slip into the skin of his greatest enemy?  </p>
<p><b>Brooks:</b> It is an inverted seizure of power. For many years Hitler was the most powerful man in the world and almost destroyed us. </p>
<h2>To posses this power and turn it against him -– it is simply alluring. </h2>
<p><i>Interview conducted by Lars-Olav Beier.</i></p>
<h2>&lt;Imagine being able to stand up to Great Evil by laughing in its face.</h2>
<figure class="tmblr-full" data-orig-height="118" data-orig-width="210"><img src="https://78.media.tumblr.com/a79626891f6befc1cdd796f032952869/tumblr_inline_p5xi808Qxb1sp5650_500.gif" data-orig-height="118" data-orig-width="210"/></figure><p>Meanwhile the UK is going full Orwell.</p>
<p>What I wouldn’t give for a Mel Brooks to lead Lewis Black Jerry Seinfeld Richard Lewis Larry David Jon Stewart Billy Crystal Ben &amp; Jerry Stiller Garry Shandling Sacha Baron Cohen Lisa Lampanelli and Robert Klein in a conga line of Nazi jokes outside of British Parliament.</p>
<p>I’m not really going anywhere with this but I just think it would be hilarious. </p>
<p>Also such an event would need a proper host and I can only think of one choice.</p>
<figure class="tmblr-full" data-orig-height="134" data-orig-width="240"><img src="https://78.media.tumblr.com/bec1c6c06b335123340a94175c5b2cfa/tumblr_inline_p5xi82H2BL1sp5650_500.gif" data-orig-height="134" data-orig-width="240"/></figure></blockquote>
<p>Personal favorite will ALWAYS be John Cleese…</p>
<figure class="tmblr-embed tmblr-full" data-provider="youtube" data-orig-width="459" data-orig-height="344" data-url="https%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DvlmGknvr_Pg"><iframe width="540" height="405" id="youtube_iframe" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/vlmGknvr_Pg?feature=oembed&amp;enablejsapi=1&amp;origin=https://safe.txmblr.com&amp;wmode=opaque" frameborder="0" allow="autoplay; encrypted-media" allowfullscreen=""></iframe></figure></blockquote>

<p>Always.</p>
</blockquote>

<p>Mel Brooks is my hero but that black Hitler joke MADE MY FUCKING DAY</p>
</blockquote>

<figure class="tmblr-full" data-orig-height="598" data-orig-width="649"><img src="https://78.media.tumblr.com/741893db579a951a6efa891de4345bf4/tumblr_inline_p5y292RoPA1rkd5oa_500.jpg" data-orig-height="598" data-orig-width="649"/></figure></blockquote>

<p>Cameron Pierce “Ass Goblins of Auschwitz” is a bizarre fiction book that turns the SS into walking asses.</p>
</blockquote>

<p>always mock hitler. always.</p>
</blockquote>
<figure class="tmblr-embed tmblr-full" data-provider="youtube" data-orig-width="459" data-orig-height="344" data-url="https%3A%2F%2Fyoutu.be%2F8c1GhbpObv0"><iframe width="540" height="405" id="youtube_iframe" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/8c1GhbpObv0?feature=oembed&amp;enablejsapi=1&amp;origin=https://safe.txmblr.com&amp;wmode=opaque" frameborder="0" allow="autoplay; encrypted-media" allowfullscreen=""></iframe></figure></blockquote>

<p>People keep forgetting the power of humor. </p>
</blockquote>
<p>They are too busy being addicted to outrage. </p>
<h2><b><i>On an unrelated note………</i></b></h2>
<figure class="tmblr-full" data-orig-height="215" data-orig-width="500"><img src="https://78.media.tumblr.com/2c5f7fba5d805164566b53ee88ee94fb/tumblr_inline_p5ya7pSA2A1sp5650_540.gif" data-orig-height="215" data-orig-width="500"/></figure><p>Its all about the 

Brooks baby.</p>
</blockquote>
<p>Thank God Brooks made the movies when he did, they’d never be made today.</p></blockquote>

<p>Laughter is a very powerful weapon against rage hatred and madness and even more powerful tool of love and healing.</p><p>Most kids don’t get that when  they’re making angry bitter hateful bad jokes as a “ coping mechanism”. Coping isn’t feeding the poison in your heart. Coping it’s simply coming to terms with it well real healing tries to clean that poison from your very soul.</p></blockquote>

<p>Make jokes about Nazis. Make fun of Nazis. Make jokes about Hitler. Mock Nazis. That robs them of their power. Being too afraid to speak of them only makes them feel stronger.</p><p>“Fear of a name increases fear of the thing itself.”-Dumbledore.</p><p>For people who constantly reference Harry Potter, I would think that lesson would’ve sunk in.</p>

lastsonlost: theindependentconservative: lastsonlost: heatandapathy: concentrated-sunshine: shitty-metta-mun: goose-juggler: gservat...

