Raise Hell
Raise Hell

Raise Hell

A Lot
A Lot

A Lot

Bumbling
Bumbling

Bumbling

last-few-years
last-few-years

last-few-years

my sister
 my sister

my sister

bad word
 bad word

bad word

firstly
firstly

firstly

motherfucker
motherfucker

motherfucker

obtain
obtain

obtain

rationalize
rationalize

rationalize

🔥 | Latest

christen: tumblr Year in Review Ships 2019 2019 fandom: 2019’s Top 100 Ships Shipping is Tumblr’s favorite sport, and this is the Big Game. Ineffable HusbandsAziraphale & Crowley, Good Omens Klance −1Keith & Lance, Voltron: Legendary Defender JuliantinaJuliana Valdés & Valentina Carvajal, Amar a muerte Reddie +25Richie Tozier & Eddie Kaspbrak, It Jikook −1Park Jimin & Jeon Jungkook, BTS Phan −3Daniel Howell & Phil Lester, YouTubers Reylo −5Rey & Kylo Ren, the Star Wars universe Malec +1Magnus Bane & Alec Lightwood, Shadowhunters Bellarke −2Bellamy Blake & Clarke Griffin, The 100 Tyrus +34TJ & Cyrus, Andi Mack GendryaGendry & Arya Stark, Game of Thrones CatradoraCatra & Adora, She-Ra and the Princesses of Power Supercorp −1Kara Danvers & Lena Luthor, Supergirl Kiribaku −8Kirishima Eijirou & Bakugou Katsuki, Boku No Hero Academia Bumbleby +52Yang Xiao Long & Blake Belladonna, RWBY Stucky −6Steve Rogers & Bucky Barnes, the Marvel universe Jonsa +44Jon Snow & Sansa Stark, Game of Thrones Bakudeku −2Bakugou Katsuki & Midoriya Izuku, Boku No Hero Academia Stony +5Steve Rogers & Tony Stark, the Marvel universe Destiel −9Dean Winchester & Castiel, Supernatural Tododeku −13Todoroki Shouto & Midoriya Izuku, Boku No Hero Academia Drarry −1Draco Malfoy & Harry Potter, the Harry Potter universe Jonerys +43Jon Snow & Daenerys Targaryen, Game of Thrones Jaime x BrienneJaime Lannister & Brienne of Tarth, Game of Thrones IronStrange −7Tony Stark & Dr. Steven Strange, the Marvel universe EluEliott Demaury & Lucas Lallemant, SKAM France PreathChristen Press & Tobin Heath, Athletes Sasusaku +2Uchiha Sasuke & Haruno Sakura, Naruto Sheith −24Keith & Shiro, Voltron: Legendary Defender Sprousehart −10Cole Sprouse & Lili Reinhart, Actors Harringrove +38Steve Harrington & Billy Hargrove, Stranger Things Symbrock −18Venom (symbiote) & Eddie Brock, the Marvel universe Adrienette +14Adrien Agreste & Marinette Dupain-Cheng, Miraculous: Tales of Ladybug & Cat Noir Choni −21Cheryl Blossom & Toni Topaz, Riverdale Taekook −16Kim Taehyung & Jeon Jungkook, BTS Marichat +5Marinette Dupain-Cheng & Chat Noir, Miraculous: Tales of Ladybug & Cat Noir RobronRobert Sugden & Aaron Dingle, Emmerdale Kaylor +11Karlie Kloss & Taylor Swift, celebrities Erasermic +16Aizawa Shouta & Yamada Hizashi, Boku no Hero Academia Ladynoir +10Ladybug & Chat Noir, Miraculous: Tales of Ladybug & Cat Noir Bughead −18Betty Cooper & Jughead Jones, Riverdale Spideypool −14Spider-Man & Deadpool, the Marvel universe SpideychellePeter Parker & Michelle Jones, the Marvel universe MalexMichael Guerin & Alex Manes, Roswell, New Mexico Wolfstar +8Remus Lupin & Sirius Black, the Harry Potter universe Sterek −10Stiles Stilinski & Derek Hale, Teen Wolf ZaDrZim & Dib, Invader Zim DavenziMatteo Florenzi & David, Druck Camren −22Camila Cabello & Lauren Jauregui, Fifth Harmony Soriku Sora & Riku, Kingdom Hearts Wayhaught −36Waverly Earp & Nicole Haught, Wynonna Earp PepperonyPepper Potts & Tony Stark, the Marvel universe Nalu +19Natsu Dragneel & Lucy Heartfilia, Fairy Tail Yoonmin −29Min Yoongi & Park Jimin, BTS LukanetteLuka Couffaine & Marinette Dupain-Cheng, Miraculous: Tales of Ladybug & Cat Noir Lapidot −23Lapis Lazuli & Peridot, Steven Universe MilevenMike Wheeler & Eleven, Stranger Things Thorki −36Thor & Loki, the Marvel universe Merthur +28Merlin & Arthur Pendragon, Merlin Korrasami −22Korra & Asami Sato, The Legend of Korra Starco +3Star Butterfly & Marco Diaz, Star vs. the Forces of Evil BelizaEliza Taylor & Bob Morley, Actors McHanzo −46Jesse McCree & Hanzo Shimada, Overwatch SchmicoNico Kim & Levi Schmitt, Grey’s Anatomy Vmin −19Kim Taehyung & Park Jimin, BTS CrisanaCris Soto and Joana Bianchi, SKAM España  Johnlock −25John Watson & Sherlock Holmes, Sherlock Hannigram −8Hannibal Lecter & Will Graham, Hannibal Kacchako −32Uraraka Ochako & Bakugou Katsuki, Boku no Hero Academia Snowbaz +29Simon Snow & Tyrannus Basilton Grimm-Pitch, Carry On Kaisoo +8Kim Jongin & Do Kyungsoo, EXO Deanoru −4Karolina Dean & Nico Minoru, Runaways Larry Stylinson −15Harry Styles & Louis Tomlinson, One Direction WangxianLan Wangji & Wei Wuxian, Mo Dao Zu Shi IncantavaEdoardo Incanti & Eleonora Sava, SKAM Italia Clexa −28Clarke Griffin & Commander Lexa, The 100 Nygmobblepot −15Edward Nygma & Oswald Cobblepot, Gotham SnufminSnufkin & Moomin, Moominvalley PosiePenelope Park & Josie Saltzman, Legacies Bubbline −54Princess Bubblegum & Marceline, Adventure Time BallumBen Mitchell & Callum Highway, EastEnders BranjieBrooklyn Lynn Hytes & Vanessa Vanjie Matteo, RuPaul’s Drag Race HiccstridHiccup Haddock & Astrid Hofferson, How to Train Your Dragon Prinxiety +4Princey & Anxiety, Thomas Sanders PeraltiagoJake Peralta & Amy Santiago, Brooklyn Nine-Nine RayllumCallum & Rayla, The Dragon Prince Victuuri −56Victor Nikiforov & Yuri Katsuki, Yuri!!! on Ice EntrapdakEntrapta & Hordak, She-Ra and the Princesses of Power ClintashaClint Barton & Natasha Romanoff, the Marvel universe Tomdaya −6Tom Holland & Zendaya, Actors Spirk +6Spock & James Kirk, Star Trek SerireiSerizawa Katsuya & Reigen Arataka, Mob Psycho 100 Todomomo −23Todoroki Shouto & Yaoyorozu Momo, Boku no Hero Academia VoxmanLord Boxman & Professor Venomous, OK K.O.! Let’s Be Heroes RomanogersSteven Rogers & Natasha Romanoff, the Marvel universe Bechloe −62Beca Mitchell & Chloe Beale, Pitch Perfect ZelinkZelda & Link, The Legend of Zelda DavekatDave Strider & Karkat Vantas, Homestuck TerumobHanazawa Teruki & Kageyama Shigeo, Mob Psycho 100 DimilethDimitri & Byleth, Fire EmblemThe number in italics indicates how many spots a ship moved up or down from the previous year. The ones in bold weren’t on the list last year.
christen: tumblr Year in Review
 Ships
 2019
 2019
fandom:

2019’s Top 100 Ships

Shipping is Tumblr’s favorite sport, and this is the Big Game.

