assault


                    
                    
                

                

                

            

        
    







            

            
            

                

                    
                

                

                    

                        


	

	
    
        

            

                
                    
                    
                    
                    

    

        Dylan Roof
        

            
            Dylan Roof
        

    

    

         
Dylan Roof

    



                
                    
                    
                    
                    

    

        Was Given
        

            
            Was Given
        

    

    

         
Was Given

    



                
                    
                    
                    
                    

    

         murderous
        

            
             murderous
        

    

    

         
 murderous

    



                
                    
                    
                    
                    

    

         baile
        

            
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 baile

    



                
                    
                    
                    
                    

    

         bobby
        

            
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 bobby

    



                
                    
                    
                    
                    

    

        ifs
        

            
            ifs
        

    

    

         
ifs

    



                
                    
                    
                    
                    

    

        figuratively
        

            
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figuratively

    



                
                    
                    
                    
                    

    

        tur
        

            
            tur
        

    

    

         
tur

    



                
                    
                    
                    
                    

    

        yours
        

            
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yours

    



                
                    
                    
                    
                    

    

        ons
        

            
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ons

    



                
            

        

    
    

        đŸ”„ | Latest
    

    
    

        

        
        

            

                



            

        

        
        

            

                



            

        

        
        

            

                



            

        

        
        

            

                



            

        

        
        

            

                



            

        

        
        

            

                



            

        

        
        

            

                



            

        

        
        

            

                



            

        

        
        

            

                



            

        

        
        

            

                



            

        

        
        

            

                



            

        

        
        

            

                



            

        

        
        

            

                




    Dicks, Fire, and Memes: TBT - SSG Corey Calkins Ladies and gentlemen, gather round the campfire as we light up your field day celebrations with a celebration of our own. That’s right, it’s time to throw this thing back to February 2010. A simpler time, a time before David Petraeus locked his knees at a senate hearing, and back when you could still tinkle on dead Taliban. omgtakemebackkkk⠀ ⠀ Today we’re talking about every Marine from 6th Reggie’s favorite little town in Afghanistan’s Helmand Province. marjahmarjahmarjah⠀ ⠀ What many of you may not know, however, is that them Gyrenes weren’t the only ones with their dicks in the dirt giving Terry the ol’ whatfor. Case in point, the subject of today’s OAF TBT; Staff Sgt Corey Calkins aka CashMoneyCorey⠀ ⠀ While serving as a weapons sergeant for ODA 3121, Cake Crushin’ Calkins was part of the coalition push through Marjah. On 18 February 2010, he led an assault of ANA troops against a platoon-sized element of Taliban fuckbois at a key intersection near the bazaar in Marjah. While under intense small arms, RPG, and mortar fire, Corey the Cockslapper charged the enemy position like a robust lesbian hopped up on Jack Daniels in a domestic dispute; inspiring his ANA troops to follow and overwhelm the Taliban position. TakeTheirShoes⠀ ⠀ After locking down the intersection and surrounding positions, Corey continued to fuck Terry six ways to Sunday by voluntarily continuing to drive the man-titty-havin’ soyboys out of smalls arms and RPG range so three critically wounded Marines could be evacuated. He aggressively pursued the enemy hotter than the homies in Tekashi 69’s cell block are pursuing his butthole. LemmeTugOnYoDickALilWhile⠀ ⠀ For his actions that day, SSG Calkins was awarded the Distinguished Service Cross and earned himself a lifetime supply of bummed cigs, fat pinches of dip, and near-beers from every Marine in the Ghan. ThereGoesMyHero ⠀ ⠀
    

        
        
        
        
        
        
        
        
    

    

        

            
            

