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πŸ”₯ | Latest

Crime, Instagram, and Memes: Chris Harrigan 5 hrs Melbourne, VIC Guys this is the true crime story of the decade: Yesterday a friend told me what might well be the best story I've ever heard. She had caught the train in from Frankston. And while she was waiting for the train to come, she noticed a man sitting down on the platform with a bag of fish and chips. But he wasn't really eating them. He was just sort of letting them air. This attracted a few seagulls, who began to circle the platform. Instead of shooing the birds away, the man offered them a few chips. He'd toss one a foot or so away from him. It was like he was beckoning them to come closer. He kept doing this, eking the chips out slowly, until there was a big group of seagulls in front of him, 15 or 20. A tiny army. He'd throw them a chip every now and then - just enough to keep the birds interested, but not enough to sate them. It was frustrating. They were getting angry. Squawking. It was like he was rearing them up for... something. Then the train came, and everyone got on. But the man stayed on the ground with his chips. Just when the train was about to leave. It happened. Right before the doors closed, the man threw the entire bag of the fish and chips into the train. The entire flock of seagulls followed the bag. And the doors closed. Inside the train: pandemonium The next train stop was five minutes away. πŸ’¨ @hitsblunt is the funniest hits blunt page on Instagram! πŸ‘ΊπŸ˜‚
Crime, Instagram, and Memes: Chris Harrigan
 5 hrs Melbourne, VIC
 Guys this is the true crime story of the decade:
 Yesterday a friend told me what might well be the best
 story I've ever heard. She had caught the train in from
 Frankston. And while she was waiting for the train to
 come, she noticed a man sitting down on the platform
 with a bag of fish and chips. But he wasn't really
 eating them. He was just sort of letting them air.
 This attracted a few seagulls, who began to circle the
 platform. Instead of shooing the birds away, the man
 offered them a few chips. He'd toss one a foot or so
 away from him. It was like he was beckoning them to
 come closer. He kept doing this, eking the chips out
 slowly, until there was a big group of seagulls in front
 of him, 15 or 20. A tiny army. He'd throw them a chip
 every now and then - just enough to keep the birds
 interested, but not enough to sate them. It was
 frustrating. They were getting angry. Squawking. It
 was like he was rearing them up for... something.
 Then the train came, and everyone got on. But the
 man stayed on the ground with his chips. Just when
 the train was about to leave. It happened.
 Right before the doors closed, the man threw the
 entire bag of the fish and chips into the train. The
 entire flock of seagulls followed the bag. And the
 doors closed. Inside the train: pandemonium
 The next train stop was five minutes away.
πŸ’¨ @hitsblunt is the funniest hits blunt page on Instagram! πŸ‘ΊπŸ˜‚