Ineffable HusbandsAziraphale & Crowley, Good Omens 
Klance −1Keith & Lance, Voltron: Legendary Defender 
JuliantinaJuliana Valdés & Valentina Carvajal, Amar a muerte 
Reddie +25Richie Tozier & Eddie Kaspbrak, It 
Jikook −1Park Jimin & Jeon Jungkook, BTS 
Phan −3Daniel Howell & Phil Lester, YouTubers 
Reylo −5Rey & Kylo Ren, the Star Wars universe 
Malec +1Magnus Bane & Alec Lightwood, Shadowhunters 
Bellarke −2Bellamy Blake & Clarke Griffin, The 100 
Tyrus +34TJ & Cyrus, Andi Mack 
GendryaGendry & Arya Stark, Game of Thrones 
CatradoraCatra & Adora, She-Ra and the Princesses of Power 
Supercorp −1Kara Danvers & Lena Luthor, Supergirl 
Kiribaku −8Kirishima Eijirou  & Bakugou Katsuki, Boku No Hero Academia 
Bumbleby +52Yang Xiao Long & Blake Belladonna, RWBY 
Stucky −6Steve Rogers & Bucky Barnes, the Marvel universe 
Jonsa +44Jon Snow & Sansa Stark, Game of Thrones 
Bakudeku −2Bakugou Katsuki & Midoriya Izuku, Boku No Hero Academia 
Stony +5Steve Rogers & Tony Stark, the Marvel universe 
Destiel −9Dean Winchester & Castiel, Supernatural 
Tododeku −13Todoroki Shouto & Midoriya Izuku, Boku No Hero Academia 
Drarry −1Draco Malfoy & Harry Potter, the Harry Potter universe 
Jonerys +43Jon Snow & Daenerys Targaryen, Game of Thrones 
Jaime x BrienneJaime Lannister & Brienne of Tarth, Game of Thrones 
IronStrange −7Tony Stark & Dr. Steven Strange, the Marvel universe 
EluEliott Demaury & Lucas Lallemant, SKAM France 
PreathChristen Press & Tobin Heath, Athletes 
Sasusaku +2Uchiha Sasuke & Haruno Sakura, Naruto 
Sheith −24Keith & Shiro, Voltron: Legendary Defender 
Sprousehart −10Cole Sprouse & Lili Reinhart, Actors 
Harringrove +38Steve Harrington & Billy Hargrove, Stranger Things 
Symbrock −18Venom (symbiote) & Eddie Brock, the Marvel universe 
Adrienette +14Adrien Agreste & Marinette Dupain-Cheng, Miraculous: Tales of Ladybug & Cat Noir 
Choni −21Cheryl Blossom & Toni Topaz, Riverdale 
Taekook −16Kim Taehyung & Jeon Jungkook, BTS 
Marichat +5Marinette Dupain-Cheng & Chat Noir, Miraculous: Tales of Ladybug & Cat Noir 
RobronRobert Sugden & Aaron Dingle, Emmerdale 
Kaylor +11Karlie Kloss & Taylor Swift, celebrities 
Erasermic +16Aizawa Shouta & Yamada Hizashi, Boku no Hero Academia 
Ladynoir +10Ladybug & Chat Noir, Miraculous: Tales of Ladybug & Cat Noir 
Bughead −18Betty Cooper & Jughead Jones, Riverdale 
Spideypool −14Spider-Man & Deadpool, the Marvel universe 
SpideychellePeter Parker & Michelle Jones, the Marvel universe 
MalexMichael Guerin & Alex Manes, Roswell, New Mexico 
Wolfstar +8Remus Lupin & Sirius Black, the Harry Potter universe 
Sterek −10Stiles Stilinski & Derek Hale, Teen Wolf 
ZaDrZim & Dib, Invader Zim 
DavenziMatteo Florenzi & David, Druck 
Camren −22Camila Cabello & Lauren Jauregui, Fifth Harmony
Soriku Sora & Riku, Kingdom Hearts
Wayhaught −36Waverly Earp & Nicole Haught, Wynonna Earp
PepperonyPepper Potts & Tony Stark, the Marvel universe
Nalu +19Natsu Dragneel & Lucy Heartfilia, Fairy Tail
Yoonmin −29Min Yoongi & Park Jimin, BTS
LukanetteLuka Couffaine & Marinette Dupain-Cheng, Miraculous: Tales of Ladybug & Cat Noir
Lapidot −23Lapis Lazuli & Peridot, Steven Universe
MilevenMike Wheeler & Eleven, Stranger Things
Thorki −36Thor & Loki, the Marvel universe
Merthur +28Merlin & Arthur Pendragon, Merlin
Korrasami −22Korra & Asami Sato, The Legend of Korra
Starco +3Star Butterfly & Marco Diaz, Star vs. the Forces of Evil
BelizaEliza Taylor & Bob Morley, Actors
McHanzo −46Jesse McCree & Hanzo Shimada, Overwatch
SchmicoNico Kim & Levi Schmitt, Grey’s Anatomy
Vmin −19Kim Taehyung & Park Jimin, BTS
CrisanaCris Soto and Joana Bianchi, SKAM España 
Johnlock −25John Watson & Sherlock Holmes, Sherlock
Hannigram −8Hannibal Lecter & Will Graham, Hannibal
Kacchako −32Uraraka Ochako & Bakugou Katsuki, Boku no Hero Academia
Snowbaz +29Simon Snow & Tyrannus Basilton Grimm-Pitch, Carry On
Kaisoo +8Kim Jongin & Do Kyungsoo, EXO
Deanoru −4Karolina Dean & Nico Minoru, Runaways
Larry Stylinson −15Harry Styles & Louis Tomlinson, One Direction
WangxianLan Wangji & Wei Wuxian, Mo Dao Zu Shi
IncantavaEdoardo Incanti & Eleonora Sava, SKAM Italia
Clexa −28Clarke Griffin & Commander Lexa, The 100
Nygmobblepot −15Edward Nygma & Oswald Cobblepot, Gotham
SnufminSnufkin & Moomin, Moominvalley
PosiePenelope Park & Josie Saltzman, Legacies
Bubbline −54Princess Bubblegum & Marceline, Adventure Time
BallumBen Mitchell & Callum Highway, EastEnders
BranjieBrooklyn Lynn Hytes & Vanessa Vanjie Matteo, RuPaul’s Drag Race
HiccstridHiccup Haddock & Astrid Hofferson, How to Train Your Dragon
Prinxiety +4Princey & Anxiety, Thomas Sanders
PeraltiagoJake Peralta & Amy Santiago, Brooklyn Nine-Nine
RayllumCallum & Rayla, The Dragon Prince
Victuuri −56Victor Nikiforov & Yuri Katsuki, Yuri!!! on Ice
EntrapdakEntrapta & Hordak, She-Ra and the Princesses of Power
ClintashaClint Barton & Natasha Romanoff, the Marvel universe
Tomdaya −6Tom Holland & Zendaya, Actors
Spirk +6Spock & James Kirk, Star Trek
SerireiSerizawa Katsuya & Reigen Arataka, Mob Psycho 100
Todomomo −23Todoroki Shouto & Yaoyorozu Momo, Boku no Hero Academia
VoxmanLord Boxman & Professor Venomous, OK K.O.! Let’s Be Heroes
RomanogersSteven Rogers & Natasha Romanoff, the Marvel universe
Bechloe −62Beca Mitchell & Chloe Beale, Pitch Perfect
ZelinkZelda & Link, The Legend of Zelda
DavekatDave Strider & Karkat Vantas, Homestuck
TerumobHanazawa Teruki & Kageyama Shigeo, Mob Psycho 100
DimilethDimitri & Byleth, Fire EmblemThe number in italics indicates how many spots a ship moved up or down from the previous year. The ones in bold weren’t on the list last year.

fandom: 2019’s Top 100 Ships Shipping is Tumblr’s favorite sport, and this is the Big Game. Ineffable HusbandsAziraphale & Crowley, Go...

christen: Sprint LTE 8:17 PM * 31%(10 Home (3) Active now This might seem Hey totally random but I'm curious. What do you know about Pure Therapeutic Ketones and ketosis? Hey! I am diabetic. Ketones is byproduct of your body burning through fat. Once the fat is gone it starts burning your protein. Which is what your muscles and organs are made of. People who do the keto diet have to replace what is lost by the diet. That's why it's so fatty and protein based. People who are on it for too long can have kidney, liver heart, lung, and muscle damage Ketosis is what a lot of diabetic die from I don't diet. I portion control and eat healthy. Carbs are necessary for proper bodily functions. As a nurse you should know that. Sprint LTE 9:02 PM * 25% @ } Home (3) Active now Hey girl, you seem to be really knowledgeable about this which is really awesome! Let me connect you with my friend Christen. She's a nurse and she has been drinking ketones for a really long time! She would totally be able to answer any questions you have. Are you open to that? Do you know what diabetic ketoacidosis is? I do. And it's from ketones. I was in the icu and almost died from it. My body was shutting down and if my friend wouldn't have brought me to the Er I would have gone into cardiac arrest and died at home with no help. I'm not the person to sell that stuff to. I can pull up numerous articles that actually have real statistics and medical proof backing up what this fad diet does to the human body. Liver failure, kidney failure, blindness, amputations of extremities, heart failure, neuropathy, and much much more. No one wants people researching this information Sprint LTE 9:02 PM * 25% KHome (3) ctive Do you know what diabetic ketoacidosis is? I do. And it's from ketones. I was in the icu and almost died from it. My body was shutting down and if my friend wouldn't have brought me to the Er I would have gone into cardiac arrest and died at home with no help. I'm not the person to sell that stuff to. I can pull up numerous articles that actually have real statistics and medical proof backing up what this fad diet does to the human body. Liver failure, kidney failure, blindness, amputations of extremities, heart failure, neuropathy, and much much more. No one wants people researching this information because they are capitalizing on permanent damage and death for their own financial gain. People blindly start these diets without researching them. It will take years off of the lives of a lot of people and that means less time with the ones they love. I do not advocate the diet. But thank you for trying. I Sprint LTE ※ 9:12 PM ア* 23% a KHome (2) C0 Active now researching them. It will take years off of the lives of a lot of people and that means less time with the ones they love. I do not advocate the diet. But thank you for trying. Ketosis and ketoacidosis are two totally different things. We are actually born in ketosis and stay that way until we are introduced to a traditional American diet. I totally respect your opinion though They are not. Ask a doctor like I did. Google it actually. Ketones put your body into a state of ketoacidosis Which is exactly what causes all of that. Americans need to stop eating processed foods and eating healthy. Plus getting up and being active is important to a balanced and healthy lifestyle. Americans are fooled by what's advertised and what's easy. As a consumer, it is our responsibility to be educated. Sprint LTE 9:21 PM Home (2) Active now Americans are fooled by what's advertised and what's easy. As a consumer, it is our responsibility to be educated https:/thcliphd.com/video clip-516648776d4f4243676f464 5 Ketosis vs Diabetic Ketoacidosis Clip Ketosis vs Diabetic Ketoacidosis, video Ketosis vs Diabetic Ketoacidosis, video clip Ketosis vs Diabetic Ketoacidosis 720 Ketosis vs Diabetic Ketoacidosis 1080, Ketosis vs Diabetic Ketoacidosis thcliphd.com I don't care. Shut up and go the fuck away. I thought you'd get that shit with the first response. Go away. Far away. 00四0 Aa Gotta love MLM's
christen: Sprint LTE
 8:17 PM
 * 31%(10
 Home (3)
 Active now
 This might seem
 Hey
 totally random but I'm curious.
 What do you know about Pure
 Therapeutic Ketones and ketosis?
 Hey! I am diabetic. Ketones is
 byproduct of your body burning
 through fat. Once the fat is gone it
 starts burning your protein. Which is
 what your muscles and organs are
 made of. People who do the keto diet
 have to replace what is lost by the
 diet. That's why it's so fatty and
 protein based. People who are on it
 for too long can have kidney, liver
 heart, lung, and muscle damage
 Ketosis is what a lot of diabetic die
 from
 I don't diet. I portion control and eat
 healthy.
 Carbs are necessary for proper
 bodily functions.
 As a nurse you should know that.

