Asthma


                    
                    
                

                

                

            

        
    







            

            
            

                

                    
                

                

                    

                        


	

	
    
        

            

                
                    
                    
                    
                    

    

        Chronic Illness
        

            
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Chronic Illness

    



                
                    
                    
                    
                    

    

        Turning Me On
        

            
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Turning Me On

    



                
                    
                    
                    
                    

    

         turns me on
        

            
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 turns me on

    



                
                    
                    
                    
                    

    

         gameboys
        

            
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 gameboys

    



                
                    
                    
                    
                    

    

         jamming
        

            
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 jamming

    



                
                    
                    
                    
                    

    

         inhaler
        

            
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         heavy
        

            
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         cheering
        

            
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 cheering

    



                
                    
                    
                    
                    

    

         alexis
        

            
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 alexis

    



                
                    
                    
                    
                    

    

        inhalants
        

            
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inhalants

    



                
            

        

    
    

        🔥 | Latest
    

    
    

        

        
        

            

                




    America, Children, and Community: ABC7 Eyewitness News
 @ABC7
 Follow
 CALIFORNIA POLLUTION: Latinos, blacks
 breathe 40 percent more pollution than
 whites in California, study says
 STUDY FINDS RACIAL DISPARITY IN POLLUTION EXPOSURE
 EYEWITNESS NEWS
 Latinos, blacks breathe 40 percent more pollution than whites in CA: Study
 Latinos and African-Americans breathe about 40 percent more pollution than white
 people do in California, a new study has found.
 abc7.com

 mony
 @moneycaa
 Follow
 It's called environmental racism, not the
 air choosing lol. Our homes tend to be
 near industrial areas, oil mills, freeways,
 factories, etc. Black children are more
 likely to get asthma because of this.
 ABC7 Eyewitness News@ABC7
 CALIFORNIA POLLUTION: Latinos, blacks breathe 40 percent more pollution
 than whites in California, study says abc7.la/2DaeCqa
 4:47 PM 6 Feb 2019
 14,828 Retweets 37,462 Likes 0O

 Follow
 @jessisdeadxxx
 Replying to @moneycaa
 I had no knowledge of environmental racism
 until I read local articles of section 8
 apartments completely boxed in by 3 major
 interstates in Orlando, Florida. I was
 dumbfounded. Environmental racism is very
 real

 @ 37%@._--+
 1:22 AM
 atlantablackstar.com
 T-Mobile
 ATLaNTa BLacK STaR
 NEIGHBORHOOD
 IS
 KILLING
 In the historically Black community of Parramore in
 Orlando, Florida, residents are surrounded by
 highways. The exhaust produced by the more than
 300,000 vehicles that pass through the neighborhood
 each day has created health problems, including
 cancer, asthma and other respiratory ailments.
 (Photo: environmentalstudiesblog)
 The struggle for environmental justice in low-income
 and Black communities continues. This is most
 certainly the case in Orlando, Florida. In the heart of
 one of the premier tourist destinations in the United
 States, the theme park capital of America, the
 residents of a historically Black community are
 having trouble breathing due to air pollution

 T-Mobile
 1:22 AM
 @
 37% @
 -0.+
 a google.com
 m.huffpost.com
 HUFFPOSTI
 Even Breathing Is A Risk In
 One Of Orlando's Poorest
 Neighborhoods
 People inhale soot and noxious fumes from
 the car-laden highways encircling their
 historically black community.
blackqueerblog:
Clean water, clean air, access to nutritious food, etc; access based on zip code. A well known case of environmental racism is the Flint water crisis. Less effort goes into neighborhoods for poc and tending to them
    

        
        
        
        
        
        
        
        
    

    

        

            
            