Anime, Apparently, and Bad: So I recently moved into a new neighborhood and it's a pretty nice area. After a couple of weeks, a moving truck pulls up and I realize there's a new girl living in the house next to me. So I walk out and I notice that she's all by herself Being the good neighbor I am, I go up and ask, "Hey, I see you don't have any help. Do you need any help with moving your boxes inside?" And keep this in mind, I'm like a 6/10 on good day while this girl is an easy 9/10. Like this girl can easily be a supermodel So I ask if she needs any help and she looks me dead in the "Uh... No thanks, I'm good." "Well ok. No problem So a couple days go by after that into my yard. So I'm thinking, "Ok cranky girl. Round 2, let's go, we got this." So I take the dumb dog and I bring it over to her house and give the door a kn biggest smile says, "OH MY GOD thank you SO MUCH! I don't know what I would do without him. He's like family to me. I'm so sorry that I was so mean to you the other day. I was having a bad day and took it out on you and I'm so sorry. Please let me make it up to you and take you out to dinner." So I humbly accept and we end up going out to dinner that night. Now, we don't have much in common. Like, I'm into video games and anime and she's into all this white girl stuff like makeup, Starbucks, and all that other shit. But, we have a good time. And I mean, this girl is WAY out of my league so who am I to complain? So then we hang out more frequently, I visit her and she visits me and now I'm in a good relationship with this extremely hot chick. A couple weeks go by, we continue this, and I see a moving truck come in from the other direction. I go out to greet the new neighbor and I see a cute girl come out of the moving truck. Now this girl is cute. She isn't supermodel hot, but she's cute. I would say she's like a 7/10. So I go up to her and say, "Hey, I see you don't have any help with with the stiest grimace on her face and says, eed anything, just give a little knock on the door and I'll come o led attempt and this girl's dumb, small chihuahua jumps over the fence and gets She opens the door and with the stuff i I hel Luckil e says, "Ye ure. Um, take this box and put it in the living room It's the first room to the right, you can't miss it." So I go to pick up the box and I realize that it's labeled "Video Games." The box wasn't taped very well, so I peek into the box and I'm seeing some serious video games. I'm seeing Final Fantasy 7-9 black label, a mint copy of Illusion of Gaia. Like, what girl even knows what that game is!? So I ask, "Hey, is this a box of your boyfriend's stuff?" and she responds with, "No, I don't have a boyfriend. That stuff's mine so make sure not to drop it." So now I know this girl is actually the coolest girl ever elp the girl move her stuff in and we hang out afterwards. We go t to lunch and we off. We ended up ust talking about video games the whole time and it was amazing. NowI don't forget, s ve a friend to talk nerd shit with and a cute as 10. And I also have this 9/10 girlfriend with me. And again, I'm just a 6/10 so righ w, I'm living dream So a couple weeks go by and my girl nd comes up to me and says, "Hey, so this may sound weird, but I don't want time with her and I'm honestly a little with that girl anymore. You're d more time with me us and want you to s We try to talk t me an we can a and it'll be great." She says, "Wel So next day, my girlfriend comes up to me and says, "Uh, "Wait, what? Why not? What happened?" "Yeah she told me that you're hers now and if I ever go near you again, she is going to kill me." Il give it a shot. I'll try to talk to her tomorrow ah you can't see that girl ever again." I thin u're overreacting a little bit. She do tha seem t type of perso Sh s going to fucking murder me I can't imagine tha I go up to 7/10's house the next day and give it a little knock on the door but nobody answers. I try the doorbel nothing. Give her a call, text her, no answer. So then I call my girlfriend, try to tell her that she wasn't there and I'I try again tomorrow. But again, no answer. So I go kn Il try to straighten this an morroW her ho knock on the door and still no answer. Next da knock* r and I do w what's going So day after day goes by and eventually, week after week and I'm getting nothing turns up. I call their family and friends and they know nothing. And after weeks of all this, I just give up Then I turn the news on one day, and I see the 7/10 girl getting carried away in handcuffs. And, she's covered in blood from head to toe. She's screaming and yelling at the camera saying, "She's dead, you're next." A couple days go by and the autopsy reports are coming in, and its all over the internet. Apparently, not only did she kill my gorgeous 9/10 girlfriend, but parts of her were missing. Chunks of her arms and legs were gone and it seems that the 7/10 girl ate parts of my girlfriend. Bit and chewed into her Now I'm thinking to myself that I had the two most amazing girls in my life. And I'm here, 6/10, just worried out of my mind because I can't get the image out of my head of her screaming into the cameras saying, "She's dead next. She's dead you're next." And I'm going crazy, I'm screaming and writing it in blood on the walls, "She's dead, you're next. She's dead you're next." AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT DO DO ANYMORE And it raises the question: Why is 6 afraid of 7? ng. I pu in the missing persons but memehumor: This Joke Proves Why Jealous Girlfriends Are Not to Be Trustedhttp://memehumor.tumblr.com
