Denver Co
Denver Co

Denver Co

From
From

From

Im Jealous
Im Jealous

Im Jealous

Writer
Writer

Writer

And
And

And

streep
streep

streep

meryl
meryl

meryl

gun store
 gun store

gun store

sprites
 sprites

sprites

beating
 beating

beating

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chicago il: redlipstickresurrected:Joseph Lorusso (American, b. 1966, Chicago, IL, USA) - And Then It Happened, 2019, Paintings: Oil on Panel
chicago il: redlipstickresurrected:Joseph Lorusso (American, b. 1966, Chicago, IL, USA) - And Then It Happened, 2019, Paintings: Oil on Panel

redlipstickresurrected:Joseph Lorusso (American, b. 1966, Chicago, IL, USA) - And Then It Happened, 2019, Paintings: Oil on Panel

chicago il: Got denied from harvard s March 2015 2.8 HARVARD COLLEGK Office of Admissions and Financial Aid Molly McGaan 330 W. Webster Ave Chicago, Il 60614 Dear Ms. McGaan: Thank you for your interest in Harvard College. After careful consideration of your application, I am sorry to inform you that we are unable to offer you a place in the class of 2019. This year's application pool was the strongest in the College's history, and we are unable to offer admission to every student, regardless of their proficiency in "dank memes", or their level of "Swagg moneyyyy." Although your GPA and ACT scores were certainly up to our standards, your essays raised some eyebrows at the admissions meetings. For future reference, it is not wise to start an essay with the words, "listen here u little slanks" and end with "McGaan out "drops mic We also didn't need a copy of your mixtape, regardless of how ire" it is (one admissions counselor actually listened to it, and we are pretty sure 40 minutes of you making animal noises is not fire"). In addition, we will be returning your copy of Grownups 2 signed by Chancellor Angela Merkel, because you said it's your "greatest possession" and we don't want it. We also suggest obtaining recommendation letters from teachers or trusted mentors, not "my #4 side ho Derek" or Chief Kee, who submitted a picture of a dinosaur drawn in crayon on a rolling paper. We greatly appreciate your interest in Harvard, and we offer our best wishes of success as you pursue your educational goals
chicago il: Got denied from harvard s
 March 2015
 2.8
 HARVARD COLLEGK Office of Admissions and Financial Aid
 Molly McGaan
 330 W. Webster Ave
 Chicago, Il 60614
 Dear Ms. McGaan:
 Thank you for your interest in Harvard College.
 After careful consideration of your application, I am sorry to inform you that we are
 unable to offer you a place in the class of 2019. This year's application pool was the strongest in
 the College's history, and we are unable to offer admission to every student, regardless of their
 proficiency in "dank memes", or their level of "Swagg moneyyyy." Although your GPA and
 ACT scores were certainly up to our standards, your essays raised some eyebrows at the
 admissions meetings. For future reference, it is not wise to start an essay with the words, "listen
 here u little slanks" and end with "McGaan out "drops mic We also didn't need a copy of
 your mixtape, regardless of how ire" it is (one admissions counselor actually listened to it, and
 we are pretty sure 40 minutes of you making animal noises is not fire"). In addition, we will be
 returning your copy of Grownups 2 signed by Chancellor Angela Merkel, because you said it's
 your "greatest possession" and we don't want it. We also suggest obtaining recommendation
 letters from teachers or trusted mentors, not "my #4 side ho Derek" or Chief Kee, who
 submitted a picture of a dinosaur drawn in crayon on a rolling paper.
 We greatly appreciate your interest in Harvard, and we offer our best wishes of success
 as you pursue your educational goals
chicago il: redlipstickresurrected:Rik Garrett (American, based Chicago, IL, USA) - Untitled, 2010  Oil Pastels over Color Photograph
chicago il: redlipstickresurrected:Rik Garrett (American, based Chicago, IL, USA) - Untitled, 2010  Oil Pastels over Color Photograph

redlipstickresurrected:Rik Garrett (American, based Chicago, IL, USA) - Untitled, 2010  Oil Pastels over Color Photograph