                
                America, Children, and Community: ABC7 Eyewitness News
 @ABC7
 Follow
 CALIFORNIA POLLUTION: Latinos, blacks
 breathe 40 percent more pollution than
 whites in California, study says
 STUDY FINDS RACIAL DISPARITY IN POLLUTION EXPOSURE
 EYEWITNESS NEWS
 Latinos, blacks breathe 40 percent more pollution than whites in CA: Study
 Latinos and African-Americans breathe about 40 percent more pollution than white
 people do in California, a new study has found.
 abc7.com

 mony
 @moneycaa
 Follow
 It's called environmental racism, not the
 air choosing lol. Our homes tend to be
 near industrial areas, oil mills, freeways,
 factories, etc. Black children are more
 likely to get asthma because of this.
 ABC7 Eyewitness News@ABC7
 CALIFORNIA POLLUTION: Latinos, blacks breathe 40 percent more pollution
 than whites in California, study says abc7.la/2DaeCqa
 4:47 PM 6 Feb 2019
 14,828 Retweets 37,462 Likes 0O

 Follow
 @jessisdeadxxx
 Replying to @moneycaa
 I had no knowledge of environmental racism
 until I read local articles of section 8
 apartments completely boxed in by 3 major
 interstates in Orlando, Florida. I was
 dumbfounded. Environmental racism is very
 real

 @ 37%@._--+
 1:22 AM
 atlantablackstar.com
 T-Mobile
 ATLaNTa BLacK STaR
 NEIGHBORHOOD
 IS
 KILLING
 In the historically Black community of Parramore in
 Orlando, Florida, residents are surrounded by
 highways. The exhaust produced by the more than
 300,000 vehicles that pass through the neighborhood
 each day has created health problems, including
 cancer, asthma and other respiratory ailments.
 (Photo: environmentalstudiesblog)
 The struggle for environmental justice in low-income
 and Black communities continues. This is most
 certainly the case in Orlando, Florida. In the heart of
 one of the premier tourist destinations in the United
 States, the theme park capital of America, the
 residents of a historically Black community are
 having trouble breathing due to air pollution

 T-Mobile
 1:22 AM
 @
 37% @
 -0.+
 a google.com
 m.huffpost.com
 HUFFPOSTI
 Even Breathing Is A Risk In
 One Of Orlando's Poorest
 Neighborhoods
 People inhale soot and noxious fumes from
 the car-laden highways encircling their
 historically black community.
blackqueerblog:
Clean water, clean air, access to nutritious food, etc; access based on zip code. A well known case of environmental racism is the Flint water crisis. Less effort goes into neighborhoods for poc and tending to them
                
            

            
            
blackqueerblog:
Clean water, clean air, access to nutritious food, etc; access based on zip code. A well known case of environmental racism ...

            
            
        

    



            

        

        
        

            

                



            

        

        
        

            

                



            

        

        
        

            

                



            

        

        
        

            

                



            

        

        
        

            

                