πŸ’¨ @hitsblunt is the funniest hits blunt page on Instagram! πŸ‘ΊπŸ˜‚

Crime, Friends, and Head: thehumon It has come to my attention that most people don't know this about Simon Pegg and Nick Frost and that's a goddamn crime against humanity. Back when they were young and poor they had to share a single person bed for six months. As Pegg put it, they started out sleeping head to feet, but after kicking each other in the face one too many times they started sleeping head to head. It wasn't long after that that they gave up on being macho "no touchy dudes and just snuggled up during bedtime. In the morning they "couldn't tell where one began and the other ended That's why they're so cuddly today. They're so physically close that it worried Frost's fiance at the time and she asked them to never share a bed again after she got married to Frost. The night before the wedding Frost wasn't allowed to see her anyway, so Pegg dropped by his house so they could share a bed one last time (Frost since got a divorce though). Pegg's wife has no objections to any of this. If it's important to her hubby, who is she to judge. Pegg recommend all male friends to try sharing a bed. If it turns out you want to fuck each other, great, you're going to have a lot of fun. If you don't want to fuck each other, well, then nothing happens anyway. (Side note: That's also why there's so many photos of Edgar Wright cuddling up to various guys. He learned that from Pegg and Frost. They created a cuddle monster that can't be stopped) Simon Pegg and Nick Frost are so wholesome
Crime, Friends, and Head: thehumon
 It has come to my attention that most people don't know this about Simon Pegg
 and Nick Frost and that's a goddamn crime against humanity.
 Back when they were young and poor they had to share a single person bed for
 six months. As Pegg put it, they started out sleeping head to feet, but after
 kicking each other in the face one too many times they started sleeping head to
 head. It wasn't long after that that they gave up on being macho "no touchy
 dudes and just snuggled up during bedtime. In the morning they "couldn't tell
 where one began and the other ended
 That's why they're so cuddly today. They're so physically close that it worried
 Frost's fiance at the time and she asked them to never share a bed again after
 she got married to Frost. The night before the wedding Frost wasn't allowed to
 see her anyway, so Pegg dropped by his house so they could share a bed one
 last time (Frost since got a divorce though). Pegg's wife has no objections to any
 of this. If it's important to her hubby, who is she to judge.
 Pegg recommend all male friends to try sharing a bed. If it turns out you want to
 fuck each other, great, you're going to have a lot of fun. If you don't want to fuck
 each other, well, then nothing happens anyway.
 (Side note: That's also why there's so many photos of Edgar Wright cuddling up
 to various guys. He learned that from Pegg and Frost. They created a cuddle
 monster that can't be stopped)
Simon Pegg and Nick Frost are so wholesome