                
                Dicks, Fire, and Memes: TBT - SSG Corey Calkins Ladies and gentlemen, gather round the campfire as we light up your field day celebrations with a celebration of our own. That’s right, it’s time to throw this thing back to February 2010. A simpler time, a time before David Petraeus locked his knees at a senate hearing, and back when you could still tinkle on dead Taliban. omgtakemebackkkk⠀ ⠀ Today we’re talking about every Marine from 6th Reggie’s favorite little town in Afghanistan’s Helmand Province. marjahmarjahmarjah⠀ ⠀ What many of you may not know, however, is that them Gyrenes weren’t the only ones with their dicks in the dirt giving Terry the ol’ whatfor. Case in point, the subject of today’s OAF TBT; Staff Sgt Corey Calkins aka CashMoneyCorey⠀ ⠀ While serving as a weapons sergeant for ODA 3121, Cake Crushin’ Calkins was part of the coalition push through Marjah. On 18 February 2010, he led an assault of ANA troops against a platoon-sized element of Taliban fuckbois at a key intersection near the bazaar in Marjah. While under intense small arms, RPG, and mortar fire, Corey the Cockslapper charged the enemy position like a robust lesbian hopped up on Jack Daniels in a domestic dispute; inspiring his ANA troops to follow and overwhelm the Taliban position. TakeTheirShoes⠀ ⠀ After locking down the intersection and surrounding positions, Corey continued to fuck Terry six ways to Sunday by voluntarily continuing to drive the man-titty-havin’ soyboys out of smalls arms and RPG range so three critically wounded Marines could be evacuated. He aggressively pursued the enemy hotter than the homies in Tekashi 69’s cell block are pursuing his butthole. LemmeTugOnYoDickALilWhile⠀ ⠀ For his actions that day, SSG Calkins was awarded the Distinguished Service Cross and earned himself a lifetime supply of bummed cigs, fat pinches of dip, and near-beers from every Marine in the Ghan. ThereGoesMyHero ⠀ ⠀
                
            

            
            
TBT - SSG Corey Calkins Ladies and gentlemen, gather round the campfire as we light up your field day celebrations with a celebration of our...

            
            
        

    



            

        

        
        

            

                




    Children, Christmas, and Cute: BBQ not n ORGY 61
 Online now
 7 miles away

 BBQ not n ORGY 61
 Online now
 1 7 miles away
 5th annual 4th of July BBQ June 30th from1
 until ? Why do 90% of u think this is an orgy?
 t's not t's open to all Is it because I'm on this
 app? I try to invite all types of people men,
 women, gay, bi, str8, trans doesn't matter to
 me.
 Height
 Weight
 Ethnicity
 Body Type
 6'0"
 240 lbs
 White
 Stocky
 Gender
 Man

 BBQ not n ORGY
 7 miles away
 Sun, Jun 17
 Hey
 2:47 PM
 Today
 I'm having my annual BBQ June 30th
 from 1pm until? slow cook pig,
 chicken wings, hamburgers, fish and
 vegetarian meals. No cost just bring
 your own booze. Sodas, tea, water is
 provided. Please feel free to bring ur
 wife, partner or just a date. This
 party is open to men, women,
 families. Gay, str8, bi, and the
 unknown.
 3:48 PM
 Say something
i-care-to-live:
culdeefell:

lumbaghini:


consultingdoctorwholock:


loki-against-onision:


libertarirynn:


keyhollow:


klubbhead:

gaypussyretard:

panzerkampfwagentigerrausfb:

libertybill:

cecaeliawitch:


radical-f:

girlsmoonsandstars:


kittyit:


darren-fucking-chriss:

verysiriusly:


legendarylangst:


mnemophile:

gonefashion:

psyducked:

heterophobiac:
This is the most bizarre yet pure thing I’ve ever encountered on grindr

Are you going?

these guys went and said it was wholesome and fun!
and look what he said
https://www.buzzfeed.com/juliareinstein/grindr-bbq-not-orgy?utm_term=.ur27oKlpv#.yfXpzGdkZ

update:
he had a thanksgiving dinner and is having a christmas dinner in case y’all missed out on the bbq!!


lgb-bq :’)


The guy is a registered sex offender. Kidnapping of a minor and sexual assault.


http://sexoffender.ncsbi.gov/details.aspx?SRN=011019S7

a serial child rapist trying to get “families” to attend his bbq. jesus christ


god damn it 


it was literally shady from the fact that he posted it to Grindr like of course he was trying to reach a specific audience 


no wonder his family doesn’t talk to him


Holy fuck 

i used to really like this post, thought it was cute. shame.