    Beautiful, Bored, and Head: Here's a prime example of "Men Are
 From Mars, Women Are From Venus"
 offered by an English professor from
 the University of Phoenix:
 The professor told his class one day: Today we will ex-
 periment with a new form called the tandem story
 The process is simple. Each person will pair off with the
 person sitting to his or her immediate right. As home-
 work tonight, one of you will write the first paragraph
 of a short story. You will e-mail your partner that para-
 graph and send another copy to me. The partner will
 read the first paragraph and then add another para-
 graph to the story and send it back, also sending an-
 other copy to me. The first person will then add a third
 paragraph, and so on back-and-forth.
 Remember to re-read what has been written each time
 in order to keep the story coherent. There is to be ab-
 solutely NO talking outside of the e-mails and any-
 thing you wish to say must be written in the e-mail.
 The story is over when both agree a con-
 clusion has been reached."
 The following was actually turned in by two of his
 English students:
 Rebecca and Gary
 THE STORY:
 (first paragraph by Rebecca)
 At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea
 she wanted. The chamomile, which used to be her
 favorite for lazy evenings at home, now reminded
 her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier
 times, that he liked chamomile.
 But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her
 mind off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating,
 and if she thought about him too much her asthma
 started acting up again. So chamomile was out of
 the
 second paragraph by Gary)
 Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of
 the attack squadron now in orbit over Skylon 4,
 had more important things to think about than the
 neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named
 Laurie with whom he had spent one sweaty night
 over a year ago. "A.S. Harris to Geostation 17," he
 said into his transgalactic communicator. " Polar
 orbit established. No sign of resistance so far..." But
 before he could sign off a bluish particle beam
 flashed out of nowhere and blasted a hole through
 his ship's cargo bay. The jolt from the direct hit sent
 him flying out of his seat and across the ####pit.
 (Rebecca)
 He bumped his head and died almost immediately,
 but not before he felt one last pang of regret for
 psychically brutalizing the one woman who had
 ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth
 stopped its pointless hostilities towards the peace
 ful farmers of Skylon 4. "Congress Passes Law Per-
 manently Abolishing War and Space Travel," Laurie
 read in her newspaper one morning. The news si-
 multaneously excited her and bored her. She
 stared out the window, dreaming of her youth,
 when the days had passed unhurriedly and care-
 free, with no newspaper to read, no television to
 distract her from her sense of innocent wonder at
 all the beautiful things around
 her. "Why must one
 lose one's innocence to become a woman?" she
 pondered wistfully
 Gary)
 Little did she know, but she had less than 10 sec-
 onds to live. Thousands of miles above the city, the
 Anu'udrian mothership launched the first of its
 lithium fusion missiles. The dimwitted wimpy
 peaceniks who pushed the Unilateral Aerospace
 disarmament Treaty through the congress had left
 Earth a defenseless target for the hostile alien em-
 pires who were determined to destroy the human
 race. Within two hours after the passage of the
 treaty the Anu'udrian ships were on course for
 Earth, carrying enough firepower to pulverize the
 With no one to stop them, they swiftly initiated
 their diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missile en-
 tered the atmosphere unimpeded. The President,
 in his top-secret mobile submarine headquarters
 on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt the
 inconceivably massive explosion, which vaporized
 poor, stupid Laurie.
 (Rebecca)
 This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of
 literature. My writing partner is a violent, chauvin-
 istic semi-literate adolescent.
 Gary)
 Yeah? Well, my writing partner is a self-centered
 tedious neurotic whose attempts at writing are the
 literary equivalent of Valium. Oh, shall I have
 chamomile tea? Or shall I have some other sort of
 F-KING TEA??? Oh no, what am I to do? I'm such an
 air headed bimbo who reads too many Danielle
 Steele novels!"
 Gary)
 B*tch.
 (Rebecca)
 F K YOU-YOU NEANDERTHALI
 In your dreams, Ho. Go drink some tea.
 A+
 Ireally liked this one.
epicjohndoe:

A Very Good Example Of ‘Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus’
    

        
        
        
        
        
        
        
        
    

    

        

            
            