Anime, Apparently, and Bad: So I recently moved into a new neighborhood and it's a pretty nice area. After a couple of weeks, a moving truck pulls
 up and I realize there's a new girl living in the house next to me. So I walk out and I notice that she's all by herself
 Being the good neighbor I am, I go up and ask, "Hey, I see you don't have any help. Do you need any help with
 moving your boxes inside?"
 And keep this in mind, I'm like a 6/10 on good day while this girl is an easy 9/10. Like this girl can easily be a
 supermodel
 So I ask if she needs any help and she looks me dead in the
 "Uh... No thanks, I'm good."
 "Well ok. No problem
 So a couple days go by after that
 into my yard. So I'm thinking, "Ok cranky girl. Round 2, let's go, we got this."
 So I take the dumb dog and I bring it over to her house and give the door a kn
 biggest smile says, "OH MY GOD thank you SO MUCH! I don't know what I would do without him. He's like family to
 me. I'm so sorry that I was so mean to you the other day. I was having a bad day and took it out on you and I'm so
 sorry. Please let me make it up to you and take you out to dinner."
 So I humbly accept and we end up going out to dinner that night. Now, we don't have much in common. Like, I'm into
 video games and anime and she's into all this white girl stuff like makeup, Starbucks, and all that other shit. But, we
 have a good time. And I mean, this girl is WAY out of my league so who am I to complain? So then we hang out more
 frequently, I visit her and she visits me and now I'm in a good relationship with this extremely hot chick.
 A couple weeks go by, we continue this, and I see a moving truck come in from the other direction. I go out to greet
 the new neighbor and I see a cute girl come out of the moving truck. Now this girl is cute. She isn't supermodel hot,
 but she's cute. I would say she's like a 7/10. So I go up to her and say, "Hey, I see you don't have any help with
 with the
 stiest grimace on her face and says,
 eed anything, just give a little knock on the door and I'll come o
 led attempt and this girl's dumb, small chihuahua jumps over the fence and gets
 She opens the door and with the
 stuff i
 I hel
 Luckil
 e says, "Ye
 ure. Um, take this box and put it in the living room
 It's the first room to the right, you can't miss it."
 So I go to pick up the box and I realize that it's labeled "Video Games." The box wasn't taped very well, so I peek into
 the box and I'm seeing some serious video games. I'm seeing Final Fantasy 7-9 black label, a mint copy of Illusion of
 Gaia. Like, what girl even knows what that game is!? So I ask, "Hey, is this a box of your boyfriend's stuff?" and she
 responds with, "No, I don't have a boyfriend. That stuff's mine so make sure not to drop it." So now I know this girl is
 actually the coolest girl ever
 elp the girl move her stuff in and we hang out afterwards. We go
 t to lunch and we
 off. We ended up
 ust talking about video games the whole time and it was amazing. NowI
 don't forget, s
 ve a friend to talk nerd shit with and
 a cute as
 10. And I also have this 9/10 girlfriend with me. And again, I'm just a 6/10 so righ
 w, I'm living
 dream
 So a couple weeks go by and my girl
 nd comes up to me and says, "Hey, so this may sound weird, but I don't want
 time with her and I'm honestly a little
 with that girl anymore. You're
 d more time with me
 us and
 want you to s
 We
 try to talk t
 me
 an
 we can a
 and it'll be great." She says, "Wel
 So next day, my girlfriend comes up to me and says, "Uh,
 "Wait, what? Why not? What happened?"
 "Yeah she told me that you're hers now and if I ever go near you again, she is going to kill me."
 Il give it a shot. I'll try to talk to her tomorrow
 ah you can't see that girl ever again."
 I thin
 u're overreacting a little bit. She do
 tha
 seem
 t type of perso
 Sh
 s going to fucking murder me
 I can't imagine tha
 I go up to 7/10's house the next day and give it a little knock on the door but nobody answers. I try the doorbel
 nothing. Give her a call, text her, no answer. So then I call my girlfriend, try to tell her that she wasn't there and I'I
 try again tomorrow. But again, no answer. So I go
 kn
 Il try to straighten this
 an
 morroW
 her ho
 knock on the door and still no answer. Next da
 knock*
 r and I do
 w what's going
 So day after day goes by and eventually, week after week and I'm getting
 nothing turns up. I call their family and friends and they know nothing. And after weeks of all this, I just give up
 Then I turn the news on one day, and I see the 7/10 girl getting carried away in handcuffs. And, she's covered in
 blood from head to toe. She's screaming and yelling at the camera saying, "She's dead, you're next." A couple days
 go by and the autopsy reports are coming in, and its all over the internet. Apparently, not only did she kill my
 gorgeous 9/10 girlfriend, but parts of her were missing. Chunks of her arms and legs were gone and it seems that the
 7/10 girl ate parts of my girlfriend. Bit and chewed into her
 Now I'm thinking to myself that I had the two most amazing girls in my life. And I'm here, 6/10, just worried out of
 my mind because I can't get the image out of my head of her screaming into the cameras saying, "She's dead
 next. She's dead you're next." And I'm going crazy, I'm screaming and writing it in blood on the walls, "She's dead,
 you're next. She's dead you're next." AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT DO DO ANYMORE
 And it raises the question: Why is 6 afraid of 7?
 ng. I pu
 in the missing persons but
memehumor:

This Joke Proves Why Jealous Girlfriends Are Not to Be Trustedhttp://memehumor.tumblr.com

memehumor: This Joke Proves Why Jealous Girlfriends Are Not to Be Trustedhttp://memehumor.tumblr.com

Being Alone, Beautiful, and Clock: 0003 d 0Gh 48m 24s <p><a class="tumblr_blog" href="http://ishkaqwiaidurugnul.tumblr.com/post/105026608914">ishkaqwiaidurugnul</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a class="tumblr_blog" href="http://vonmunsterr.tumblr.com/post/85388049237">vonmunsterr</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a class="tumblr_blog" href="http://ghostsneverleave.tumblr.com/post/85243110194">ghostsneverleave</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a class="tumblr_blog" href="http://insanihty.tumblr.com/post/85144886702">insanihty</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a class="tumblr_blog" href="http://xxarcane.tumblr.com/post/84873852950">xxarcane</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a class="tumblr_blog" href="http://youremybrandnewday.tumblr.com/post/84793166680">youremybrandnewday</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a class="tumblr_blog" href="http://sp0tlessmiind.tumblr.com/post/80710248945">sp0tlessmiind</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a class="tumblr_blog" href="http://tiptreecrossing.tumblr.com/post/68707337582">tiptreecrossing</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a class="tumblr_blog" href="http://livingmywayeveryday.tumblr.com/post/39004186570">livingmywayeveryday</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a class="tumblr_blog" href="http://vickified.tumblr.com/post/32749023299">vickified</a>:</p> <blockquote> <blockquote> <p><em>“<span>If a clock could count down to the moment you meet your soul mate, would you want to know?</span>”</em></p> </blockquote> <p>lol yes, so then i can shave.</p> </blockquote> <p>     One minute, 37 seconds.<br/>     My legs are shaking. Holy cow, there is no way I can do this. None.<br/>     One minute, 29 secods.<br/>     I glance around at the faces surrounding the room. Of course my Meeting would take place in the gross, overcrowded cafeteria.<br/>     One minute, six seconds.<br/>     Somewhere within these four walls, someone has the exact same countdown on their wrist. They’re going through the exact same pressure as me.<br/>      54 seconds.<br/>     Mom said I should be excited, not nervous. Yet I still find myself wiping my sweaty palms on my dress. I can’t believe she talked me into wearing a dress. I mean, shouldn’t  my Soul Mate meet me as I normally am? All plain jeans, blah shirts, and wild brown curls?<br/>     30 seconds.<br/>     Something deep within me tells me to stand up. I do, drawing the attention of my tablemates. They all know too. They smile encouragingly up at me. I chew my lip nervously.<br/>     25 seconds.<br/>     That same feeling pulls me towards the center of the room. My stomach drops away from me as I take a step in that direction.<br/>     20 seconds.<br/>     I continue in that direction. With each step the tempo of my heart picks up.<br/>     19. Faster.<br/>     18. Quicker.<br/>     17. More rapid.<br/>     16.  It’s racing.<br/>     Oh my god this is it. The moment my life changes forever.<br/>     My eyes search frantically around the cafeteria, searching for someone who looks as nervous as me. For someone who’s heading towards their future with no sense of direction like me.<br/>     10 seconds.<br/>     The feeling directs me slightly to the left. I turn to accomodate.<br/>     5. My heart has given up entirely.<br/>     4. I stop walking.<br/>     3. Just waiting left.<br/>     2. Everything is about to change.<br/>     1. Deep breath.</p> <p>     0000 d 00 h  00 m  00 s</p> <p>     Someone bumps my shoulder. I twirl around and my gray eyes meet blue, blue ones.<br/>     “Hello there, love. It appears as though we’re Soul Mates then, eh?”<br/>     As my words fail me, the only thing I can think is “I’m so glad I shaved this morning.”</p> </blockquote> <blockquote> <p>“Thats weird…” I checked my wrist, the clock had just hit the 30 second mark but I looked around and there was no one there. I was a worrisome guy overall but I felt justified, I mean today was the day I was meeting my soul mate. Not that I expected my dream girl to be in the storage closet at work but still I was nervous. </p> <p>Walking out with a box the boss had requested I walked back to my cash register setting it on the shelf. My wrist hit the 20 second mark</p> <p>19 seconds</p> <p>18 seconds</p> <p>Where was she? I could not help but get worried that an error would pop up or that she was gone and my timer would run out with no response. I panicked, I’d change my own fate if I had to. Running out of time I hurried through the back door. There was a park outside and maybe I was supposed to be there to find my soul mate. </p> <p>10 seconds</p> <p>9 seconds</p> <p>A faint ding of the doorbell hit my ear. Wait was that it?? She was here! I turned around running back to the counter. “Don’t worry I’m just in the back!”