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        šŸ”„ | Latest
    

    
    

        

        
        

            

                



            

        

        
        

            

                



            

        

        
        

            

                




    Alive, Beard, and Children: feniczoroark:

minority-cubed:

princemetalthunder:

skrill-cosby:

drucila616:

How Do Court Reporters Keep Straight Faces?These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts and are things people actually saidĀ in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place.ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?WITNESS: He said, ā€˜Where am I, Cathy?ā€™ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?WITNESS: My name is Susan!_______________________________ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.____________________________________________ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?WITNESS: No, I just lie there.____________________________________________ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?WITNESS: July 18th.ATTORNEY: What year?WITNESS: Every year._____________________________________ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I canā€™t remember which.ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?WITNESS: Forty-five years._________________________________ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?WITNESS: I forget..ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?___________________________________________ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isnā€™t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesnā€™t know about it until the next morning?WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?____________________________________ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?WITNESS: Heā€™s 20, much like your IQ.___________________________________________ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?WITNESS: Are you shitting me?_________________________________________ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?WITNESS: Getting laid____________________________________________ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: How many were boys?WITNESS: None.ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?____________________________________________ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?WITNESS: By death..ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?WITNESS: Take a guess.___________________________________________ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beardATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town Iā€™m going with male._____________________________________ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.______________________________________ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight._________________________________________ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?WITNESS: Oralā€¦_________________________________________ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PMATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.____________________________________________ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?______________________________________And last:ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?WITNESS: No..ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

oh my god these are great

fuck this is like reading a jokes and not actual quotes


The last one is how I feel about all my schoolmates

I can feel the frustration 
    

        
        
        
        
        
        
        
        
    

    

        

            
            

                
                Alive, Beard, and Children: feniczoroark:

minority-cubed:

princemetalthunder:

skrill-cosby:

drucila616:

How Do Court Reporters Keep Straight Faces?These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts and are things people actually saidĀ in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place.ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?WITNESS: He said, ā€˜Where am I, Cathy?ā€™ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?WITNESS: My name is Susan!_______________________________ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.____________________________________________ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?WITNESS: No, I just lie there.____________________________________________ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?WITNESS: July 18th.ATTORNEY: What year?WITNESS: Every year._____________________________________ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I canā€™t remember which.ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?WITNESS: Forty-five years._________________________________ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?WITNESS: I forget..ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?___________________________________________ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isnā€™t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesnā€™t know about it until the next morning?WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?____________________________________ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?WITNESS: Heā€™s 20, much like your IQ.___________________________________________ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?WITNESS: Are you shitting me?_________________________________________ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?WITNESS: Getting laid____________________________________________ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: How many were boys?WITNESS: None.ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?____________________________________________ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?WITNESS: By death..ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?WITNESS: Take a guess.___________________________________________ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beardATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town Iā€™m going with male._____________________________________ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.______________________________________ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight._________________________________________ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?WITNESS: Oralā€¦_________________________________________ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PMATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.____________________________________________ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?______________________________________And last:ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?WITNESS: No..ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

oh my god these are great

fuck this is like reading a jokes and not actual quotes


The last one is how I feel about all my schoolmates

I can feel the frustration 
                
            

            
            
feniczoroark:

minority-cubed:

princemetalthunder:

skrill-cosby:

drucila616:

How Do Court Reporters Keep Straight Faces?These are from a...

            
            
        

    



            

        

        
        

            

                



            

        

        
        

            

                



            

        

        
        

            

                



            

        

        
        

            

                



            

        

        
        

            

                



            

        

        
        

            

                



            

        

        
        

            

                



            

        

        
        

            

                




    Furry, Fuckin, and  See: Doing the cart mouth I see, fuckin furry.
    

        
        
        
        
        
        
        
        
    

    

        

            
            

                
                Furry, Fuckin, and  See: Doing the cart mouth I see, fuckin furry.
                
            

            
            
Doing the cart mouth I see, fuckin furry.