                
                Beautiful, Bored, and Head: Here's a prime example of "Men Are
 From Mars, Women Are From Venus"
 offered by an English professor from
 the University of Phoenix:
 The professor told his class one day: Today we will ex-
 periment with a new form called the tandem story
 The process is simple. Each person will pair off with the
 person sitting to his or her immediate right. As home-
 work tonight, one of you will write the first paragraph
 of a short story. You will e-mail your partner that para-
 graph and send another copy to me. The partner will
 read the first paragraph and then add another para-
 graph to the story and send it back, also sending an-
 other copy to me. The first person will then add a third
 paragraph, and so on back-and-forth.
 Remember to re-read what has been written each time
 in order to keep the story coherent. There is to be ab-
 solutely NO talking outside of the e-mails and any-
 thing you wish to say must be written in the e-mail.
 The story is over when both agree a con-
 clusion has been reached."
 The following was actually turned in by two of his
 English students:
 Rebecca and Gary
 THE STORY:
 (first paragraph by Rebecca)
 At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea
 she wanted. The chamomile, which used to be her
 favorite for lazy evenings at home, now reminded
 her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier
 times, that he liked chamomile.
 But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her
 mind off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating,
 and if she thought about him too much her asthma
 started acting up again. So chamomile was out of
 the
 second paragraph by Gary)
 Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of
 the attack squadron now in orbit over Skylon 4,
 had more important things to think about than the
 neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named
 Laurie with whom he had spent one sweaty night
 over a year ago. "A.S. Harris to Geostation 17," he
 said into his transgalactic communicator. " Polar
 orbit established. No sign of resistance so far..." But
 before he could sign off a bluish particle beam
 flashed out of nowhere and blasted a hole through
 his ship's cargo bay. The jolt from the direct hit sent
 him flying out of his seat and across the ####pit.
 (Rebecca)
 He bumped his head and died almost immediately,
 but not before he felt one last pang of regret for
 psychically brutalizing the one woman who had
 ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth
 stopped its pointless hostilities towards the peace
 ful farmers of Skylon 4. "Congress Passes Law Per-
 manently Abolishing War and Space Travel," Laurie
 read in her newspaper one morning. The news si-
 multaneously excited her and bored her. She
 stared out the window, dreaming of her youth,
 when the days had passed unhurriedly and care-
 free, with no newspaper to read, no television to
 distract her from her sense of innocent wonder at
 all the beautiful things around
 her. "Why must one
 lose one's innocence to become a woman?" she
 pondered wistfully
 Gary)
 Little did she know, but she had less than 10 sec-
 onds to live. Thousands of miles above the city, the
 Anu'udrian mothership launched the first of its
 lithium fusion missiles. The dimwitted wimpy
 peaceniks who pushed the Unilateral Aerospace
 disarmament Treaty through the congress had left
 Earth a defenseless target for the hostile alien em-
 pires who were determined to destroy the human
 race. Within two hours after the passage of the
 treaty the Anu'udrian ships were on course for
 Earth, carrying enough firepower to pulverize the
 With no one to stop them, they swiftly initiated
 their diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missile en-
 tered the atmosphere unimpeded. The President,
 in his top-secret mobile submarine headquarters
 on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt the
 inconceivably massive explosion, which vaporized
 poor, stupid Laurie.
 (Rebecca)
 This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of
 literature. My writing partner is a violent, chauvin-
 istic semi-literate adolescent.
 Gary)
 Yeah? Well, my writing partner is a self-centered
 tedious neurotic whose attempts at writing are the
 literary equivalent of Valium. Oh, shall I have
 chamomile tea? Or shall I have some other sort of
 F-KING TEA??? Oh no, what am I to do? I'm such an
 air headed bimbo who reads too many Danielle
 Steele novels!"
 Gary)
 B*tch.
 (Rebecca)
 F K YOU-YOU NEANDERTHALI
 In your dreams, Ho. Go drink some tea.
 A+
 Ireally liked this one.
epicjohndoe:

A Very Good Example Of ‘Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus’
                
            

            
            
epicjohndoe:

A Very Good Example Of ‘Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus’

            
            
        

    



            

        

        
        

            

                



            

        

        
        

            

                



            

        

        
        

            

                



            

        

        
        

            

                



            

        

        
        

            

                



            

        

        
        

            

                



            

        

        
        

            

                



            

        

        
        

            

                



            

        

        
        

            

                



            

        

        
        

            

                



            

        

        
        

            

                



            

        

        
        

            

                



            

        

        
        

            

                



            

        

        
        

            

                