chicago il: sidelong-citizen preciousorgel Follow Originally Posted: 2017-01-22 1:22pm print Cards Against Humanity is hiring a CEO! Cards Against Humanity, the #1 best-selling party game, is hiring a new CEO! Let's face it: we have no idea what we're doing. This year, we wasted an enormous amount of time and energy trying to get Hillary Clinton elected President, and on Black Friday we dug a huge hole in the ground because we wanted to find out if it would be funny. It's been a great run, but now it's time for real adult Ieadership. We are secking a highly qualificd exccutive to run our company who meets the following requirements: Strong public speaking skills Steady disposition, remains cool under pressure Willing to inherit the consequences of eight years of irresponsible spending Excellent negotiator able to deal with stubborn opposition Experience hunting terrorist masterminds Minimum eight years experience President of the United States of America or equivalent nation Strongly prefer the first black editor of Harvard Law Review -Must currently hold a national approval rating of 57.2% or higher Passed comprehensive healthcare reform Natural born citizen of the United States Proficient in Microsoft Word, Excel, and PowerPoint The ideal candidate will be excited to travel for work and be a recipient of the Nobel Peace Prize. Women and minorities are strongly encouraged to apply. What's In It for You? If you are the right candidate, we will award you 51% of our company and you can set your own salary. Benefits include: Health/dental/vision insurance (while available) - Gencrous vacation time -A new computer Pre-tax transit benefit -Access to office pantry with unlimited almonds Paid relocation to Chicago is available. Also, you can be our new Dad if you want (optional but strongly preferred). About the Company Cards Against Humanity is a game company based in Chicago, IL with about 30 employees. We run a coworking space for independent artists, a full-ride scholarship for women getting degrees in STEM fields, a political action committee, an intemational shipping company, a private island, and a castle in Ireland. We've also raised nearly $5 million for our nonprofit partners: the Wikimedia Foundation, the Sunlight Foundation, Electronic Frontier Foundation, and DonorsChoose.org, where Cards Against Humanity has funded over 13,000 teacher projects in high-poverty classrooms across the United States. Interested? If you meet our qualifications, please email mail@cardsagainsthumanity.com. post id: 5970647019 email to friendbesof grumpyhop cards against humanity posted a listing to try to hire barack obama for their ceo position on craigslist im See, its easy to find a job! - most adults
chicago il: sidelong-citizen preciousorgel
 Follow
 Originally Posted: 2017-01-22 1:22pm
 print
 Cards Against Humanity is hiring a CEO!
 Cards Against Humanity, the #1 best-selling party game, is hiring a new CEO!
 Let's face it: we have no idea what we're doing. This year, we wasted an enormous amount of time and energy trying to get
 Hillary Clinton elected President, and on Black Friday we dug a huge hole in the ground because we wanted to find out if it
 would be funny. It's been a great run, but now it's time for real adult Ieadership.
 We are secking a highly qualificd exccutive to run our company who meets the following requirements:
 Strong public speaking skills
 Steady disposition, remains cool under pressure
 Willing to inherit the consequences of eight years of irresponsible spending
 Excellent negotiator able to deal with stubborn opposition
 Experience hunting terrorist masterminds
 Minimum eight years experience President of the United States of America or equivalent nation
 Strongly prefer the first black editor of Harvard Law Review
 -Must currently hold a national approval rating of 57.2% or higher
 Passed comprehensive healthcare reform
 Natural born citizen of the United States
 Proficient in Microsoft Word, Excel, and PowerPoint
 The ideal candidate will be excited to travel for work and be a recipient of the Nobel Peace Prize.
 Women and minorities are strongly encouraged to apply.
 What's In It for You?
 If you are the right candidate, we will award you 51% of our company and you can set your own salary.
 Benefits include:
 Health/dental/vision insurance (while available)
 - Gencrous vacation time
 -A new computer
 Pre-tax transit benefit
 -Access to office pantry with unlimited almonds
 Paid relocation to Chicago is available. Also, you can be our new Dad if you want (optional but strongly preferred).
 About the Company
 Cards Against Humanity is a game company based in Chicago, IL with about 30 employees. We run a coworking space for
 independent artists, a full-ride scholarship for women getting degrees in STEM fields, a political action committee, an
 intemational shipping company, a private island, and a castle in Ireland. We've also raised nearly $5 million for our
 nonprofit partners: the Wikimedia Foundation, the Sunlight Foundation, Electronic Frontier Foundation, and
 DonorsChoose.org, where Cards Against Humanity has funded over 13,000 teacher projects in high-poverty classrooms
 across the United States.
 Interested?
 If you meet our qualifications, please email mail@cardsagainsthumanity.com.
 post id: 5970647019
 email to friendbesof
 grumpyhop
 cards against humanity posted a listing to try to hire barack obama for their ceo
 position on craigslist im
See, its easy to find a job! - most adults