Written and directed by M. Night Shyamalan




Well this took an unpleasant turn since the last time I saw it




No worries @loki-against-onision , I got one


Ok, so, I researched this. I read his court files.
What this guy did was he let two young couples who wanted to have sex away from their parents’ eyes into his house. Here’s a “statement of the facts” from an appeal after he was convicted:
“Fourteen-year-old Stephanie was dating 18 year-old Timothy Cutshall; fifteen-year-old Rachelle was dating 23 year-old Chris Hall.  On the night in question, Hall and Cutshall asked the defendant to let them use his house for a liaison with the girls. The girls lied to their parents about where they were going, went to the defendant’s house, and had sex with Cutshall and Hall; the defendant never had sex with either girl.
“The evidence was in conflict as to whether the defendant knew that the girls were underage.  There was no evidence that he knew they were younger enough than the men to render their otherwise consensual intercourse statutory rape.  Finally, there was no evidence that he knew that the girls did not have their parents’ permission to go to his house. Nonetheless, the defendant was convicted of aiding and abetting statutory rape, second degree kidnapping, and taking indecent liberties with children.”
The person who shared his sex offender registry completely made up the “sexual assault” charge, and “kidnapping” didn’t sit right with me, so I looked into it. What actually happened was complicated. What it looks like to me is this dude, possibly under the influence of the alcohol he said ruined his life, made a stupid decision to trust these kids and had some creative prosecutors throw the book at him in every way they could think of.


Wow that’s way worse.
BBQ man is un-canceled. Let’s try and give him some happiness, he’s had shit luck. 


can we acknowledge how important CONTEXT is when we are “exposing” peoples lives, past, and especially convictions? thanks. 

    

        
        
        
        
        
        
        
        
    

    

        

            
            

                
                Children, Christmas, and Cute: BBQ not n ORGY 61
 Online now
 7 miles away

 BBQ not n ORGY 61
 Online now
 1 7 miles away
 5th annual 4th of July BBQ June 30th from1
 until ? Why do 90% of u think this is an orgy?
 t's not t's open to all Is it because I'm on this
 app? I try to invite all types of people men,
 women, gay, bi, str8, trans doesn't matter to
 me.
 Height
 Weight
 Ethnicity
 Body Type
 6'0"
 240 lbs
 White
 Stocky
 Gender
 Man

 BBQ not n ORGY
 7 miles away
 Sun, Jun 17
 Hey
 2:47 PM
 Today
 I'm having my annual BBQ June 30th
 from 1pm until? slow cook pig,
 chicken wings, hamburgers, fish and
 vegetarian meals. No cost just bring
 your own booze. Sodas, tea, water is
 provided. Please feel free to bring ur
 wife, partner or just a date. This
 party is open to men, women,
 families. Gay, str8, bi, and the
 unknown.
 3:48 PM
 Say something
i-care-to-live:
culdeefell:

lumbaghini:


consultingdoctorwholock:


loki-against-onision:


libertarirynn:


keyhollow:


klubbhead:

gaypussyretard:

panzerkampfwagentigerrausfb:

libertybill:

cecaeliawitch:


radical-f:

girlsmoonsandstars:


kittyit:


darren-fucking-chriss:

verysiriusly:


legendarylangst:


mnemophile:

gonefashion:

psyducked:

heterophobiac:
This is the most bizarre yet pure thing I’ve ever encountered on grindr

Are you going?

these guys went and said it was wholesome and fun!
and look what he said
https://www.buzzfeed.com/juliareinstein/grindr-bbq-not-orgy?utm_term=.ur27oKlpv#.yfXpzGdkZ

update:
he had a thanksgiving dinner and is having a christmas dinner in case y’all missed out on the bbq!!


lgb-bq :’)


The guy is a registered sex offender. Kidnapping of a minor and sexual assault.


http://sexoffender.ncsbi.gov/details.aspx?SRN=011019S7

a serial child rapist trying to get “families” to attend his bbq. jesus christ


god damn it 


it was literally shady from the fact that he posted it to Grindr like of course he was trying to reach a specific audience 


no wonder his family doesn’t talk to him


Holy fuck 

i used to really like this post, thought it was cute. shame.