</p> <p>I ran out looking at my wrist as it hit zero. Out of breath “Hi I’m Matt!” Sticking out my hand for a handshake it was met by a firm hand. Meeting my soulmate’s eyes for the first time they spoke. </p> <p>“I’m Steven.” The man gave a smile “It’s nice to meet you.” </p> </blockquote> <p> I watch my friend carefully. Her excitement is glowing all over her pretty face. Exactly 2 minutes left, she tells me. We’re waiting at the bus stop and the bus is coming in two minutes. I think she hoped she’d meet them on a beach at sunset or something.<br/> ”I mean that’s ok - these things can’t always be romantic I mean my mum met dad when he was working at the book store and it’s not like you can plan it to be romantic I just hoped, I mean everyone hopes don’t they-” she breaks off, looking at me awkwardly. “Sorry. It’s just a big day for me you know.” Yes I do know. You’ve been going on about it for the past year. I smile at her.<br/> ”Don’t worry. You nervous? You’ll be ok, you always are,” I grin, determined not to ruin this for her. It’s selfish of me to be moody. This is her future being determined. Right here. In now, precisely 1 minute 30 seconds.<br/> She smiles at me, but it isn’t quite reaching her eyes. She’s restless and keeps tapping her foot. Her eyes are wide with.. fear? Excitement? Nerves? Probably all of them and a thousand more things I can’t imagine. She keeps checking her wrist. So do I. The bus comes around the corner. 1 minute 10 seconds.<br/> ”Hey. I’ll leave you alone now ok? The bus is here. I’ll sit a couple of seats away, and be there if you need me,” I say, squeezing her arm reassuringly. “Good luck.” I hope it sounded sincere.<br/><br/> The bus pulls up and I climb on first, taking a quick glance at her while I give the driver my ticket. She’s shaking and looks a little green. I want to give her a hug but know I shouldn’t interrupt now. I look at the passengers and it’s full of pensioners. My heart starts beating frantically. What? I can’t see anyone else at the bus stop. But she’s only 18, she can’t end up with a 80 year old. <br/> I turn around and look at her - she’s breathing hard. The bus driver asks if she’s ok but she ignores him. Her eyebrows are creased and her face is flushed. Oh. Oh no. Stay calm. Someone is probably late. I give her a thumbs up and try to smile reassuringly. I think it’s more of a grimace.<br/><br/> I take a seat near the back. Look at my watch. 25 seconds. She sits down a few seats away.</p> <p> Suddenly a dark shape runs past my window and a boy jumps on the bus. He has that same frantic look in his eyes. I breathe out with relief.<br/> ”Yeah get on, we’re running late,” the driver says, taking his ticket. The boy looks around, carefully stepping towards the seats. He’s tall and handsome, holding a sketchbook. I smile slightly; my friend hates art.<br/> 4 seconds<br/> He spots her.<br/> 3 seconds<br/> His eyes widen as he walks closer, as if being pulled by an invisible rope.<br/> 2 seconds<br/> My friend stands up too, that same rope tying her to him.<br/> 1 second -<br/> ”I was worried the bus would leave. No way could I miss meeting my soul mate!” he jokes, though he looks just as nervous as she. They smile at each other as they both sit down together. I can’t hear what they’re talking about.</p> <p> I take a deep breath and let it out slowly. Suddenly I’m crying. Hot tears dropping down my cheeks.</p> <p> I look at my wrist, scratching at it. Trying to get rid of it. </p> <p> The numbers have never changed.</p> <p> They’ve always been at 0.</p> </blockquote> <div>Oh my god that last one…. My heart… The feels….</div> </blockquote> <p>AGH ALL OF YOU WRITE A BOOK THIS VERY INSTANT. PLEASE.</p> </blockquote> <p>this is beautiful and everyone needs to read it</p> </blockquote> <p>i hate you tumblr, fucking breaking my goddamn heart</p> </blockquote> <p>Then, one day, you’re having dinner with a friend you’ve known for as long as you can remember (or perhaps a friend of the family), and you finally talk to them about your counter. You’re crying, explaining that it’s always been at 0, and so you must not have a soul-mate.</p> <p>Their eyes widen. Tears begin to form, and they throw their arms around you.</p> <p>“Mine has always been at 0 too.”</p> <p>And that’s when you know…</p> </blockquote> <p>10 seconds: the doorbell rings, i get out of my chair<br/><br/>5 seconds: i give the man my money<br/><br/>0 seconds: i open the box. it is the most glorious pizza i have ever seen in my life.</p> </blockquote> <p>This post always has different stories on it and I always have to read it and reblog it</p> </blockquote> <p><a href="http://trustedwings.tumblr.com/post/131518606137/ishkaqwiaidurugnul-vonmunsterr">trustedwings</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p>Yeah but can I have that countdown for my period?</p></blockquote>
Being Alone, Beautiful, and Clock: 0003 d 0Gh 48m 24s
<p><a class="tumblr_blog" href="http://ishkaqwiaidurugnul.tumblr.com/post/105026608914">ishkaqwiaidurugnul</a>:</p>

