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Alive, Bruh, and Cars: robotmango it's ninety-nine degrees outside, four fuck-thousand percent humidity, and my husband was like, "i'm gonna go for a bike ride." and i was like "why. no. why don't put us on the news like that. local fool collapses on unnecessary journey don't do it." so he says he doesn't want to "hide in the house" because the sun is shining. bruh. honeybruh. "the sun is shining" does not cover it. its hot outside. its motherfucking hot as fuck outside. our outdoor plants have been crying into their hands all week. whole cars are melting into the sewer. our fucking patio umbrella developed sentience to ask me for lemonade this mornin awed-frog @robotmango, you need to work for the weather forecast this was both hilarious and so vivid it made me stand up and get some iced tea robotmango this is a great idea, thank you. here goes. my audition tape for the weather channel. dearly beloved. we are gathered here today to have a fucking funeral for the outdoors. it had a good run, with all its creeks and clouds and shit pretty great. now it's ten-thirty at night but still ninety-two asshole-sweating degrees and humid as fuck. everything is hot and slimy, like being a "borrower" that got trapped inside a bottle of shampoo and then accidentally microwaved you can see on my doppler radar that nothing is moving around out there because everything is probably dead. the only alive thing is the mosquito currently trying to drill a hole in my leg. no surprise that all the shitbag mosquitos are fine, since the thermostat of hell is always at the devil's preferred temperature. this forecast has gotten away from me a little, but in conclusion fuck the sun scarylullabies I think I've reblogged this before, but "the thermostat of hell is always at the devil's preferred temperature" is fucking poetry heywetotheotherworld but in conclusion, fuck the sun Why isnt OP on the Weather Channel yet?
Alive, Bruh, and Cars: robotmango
 it's ninety-nine degrees outside, four fuck-thousand percent humidity, and my
 husband was like, "i'm gonna go for a bike ride." and i was like "why. no. why
 don't put us on the news like that. local fool collapses on unnecessary journey
 don't do it." so he says he doesn't want to "hide in the house" because the sun
 is shining. bruh. honeybruh. "the sun is shining" does not cover it. its hot
 outside. its motherfucking hot as fuck outside. our outdoor plants have been
 crying into their hands all week. whole cars are melting into the sewer. our
 fucking patio umbrella developed sentience to ask me for lemonade this
 mornin
 awed-frog
 @robotmango, you need to work for the weather forecast this was both
 hilarious and so vivid it made me stand up and get some iced tea
 robotmango
 this is a great idea, thank you. here goes. my audition tape for the weather
 channel. dearly beloved. we are gathered here today to have a fucking funeral
 for the outdoors. it had a good run, with all its creeks and clouds and shit
 pretty great. now it's ten-thirty at night but still ninety-two asshole-sweating
 degrees and humid as fuck. everything is hot and slimy, like being a "borrower"
 that got trapped inside a bottle of shampoo and then accidentally microwaved
 you can see on my doppler radar that nothing is moving around out there
 because everything is probably dead. the only alive thing is the mosquito
 currently trying to drill a hole in my leg. no surprise that all the shitbag
 mosquitos are fine, since the thermostat of hell is always at the devil's preferred
 temperature. this forecast has gotten away from me a little, but in conclusion
 fuck the sun
 scarylullabies
 I think I've reblogged this before, but "the thermostat of hell is always at the
 devil's preferred temperature" is fucking poetry
 heywetotheotherworld
 but in conclusion, fuck the sun
Why isnt OP on the Weather Channel yet?

Why isnt OP on the Weather Channel yet?