Written and directed by M. Night Shyamalan




Well this took an unpleasant turn since the last time I saw it




No worries @loki-against-onision , I got one


Ok, so, I researched this. I read his court files.
What this guy did was he let two young couples who wanted to have sex away from their parents’ eyes into his house. Here’s a “statement of the facts” from an appeal after he was convicted:
“Fourteen-year-old Stephanie was dating 18 year-old Timothy Cutshall; fifteen-year-old Rachelle was dating 23 year-old Chris Hall.  On the night in question, Hall and Cutshall asked the defendant to let them use his house for a liaison with the girls. The girls lied to their parents about where they were going, went to the defendant’s house, and had sex with Cutshall and Hall; the defendant never had sex with either girl.
“The evidence was in conflict as to whether the defendant knew that the girls were underage.  There was no evidence that he knew they were younger enough than the men to render their otherwise consensual intercourse statutory rape.  Finally, there was no evidence that he knew that the girls did not have their parents’ permission to go to his house. Nonetheless, the defendant was convicted of aiding and abetting statutory rape, second degree kidnapping, and taking indecent liberties with children.”
The person who shared his sex offender registry completely made up the “sexual assault” charge, and “kidnapping” didn’t sit right with me, so I looked into it. What actually happened was complicated. What it looks like to me is this dude, possibly under the influence of the alcohol he said ruined his life, made a stupid decision to trust these kids and had some creative prosecutors throw the book at him in every way they could think of.


Wow that’s way worse.
BBQ man is un-canceled. Let’s try and give him some happiness, he’s had shit luck. 


can we acknowledge how important CONTEXT is when we are “exposing” peoples lives, past, and especially convictions? thanks. 

                
            

            
            
i-care-to-live:
culdeefell:

lumbaghini:


consultingdoctorwholock:


loki-against-onision:


libertarirynn:


keyhollow:


klubbhead:

gayp...

            
            
        

    



            

        

        
        

            

                



            

        

        
        

            

                




    Christmas, Cute, and Family: BBQ not n ORGY 61
 Online now
 7 miles away

 BBQ not n ORGY 61
 Online now
 1 7 miles away
 5th annual 4th of July BBQ June 30th from1
 until ? Why do 90% of u think this is an orgy?
 t's not t's open to all Is it because I'm on this
 app? I try to invite all types of people men,
 women, gay, bi, str8, trans doesn't matter to
 me.
 Height
 Weight
 Ethnicity
 Body Type
 6'0"
 240 lbs
 White
 Stocky
 Gender
 Man

 BBQ not n ORGY
 7 miles away
 Sun, Jun 17
 Hey
 2:47 PM
 Today
 I'm having my annual BBQ June 30th
 from 1pm until? slow cook pig,
 chicken wings, hamburgers, fish and
 vegetarian meals. No cost just bring
 your own booze. Sodas, tea, water is
 provided. Please feel free to bring ur
 wife, partner or just a date. This
 party is open to men, women,
 families. Gay, str8, bi, and the
 unknown.
 3:48 PM
 Say something
libertarirynn:
keyhollow:


klubbhead:

gaypussyretard:

panzerkampfwagentigerrausfb:

libertybill:

cecaeliawitch:


radical-f:

girlsmoonsandstars:


kittyit:


darren-fucking-chriss:

verysiriusly:


legendarylangst:


mnemophile:

gonefashion:

psyducked:

heterophobiac:
This is the most bizarre yet pure thing I’ve ever encountered on grindr

Are you going?

these guys went and said it was wholesome and fun!
and look what he said
https://www.buzzfeed.com/juliareinstein/grindr-bbq-not-orgy?utm_term=.ur27oKlpv#.yfXpzGdkZ

update:
he had a thanksgiving dinner and is having a christmas dinner in case y’all missed out on the bbq!!


lgb-bq :’)


The guy is a registered sex offender. Kidnapping of a minor and sexual assault.


http://sexoffender.ncsbi.gov/details.aspx?SRN=011019S7

a serial child rapist trying to get “families” to attend his bbq. jesus christ


god damn it 


it was literally shady from the fact that he posted it to Grindr like of course he was trying to reach a specific audience 


no wonder his family doesn’t talk to him


Holy fuck 

i used to really like this post, thought it was cute. shame.