    Andrew Bogut, Bruh, and Dad: Comments
 Di
 Comments
 Dor
 Dustin Rackley
 Boy look like he could drink
 peanutbutter.
 16h Like Rely08.4K
 Nicole McFarlin
 Better luck necks time.e
 3h Like Reply
 Javier Simmons Replied. 298 Replies sis Baldwin
 Why are all the comments so
 neckative
 Denzel Danzey
 If he hiccup to hard he'll swallow his 17h Like Reply12.5K
 whole head
 Leyla Guevara Replied 170 Replies
 16h Like Reply
 0
 9.6K
 Glenda Hardy Replied 295 Replies
 Britney Johnson
 Wonder when his Necks court date
 Daulton Ryan Zane
 I'd rob too if it cost me 65$ to get rid
 of a sore throat..
 18h Like Reply
 19h
 Like
 Reply
 003.9K
 Glenda Hardy Replied , 36 Replies
 #0037
 Mia Ortiz Replied 110 Replies
 Rachelle Mimi Aguilar
 Why tf does he look like one of the
 germs off that mucinecks commercial?
 19h Like Reply
 Tasha BlackberryWatson
 905
 These jokes aren't funny this is
 NECKPHEW
 15h Like Reply
 someone's brother, uncle,dad orNatasha Granneman Replied.1
 011.4K
 Wil Johnson
 Tracy Williams Morrison Rep... 331 Rer I think i know him. He's from my neck
 Sheriff's Office
 of the woods
 0014.2K
 Ebony Desiree
 The neck bone connected to the earG
 18h Like Reply
 39.3K Com
 Glenda Hardy Replied 176 Replies
 bone
 Comment
 e a comment..
 e a comment...
Why they roast this man to oblivion bruh? But for real tho. This man swallowed a lunch plate, AINT no way he don’t got asthma. If he cough it’s a level 30 hurricane. He can blow your house down. He blow soup and it splash everywhere. He got a whole tunnel and toll booth for a throat. His momma titties probably swollen like a bowling ball. He can never wear turtle necks. He get cold in the winter. His shirts cry when he put them on. How he suppose to wear a tie to a interview? That’s what’s wrong with the system. They set this man up to fail. He got fourth grade table graffiti on his neck bro. My MyPlayer don’t even got those tarts smh. He can eat for the both of us. If he eat your groceries you done For the month.
    

        
        
        
        
        
        
        
        
    

    

        

            
            

                
                Andrew Bogut, Bruh, and Dad: Comments
 Di
 Comments
 Dor
 Dustin Rackley
 Boy look like he could drink
 peanutbutter.
 16h Like Rely08.4K
 Nicole McFarlin
 Better luck necks time.e
 3h Like Reply
 Javier Simmons Replied. 298 Replies sis Baldwin
 Why are all the comments so
 neckative
 Denzel Danzey
 If he hiccup to hard he'll swallow his 17h Like Reply12.5K
 whole head
 Leyla Guevara Replied 170 Replies
 16h Like Reply
 0
 9.6K
 Glenda Hardy Replied 295 Replies
 Britney Johnson
 Wonder when his Necks court date
 Daulton Ryan Zane
 I'd rob too if it cost me 65$ to get rid
 of a sore throat..
 18h Like Reply
 19h
 Like
 Reply
 003.9K
 Glenda Hardy Replied , 36 Replies
 #0037
 Mia Ortiz Replied 110 Replies
 Rachelle Mimi Aguilar
 Why tf does he look like one of the
 germs off that mucinecks commercial?
 19h Like Reply
 Tasha BlackberryWatson
 905
 These jokes aren't funny this is
 NECKPHEW
 15h Like Reply
 someone's brother, uncle,dad orNatasha Granneman Replied.1
 011.4K
 Wil Johnson
 Tracy Williams Morrison Rep... 331 Rer I think i know him. He's from my neck
 Sheriff's Office
 of the woods
 0014.2K
 Ebony Desiree
 The neck bone connected to the earG
 18h Like Reply
 39.3K Com
 Glenda Hardy Replied 176 Replies
 bone
 Comment
 e a comment..
 e a comment...
Why they roast this man to oblivion bruh? But for real tho. This man swallowed a lunch plate, AINT no way he don’t got asthma. If he cough it’s a level 30 hurricane. He can blow your house down. He blow soup and it splash everywhere. He got a whole tunnel and toll booth for a throat. His momma titties probably swollen like a bowling ball. He can never wear turtle necks. He get cold in the winter. His shirts cry when he put them on. How he suppose to wear a tie to a interview? That’s what’s wrong with the system. They set this man up to fail. He got fourth grade table graffiti on his neck bro. My MyPlayer don’t even got those tarts smh. He can eat for the both of us. If he eat your groceries you done For the month.
                