 Sprint LTE
 9:02 PM
 * 25% @ }
 Home (3)
 Active now
 Hey girl, you seem to be really
 knowledgeable about this which is
 really awesome! Let me connect
 you with my friend Christen. She's
 a nurse and she has been drinking
 ketones for a really long time! She
 would totally be able to answer
 any questions you have. Are you
 open to that?
 Do you know what diabetic
 ketoacidosis is? I do. And it's from
 ketones. I was in the icu and almost
 died from it. My body was shutting
 down and if my friend wouldn't have
 brought me to the Er I would have
 gone into cardiac arrest and died at
 home with no help. I'm not the
 person to sell that stuff to. I can pull
 up numerous articles that actually
 have real statistics and medical proof
 backing up what this fad diet does to
 the human body. Liver failure, kidney
 failure, blindness, amputations of
 extremities, heart failure, neuropathy,
 and much much more. No one wants
 people researching this information

 Sprint LTE
 9:02 PM
 * 25%
 KHome (3) ctive
 Do you know what diabetic
 ketoacidosis is? I do. And it's from
 ketones. I was in the icu and almost
 died from it. My body was shutting
 down and if my friend wouldn't have
 brought me to the Er I would have
 gone into cardiac arrest and died at
 home with no help. I'm not the
 person to sell that stuff to. I can pull
 up numerous articles that actually
 have real statistics and medical proof
 backing up what this fad diet does to
 the human body. Liver failure, kidney
 failure, blindness, amputations of
 extremities, heart failure, neuropathy,
 and much much more. No one wants
 people researching this information
 because they are capitalizing on
 permanent damage and death for
 their own financial gain. People
 blindly start these diets without
 researching them. It will take years
 off of the lives of a lot of people and
 that means less time with the ones
 they love. I do not advocate the diet.
 But thank you for trying.

 I Sprint LTE ※
 9:12 PM
 ア* 23%
 a
 KHome (2)
 C0
 Active now
 researching them. It will take years
 off of the lives of a lot of people and
 that means less time with the ones
 they love. I do not advocate the diet.
 But thank you for trying.
 Ketosis and ketoacidosis are two
 totally different things. We are
 actually born in ketosis and stay
 that way until we are introduced to
 a traditional American diet. I totally
 respect your opinion though
 They are not. Ask a doctor like I did.
 Google it actually. Ketones put your
 body into a state of ketoacidosis
 Which is exactly what causes all of
 that. Americans need to stop eating
 processed foods and eating healthy.
 Plus getting up and being active is
 important to a
 balanced and healthy lifestyle.
 Americans are fooled by what's
 advertised and what's easy. As a
 consumer, it is our responsibility to
 be educated.

 Sprint LTE
 9:21 PM
 Home (2)
 Active now
 Americans are fooled by what's
 advertised and what's easy. As a
 consumer, it is our responsibility to
 be educated
 https:/thcliphd.com/video
 clip-516648776d4f4243676f464
 5
 Ketosis vs Diabetic Ketoacidosis
 Clip Ketosis vs Diabetic Ketoacidosis, video
 Ketosis vs Diabetic Ketoacidosis, video clip
 Ketosis vs Diabetic Ketoacidosis 720
 Ketosis vs Diabetic Ketoacidosis 1080,
 Ketosis vs Diabetic Ketoacidosis
 thcliphd.com
 I don't care. Shut up and go the fuck
 away. I thought you'd get that shit
 with the first response. Go away. Far
 away.
 00四0 Aa
Gotta love MLM's