            
            
        

    



            

        

        
        

            

                



            

        

        
        

            

                



            

        

        
        

            

                



            

        

        
        

            

                



            

        

        
        

            

                



            

        

        
        

            

                



            

        

        
        

            

                



            

        

        
        

            

                



            

        

        
        

            

                



            

        

        
        

            

                



            

        

        
        

            

                



            

        

        
        

            

                



            

        

        
        

            

                



            

        

        
        

            

                



            

        

        
        

            

                



            

        

        
        

            

                



            

        

        
        

            

                



            

        

        
        

            

                



            

        

        
        

            

                



            

        

        
        

            

                



            

        

        
        

            

                



            

        

        
        

            

                



            

        

        
        

            

                




    Animals, Children, and Clothes: To the person who uses metal straws to save fish but
 consumes animals, I'd like to say thank you. To the vegan
 who isn't aware of our homelessness problem, thank you. To
 the climate change activists who aren't attentive to fast
 fashion, thank you. To the girl who gives her old clothes to
 the disadvantaged but isn't educated on sex trafficking,
 thank you. To the guy who picks up rubbish on his way
 home from a surf but isn't well-informed about male suicide
 rates, thank you. To the people who stand up for horse
 racing concerns but are uninformed of the cruelty of the
 dairy industry, thank you. To the positive Instagram
 influencer who hasn't cultivated a plastic-free lifestyle,
 thank you. To the grandparents who knit for sick children
 but aren't up to date with current race and homophobic
 issues, thank you. To the students that stand up for bullying
 but are unaware of the constant domestic violence
 epidemic, thank you. To the peace activists, feminists, stray
 dog adopters, teachers, volunteers, foster carers, recyclers,
 givers, doers and believers, I say thank you. We are all on a
 different path and we all see through different eyes. Current
 world issues that you are passionate about, aren't always
 what other people are trying to change... and that's okay. It's
 not everyone's job to save every part of the world but it is
 everyone's responsibility to thank every person who is doing
 THEIR part to save the world. Don't critic, just appreciate.
 Don't judge, just educate. We're all trying our best. Thank
 vou.
To everyone doing their small part, thank you
    

        
        
        
        
        
        
        
        
    

    

        

            
            

                
                Animals, Children, and Clothes: To the person who uses metal straws to save fish but
 consumes animals, I'd like to say thank you. To the vegan
 who isn't aware of our homelessness problem, thank you. To
 the climate change activists who aren't attentive to fast
 fashion, thank you. To the girl who gives her old clothes to
 the disadvantaged but isn't educated on sex trafficking,
 thank you. To the guy who picks up rubbish on his way
 home from a surf but isn't well-informed about male suicide
 rates, thank you. To the people who stand up for horse
 racing concerns but are uninformed of the cruelty of the
 dairy industry, thank you. To the positive Instagram
 influencer who hasn't cultivated a plastic-free lifestyle,
 thank you. To the grandparents who knit for sick children
 but aren't up to date with current race and homophobic
 issues, thank you. To the students that stand up for bullying
 but are unaware of the constant domestic violence
 epidemic, thank you. To the peace activists, feminists, stray
 dog adopters, teachers, volunteers, foster carers, recyclers,
 givers, doers and believers, I say thank you. We are all on a
 different path and we all see through different eyes. Current
 world issues that you are passionate about, aren't always
 what other people are trying to change... and that's okay. It's
 not everyone's job to save every part of the world but it is
 everyone's responsibility to thank every person who is doing
 THEIR part to save the world. Don't critic, just appreciate.
 Don't judge, just educate. We're all trying our best. Thank
 vou.
To everyone doing their small part, thank you
                
            

            
            
To everyone doing their small part, thank you

            
            
        

    



            

        

        
        

            

                



            

        

        
        

            

                



            

        

        
        

            

                



            

        

        
        

            

                



            

        

        
        

            

                



            

        

        
        

            

                



            

        

        
        

            

                



            

        

        
        

            

                



            

        

        
        

            

                



            

        

        
        

            

                



            

        

        
        

            

                



            

        

        
        

            

                



            

        

        
        

            

                



            

        

        
        

            

                



            

        

        
        

            

                



            

        

        
        

            

                




    Children, Comfortable, and Family: Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez
 @AOC
 Following
 If by 'the Latina thing,' she means I
 actually do the work instead of just talk
 about it, then yeah, I'm doing 'the
 Latina thing.
 Unless of course she's talking about
 being multilingual, which we know isn't
 a 'Latina thing
 It's a '21st century' thing
 Laura Ingraham And Guest Mock 'Anastasio' Ocasio-Cortez For Doi...
 Laura Ingraham and a guest on her prime-time Fox News show mocked Rep
 yahoo.com

 Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez O
 @AOC
 Following
 "How dare they refuse to say their name
 in a wrong accent & not mangle their
 own family name so that I can feel more
 comfortable instead of look inside
 myself & examine why something as
 small as *a person's name* makes me
 uncomfortable in the first place?? This is
 an outrage!"

 Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez*
 Following
 @AOC
 By the way: Fox News likes to say my
 name (incorrectly) as "Cortez," which lI
 can only imagine is bc that sounds more
 'stereotypically' Hispanic probably
 incites more anxiety' for them
 Pro Tip:
 My last name is not "Cortez," just as
 theirs isn't "Inara" or "Carl" or "Hann
 ."
 5:51 PM -20 Mar 2019

 Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez
 Following
 @AOC
 My last name is Ocasio-Cortez. Full stop.
 That's my name.
 No, you can't say "Cortez." l've never
 used that in my life. "Cortez" is referring
 to someone else
 Even if they're trying to be rude +
 wrong, my dad's last name was Ocasio
 anyway.
 (His name was hyphenated too, though.)
 6:01 PM 20 Mar 2019

 Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez
 @AOC
 Following
 For the curious, in Latinx culture
 children take *both* their parents'
 names.
 It's not a "progressive, new thing." It's
 just how some names work. PR
 hyphenates, others mark differently.
 Your last name: the families that came
 together to make you.
 AOC is also fine though :)
 6:19 PM-20 Mar 2019
imfemalewarrior:

endangered-justice-seeker:

Some pundits dislike it when people of color pronounce their own names correctly


Getting someoneā€™s name correct is a sign of Respect.Ā 
-FemaleWarrior, She/TheyĀ 

    

        
        
        
        
        
        
        
        
    

    

        

            
            

                
                Children, Comfortable, and Family: Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez
 @AOC
 Following
 If by 'the Latina thing,' she means I
 actually do the work instead of just talk
 about it, then yeah, I'm doing 'the
 Latina thing.
 Unless of course she's talking about
 being multilingual, which we know isn't
 a 'Latina thing
 It's a '21st century' thing
 Laura Ingraham And Guest Mock 'Anastasio' Ocasio-Cortez For Doi...
 Laura Ingraham and a guest on her prime-time Fox News show mocked Rep
 yahoo.com

 Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez O
 @AOC
 Following
 "How dare they refuse to say their name
 in a wrong accent & not mangle their
 own family name so that I can feel more
 comfortable instead of look inside
 myself & examine why something as
 small as *a person's name* makes me
 uncomfortable in the first place?? This is
 an outrage!"

 Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez*
 Following
 @AOC
 By the way: Fox News likes to say my
 name (incorrectly) as "Cortez," which lI
 can only imagine is bc that sounds more
 'stereotypically' Hispanic probably
 incites more anxiety' for them
 Pro Tip:
 My last name is not "Cortez," just as
 theirs isn't "Inara" or "Carl" or "Hann
 ."
 5:51 PM -20 Mar 2019

 Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez
 Following
 @AOC
 My last name is Ocasio-Cortez. Full stop.
 That's my name.
 No, you can't say "Cortez." l've never
 used that in my life. "Cortez" is referring
 to someone else
 Even if they're trying to be rude +
 wrong, my dad's last name was Ocasio
 anyway.
 (His name was hyphenated too, though.)
 6:01 PM 20 Mar 2019

 Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez
 @AOC
 Following
 For the curious, in Latinx culture
 children take *both* their parents'
 names.
 It's not a "progressive, new thing." It's
 just how some names work. PR
 hyphenates, others mark differently.
 Your last name: the families that came
 together to make you.
 AOC is also fine though :)
 6:19 PM-20 Mar 2019
imfemalewarrior:

endangered-justice-seeker:

Some pundits dislike it when people of color pronounce their own names correctly


Getting someoneā€™s name correct is a sign of Respect.Ā 
-FemaleWarrior, She/TheyĀ 

                
            

            
            
imfemalewarrior:

endangered-justice-seeker:

Some pundits dislike it when people of color pronounce their own names correctly


Getting som...