Animals, Bad, and Cars: 366 WTNT41 KNHC 102055 TCDAT1 Hurricane Florence Discussion Number 46 NWS National Hurricane Center Miami FL 500 PM AST Mon Sep 10 2018 AL062018 Unfortunately, the models were right. Florence has rapidly intensifled into an extremely dangerous hurricane, with 30-second GOES-16 visible imagery showing well-defined eyewall mesovortices rotating inside of the eye. A NOAA Hurricane Hunter aircraft found peak SFMR winds of about 120 kt, with flight-level winds and dropsonde measurements also supporting that value for the initial wind speed estimate. Notably, the aircraft data also show the size of the hurricane-force winds has doubled in the past 12 hours thehmarie1089: your-reference-here: This is from the forecast discussion of Major Hurricane Florence from this afternoon. As a meteorologist, when I saw this, my heart sank. They don’t use wording like this for every storm. Florence is going to be a devastating. There will be huge amounts of flooding, both from inland rain and from costal storm surge. Winds are going to be some of the strongest you can get from a hurricane. People within the path of this storm could lose everything. If you know anyone who lives on the North or South Carolina coast, tell them that if there’s an evacuation ordered, they need to get the hell out. Do not take chances with this one. Reblogging again to add a list of things/essentials from a friend who lives on the NC coast and has weathered hurricanes and other bad weather: - toiletries (paper towels, toilet paper, baby wipes for “bathing” in case power water go out) - water, 1 gallon per person for at least 7 days (err on the side of caution if possible); more if you have animals!! - non perishable food items, if you get canned food make sure you have a can OPENER - pet food supplies, if you’re really worried about flooding it may be beneficial to get life vests for your pets, also find a way to put identification information on them! - batteries - flashlights - battery packs for cell phones charged up in case of loss of power - filled cars with gas filled gas can(s) - get all essentials like passports, important docs, and cherished items together ready to go - just in case, determine a way to get onto your roof safely - fill bathtubs with water so if water isn’t available you can refill the toilets to keep flushing and keep waste to a minimum - if you have dogs look up how to make a makeshift potty, you can use a hard baby pool and some sod potentially - check your prescriptions and get them refilled now if necessary - if you’re taking insulin and lose power, fill a separate cooler for your insulin than the one you would use for food. Insulin food If your place begins to flood get the hell OUT of the water!!! There is no telling if you have a live electrical charge in there! Do not cross any water you cannot see the bottom of the ground in. I’m serious. Read up on flash floods and common safety tips.
Animals, Bad, and Cars: 366
 WTNT41 KNHC 102055
 TCDAT1
 Hurricane Florence Discussion Number 46
 NWS National Hurricane Center Miami FL
 500 PM AST Mon Sep 10 2018
 AL062018
 Unfortunately, the models were right. Florence has rapidly
 intensifled into an extremely dangerous hurricane, with 30-second
 GOES-16 visible imagery showing well-defined eyewall mesovortices
 rotating inside of the eye. A NOAA Hurricane Hunter aircraft found
 peak SFMR winds of about 120 kt, with flight-level winds and
 dropsonde measurements also supporting that value for the initial
 wind speed estimate. Notably, the aircraft data also show the size
 of the hurricane-force winds has doubled in the past 12 hours
thehmarie1089:
your-reference-here:

This is from the forecast discussion of Major Hurricane Florence from this afternoon. As a meteorologist, when I saw this, my heart sank. They don’t use wording like this for every storm.
Florence is going to be a devastating. There will be huge amounts of flooding, both from inland rain and from costal storm surge. Winds are going to be some of the strongest you can get from a hurricane. People within the path of this storm could lose everything.
If you know anyone who lives on the North or South Carolina coast, tell them that if there’s an evacuation ordered, they need to get the hell out. Do not take chances with this one.


Reblogging again to add a list of things/essentials from a friend who lives on the NC coast and has weathered hurricanes and other bad weather:

- toiletries (paper towels, toilet paper, baby wipes for “bathing” in case power  water go out)
- water, 1 gallon per person for at least 7 days (err on the side of caution if possible); more if you have animals!!
- non perishable food items, if you get canned food make sure you have a can OPENER
- pet food  supplies, if you’re really worried about flooding it may be beneficial to get life vests for your pets, also find a way to put identification information on them! 
- batteries
- flashlights
- battery packs for cell phones charged up in case of loss of power
- filled cars with gas  filled gas can(s)
- get all essentials like passports, important docs, and cherished items together  ready to go 
- just in case, determine a way to get onto your roof safely
- fill bathtubs with water so if water isn’t available you can refill the toilets to keep flushing and keep waste to a minimum
- if you have dogs look up how to make a makeshift potty, you can use a hard baby pool and some sod potentially 
- check your prescriptions and get them refilled now if necessary
- if you’re taking insulin and lose power, fill a separate cooler for your insulin than the one you would use for food. Insulin  food
If your place begins to flood get the hell OUT of the water!!! There is no telling if you have a live electrical charge in there! 
Do not cross any water you cannot see the bottom of the ground in. I’m serious. 
Read up on flash floods and common safety tips.

thehmarie1089: your-reference-here: This is from the forecast discussion of Major Hurricane Florence from this afternoon. As a meteorologis...