Gotta love MLM's

christen: bibliotecaria-d: ebonykain: karacat: othersideofforty: erinnightwalker: ripped-up-jeans-and-glitter: erinnightwalker: acaffeinejunkie: erinnightwalker: erinnightwalker: geostatonary: sixpenceee: “A house I pass on the way to work has this sculpture in its yard. Its about 8 feet tall.” (Source) “HELLO NEIGHBOR STEVE, I WOULD LIKE TO INVITE YOU TO BARBEQUE ON THE EVE OF THE BLOOD MOON.  I FEEL WE GOT OFF TO A BAD START.” “NEIGHBOR STEVE, DO YOU NOT WISH TO PARTAKE OF THE UNCLEAN FLESH-MEATS OF PIGS AND THE POLLUTED ESSENCES OF TOMATO?  PERHAPS YOU ARE A CAROLINA STYLE MAN, NEIGHBOR STEVE?” “PUT THE GUN AWAY NEIGHBOR STEVE, YOU KNOW I SHALL ONLY RISE AGAIN WITH THE DAWNING OF THE MOON.  WE HAVE BEEN THROUGH THIS MANY TIMES.” “LOOK AT THIS PICTURE MY SON DREW OF YOU AND CHILD TIMMY, YOUR SON.  ARE THEY NOT THE PICTURE OF PACT-MATES?  THIS COULD BE YOU AND ME, NEIGHBOR STEVE.” “YOU MISSED THE UNHOLY NEXUS OF POWER THAT IS THE KEY TO MY CORPOREAL FORM, NEIGHBOR STEVE.  YOU WILL NEED TO RELOAD NOW, SO I WILL GO INSIDE TO MY HELL-WIFE AND PUT YOU DOWN AS A SOLID ‘MAYBE’.“ I have the feeling that the families get along great except for Steve. Like, the wives are baking (questionable) brownies together, the kids are playing together, Antler Guy occasionally takes Son and Timmy to school (no car, just carries them in huge swinging strides through a nexus of ungoldly sights in a swirling netherworld shortcut. Sometimes they stop for McDonalds). Hell-wife gave them a potted Audrey Jr., Steve’s wife (who I now christen Sharon) gave them a begonia. One time Steve tries throwing holy water but all Antler Guy does is thank him, saying that no, Antler Guy isn’t Catholic but it’s the thought that counts, he is so kind to water his creeping deathshade vines regardless. For Christmas Antler Guy gives Steve a case of ammunition. To be funny/sarcastically mean Steve gets Antler Guy the world’s most hideous Christmas sweater, singing light-up reindeer included. He immediately regrets it because not only does Antler Guy love it and wears it for several months, it will never need batteries because Antler Guy powers it with his own eldritch aura. When they come back from a holiday to Hawaii, Steve is horrified to find out Sharon bought them matching Hawaiian shirts. He is even more horrified that his wife means it that if he doesn’t wear it he will forever sleep on the couch. I want to expand on this, since I see it’s still passing around and the ideas have grown in my brainmeats. What drives Steve up the wall and down the other side is how… normal… everyone treats the Abominations. (Yes, that is their last name. No, it is not a joke. Son was asked his last name for the standardized testing at school, had a quick conference with Timmy, and decided that Son Abomination sounded good, “Since my dad calls your dad the Abomination anyway and we can paint it on your mailbox just like the Henderson’s did theirs!”. Antler Guy agreed and did a lovely rendition of it for the mailbox, with only a few glyphs of soul-rending terror added to keep up to snuff.) The Great Plant Exchange went beautifully, though the Audrey Jr. (named Aubergine for the lovely shade of purple poison that drips from her fangs) is on a diet at the moment. She was in cahoots with the cat and the dog to get into the good people food and ate two frozen turkeys all herself. Now she’s restricted to the hallway table to answer the phone and the door. (Steve actually likes her, and keeps slipping her hotdogs when Sharon isn’t looking. Their door-to-door salesman rates have dropped dramatically since she changed abodes.) Hell-wife has almost gotten the begonia to bloom and say it’s first words. The homeowner’s association just loves the Abominations. All paperwork stamped and dotted, in on time and in triplicate. Antler Guy likes filing, says it reminds him of his old job. There is a resident who spent 20 years as a lawyer and they have long, animated conversations about all sorts of things that make Steve swear to never need legal counsel. Hell-wife joined the PTA and spearheaded a committee to fundraise in the fall with a haunted house. It was a county-wide hit, though the claims that a particularly rowdy group had been deliberately lost in a timeslip to the Outer Doors Of Chaos was firmly rebuffed. Most young people nowadays, it was agreed, just couldn’t appreciate flute music. Antler Guy really does try to connect with Steve. The surprise birthday party was perhaps a bit much, given that most participants do not have the ability to suddenly materialize in front of the guest of honor to give them a hug. Sharon assured them that Steve normally screams on his birthday, and the remains of the cake were heartily enjoyed by all. (A plate was saved for Steve once he came down from the treehouse.) After the Hawaii trip (which was a present for his birthday) and the Matching Shirt Ultimatum (which was Sharon’s attempt at patching things up with Antler Guy, he really was sad about the birthday screaming), Steve finally grabs his courage in both hands (plus the shotgun, which let’s face it is about as useful as a teddybear at the moment but it does comfort him) and confronts Antler Guy, about why such a group of……Abominations could possibly come to his quiet slice of suburban bliss. “……BUT NEIGHBOR STEVE, WE HAVE ALWAYS BEEN HERE.” “No no no, I read it in a book! Don’t you have to be invited or something?!” “WELL YES, TO THE HUMAN WORLD. BUT THIS IS NOT THE HUMAN WORLD AS YOUR THREE-DIMENSIONAL BRAIN PERCEIVES IT.” “What the hell does that mean?!!” “DID YOU NOT KNOW, NEIGHBOR STEVE? LEGALLY SPEAKING, ALL OF THE VASTNESS OF HUMAN SUBURBIA IS, IN FACT, A PART OF HELL.” “……..” “THE FLAMINGOES ARE THE BOUNDARY MARKERS. IT WAS DECIDED THAT THE FLAMING SKULLS WERE TOO KITSCHY FOR MODERN TIMES.” Reblogging cause I kind of want more of this…. Since you asked nicely ^_^ Antler Guy, as one may have noticed, is a calm sort of fellow. In the face of human atrocities he displays a curious Zen sort of state of mind. Timmy asks Son if he’d ever seen his dad angry, and Son hasn’t. (When asked, Timmy says that yeah his dad gets mad, but it’s like the Fitz-Simmon’s chihuahua down the street- mostly high-pitched noise and occasionally TV remote chewing. Sharon replaces the poor thing every 3 months or so.) When pressed (gently, at the monthly book club, and with many cups of tea and at least one daiquiri), Hellwife admits that this comes from serving many years at his old job. After the revelation of the nature of his neighborhood, Steve has not been overtly mean to Antler Guy. Not yet in the realm of friends, but vastly better than before. No more holy water, no more shotgun blasts. (Still the occasional jumpscare, but Antler Guy really can’t help that part.) They even occasionally share news over the fence as Antler Guy trains the creeping deathshade vines in proper oral hygiene, and Steve waters his lawn (and occasionally slips a goldfish cracker to a deathshade vine that looks particularly adorable. Aubergine has trained him well.) Which is how Antler Guy learns about the peeping tom that’s been plaguing the adjacent streets. Apparently the pervert has been getting bolder, and rattling doors. He almost broke into one apartment, whose occupants were a single mother and her daughter, Mildred. Millie, a shy girl who is a great horror fan and firm friends with Timmy and Son, had missed school because of it. Steve knew because Sharon had told him, on her way to deliver a tuna casserole and a double batch of brownies to the pair. (Sharon has been dubbed the unoffical mob boss of the Mother’s Mafia. She is quite pleased with this title.) He tells her to wait, confers briefly with Aubergine, and sends her along with, “Only as a loan, you know, but Auby wants to stretch her roots and she’d probably like getting all ribboned and curled anyway. Little girls still do that, right?” She has strict orders to bite anyone that makes Millie or her mother cry. (Steve is dubbed the official neighborhood marshmallow for this. The bookclub buys him a jar of marshmallow fluff in commemoration.) He turns to look at Antler Guy, and freezes, much as a chihuahua will when faced with a hungry hellhound. “You….you alright there buddy?” “Ň̵̴̫̫̙͙̻̞͈̫̥̪̱͈͈̯̍̀̀͆ͫ̒̿̄͗͘͡͝ͅO̊͑̑͒̎͑̃ͬͭͮ̅̔̆̃̉ͯ̇͗̀҉̵̻̜̞͉̟͙͚̻̪̼̖̀͟ͅ.̵͈̣͈̙̣̜̻̭̩̝̠̞͗ͤͥ̓͗ͬ̓̄͊̓̅̐ͩͮͧͤ̽̐ “ “Uh, yeah, I guess not. Did you, uh, know you’re kinda fuzzing at the edges, there?” “Ň̵̴̫̫̙͙̻̞͈̫̥̪̱͈͈̯̍̀̀͆ͫ̒̿̄͗͘͡͝ͅO̊͑̑͒̎͑̃ͬͭͮ̅̔̆̃̉ͯ̇͗̀҉̵̻̜̞͉̟͙͚̻̪̼̖̀͟ͅ.̵͈̣͈̙̣̜̻̭̩̝̠̞͗ͤͥ̓͗ͬ̓̄͊̓̅̐ͩͮͧͤ̽̐ “ “Right. Um. Well.” Steven makes a very ungraceful exit when space starts bending around Antler Guy’s still, unmoving form. When Steve sees a shadowy form in his back yard when he gets up to pee that night, there’s no hesitation. He grabs the shotgun from the cabinet and peeks out the back door window. Just in time to see a nebulous form of soul-wrenching terror engulf the man reaching for the door handle. A sliver of moonlight reveals a very familiar eyesocket. After a moment (and a sincere prayer of thanks that he had already peed, cause otherwise he’d have done it then and there) Steve opens the door. The nebulous form freezes, reality bending around the edges. “Nice night for it, huh?” “…..Y̮̮͍͔͇͙͙̟̐͌͛̓̏͞͡Eͩͭͮ̓̍ͯ̀ͧ͏̵̴̛̺̠̱͕̕ͅS͈̹̮̟̳̪̩̘͍̤̲̻͈̱̳̽̋́ͩ̃͋̎ͩ̈͆̀͘͢͢͟ͅ.̧̢͈̭̝̥̦͚͍̇ͫ̃̓͆̿̇ͪ͊ͧ̃͛͌͜͢ “ “Guy won’t scare anymore litttle girls, will he?” “Ň̵̴̫̫̙͙̻̞͈̫̥̪̱͈͈̯̍̀̀͆ͫ̒̿̄͗͘͡͝ͅO̊͑̑͒̎͑̃ͬͭͮ̅̔̆̃̉ͯ̇͗̀҉̵̻̜̞͉̟͙͚̻̪̼̖̀͟ͅ.̵͈̣͈̙̣̜̻̭̩̝̠̞͗ͤͥ̓͗ͬ̓̄͊̓̅̐ͩͮͧͤ̽̐ “ “Good. G’night then. Oh, and if Hellwife has an extra Audrey Jr. that needs a home, let me know. Millie likes Aubergine a lot but Augy’s just too big for the apartment. Dunno if they come in miniatures though.” “ I̴̛̟̭͉̮̜̩̬̮̣̘̰͚̩͙̟̳͔̜̙͑̂̆̆͗͒̀ ͖̖̰͉̥͖͔̙̤̺͍̳͈̹͙̣̞̇̇ͤ͒̅̈́͆̽ͧ́̚̚̕͘W̶̶̱͈̞͖̼̟̣̮̌͂͒̈́͑͌͒͋̍ͮ͗̈ͣ̓ͤ͘͟I̴̶̞̥̩͇̔ͩͦ̇̉̾ͣͬ̀̀̒͒ͧ͛͌͛͆̚͘͢ͅͅL̠̟͕̠̟̪̰̻ͯ͂͊ͥ̍̏͋̐ͬ̉̆̈̀͠L̸̞̭͔̮ͦ͑̉ͮͩ́ͬͨͣ͘͜.̴͈͎̮͇͓͖̱̻̣͊͊ͤͩ͊̑͗͞ ̸̡̩̖̞̩̻̩̪̭͙̳͚͇̟̺͖̑͊ͫ̀͆ͨ̉̔̓̂̓̋T̷̷̟͉̟̻̻̪̞̰̯̻͈̣̰̬̻̾͐́ͭ̓̅́͡H͇̬̪̩̬̝̣͍͈͇ͯ͛̏͌ͮͧͭͦ͟͜A̴̴̤͕͈̤̮̞̱̯͔͕̙͔͖̰̬̰͈̠ͥ̏ͥ̍̽ͧ̀͝N͗̓͋̃̈̑̀̅ͣ̽̒̂̄ͯͩͤ͏̢͢͏͈̯͎̪͇̟̠͔̯͓͓̰̠̱̠̳͕̳͝K̢̓ͧ͛͛ͣ̄̓̓ͯ̍̈̈́̌͂̔͟҉̛̘̥̖̤̦̻̳͙͟ ̢̢̻̥̹̣̞͉̘͇͚͍̖̯̘͚͔̗̩͓͐ͮ͂͂̀̚͘͠Y̜̞͇̳̗̬͎̰̙̜̩̪͎̞̙̠̔͂̌̃́̀O͇̺̲͙͍̬̳̘͈̱̜̝͔̖̊ͥ̿ͫͤͫͫͩ͋̓̃ͦ̈̄͢͟Ū̢͖̲̦̠̤͎̙͉̦͖̖͓͍̺̺ͪͯ͐͆͆ͭͯ͗ͦ̄̅̌̈̃̾ͭ̋ͧ͢͢͠͡.̶̸̞͓̞̹̗̻̣͈͕̠̬̦ͫ̆ͤͬͨͦ͒͂ͨ̿ͩͪ͘͞.ͧ͛̒̂̂͗ͨ̌͆ͥͭ͒̉͘͜͏̙͖̰̝̙̲͓̙͕͍̥̳̩́͠.̶̷̮͎̱̼̬͖̰͎͚͙̥̓͋͋ͦ̓̓ͯ͆͛̏ͫ̅ͯ.̨̧̙̤̳̮̺̙͖̞͔̗͎͍̑̆ͮ͐ͩͦ̌̽̾̏͘͠.̹̖͕̮͕̞̰͍͚͖̌ͪ̃̐̐̌̌̅̉͑ͧͪͪͬ̓͐́͛̿͘͞ ….NEIGHBOR STEVE.” “Anytime.” There are no more peeping reports. Millie brings back Aubergine and spends an entire afternoon teaching Steve the particulars of Augy’s new “hairstyle” (a gravity-defying mass of teased tendrils, ribbons, and barrettes) in between games of tag and hide-and-seek with Timmy and Son. When Antler Guy and Hellwife present her and her mother Beatrice with a tiny Audrey Jr. (”pOOr ThinG Is a ruNT And wOn’T geT MorE Than A FooT taLL, BEa, aNd NeeDS a New FRiEnD”, assures Hellwife), both mother and child burst out crying. Millie names it Bella, after Bella Lugosi, and shows it to the excited group of boys (Steve and Augy included). IT GOT SO MUCH BETTER!!!! Life in a subdivision partly populated with eldritch and possibly magical (officially classified as “extra-dimensional”, for even when faced with the physics-defying nature of their new co-habitating citizens the government cannot bring itself to acknowledge them as “magic wielding hell-beasts”, as some high-ranking staff members initially suggested) goes on fairly normally. Sure, there are a few hiccoughs. The creeping deathshade vines get a stern talking to about appropriate afternoon snacks (”NOT the Fitz-Simmon’s chihuahua, I don’t care how much he has it coming or what he excreted where, now spit it out!”), Aubergine sheds all her leaves at once and snowballs the house (but does helps sweep up afterwards), and moonrise is a good time to watch the night-gaunts fly by (but on moondark it’s best to stay inside, no matter how prettily they glow. They’re somewhat similar to fireflies, and don’t always check to see if their partner glows as well. It wouldn’t be as much of a problem if they didn’t dive mid-coitus and drop just above the ground.) While the neighborhood in general is accepting of the Abominations, when things get to be a bit much they tend to come to Steve. Since meeting Beatrice and Millie (and the formation of the Terrifying Triad known as Millie, Son, and Timmy) Steve is the adult human male most comfortable dealing with Antler Guy on the whole street. (Sharon as U.M.B. is widely held to have, well, steel-whatever-the-hell-she-wants, and Timmy is known to run over to Antler Guy and ask for rides through “that wobbly grey place, you know, the one with the REALLY BIG alligators?”. Still, the courtesies must be observed.) So when a writhing sparking ball of snarling terror and teeth takes up residence in the Manzo’s tool-shed, and when Animal Control refuses to come (the street is banned due to a run-in with the deathshade vines), Steve is called. Having heard the description, Steve brings Antler Guy. When they get there, Mr. Manzo is forcibly holding the door shut. Unholy yowling is coming from inside. At a gesture from Antler Guy, Mr. Manzo leaps away, and the doors blast open. A 150 pound ball of whimpering, flaming something hits Steve and knocks him on his ass. The whimpering, flaming something proceeds to slobber all over Steve, his shirt, his pants, and a decent portion of grass in between distressed yelps. “GACK!” “NEIGHBOR STEVE, ARE YOU IN DISTRESS?” “GAAACKLEARGHSPLUH- DOWN boy, HEEL, that’s a good- Antler Guy, what is this?!” “I BELIEVE IT IS A HELLHOUND, NEIGHBOR STEVE.” “Good grief, I didn’t know they came this big and…..and….. Guy?” “YES NEIGHBOR STEVE?” “Is he supposed to be…..skinless?” “YES NEIGHBOR STEVE. THIS VARIETY WAS BRED TO BE LAP DOGS. THEIR FLAME IS MOSTLY WITHOUT HEAT, AND THEY HAVE NO SKIN FOR THOSE WHO ARE ALLERGIC.” “…….laPDOG?!” “YES NEIGHBOR STEVE.” Antler Guy lays a hand on the hellhound, who tries to burrow further into Steve with little success. “HE APPEARS TO HAVE BEEN RECENTLY WEANED. IT WILL TAKE TIME FOR HIM TO GROW TO HIS FULL SIZE.” “……” “THE SMALL BREEDS GROW MORE SLOWLY.” A vile hissing emanates from the shed. (Mr. Manzo has long since fled for the safety of his kitchen.) As Steve attempts to calm the frantic hell-puppy, Antler Guy investigates. He reaches one long hand in behind the riding lawnmower and….. winces. “NEIGHBOR STEVE?” “Yeah- I’m right here, uh, doggie, not going anywhere- Guy?” “I APPEAR TO HAVE AN…. ATTACHMENT.” Steve is awed at the tiny ball of white fluff attached to one long, thin finger. He didn’t know that Antler Guy’s fingers COULD be bitten, much less by a tiny kitten. Which is how Steve and Sharon got Clifford (”Aww c’mon Sharon, how could I pass that one up?”), and Antler Guy and Hellwife get Fluffy (”NEIGHBOR STEVE ASSURES ME IT IS A TRADITIONAL TITLE.”) This might be the most amazing thing that ever crossed my tumblr dash OMIGOSH I’m in love. I LOVE EVERY BIT OF THIS This is like the stoplight post. It is Tumblr legend, and I feel I must reblog it for those fortunate few who get to experience it for the first time.
christen: bibliotecaria-d:
ebonykain:

karacat:

othersideofforty:

erinnightwalker:

ripped-up-jeans-and-glitter:

erinnightwalker:


acaffeinejunkie:

erinnightwalker:

erinnightwalker:

geostatonary:

sixpenceee:

“A house I pass on the way to work has this sculpture in its yard. Its about 8 feet tall.”
(Source)

“HELLO NEIGHBOR STEVE, I WOULD LIKE TO INVITE YOU TO BARBEQUE ON THE EVE OF THE BLOOD MOON.  I FEEL WE GOT OFF TO A BAD START.”
“NEIGHBOR STEVE, DO YOU NOT WISH TO PARTAKE OF THE UNCLEAN FLESH-MEATS OF PIGS AND THE POLLUTED ESSENCES OF TOMATO?  PERHAPS YOU ARE A CAROLINA STYLE MAN, NEIGHBOR STEVE?”
 “PUT THE GUN AWAY NEIGHBOR STEVE, YOU KNOW I SHALL ONLY RISE AGAIN WITH THE DAWNING OF THE MOON.  WE HAVE BEEN THROUGH THIS MANY TIMES.”
“LOOK AT THIS PICTURE MY SON DREW OF YOU AND CHILD TIMMY, YOUR SON.  ARE THEY NOT THE PICTURE OF PACT-MATES?  THIS COULD BE YOU AND ME, NEIGHBOR STEVE.”
“YOU MISSED THE UNHOLY NEXUS OF POWER THAT IS THE KEY TO MY CORPOREAL FORM, NEIGHBOR STEVE.  YOU WILL NEED TO RELOAD NOW, SO I WILL GO INSIDE TO MY HELL-WIFE AND PUT YOU DOWN AS A SOLID ‘MAYBE’.“

I have the feeling that the families get along great except for Steve. Like, the wives are baking (questionable) brownies together, the kids are playing together, Antler Guy occasionally takes Son and Timmy to school (no car, just carries them in huge swinging strides through a nexus of ungoldly sights in a swirling netherworld shortcut. Sometimes they stop for McDonalds). Hell-wife gave them a potted Audrey Jr., Steve’s wife (who I now christen Sharon) gave them a begonia.
One time Steve tries throwing holy water but all Antler Guy does is thank him, saying that no, Antler Guy isn’t Catholic but it’s the thought that counts, he is so kind to water his creeping deathshade vines regardless.
For Christmas Antler Guy gives Steve a case of ammunition. To be funny/sarcastically mean Steve gets Antler Guy the world’s most hideous Christmas sweater, singing light-up reindeer included. He immediately regrets it because not only does Antler Guy love it and wears it for several months, it will never need batteries because Antler Guy powers it with his own eldritch aura.
When they come back from a holiday to Hawaii, Steve is horrified to find out Sharon bought them matching Hawaiian shirts. He is even more horrified that his wife means it that if he doesn’t wear it he will forever sleep on the couch.