            

            
            
Why they roast this man to oblivion bruh? But for real tho. This man swallowed a lunch plate, AINT no way he don’t got asthma. If he cough i...

            
            
        

    



            

        

        
        

            

                



            

        

        
        

            

                



            

        

        
        

            

                



            

        

        
        

            

                



            

        

        
        

            

                



            

        

        
        

            

                



            

        

        
        

            

                



            

        

        
        

            

                



            

        

        
        

            

                



            

        

        
        

            

                



            

        

        
        

            

                



            

        

        
        

            

                



            

        

        
        

            

                



            

        

        
        

            

                



            

        

        
        

            

                



            

        

        
        

            

                



            

        

        
        

            

                



            

        

        
        

            

                



            

        

        
        

            

                




    Be Like, Club, and Fake: a tale of trees and
 espionage
 okay story time:
 my professor (lovely man, married to our TA, 52", about as
 So
 studies trees. it was about three hours into our social
 sciences course, last lecture before exams, everyone was
 frazzled and exhausted, so he told us about his most
 exciting/in-depth research to date to cheer us up.
 (the few of us who actually showed up were like ok sir im
 sure its fascinating but in our minds we were totally like its
 trees what. is. exciting. about trees. You might be wondering
 the same thing-the acorns? the leaves? the roots? BUT NO.
 IMMA FUCKIN TELL YA.)
 ANYWAY we settle in, he had a few pictures loaded up from
 his field work (we were chuckling at this point.... 'hehehe field
 work' i giggled to my frend. its trees.) and began to tell his
 tale. it's long, imma warn you, but.... god. just read it
 theres an species of tree called the cucumber tree(Magnolia
 in our region there's only-280 that are registered by the
 government, yadda yadda yadda, my prof thought that was
 tragic (i know) but also strange, because when he was writing
 his thesis about local trees years ago, he kept coming across
 cucumber trees in really random places. we're talking like
 etc.
 IMPOSSIBLE because, according to tree
 very strictly protected by the govenment, and thus super
 legai to possess, transport, collect, buy or sell any part of a
 living or dead member of a listed species if it originates from
 sources. essentially, the govt takes control over g
 the trees and anyone who independently raises them is
 breaking the law (i kno)
 so he'd ask people "do you have a permit for these trees?"
 and they were like "uh no, it's just a tree someone sold me,i
 think it looks nice, are you gonna arrest me?" so he'd be like
 nah nah nah just tell me who sold it to you"
 eventually, months/years later, someone did, and turns out it
 was like this underground sort-of illegal tree dealing club
 (i know). so my prof went, got a bit of funding from the