<blockquote>
<p><a class="tumblr_blog" href="http://vonmunsterr.tumblr.com/post/85388049237">vonmunsterr</a>:</p>
<blockquote>
<p><a class="tumblr_blog" href="http://ghostsneverleave.tumblr.com/post/85243110194">ghostsneverleave</a>:</p>
<blockquote>
<p><a class="tumblr_blog" href="http://insanihty.tumblr.com/post/85144886702">insanihty</a>:</p>
<blockquote>
<p><a class="tumblr_blog" href="http://xxarcane.tumblr.com/post/84873852950">xxarcane</a>:</p>
<blockquote>
<p><a class="tumblr_blog" href="http://youremybrandnewday.tumblr.com/post/84793166680">youremybrandnewday</a>:</p>
<blockquote>
<p><a class="tumblr_blog" href="http://sp0tlessmiind.tumblr.com/post/80710248945">sp0tlessmiind</a>:</p>
<blockquote>
<p><a class="tumblr_blog" href="http://tiptreecrossing.tumblr.com/post/68707337582">tiptreecrossing</a>:</p>
<blockquote>
<p><a class="tumblr_blog" href="http://livingmywayeveryday.tumblr.com/post/39004186570">livingmywayeveryday</a>:</p>
<blockquote>
<p><a class="tumblr_blog" href="http://vickified.tumblr.com/post/32749023299">vickified</a>:</p>
<blockquote>
<blockquote>
<p><em>“<span>If a clock could count down to the moment you meet your soul mate, would you want to know?</span>”</em></p>
</blockquote>
<p>lol yes, so then i can shave.</p>
</blockquote>
<p>     One minute, 37 seconds.<br/>     My legs are shaking. Holy cow, there is no way I can do this. None.<br/>     One minute, 29 secods.<br/>     I glance around at the faces surrounding the room. Of course my Meeting would take place in the gross, overcrowded cafeteria.<br/>     One minute, six seconds.<br/>     Somewhere within these four walls, someone has the exact same countdown on their wrist. They’re going through the exact same pressure as me.<br/>      54 seconds.<br/>     Mom said I should be excited, not nervous. Yet I still find myself wiping my sweaty palms on my dress. I can’t believe she talked me into wearing a dress. I mean, shouldn’t  my Soul Mate meet me as I normally am? All plain jeans, blah shirts, and wild brown curls?<br/>     30 seconds.<br/>     Something deep within me tells me to stand up. I do, drawing the attention of my tablemates. They all know too. They smile encouragingly up at me. I chew my lip nervously.<br/>     25 seconds.<br/>     That same feeling pulls me towards the center of the room. My stomach drops away from me as I take a step in that direction.<br/>     20 seconds.<br/>     I continue in that direction. With each step the tempo of my heart picks up.<br/>     19. Faster.<br/>     18. Quicker.<br/>     17. More rapid.<br/>     16.  It’s racing.<br/>     Oh my god this is it. The moment my life changes forever.<br/>     My eyes search frantically around the cafeteria, searching for someone who looks as nervous as me. For someone who’s heading towards their future with no sense of direction like me.<br/>     10 seconds.<br/>     The feeling directs me slightly to the left. I turn to accomodate.<br/>     5. My heart has given up entirely.<br/>     4. I stop walking.<br/>     3. Just waiting left.<br/>     2. Everything is about to change.<br/>     1. Deep breath.</p>
<p>     0000 d 00 h  00 m  00 s</p>
<p>     Someone bumps my shoulder. I twirl around and my gray eyes meet blue, blue ones.<br/>     “Hello there, love. It appears as though we’re Soul Mates then, eh?”<br/>     As my words fail me, the only thing I can think is “I’m so glad I shaved this morning.”</p>
</blockquote>
<blockquote>