I want to expand on this, since I see it’s still passing around and the ideas have grown in my brainmeats.
What drives Steve up the wall and down the other side is how… normal… everyone treats the Abominations. (Yes, that is their last name. No, it is not a joke. Son was asked his last name for the standardized testing at school, had a quick conference with Timmy, and decided that Son Abomination sounded good, “Since my dad calls your dad the Abomination anyway and we can paint it on your mailbox just like the Henderson’s did theirs!”. Antler Guy agreed and did a lovely rendition of it for the mailbox, with only a few glyphs of soul-rending terror added to keep up to snuff.)
The Great Plant Exchange went beautifully, though the Audrey Jr. (named Aubergine for the lovely shade of purple poison that drips from her fangs) is on a diet at the moment. She was in cahoots with the cat and the dog to get into the good people food and ate two frozen turkeys all herself. Now she’s restricted to the hallway table to answer the phone and the door. (Steve actually likes her, and keeps slipping her hotdogs when Sharon isn’t looking. Their door-to-door salesman rates have dropped dramatically since she changed abodes.) Hell-wife has almost gotten the begonia to bloom and say it’s first words.
The homeowner’s association just loves the Abominations. All paperwork stamped and dotted, in on time and in triplicate. Antler Guy likes filing, says it reminds him of his old job. There is a resident who spent 20 years as a lawyer and they have long, animated conversations about all sorts of things that make Steve swear to never need legal counsel.
Hell-wife joined the PTA and spearheaded a committee to fundraise in the fall with a haunted house. It was a county-wide hit, though the claims that a particularly rowdy group had been deliberately lost in a timeslip to the Outer Doors Of Chaos was firmly rebuffed. Most young people nowadays, it was agreed, just couldn’t appreciate flute music.
Antler Guy really does try to connect with Steve. The surprise birthday party was perhaps a bit much, given that most participants do not have the ability to suddenly materialize in front of the guest of honor to give them a hug. Sharon assured them that Steve normally screams on his birthday, and the remains of the cake were heartily enjoyed by all. (A plate was saved for Steve once he came down from the treehouse.)
After the Hawaii trip (which was a present for his birthday) and the Matching Shirt Ultimatum (which was Sharon’s attempt at patching things up with Antler Guy, he really was sad about the birthday screaming), Steve finally grabs his courage in both hands (plus the shotgun, which let’s face it is about as useful as a teddybear at the moment but it does comfort him) and confronts Antler Guy, about why such a group of……Abominations could possibly come to his quiet slice of suburban bliss.
“……BUT NEIGHBOR STEVE, WE HAVE ALWAYS BEEN HERE.”
“No no no, I read it in a book! Don’t you have to be invited or something?!”
“WELL YES, TO THE HUMAN WORLD. BUT THIS IS NOT THE HUMAN WORLD AS YOUR THREE-DIMENSIONAL BRAIN PERCEIVES IT.”
“What the hell does that mean?!!”
“DID YOU NOT KNOW, NEIGHBOR STEVE? LEGALLY SPEAKING, ALL OF THE VASTNESS OF HUMAN SUBURBIA IS, IN FACT, A PART OF HELL.”
“……..”
“THE FLAMINGOES ARE THE BOUNDARY MARKERS. IT WAS DECIDED THAT THE FLAMING SKULLS WERE TOO KITSCHY FOR MODERN TIMES.”

Reblogging cause I kind of want more of this….


Since you asked nicely ^_^
Antler Guy, as one may have noticed, is a calm sort of fellow. In the face of human atrocities he displays a curious Zen sort of state of mind. Timmy asks Son if he’d ever seen his dad angry, and Son hasn’t. (When asked, Timmy says that yeah his dad gets mad, but it’s like the Fitz-Simmon’s chihuahua down the street- mostly high-pitched noise and occasionally TV remote chewing. Sharon replaces the poor thing every 3 months or so.) When pressed (gently, at the monthly book club, and with many cups of tea and at least one daiquiri), Hellwife admits that this comes from serving many years at his old job.
After the revelation of the nature of his neighborhood, Steve has not been overtly mean to Antler Guy. Not yet in the realm of friends, but vastly better than before. No more holy water, no more shotgun blasts. (Still the occasional jumpscare, but Antler Guy really can’t help that part.) They even occasionally share news over the fence as Antler Guy trains the creeping deathshade vines in proper oral hygiene, and Steve waters his lawn (and occasionally slips a goldfish cracker to a deathshade vine that looks particularly adorable. Aubergine has trained him well.)
Which is how Antler Guy learns about the peeping tom that’s been plaguing the adjacent streets. Apparently the pervert has been getting bolder, and rattling doors. He almost broke into one apartment, whose occupants were a single mother and her daughter, Mildred. Millie, a shy girl who is a great horror fan and firm friends with Timmy and Son, had missed school because of it.
Steve knew because Sharon had told him, on her way to deliver a tuna casserole and a double batch of brownies to the pair. (Sharon has been dubbed the unoffical mob boss of the Mother’s Mafia. She is quite pleased with this title.) He tells her to wait, confers briefly with Aubergine, and sends her along with, “Only as a loan, you know, but Auby wants to stretch her roots and she’d probably like getting all ribboned and curled anyway. Little girls still do that, right?” She has strict orders to bite anyone that makes Millie or her mother cry. (Steve is dubbed the official neighborhood marshmallow for this. The bookclub buys him a jar of marshmallow fluff in commemoration.)
He turns to look at Antler Guy, and freezes, much as a chihuahua will when faced with a hungry hellhound.
“You….you alright there buddy?”



“Ň̵̴̫̫̙͙̻̞͈̫̥̪̱͈͈̯̍̀̀͆ͫ̒̿̄͗͘͡͝ͅO̊͑̑͒̎͑̃ͬͭͮ̅̔̆̃̉ͯ̇͗̀҉̵̻̜̞͉̟͙͚̻̪̼̖̀͟ͅ.̵͈̣͈̙̣̜̻̭̩̝̠̞͗ͤͥ̓͗ͬ̓̄͊̓̅̐ͩͮͧͤ̽̐ “

“Uh, yeah, I guess not. Did you, uh, know you’re kinda fuzzing at the edges, there?”



“Ň̵̴̫̫̙͙̻̞͈̫̥̪̱͈͈̯̍̀̀͆ͫ̒̿̄͗͘͡͝ͅO̊͑̑͒̎͑̃ͬͭͮ̅̔̆̃̉ͯ̇͗̀҉̵̻̜̞͉̟͙͚̻̪̼̖̀͟ͅ.̵͈̣͈̙̣̜̻̭̩̝̠̞͗ͤͥ̓͗ͬ̓̄͊̓̅̐ͩͮͧͤ̽̐ “

“Right. Um. Well.” 
Steven makes a very ungraceful exit when space starts bending around Antler Guy’s still, unmoving form.
When Steve sees a shadowy form in his back yard when he gets up to pee that night, there’s no hesitation. He grabs the shotgun from the cabinet and peeks out the back door window.
Just in time to see a nebulous form of soul-wrenching terror engulf the man reaching for the door handle. A sliver of moonlight reveals a very familiar eyesocket. After a moment (and a sincere prayer of thanks that he had already peed, cause otherwise he’d have done it then and there) Steve opens the door. The nebulous form freezes, reality bending around the edges.
“Nice night for it, huh?”


“…..Y̮̮͍͔͇͙͙̟̐͌͛̓̏͞͡Eͩͭͮ̓̍ͯ̀ͧ͏̵̴̛̺̠̱͕̕ͅS͈̹̮̟̳̪̩̘͍̤̲̻͈̱̳̽̋́ͩ̃͋̎ͩ̈͆̀͘͢͢͟ͅ.̧̢͈̭̝̥̦͚͍̇ͫ̃̓͆̿̇ͪ͊ͧ̃͛͌͜͢

“

“Guy won’t scare anymore litttle girls, will he?”



“Ň̵̴̫̫̙͙̻̞͈̫̥̪̱͈͈̯̍̀̀͆ͫ̒̿̄͗͘͡͝ͅO̊͑̑͒̎͑̃ͬͭͮ̅̔̆̃̉ͯ̇͗̀҉̵̻̜̞͉̟͙͚̻̪̼̖̀͟ͅ.̵͈̣͈̙̣̜̻̭̩̝̠̞͗ͤͥ̓͗ͬ̓̄͊̓̅̐ͩͮͧͤ̽̐ “

“Good. G’night then. Oh, and if Hellwife has an extra Audrey Jr. that needs a home, let me know. Millie likes Aubergine a lot but Augy’s just too big for the apartment. Dunno if they come in miniatures though.”