Written and directed by M. Night Shyamalan




Well this took an unpleasant turn since the last time I saw it

    

        
        
        
        
        
        
        
        
    

    

        

            
            

                
                Christmas, Cute, and Family: BBQ not n ORGY 61
 Online now
 7 miles away

 BBQ not n ORGY 61
 Online now
 1 7 miles away
 5th annual 4th of July BBQ June 30th from1
 until ? Why do 90% of u think this is an orgy?
 t's not t's open to all Is it because I'm on this
 app? I try to invite all types of people men,
 women, gay, bi, str8, trans doesn't matter to
 me.
 Height
 Weight
 Ethnicity
 Body Type
 6'0"
 240 lbs
 White
 Stocky
 Gender
 Man

 BBQ not n ORGY
 7 miles away
 Sun, Jun 17
 Hey
 2:47 PM
 Today
 I'm having my annual BBQ June 30th
 from 1pm until? slow cook pig,
 chicken wings, hamburgers, fish and
 vegetarian meals. No cost just bring
 your own booze. Sodas, tea, water is
 provided. Please feel free to bring ur
 wife, partner or just a date. This
 party is open to men, women,
 families. Gay, str8, bi, and the
 unknown.
 3:48 PM
 Say something
libertarirynn:
keyhollow:


klubbhead:

gaypussyretard:

panzerkampfwagentigerrausfb:

libertybill:

cecaeliawitch:


radical-f:

girlsmoonsandstars:


kittyit:


darren-fucking-chriss:

verysiriusly:


legendarylangst:


mnemophile:

gonefashion:

psyducked:

heterophobiac:
This is the most bizarre yet pure thing I’ve ever encountered on grindr

Are you going?

these guys went and said it was wholesome and fun!
and look what he said
https://www.buzzfeed.com/juliareinstein/grindr-bbq-not-orgy?utm_term=.ur27oKlpv#.yfXpzGdkZ

update:
he had a thanksgiving dinner and is having a christmas dinner in case y’all missed out on the bbq!!


lgb-bq :’)


The guy is a registered sex offender. Kidnapping of a minor and sexual assault.


http://sexoffender.ncsbi.gov/details.aspx?SRN=011019S7

a serial child rapist trying to get “families” to attend his bbq. jesus christ


god damn it 


it was literally shady from the fact that he posted it to Grindr like of course he was trying to reach a specific audience 


no wonder his family doesn’t talk to him


Holy fuck 

i used to really like this post, thought it was cute. shame.




Written and directed by M. Night Shyamalan




Well this took an unpleasant turn since the last time I saw it

                
            

            
            
libertarirynn:
keyhollow:


klubbhead:

gaypussyretard:

panzerkampfwagentigerrausfb:

libertybill:

cecaeliawitch:


radical-f:

girlsmoons...

            
            
        

    



            

        

        
        

            

                



            

        

        
        

            

                



            

        

        
        

            

                



            

        

        
        

            

                



            

        

        
        

            

                



            

        

        
        

            

                



            

        

        
        

            

                




    Android, Bad, and Barber: h Steph @steph93065 13h
 Replying to @Gillette
 For God's sake. I'm telling the 3 men in my
 house your product will NOT be my home
 ever again. All three are fine men, 2 are
 rough Marines that sacrifice so you can
 insult masculinity. You can fuck right off
 with that.
 456 t0987 7488
 Steph @steph93065 11h
 There is no such thing as toxic masculinity.
 Mark Dice @MarkDice 17h
 Replying to @Gillette
 Just sell some damn razors and keep your
 social justice stupidity out of it. Looks like
 it's @Dollar ShaveClub from now on
 Bawdy Barber @BawdyBarber 16h
 Replying to @Gillette
 Gillette is part of the anti-male SJW
 movement. Any men who are sick of this
 can come right on over to us at Bawdy
 Barber, where we understand how men
 work and don't try to change them into
 women
 Bawdy Barber
 499 529 C 4,101

 Piers Morgan@piersmorgan 13h
 I've used @Gillette razors my entire adult life but
 this absurd virtue-signalling PC guff may drive
 me away to a company less eager to fuel the
 current pathetic global assault on masculinity.
 Let boys be damn boys.
 Let men be damn men
 Gillette @Gillette
 "Boys will be boys"? Isn't it time we stopped
 excusing bad behavior? Re-think and take
 action by joining us at
 TheBestMenCanBe.org. #TheBestMenCanBe
 pic.twitter.com/hhBL1XjFVo
 1,478 t1,684 7468
 Andy Smith
 @chief1985
 Replying to @piersmorgan and @Gillette
 It's going to be illegal to be male soon
 19:20 14/01/2019 Twitter for Android
 11 Retweets 268 Likes