Simon Pegg and Nick Frost are so wholesome

Apparently, Beer, and Dude: Emily Holmes January 2 at 11:26 AM Liberal Friends, listen to this right now: Democratic Nominees are not clay pigeons I repeat. DEMOCRATIC NOMINEES ARE NOT CLAY PIGEONS But, Emily, whatever do you mean? What is this metaphor? It goes like this One by one, over the next couple of months, Democratic nominees are going to launch their official bids for President. They are going to launch themselves, one by one, into the sky, right into our line of vision Our job is not to shoot them. Our job is NOT, the second we see them cross the sky, to reach out for the gun being handed to us by conservatives (because duh, conservatives and guns) and take aim, and blast them, one by one out of the air, for not being absolutely perfect. Not likeable enough. BOOM Not an inspiring enough speaker. BOOM Said that awkward thing that one time. BOOM I wouldn't want to have a beer with them. BOOM Too old. BOOM. Too female. BOOM. Too white. BOOM Not a fucking flawless progressive superhero. BOOM Because what happens next? We shoot the candidates down. We degrade them. We belittle them. We smear them. Then we hand the gun to the media. They do the same. They hand the gun to the conservatives. They do the same. Then the bots start reloading. BOOM. BOOM. BOOM And then at the end of primary season, we have to pick up the shattered remains of whoever got the most votes and attempt to glue them back together into a candidate who can win the general election. And we will lose. Because we learned fucking NOTHING from 2016, apparently Trump didn't win because every conservative loves him. Most of them hate his fucking guts. But they held their noses and voted for him because he was the only way to push their agenda forward. And holy shit, have they pushed it. Despite his complete ineptitude, his bumbling, his gross incompetence, his blatant corruption, they have shoved through some really damaging policies that are hurting real people every single day, and they will continue to do so for as long as we let them So, here we are. You're not jazzed about Liz Warren? Awesome. Beto not your boy? Swell. Sick of Biden memes? Good for you, friend. Keep it to yourself. Why? Because EVERY SINGLE DEMOCRAT WHO RUNS IS INFINITELY BETTER FOR THE FUTURE OF OUR COUNTRY THAN THE FLAMING RACIST POPULIST TRASH CURRENTLY STEERING THIS COUNTRY DIRECTLY INTO THE SUN. I'm not sure if you noticed, but we already elected a guy based on a cult of personality rather than on whether he was qualified in any way to do the iob, and we're going to be putting out the flames for DECADES But what do we do instead, you ask? Watch debates. Compare platforms Be informed. Choose your favorite BASED ON REAL FACTUAL POLICIES AND EXPERIENCE, NOT ON YOUR DELICATE FEELINGS AND WHETHER YOU FEEL SUFFICIENTLY ENTERTAINED OR INEXPLICABLY HAPPY AT THE VERY SIGHT OF THEIR GLOWING FACE. Then get involved. Register people. Drive to the polls. Hold signs on street corners. Write postcards Knock on doors. Don't tell us why the other candidates suck, tell us why yours is THE BEST. Fight FOR them. Remember how we used to fight FOR things, rather than against them? I know Trump makes it hard to remember, but I promise, that's a thing we used to know how to do Then we all, collectively, wholeheartedly, throw our weight and energy and voice behind whoever gets the nomination. If we do that, we win. Period It's not a question of who can beat Trump, don't you get it? A sentient fucking houseplant with a liberal platform could beat Trump, if we do this right. It's a question of whether WE can beat him, or would we rather tear ourselves apart? Look around you, folks. The stock market is in free-fall. Our international reputation is in tatters. Our foreign policy is for sale to dictators. Our free press is under daily attack. Our Supreme Court is one conservative white dude away from full-on Gilead, and we can't keep asking an 84-year-old woman recovering from broken ribs and a third bout of cancer to hang on for six more years because we can't get our heads out of our own asses. I mean, she'll do it, obviously, because RBG is a BOSS, but she shouldn't have to. I repeat. This is not a test of our candidates. There are lots of good, solid options. It's a test of US. Of OUR ability to unite. Of OUR strength. Of OUR ability to put aside selfish arbitrary purity tests and scales of "likeability" and to just FUCKING GET IT DONE. We don't need the perfect candidate to rescue us. We need to realize that we can rescue ourselves So, how about it, Resistance? They want us to forget that we have the numbers, the motivation, and the power. They want us to implode. Let's explode instead, and leave nothing but a charred ruin of this nightmare administration in our wake. BOOM 1.4K Comments 6.7K Shares onceuponamirror: helenofhere: snarksandkisses: Also good to keep THIS SHIT in mind: This is the most important post on this platform since early 2016. WE ARE NOT FUCKING IT UP TWICE. DO NOT LET PROPAGANDA AND MANIPULATION DIVIDE US AGAINST GETTING THIS MONSTER OUT. thanks
Apparently, Beer, and Dude: Emily Holmes
 January 2 at 11:26 AM
 Liberal Friends, listen to this right now: Democratic Nominees are not clay
 pigeons
 I repeat.
 DEMOCRATIC NOMINEES ARE NOT CLAY PIGEONS
 But, Emily, whatever do you mean? What is this metaphor?
 It goes like this
 One by one, over the next couple of months, Democratic nominees are
 going to launch their official bids for President. They are going to launch
 themselves, one by one, into the sky, right into our line of vision
 Our job is not to shoot them.
 Our job is NOT, the second we see them cross the sky, to reach out for the
 gun being handed to us by conservatives (because duh, conservatives and
 guns) and take aim, and blast them, one by one out of the air, for not being
 absolutely perfect.
 Not likeable enough. BOOM
 Not an inspiring enough speaker. BOOM
 Said that awkward thing that one time. BOOM
 I wouldn't want to have a beer with them. BOOM
 Too old. BOOM. Too female. BOOM. Too white. BOOM
 Not a fucking flawless progressive superhero. BOOM
 Because what happens next? We shoot the candidates down. We degrade
 them. We belittle them. We smear them. Then we hand the gun to the
 media. They do the same. They hand the gun to the conservatives. They do
 the same. Then the bots start reloading. BOOM. BOOM. BOOM
 And then at the end of primary season, we have to pick up the shattered
 remains of whoever got the most votes and attempt to glue them back
 together into a candidate who can win the general election.
 And we will lose. Because we learned fucking NOTHING from 2016,
 apparently
 Trump didn't win because every conservative loves him. Most of them hate
 his fucking guts. But they held their noses and voted for him because he
 was the only way to push their agenda forward. And holy shit, have they
 pushed it. Despite his complete ineptitude, his bumbling, his gross
 incompetence, his blatant corruption, they have shoved through some
 really damaging policies that are hurting real people every single day, and
 they will continue to do so for as long as we let them