<p>“Thats weird…” I checked my wrist, the clock had just hit the 30 second mark but I looked around and there was no one there. I was a worrisome guy overall but I felt justified, I mean today was the day I was meeting my soul mate. Not that I expected my dream girl to be in the storage closet at work but still I was nervous. </p>
<p>Walking out with a box the boss had requested I walked back to my cash register setting it on the shelf. My wrist hit the 20 second mark</p>
<p>19 seconds</p>
<p>18 seconds</p>
<p>Where was she? I could not help but get worried that an error would pop up or that she was gone and my timer would run out with no response. I panicked, I’d change my own fate if I had to. Running out of time I hurried through the back door. There was a park outside and maybe I was supposed to be there to find my soul mate. </p>
<p>10 seconds</p>
<p>9 seconds</p>
<p>A faint ding of the doorbell hit my ear. Wait was that it?? She was here! I turned around running back to the counter. “Don’t worry I’m just in the back!”</p>
<p>I ran out looking at my wrist as it hit zero. Out of breath “Hi I’m Matt!” Sticking out my hand for a handshake it was met by a firm hand. Meeting my soulmate’s eyes for the first time they spoke. </p>
<p>“I’m Steven.” The man gave a smile “It’s nice to meet you.” </p>
</blockquote>
<p> I watch my friend carefully. Her excitement is glowing all over her pretty face. Exactly 2 minutes left, she tells me. We’re waiting at the bus stop and the bus is coming in two minutes. I think she hoped she’d meet them on a beach at sunset or something.<br/> ”I mean that’s ok - these things can’t always be romantic I mean my mum met dad when he was working at the book store and it’s not like you can plan it to be romantic I just hoped, I mean everyone hopes don’t they-” she breaks off, looking at me awkwardly. “Sorry. It’s just a big day for me you know.” Yes I do know. You’ve been going on about it for the past year. I smile at her.<br/> ”Don’t worry. You nervous? You’ll be ok, you always are,” I grin, determined not to ruin this for her. It’s selfish of me to be moody. This is her future being determined. Right here. In now, precisely 1 minute 30 seconds.<br/> She smiles at me, but it isn’t quite reaching her eyes. She’s restless and keeps tapping her foot. Her eyes are wide with.. fear? Excitement? Nerves? Probably all of them and a thousand more things I can’t imagine. She keeps checking her wrist. So do I. The bus comes around the corner. 1 minute 10 seconds.<br/> ”Hey. I’ll leave you alone now ok? The bus is here. I’ll sit a couple of seats away, and be there if you need me,” I say, squeezing her arm reassuringly. “Good luck.” I hope it sounded sincere.