“
I̴̛̟̭͉̮̜̩̬̮̣̘̰͚̩͙̟̳͔̜̙͑̂̆̆͗͒̀ 
͖̖̰͉̥͖͔̙̤̺͍̳͈̹͙̣̞̇̇ͤ͒̅̈́͆̽ͧ́̚̚̕͘W̶̶̱͈̞͖̼̟̣̮̌͂͒̈́͑͌͒͋̍ͮ͗̈ͣ̓ͤ͘͟I̴̶̞̥̩͇̔ͩͦ̇̉̾ͣͬ̀̀̒͒ͧ͛͌͛͆̚͘͢ͅͅL̠̟͕̠̟̪̰̻ͯ͂͊ͥ̍̏͋̐ͬ̉̆̈̀͠L̸̞̭͔̮ͦ͑̉ͮͩ́ͬͨͣ͘͜.̴͈͎̮͇͓͖̱̻̣͊͊ͤͩ͊̑͗͞
 
̸̡̩̖̞̩̻̩̪̭͙̳͚͇̟̺͖̑͊ͫ̀͆ͨ̉̔̓̂̓̋T̷̷̟͉̟̻̻̪̞̰̯̻͈̣̰̬̻̾͐́ͭ̓̅́͡H͇̬̪̩̬̝̣͍͈͇ͯ͛̏͌ͮͧͭͦ͟͜A̴̴̤͕͈̤̮̞̱̯͔͕̙͔͖̰̬̰͈̠ͥ̏ͥ̍̽ͧ̀͝N͗̓͋̃̈̑̀̅ͣ̽̒̂̄ͯͩͤ͏̢͢͏͈̯͎̪͇̟̠͔̯͓͓̰̠̱̠̳͕̳͝K̢̓ͧ͛͛ͣ̄̓̓ͯ̍̈̈́̌͂̔͟҉̛̘̥̖̤̦̻̳͙͟
 
̢̢̻̥̹̣̞͉̘͇͚͍̖̯̘͚͔̗̩͓͐ͮ͂͂̀̚͘͠Y̜̞͇̳̗̬͎̰̙̜̩̪͎̞̙̠̔͂̌̃́̀O͇̺̲͙͍̬̳̘͈̱̜̝͔̖̊ͥ̿ͫͤͫͫͩ͋̓̃ͦ̈̄͢͟Ū̢͖̲̦̠̤͎̙͉̦͖̖͓͍̺̺ͪͯ͐͆͆ͭͯ͗ͦ̄̅̌̈̃̾ͭ̋ͧ͢͢͠͡.̶̸̞͓̞̹̗̻̣͈͕̠̬̦ͫ̆ͤͬͨͦ͒͂ͨ̿ͩͪ͘͞.ͧ͛̒̂̂͗ͨ̌͆ͥͭ͒̉͘͜͏̙͖̰̝̙̲͓̙͕͍̥̳̩́͠.̶̷̮͎̱̼̬͖̰͎͚͙̥̓͋͋ͦ̓̓ͯ͆͛̏ͫ̅ͯ.̨̧̙̤̳̮̺̙͖̞͔̗͎͍̑̆ͮ͐ͩͦ̌̽̾̏͘͠.̹̖͕̮͕̞̰͍͚͖̌ͪ̃̐̐̌̌̅̉͑ͧͪͪͬ̓͐́͛̿͘͞ ….NEIGHBOR STEVE.”

“Anytime.”
There are no more peeping reports. Millie brings back Aubergine and spends an entire afternoon teaching Steve the particulars of Augy’s new “hairstyle” (a gravity-defying mass of teased tendrils, ribbons, and barrettes) in between games of tag and hide-and-seek with Timmy and Son.
When Antler Guy and Hellwife present her and her mother Beatrice with a tiny Audrey Jr. (”pOOr ThinG Is a ruNT And wOn’T geT MorE Than A FooT taLL, BEa, aNd NeeDS a New FRiEnD”, assures Hellwife), both mother and child burst out crying. Millie names it Bella, after Bella Lugosi, and shows it to the excited group of boys (Steve and Augy included).


IT GOT SO MUCH BETTER!!!!

Life in a subdivision partly populated with eldritch and possibly magical (officially classified as “extra-dimensional”, for even when faced with the physics-defying nature of their new co-habitating citizens the government cannot bring itself to acknowledge them as “magic wielding hell-beasts”, as some high-ranking staff members initially suggested) goes on fairly normally. 
Sure, there are a few hiccoughs. The creeping deathshade vines get a stern talking to about appropriate afternoon snacks (”NOT the Fitz-Simmon’s chihuahua, I don’t care how much he has it coming or what he excreted where, now spit it out!”), Aubergine sheds all her leaves at once and snowballs the house (but does helps sweep up afterwards), and moonrise is a good time to watch the night-gaunts fly by (but on moondark it’s best to stay inside, no matter how prettily they glow. They’re somewhat similar to fireflies, and don’t always check to see if their partner glows as well. It wouldn’t be as much of a problem if they didn’t dive mid-coitus and drop just above the ground.)
While the neighborhood in general is accepting of the Abominations, when things get to be a bit much they tend to come to Steve. Since meeting Beatrice and Millie (and the formation of the Terrifying Triad known as Millie, Son, and Timmy) Steve is the adult human male most comfortable dealing with Antler Guy on the whole street. (Sharon as U.M.B. is widely held to have, well, steel-whatever-the-hell-she-wants, and Timmy is known to run over to Antler Guy and ask for rides through “that wobbly grey place, you know, the one with the REALLY BIG alligators?”. Still, the courtesies must be observed.)
So when a writhing sparking ball of snarling terror and teeth takes up residence in the Manzo’s tool-shed, and when Animal Control refuses to come (the street is banned due to a run-in with the deathshade vines), Steve is called. Having heard the description, Steve brings Antler Guy.
When they get there, Mr. Manzo is forcibly holding the door shut. Unholy yowling is coming from inside. At a gesture from Antler Guy, Mr. Manzo leaps away, and the doors blast open.
A 150 pound ball of whimpering, flaming something hits Steve and knocks him on his ass. The whimpering, flaming something proceeds to slobber all over Steve, his shirt, his pants, and a decent portion of grass in between distressed yelps.
“GACK!”
“NEIGHBOR STEVE, ARE YOU IN DISTRESS?”
“GAAACKLEARGHSPLUH- DOWN boy, HEEL, that’s a good- Antler Guy, what is this?!”
“I BELIEVE IT IS A HELLHOUND, NEIGHBOR STEVE.”
“Good grief, I didn’t know they came this big and…..and….. Guy?”
“YES NEIGHBOR STEVE?”
“Is he supposed to be…..skinless?”
“YES NEIGHBOR STEVE. THIS VARIETY WAS BRED TO BE LAP DOGS. THEIR FLAME IS MOSTLY WITHOUT HEAT, AND THEY HAVE NO SKIN FOR THOSE WHO ARE ALLERGIC.”
“…….laPDOG?!”
“YES NEIGHBOR STEVE.” Antler Guy lays a hand on the hellhound, who tries to burrow further into Steve with little success. “HE APPEARS TO HAVE BEEN RECENTLY WEANED. IT WILL TAKE TIME FOR HIM TO GROW TO HIS FULL SIZE.”
“……”
“THE SMALL BREEDS GROW MORE SLOWLY.”
A vile hissing emanates from the shed. (Mr. Manzo has long since fled for the safety of his kitchen.) As Steve attempts to calm the frantic hell-puppy, Antler Guy investigates. He reaches one long hand in behind the riding lawnmower and….. winces.
“NEIGHBOR STEVE?”
“Yeah- I’m right here, uh, doggie, not going anywhere- Guy?”
“I APPEAR TO HAVE AN…. ATTACHMENT.”
Steve is awed at the tiny ball of white fluff attached to one long, thin finger. He didn’t know that Antler Guy’s fingers COULD be bitten, much less by a tiny kitten.
Which is how Steve and Sharon got Clifford (”Aww c’mon Sharon, how could I pass that one up?”), and Antler Guy and Hellwife get Fluffy (”NEIGHBOR STEVE ASSURES ME IT IS A TRADITIONAL TITLE.”)


This might be the most amazing thing that ever crossed my tumblr dash


OMIGOSH I’m in love.


I LOVE EVERY BIT OF THIS

This is like the stoplight post. It is Tumblr legend, and I feel I must reblog it for those fortunate few who get to experience it for the first time.

bibliotecaria-d: ebonykain: karacat: othersideofforty: erinnightwalker: ripped-up-jeans-and-glitter: erinnightwalker: acaffeinejun...