 So, here we are. You're not jazzed about Liz Warren? Awesome. Beto not
 your boy? Swell. Sick of Biden memes? Good for you, friend. Keep it to
 yourself. Why? Because EVERY SINGLE DEMOCRAT WHO RUNS IS
 INFINITELY BETTER FOR THE FUTURE OF OUR COUNTRY THAN THE
 FLAMING RACIST POPULIST TRASH CURRENTLY STEERING THIS
 COUNTRY DIRECTLY INTO THE SUN.
 I'm not sure if you noticed, but we already elected a guy based on a cult of
 personality rather than on whether he was qualified in any way to do the
 iob, and we're going to be putting out the flames for DECADES
 But what do we do instead, you ask? Watch debates. Compare platforms
 Be informed. Choose your favorite BASED ON REAL FACTUAL POLICIES
 AND EXPERIENCE, NOT ON YOUR DELICATE FEELINGS AND WHETHER
 YOU FEEL SUFFICIENTLY ENTERTAINED OR INEXPLICABLY HAPPY AT THE
 VERY SIGHT OF THEIR GLOWING FACE. Then get involved. Register
 people. Drive to the polls. Hold signs on street corners. Write postcards
 Knock on doors. Don't tell us why the other candidates suck, tell us why
 yours is THE BEST. Fight FOR them. Remember how we used to fight FOR
 things, rather than against them? I know Trump makes it hard to remember,
 but I promise, that's a thing we used to know how to do
 Then we all, collectively, wholeheartedly, throw our weight and energy and
 voice behind whoever gets the nomination. If we do that, we win. Period
 It's not a question of who can beat Trump, don't you get it? A sentient
 fucking houseplant with a liberal platform could beat Trump, if we do this
 right. It's a question of whether WE can beat him, or would we rather tear
 ourselves apart?
 Look around you, folks. The stock market is in free-fall. Our international
 reputation is in tatters. Our foreign policy is for sale to dictators. Our free
 press is under daily attack. Our Supreme Court is one conservative white
 dude away from full-on Gilead, and we can't keep asking an 84-year-old
 woman recovering from broken ribs and a third bout of cancer to hang on
 for six more years because we can't get our heads out of our own asses. I
 mean, she'll do it, obviously, because RBG is a BOSS, but she shouldn't
 have to.
 I repeat. This is not a test of our candidates. There are lots of good, solid
 options. It's a test of US. Of OUR ability to unite. Of OUR strength. Of OUR
 ability to put aside selfish arbitrary purity tests and scales of "likeability"
 and to just FUCKING GET IT DONE. We don't need the perfect candidate to
 rescue us. We need to realize that we can rescue ourselves
 So, how about it, Resistance? They want us to forget that we have the
 numbers, the motivation, and the power. They want us to implode. Let's
 explode instead, and leave nothing but a charred ruin of this nightmare
 administration in our wake.
 BOOM
 1.4K Comments 6.7K Shares
onceuponamirror:

helenofhere:

snarksandkisses:


Also good to keep THIS SHIT in mind:


This is the most important post on this platform since early 2016. 


WE ARE NOT FUCKING IT UP TWICE. DO NOT LET PROPAGANDA AND MANIPULATION DIVIDE US AGAINST GETTING THIS MONSTER OUT. thanks

onceuponamirror: helenofhere: snarksandkisses: Also good to keep THIS SHIT in mind: This is the most important post on this platform s...