 government, who were getting pissed at independent
 cucumber tree numbers, and THIS IS WHERE IT GETS INTO
 THE GOOD SHIT I STS
 he infitrates the tree trafficking organization. he buys a
 cucumber tree from an independent nursery, raises it for
 months, ensures he gets noticed by the traffickers, and then
 INFILTRATES it and convinces its leader to LET HIM JOIN
 he has to pay like a steep entrance fee, which he does (and it
 blows my mind that the government of my country paid
 money to illegal tree dealers), but then he is given full access
 to records and maps because they think he's one of them, not
 now this part blows my mind because the tree lords don't
 even have to try very hard to find cucumber trees because
 government agents MARK THE TREES AND DISTINCTLY
 TAG THEM SAYING THIS IS ENDANGERED DO NOT
 hangs out with the members so much that he figures out their
 hit spots". these are where the trees are relatively secluded
 and unguarded. (he writes all this shit and numbers down for
 BUT THATS NOT ENOUGH BECAUSE THE GOVT SAYS
 HES WASTING THEIR FUNDING IF HE DOESNT HAVE
 PROOF and they are willing to take LEGAL ACTION for
 misuse of funding (my prof doesn't have the money nore time
 nor power to take them to court, which would also blow his
 cover). so my prof literally STAKES OUT a copse of
 cucumber trees at a recognized wildlife reserve for. DAYS. he
 camps there, and watches the trees, is about to give up, he's
 going off an unreliable rumor from the traffickers that a
 harvester would be going there within the next week. finally,
 this guy comes and takes the cucumber tree seeds from the
 CLEARLY MARKED trees by the government, and my prof
 takes pictures (we are shown these pictures, most of us are
 speechless at this point). dozens of candid shots of a man my
 grandpa's age with a grocery store bag, garden shears, and a
 ladder, clipping away the illegal seeds and then going on his
 way
 so my prof has the proof, he's been undercover for months
 now at this point, he writes up his report, gives it to the
 government who is likeoh shit", helps them draft up a
 new LESS COMPLETELY FUCKING OBVious way of
 marking e
 wouldn't damage them further, etc.), and then never retuns to
 the tree traffickers. he'd given them a fake name, address,
 (so that way
 there was a full minute of stunned silence from us students
 at this point, during which he grew more and more nervous
 (again, he's a muffin) and all of us students are just like
 whoa. we asked him what happened to the remaining illegal
 cucumber trees & if he turned the tree dealers in to the
 government, and that is when he smiles a little bit and shows
 us the last few pictures. because here's the kicker... he never
 turned the smugglers in. he burned all the data he
 collected, defied the government pressuring him to turn them
 in, and the only reason he's not incarcerated is because his
 work is so prominent in certain circles now & universities love
 him, that there would be an uproar if he got arrested. he's like
 a fucking anti-hero and then he tells us (ill never forget, it's
 the most inspirational green-thumb thing in the world) "it may
 be illegal', but those who risk their liberty to-save the
 world- should never be reprimanded, no matter what
 we are all stunned. some of us are considering dendrology as
 a field we'd now be interested in pursuing. he clicks his slide
 one final time, before we leave our last lecture and, since he
 had an asthma attack (lil muffin) he didn't attend our exam, so
 and there, on the slides, the last picture? THERE HE IS. in his
 own backyard. with his equally lovely TA wife. both grinning
 GROWN. ILLEGAL. CUCUMBER
 TREE
 72,767
Tree espionage
    