christen: NOT SAINT WE ADDED brol ENGLISH NT WHORES So You WOULDNT WOMEN GET SCARED My favorite photo in 2017 at Women's March You love it when without a pen I write like this, words flow like rivers grow when glaciers cease to exist. Let's go all the way back to the source, which starts with stars & her eggs of course. Many men are confused & feel inferior, Infinitely shallow so stunned by exterior, Don't care for her mind but stuck on the rear of her, Try to get deep in her but never show depth near to her, It's plain you never spoke to her brain, trying to tame her body using shame left you insane. He called her slut, Whore & sket, yet she was openly poetry, she was growing & yet he was still alphabet. She wanted to lead you to a higher level, but you weren't ready for God so you became a devil, you tried to make her your wife just to devalue her life & when she ascended from hell you called her a rebel. This is the story of many beautiful Queens, broken Kings cheat, wedding rings keep incomplete dysfunctional dreams. His mistake was never listening, he saw her aura glistening, thought of marriage & him christening their newborn from her womb within, but she wanted more than his next of kin. She wanted to change this system of sexism, he wanted sex & of her less questioning. She wanted a change to female oppression, he wanted brains without fail & less of her questions. She wanted to be heard & seen as the goddess she is. He wanted her to be seen, not heard so he always dismissed, All of her suffering, even when she called him King, for years he couldn't hear her tears so she told him this... It is from me where all life is produced, I am reality without eye you will lose, all clarity, your vanity can't banish me, your insecurities won't vanish me, so you choose... Will you treat me with respect, love & intellect, or will you break your soul & neck trying to negate truth without regret. At some point honesty will interject, you will see women were correct balancing, these holistic cheques won't bounce or try to collect fallacy, I was before, I am now & I am what is next. With this his ego began to crumble, his words began to stumble, & he started to mumble. You have spoken honestly, I needed this humility, you are everything & more, the way of reciprocity. chakabars
christen: NOT SAINT
 WE ADDED
 brol
 ENGLISH
 NT WHORES
 So You
 WOULDNT
 WOMEN
 GET SCARED
 My favorite photo in 2017 at Women's March
You love it when without a pen I write like this, words flow like rivers grow when glaciers cease to exist. Let's go all the way back to the source, which starts with stars & her eggs of course. Many men are confused & feel inferior, Infinitely shallow so stunned by exterior, Don't care for her mind but stuck on the rear of her, Try to get deep in her but never show depth near to her, It's plain you never spoke to her brain, trying to tame her body using shame left you insane. He called her slut, Whore & sket, yet she was openly poetry, she was growing & yet he was still alphabet. She wanted to lead you to a higher level, but you weren't ready for God so you became a devil, you tried to make her your wife just to devalue her life & when she ascended from hell you called her a rebel. This is the story of many beautiful Queens, broken Kings cheat, wedding rings keep incomplete dysfunctional dreams. His mistake was never listening, he saw her aura glistening, thought of marriage & him christening their newborn from her womb within, but she wanted more than his next of kin. She wanted to change this system of sexism, he wanted sex & of her less questioning. She wanted a change to female oppression, he wanted brains without fail & less of her questions. She wanted to be heard & seen as the goddess she is. He wanted her to be seen, not heard so he always dismissed, All of her suffering, even when she called him King, for years he couldn't hear her tears so she told him this... It is from me where all life is produced, I am reality without eye you will lose, all clarity, your vanity can't banish me, your insecurities won't vanish me, so you choose... Will you treat me with respect, love & intellect, or will you break your soul & neck trying to negate truth without regret. At some point honesty will interject, you will see women were correct balancing, these holistic cheques won't bounce or try to collect fallacy, I was before, I am now & I am what is next. With this his ego began to crumble, his words began to stumble, & he started to mumble. You have spoken honestly, I needed this humility, you are everything & more, the way of reciprocity. chakabars

You love it when without a pen I write like this, words flow like rivers grow when glaciers cease to exist. Let's go all the way back to...

christen: ATHLETES <h2>2016&rsquo;s Top Athletes</h2><p><i>With seven past and present members of the USWNT, we almost have a whole soccer team.</i></p><p>1. <a href="http://www.tumblr.com/search/ali%20krieger">Ali Krieger</a><i> +6<br/></i>2. <a href="http://www.tumblr.com/search/ashlyn%20harris">Ashlyn Harris</a><i> +9<br/></i>3. <a href="http://www.tumblr.com/search/tobin%20heath">Tobin Heath</a><i> +9</i></p><figure data-orig-width="500" data-orig-height="276" data-tumblr-attribution="epitomeofloyalty:esj_EmRiCyMoOhVaFSAKJw:ZE5nHy1q4L9rh" class="tmblr-full"><img src="https://78.media.tumblr.com/c3e67d10cbf2d53c740ce4c13dbd09ff/tumblr_nrtgr68fU01qc9dmlo1_500.gif" alt="image" data-orig-width="500" data-orig-height="276"/></figure><p>4. <a href="http://www.tumblr.com/search/neymar">Neymar</a><i> −1<br/></i>5. <a href="http://www.tumblr.com/search/cristiano%20ronaldo">Cristiano Ronaldo</a><br/>6. <b><a href="http://www.tumblr.com/search/christen%20press">Christen Press</a><br/></b>7. <a href="http://www.tumblr.com/search/alex%20morgan">Alex Morgan</a><i> +3<br/></i>8. <a href="http://www.tumblr.com/search/lionel%20messi">Lionel Messi</a><i> −4<br/></i>9. <a href="http://www.tumblr.com/search/sidney%20crosby">Sidney Crosby</a><i> +4<br/></i>10. <a href="http://www.tumblr.com/search/marco%20reus">Marco Reus</a><i> −4<br/></i>11. <a href="http://www.tumblr.com/search/tyler%20seguin">Tyler Seguin</a><i> +3<br/></i>12. <a href="http://www.tumblr.com/search/serena%20williams">Serena Williams</a><i> −11<br/></i>13. <a href="http://www.tumblr.com/search/kelley%20o'hara">Kelley O'Hara</a><i> +3<br/></i>14. <b><a href="http://www.tumblr.com/search/simone%20biles">Simone Biles</a></b></p><figure data-orig-width="500" data-orig-height="210" data-tumblr-attribution="mustafinesse:FPtltNIWqZZw8CrGrLO_Dg:ZmsmCq2BI6aM_" class="tmblr-full"><img src="https://78.media.tumblr.com/3631f1da0402094c6f86e235988ea1b0/tumblr_ockmp4qBaB1sklz4fo1_500.gif" alt="image" data-orig-width="500" data-orig-height="210"/></figure><p>15. <b><a href="http://www.tumblr.com/search/michael%20phelps">Michael Phelps</a><br/></b>16. <b><a href="http://www.tumblr.com/search/yuzuru%20hanyu">Yuzuru Hanyu</a><br/></b>17. <a href="http://www.tumblr.com/search/hope%20solo">Hope Solo</a><i> +3<br/></i>18. <b><a href="http://www.tumblr.com/search/antoine%20griezmann">Antoine Griezmann</a><br/></b>19. <a href="http://www.tumblr.com/search/patrick%20kane">Patrick Kane</a><i> -4<br/></i>20. <b><a href="http://www.tumblr.com/search/odell%20beckham%20jr">Odell Beckham Jr</a></b></p><p><i>The number in italics indicates how many spots a name moved up or down from the previous year. Bolded names weren’t on the list last year.</i></p>
christen: ATHLETES
<h2>2016&rsquo;s Top Athletes</h2><p><i>With seven past and present members of the USWNT, we almost have a whole soccer team.</i></p><p>1. <a href="http://www.tumblr.com/search/ali%20krieger">Ali Krieger</a><i> +6<br/></i>2. <a href="http://www.tumblr.com/search/ashlyn%20harris">Ashlyn Harris</a><i> +9<br/></i>3. <a href="http://www.tumblr.com/search/tobin%20heath">Tobin Heath</a><i> +9</i></p><figure data-orig-width="500" data-orig-height="276" data-tumblr-attribution="epitomeofloyalty:esj_EmRiCyMoOhVaFSAKJw:ZE5nHy1q4L9rh" class="tmblr-full"><img src="https://78.media.tumblr.com/c3e67d10cbf2d53c740ce4c13dbd09ff/tumblr_nrtgr68fU01qc9dmlo1_500.gif" alt="image" data-orig-width="500" data-orig-height="276"/></figure><p>4. <a href="http://www.tumblr.com/search/neymar">Neymar</a><i> −1<br/></i>5. <a href="http://www.tumblr.com/search/cristiano%20ronaldo">Cristiano Ronaldo</a><br/>6. <b><a href="http://www.tumblr.com/search/christen%20press">Christen Press</a><br/></b>7. <a href="http://www.tumblr.com/search/alex%20morgan">Alex Morgan</a><i> +3<br/></i>8. <a href="http://www.tumblr.com/search/lionel%20messi">Lionel Messi</a><i> −4<br/></i>9. <a href="http://www.tumblr.com/search/sidney%20crosby">Sidney Crosby</a><i> +4<br/></i>10. <a href="http://www.tumblr.com/search/marco%20reus">Marco Reus</a><i> −4<br/></i>11. <a href="http://www.tumblr.com/search/tyler%20seguin">Tyler Seguin</a><i> +3<br/></i>12. <a href="http://www.tumblr.com/search/serena%20williams">Serena Williams</a><i> −11<br/></i>13. <a href="http://www.tumblr.com/search/kelley%20o'hara">Kelley O'Hara</a><i> +3<br/></i>14. <b><a href="http://www.tumblr.com/search/simone%20biles">Simone Biles</a></b></p><figure data-orig-width="500" data-orig-height="210" data-tumblr-attribution="mustafinesse:FPtltNIWqZZw8CrGrLO_Dg:ZmsmCq2BI6aM_" class="tmblr-full"><img src="https://78.media.tumblr.com/3631f1da0402094c6f86e235988ea1b0/tumblr_ockmp4qBaB1sklz4fo1_500.gif" alt="image" data-orig-width="500" data-orig-height="210"/></figure><p>15. <b><a href="http://www.tumblr.com/search/michael%20phelps">Michael Phelps</a><br/></b>16. <b><a href="http://www.tumblr.com/search/yuzuru%20hanyu">Yuzuru Hanyu</a><br/></b>17. <a href="http://www.tumblr.com/search/hope%20solo">Hope Solo</a><i> +3<br/></i>18. <b><a href="http://www.tumblr.com/search/antoine%20griezmann">Antoine Griezmann</a><br/></b>19. <a href="http://www.tumblr.com/search/patrick%20kane">Patrick Kane</a><i> -4<br/></i>20. <b><a href="http://www.tumblr.com/search/odell%20beckham%20jr">Odell Beckham Jr</a></b></p><p><i>The number in italics indicates how many spots a name moved up or down from the previous year. Bolded names weren’t on the list last year.</i></p>

<h2>2016&rsquo;s Top Athletes</h2><p><i>With seven past and present members of the USWNT, we almost have a whole soccer team.</i></p><p>1...