See, its easy to find a job! - most adults

chicago il: bc Chicago, IL NEWS Apparently there's an island of plastic waste the size of Texas somewhere out in the Pacific.
chicago il: bc
 Chicago, IL
 NEWS
Apparently there's an island of plastic waste the size of Texas somewhere out in the Pacific.

Apparently there's an island of plastic waste the size of Texas somewhere out in the Pacific.

chicago il: justlookatthosesausages: invisiblespork: ohhowlucky: danteogodofsoup: killbenedictcumberbatch: standupcomedyblog: John Mulaney | The Salt Pepper Diner THE BEST JOKE IN EXISTENCE GOD I JUST TOLD SOMEONE ABOUT THIS STORY This is one of the best pieces of comedy that I have ever had the pleasure of witnessing. I love this. I have been looking for this online for awhile. [Audio transcription: I wanted to tell you one story. Uh. This is the story of the best meal I’ve ever had in my life, okay. Happened when I was eleven years old in Chicago, IL where I grew up. I went to a place called the Salt Pepper Diner, uh, with my best friend John. We walk into the diner one day, and they had a jukebox there, okay? And the jukebox was three plays for a dollar. So we put in 7 dollars and selected 21 plays of of Tom Jones’s What’s New Pussycat. And then we ordered and waited.  Here’s the thing about when, uh, What’s New Pussycat plays over and over and over and over and over again. The second time it plays, your immediate thought is not ‘hey someone’s playing What’s New Pussycat again.’ It’s ‘hey, What’s New Pussycat is a lot longer than I first thought. The third time it plays you’re thinking maybe someone’s playing What’s New Pussycat again. The fourth time it plays you’re either thinking ‘whoa someone just played What’s New Pussycat FOUR TIMES or at least someone played it twice, and it’s a really long song.’ So the fifth time is the kicker, alright?  Now, John and I we’re watching the entire diner at this point, alright? Most people have gotten wind as to what’s going on. And we’re staring at this one guy and he’s sitting in like a booth with his stupid kids jumping around, and he’s like staring at his coffee cup like this, and he’s been onto us since the beginning. And he’s sitting there, and his hand is shaking, and he had this look on his face like, aw, like he had just gotten his thirty day chip from anger management. And he’s staring like this, and the fourth song fades out. It’s dead quiet. Then, I don’t know if you know this, but the song begins very quietly… BWAAAH BWAAAAAH WHAT’S NEW PUSSYCAT and he goes GOD DAMN IT and pounds on the table, silverware flies everywhere, and it was fantastic. But a word about my best friend John and what a genius he was because when we first walked into the diner, okay? When we first got there and I’m punching in the What’s New Pussycats alright? I’ve punched in like 7 at this point then John says to me ‘hey hey hey before you punch in another What’s New Pussycat let’s drop in one It’s Not Unusual.’ Oh yes. That is when the afternoon went from good to great. After seven What’s New Pussycats. In a row - It played seven times. Suddenly - Dum da dum, IT’S NOT UNUSUAL and the sigh of relief that swept through the diner. People were so happy. It was like the liberation of France. You know for years scientists have wondered can you make grown men and women weep tears of joy by playing Tom Jones’s It’s Not Unusual and the answer is yes you can. Provided that it is preceded by seven What’s New Pussycats. It’s true. Dead honest. And on the other hand. When we went back. Holy shit. It’s Not Unusual fade out. It’s dead quiet. BWAAAH BWAAAAH WHAT’S NEW PUSSYCAT people went insane. People went out of their minds. No one could handle it. No one could handle it. And they were surrounded by this seemingly indifferent staff that was just like ‘yup some crap as always.’  They unplugged the jukebox after eleven plays. And that was the best meal I ever had.] reblogging again coz this time it has audio transcription (bless you) and it’s still forever hilarious omg
chicago il: justlookatthosesausages:
invisiblespork:

ohhowlucky:

danteogodofsoup:

killbenedictcumberbatch:

standupcomedyblog:

John Mulaney | The Salt  Pepper Diner

THE BEST JOKE IN EXISTENCE

GOD I JUST TOLD SOMEONE ABOUT THIS STORY

This is one of the best pieces of comedy that I have ever had the pleasure of witnessing. I love this. I have been looking for this online for awhile.

[Audio transcription: I wanted to tell you one story. Uh. This is the story of the best meal I’ve ever had in my life, okay. Happened when I was eleven years old in Chicago, IL where I grew up. I went to a place called the Salt  Pepper Diner, uh, with my best friend John. We walk into the diner one day, and they had a jukebox there, okay? And the jukebox was three plays for a dollar. So we put in 7 dollars and selected 21 plays of of Tom Jones’s What’s New Pussycat. And then we ordered and waited. 
Here’s the thing about when, uh, What’s New Pussycat plays over and over and over and over and over again. The second time it plays, your immediate thought is not ‘hey someone’s playing What’s New Pussycat again.’ It’s ‘hey, What’s New Pussycat is a lot longer than I first thought. The third time it plays you’re thinking maybe someone’s playing What’s New Pussycat again. The fourth time it plays you’re either thinking ‘whoa someone just played What’s New Pussycat FOUR TIMES or at least someone played it twice, and it’s a really long song.’ So the fifth time is the kicker, alright? 
Now, John and I we’re watching the entire diner at this point, alright? Most people have gotten wind as to what’s going on. And we’re staring at this one guy and he’s sitting in like a booth with his stupid kids jumping around, and he’s like staring at his coffee cup like this, and he’s been onto us since the beginning. And he’s sitting there, and his hand is shaking, and he had this look on his face like, aw, like he had just gotten his thirty day chip from anger management. And he’s staring like this, and the fourth song fades out. It’s dead quiet. Then, I don’t know if you know this, but the song begins very quietly…
BWAAAH BWAAAAAH WHAT’S NEW PUSSYCAT and he goes GOD DAMN IT and pounds on the table, silverware flies everywhere, and it was fantastic. But a word about my best friend John and what a genius he was because when we first walked into the diner, okay? When we first got there and I’m punching in the What’s New Pussycats alright? I’ve punched in like 7 at this point then John says to me ‘hey hey hey before you punch in another What’s New Pussycat let’s drop in one It’s Not Unusual.’ 
Oh yes. That is when the afternoon went from good to great. After seven What’s New Pussycats. In a row - It played seven times. Suddenly - Dum da dum, IT’S NOT UNUSUAL and the sigh of relief that swept through the diner. People were so happy. It was like the liberation of France. You know for years scientists have wondered can you make grown men and women weep tears of joy by playing Tom Jones’s It’s Not Unusual and the answer is yes you can. Provided that it is preceded by seven What’s New Pussycats. It’s true. Dead honest.
And on the other hand. When we went back. Holy shit. It’s Not Unusual fade out. It’s dead quiet. BWAAAH BWAAAAH WHAT’S NEW PUSSYCAT people went insane. People went out of their minds. No one could handle it. No one could handle it. And they were surrounded by this seemingly indifferent staff that was just like ‘yup some crap as always.’ 
They unplugged the jukebox after eleven plays. And that was the best meal I ever had.]

reblogging again coz this time it has audio transcription (bless you) and it’s still forever hilarious omg

justlookatthosesausages: invisiblespork: ohhowlucky: danteogodofsoup: killbenedictcumberbatch: standupcomedyblog: John Mulaney | The...

chicago il: Chicago,IL FOX NEWS Take a look at the dyeing of the river for StPatricksDay in Chicago.
chicago il: Chicago,IL
 FOX
 NEWS
Take a look at the dyeing of the river for StPatricksDay in Chicago.

Take a look at the dyeing of the river for StPatricksDay in Chicago.