<br/><br/> The bus pulls up and I climb on first, taking a quick glance at her while I give the driver my ticket. She’s shaking and looks a little green. I want to give her a hug but know I shouldn’t interrupt now. I look at the passengers and it’s full of pensioners. My heart starts beating frantically. What? I can’t see anyone else at the bus stop. But she’s only 18, she can’t end up with a 80 year old. <br/> I turn around and look at her - she’s breathing hard. The bus driver asks if she’s ok but she ignores him. Her eyebrows are creased and her face is flushed. Oh. Oh no. Stay calm. Someone is probably late. I give her a thumbs up and try to smile reassuringly. I think it’s more of a grimace.<br/><br/> I take a seat near the back. Look at my watch. 25 seconds. She sits down a few seats away.</p>
<p> Suddenly a dark shape runs past my window and a boy jumps on the bus. He has that same frantic look in his eyes. I breathe out with relief.<br/> ”Yeah get on, we’re running late,” the driver says, taking his ticket. The boy looks around, carefully stepping towards the seats. He’s tall and handsome, holding a sketchbook. I smile slightly; my friend hates art.<br/> 4 seconds<br/> He spots her.<br/> 3 seconds<br/> His eyes widen as he walks closer, as if being pulled by an invisible rope.<br/> 2 seconds<br/> My friend stands up too, that same rope tying her to him.<br/> 1 second -<br/> ”I was worried the bus would leave. No way could I miss meeting my soul mate!” he jokes, though he looks just as nervous as she. They smile at each other as they both sit down together. I can’t hear what they’re talking about.</p>
<p> I take a deep breath and let it out slowly. Suddenly I’m crying. Hot tears dropping down my cheeks.</p>
<p> I look at my wrist, scratching at it. Trying to get rid of it. </p>
<p> The numbers have never changed.</p>
<p> They’ve always been at 0.</p>
</blockquote>
<div>Oh my god that last one…. My heart… The feels….</div>
</blockquote>
<p>AGH ALL OF YOU WRITE A BOOK THIS VERY INSTANT. PLEASE.</p>
</blockquote>
<p>this is beautiful and everyone needs to read it</p>
</blockquote>
<p>i hate you tumblr, fucking breaking my goddamn heart</p>
</blockquote>
<p>Then, one day, you’re having dinner with a friend you’ve known for as long as you can remember (or perhaps a friend of the family), and you finally talk to them about your counter. You’re crying, explaining that it’s always been at 0, and so you must not have a soul-mate.</p>
<p>Their eyes widen. Tears begin to form, and they throw their arms around you.</p>
<p>“Mine has always been at 0 too.”</p>
<p>And that’s when you know…</p>
</blockquote>
<p>10 seconds: the doorbell rings, i get out of my chair<br/><br/>5 seconds: i give the man my money<br/><br/>0 seconds: i open the box. it is the most glorious pizza i have ever seen in my life.</p>
</blockquote>
<p>This post always has different stories on it and I always have to read it and reblog it</p>
</blockquote>

<p><a href="http://trustedwings.tumblr.com/post/131518606137/ishkaqwiaidurugnul-vonmunsterr">trustedwings</a>:</p>

<blockquote>



<p>Yeah but can I have that countdown for my period?</p></blockquote>

ishkaqwiaidurugnul: vonmunsterr: ghostsneverleave: insanihty: xxarcane: youremybrandnewday: sp0tlessmiind: tiptreecrossing: livingm...