        
        
        
        
        
        
        
        
    

    

        

            
            

                
                Be Like, Club, and Fake: a tale of trees and
 espionage
 okay story time:
 my professor (lovely man, married to our TA, 52", about as
 So
 studies trees. it was about three hours into our social
 sciences course, last lecture before exams, everyone was
 frazzled and exhausted, so he told us about his most
 exciting/in-depth research to date to cheer us up.
 (the few of us who actually showed up were like ok sir im
 sure its fascinating but in our minds we were totally like its
 trees what. is. exciting. about trees. You might be wondering
 the same thing-the acorns? the leaves? the roots? BUT NO.
 IMMA FUCKIN TELL YA.)
 ANYWAY we settle in, he had a few pictures loaded up from
 his field work (we were chuckling at this point.... 'hehehe field
 work' i giggled to my frend. its trees.) and began to tell his
 tale. it's long, imma warn you, but.... god. just read it
 theres an species of tree called the cucumber tree(Magnolia
 in our region there's only-280 that are registered by the
 government, yadda yadda yadda, my prof thought that was
 tragic (i know) but also strange, because when he was writing
 his thesis about local trees years ago, he kept coming across
 cucumber trees in really random places. we're talking like
 etc.
 IMPOSSIBLE because, according to tree
 very strictly protected by the govenment, and thus super
 legai to possess, transport, collect, buy or sell any part of a
 living or dead member of a listed species if it originates from
 sources. essentially, the govt takes control over g
 the trees and anyone who independently raises them is
 breaking the law (i kno)
 so he'd ask people "do you have a permit for these trees?"
 and they were like "uh no, it's just a tree someone sold me,i
 think it looks nice, are you gonna arrest me?" so he'd be like
 nah nah nah just tell me who sold it to you"
 eventually, months/years later, someone did, and turns out it
 was like this underground sort-of illegal tree dealing club
 (i know). so my prof went, got a bit of funding from the
 government, who were getting pissed at independent
 cucumber tree numbers, and THIS IS WHERE IT GETS INTO
 THE GOOD SHIT I STS
 he infitrates the tree trafficking organization. he buys a
 cucumber tree from an independent nursery, raises it for
 months, ensures he gets noticed by the traffickers, and then
 INFILTRATES it and convinces its leader to LET HIM JOIN
 he has to pay like a steep entrance fee, which he does (and it
 blows my mind that the government of my country paid
 money to illegal tree dealers), but then he is given full access
 to records and maps because they think he's one of them, not
 now this part blows my mind because the tree lords don't
 even have to try very hard to find cucumber trees because
 government agents MARK THE TREES AND DISTINCTLY
 TAG THEM SAYING THIS IS ENDANGERED DO NOT
 hangs out with the members so much that he figures out their
 hit spots". these are where the trees are relatively secluded
 and unguarded. (he writes all this shit and numbers down for
 BUT THATS NOT ENOUGH BECAUSE THE GOVT SAYS
 HES WASTING THEIR FUNDING IF HE DOESNT HAVE
 PROOF and they are willing to take LEGAL ACTION for
 misuse of funding (my prof doesn't have the money nore time
 nor power to take them to court, which would also blow his
 cover). so my prof literally STAKES OUT a copse of
 cucumber trees at a recognized wildlife reserve for. DAYS. he
 camps there, and watches the trees, is about to give up, he's
 going off an unreliable rumor from the traffickers that a
 harvester would be going there within the next week. finally,
 this guy comes and takes the cucumber tree seeds from the
 CLEARLY MARKED trees by the government, and my prof
 takes pictures (we are shown these pictures, most of us are
 speechless at this point). dozens of candid shots of a man my
 grandpa's age with a grocery store bag, garden shears, and a
 ladder, clipping away the illegal seeds and then going on his
 way
 so my prof has the proof, he's been undercover for months
 now at this point, he writes up his report, gives it to the
 government who is likeoh shit", helps them draft up a
 new LESS COMPLETELY FUCKING OBVious way of
 marking e
 wouldn't damage them further, etc.), and then never retuns to
 the tree traffickers. he'd given them a fake name, address,
 (so that way
 there was a full minute of stunned silence from us students
 at this point, during which he grew more and more nervous
 (again, he's a muffin) and all of us students are just like
 whoa. we asked him what happened to the remaining illegal
 cucumber trees & if he turned the tree dealers in to the
 government, and that is when he smiles a little bit and shows
 us the last few pictures. because here's the kicker... he never
 turned the smugglers in. he burned all the data he
 collected, defied the government pressuring him to turn them
 in, and the only reason he's not incarcerated is because his
 work is so prominent in certain circles now & universities love
 him, that there would be an uproar if he got arrested. he's like
 a fucking anti-hero and then he tells us (ill never forget, it's
 the most inspirational green-thumb thing in the world) "it may
 be illegal', but those who risk their liberty to-save the
 world- should never be reprimanded, no matter what
 we are all stunned. some of us are considering dendrology as
 a field we'd now be interested in pursuing. he clicks his slide
 one final time, before we leave our last lecture and, since he
 had an asthma attack (lil muffin) he didn't attend our exam, so
 and there, on the slides, the last picture? THERE HE IS. in his
 own backyard. with his equally lovely TA wife. both grinning
 GROWN. ILLEGAL. CUCUMBER
 TREE
 72,767
Tree espionage
                
            

            
            
Tree espionage