 GrandmaShampoo Spectre of Communism 21 points 1 hour ago
 on the one hand, corporations aren't your friend
 on the other, this fear that using the wrong razor will now "change [men]
 into women" is pretty hilarious
veiledengineer:

capitalist-propaganda:

gaiomon:

“Teach your sons not to be assholes.”
WHAT IS THIS  SJW BULLSHIT

anyway let me know when men are illegal

Gillette: Hey, maybe call out bullshit when you see it, and raise your sons to respect other people as people. Also, don’t be a cat-calling creep deserving of getting called out. Morons: ANTI-MEN PROPAGANDA! THIS IS AN ATTACK ON MASCULINITY. 

    

        
        
        
        
        
        
        
        
    

    

        

            
            

                
                Android, Bad, and Barber: h Steph @steph93065 13h
 Replying to @Gillette
 For God's sake. I'm telling the 3 men in my
 house your product will NOT be my home
 ever again. All three are fine men, 2 are
 rough Marines that sacrifice so you can
 insult masculinity. You can fuck right off
 with that.
 456 t0987 7488
 Steph @steph93065 11h
 There is no such thing as toxic masculinity.
 Mark Dice @MarkDice 17h
 Replying to @Gillette
 Just sell some damn razors and keep your
 social justice stupidity out of it. Looks like
 it's @Dollar ShaveClub from now on
 Bawdy Barber @BawdyBarber 16h
 Replying to @Gillette
 Gillette is part of the anti-male SJW
 movement. Any men who are sick of this
 can come right on over to us at Bawdy
 Barber, where we understand how men
 work and don't try to change them into
 women
 Bawdy Barber
 499 529 C 4,101

 Piers Morgan@piersmorgan 13h
 I've used @Gillette razors my entire adult life but
 this absurd virtue-signalling PC guff may drive
 me away to a company less eager to fuel the
 current pathetic global assault on masculinity.
 Let boys be damn boys.
 Let men be damn men
 Gillette @Gillette
 "Boys will be boys"? Isn't it time we stopped
 excusing bad behavior? Re-think and take
 action by joining us at
 TheBestMenCanBe.org. #TheBestMenCanBe
 pic.twitter.com/hhBL1XjFVo
 1,478 t1,684 7468
 Andy Smith
 @chief1985
 Replying to @piersmorgan and @Gillette
 It's going to be illegal to be male soon
 19:20 14/01/2019 Twitter for Android
 11 Retweets 268 Likes

 GrandmaShampoo Spectre of Communism 21 points 1 hour ago
 on the one hand, corporations aren't your friend
 on the other, this fear that using the wrong razor will now "change [men]
 into women" is pretty hilarious
veiledengineer:

capitalist-propaganda:

gaiomon:

“Teach your sons not to be assholes.”
WHAT IS THIS  SJW BULLSHIT

anyway let me know when men are illegal

Gillette: Hey, maybe call out bullshit when you see it, and raise your sons to respect other people as people. Also, don’t be a cat-calling creep deserving of getting called out. Morons: ANTI-MEN PROPAGANDA! THIS IS AN ATTACK ON MASCULINITY. 

                
            

            
            
veiledengineer:

capitalist-propaganda:

gaiomon:

“Teach your sons not to be assholes.”
WHAT IS THIS  SJW BULLSHIT

anyway let me know when...

            
            
        

    



            

        

        
        

            

                



            

        

        
        

            

                



            

        

        
        

            

                



            

        

        
        

            

                



            

        

        
        

            

                



            

        

        
        

            

                



            

        

        
        

            

                



            

        

        
        

            

                



            

        

        
        

            

                



            

        

        
        

            

                



            

        

        
        

            

                



            

        

        
        

            

                



            

        

        
        

            

                



            

        

        
        

            

                



            

        

        
        

            

                



            

        

        
        

            

                



            

        

        
        

            

                



            

        

        
        

            

                



            

        

        
        

            

                



            

        

        
        

            

                



            

        

        
        

            

                



            

        

        
        

            

                



            

        

        
        

            

                



            

        

        
        

            

                



            

        

        
        

            

                



            

        

        
        

            

                



            

        

        
        

            

                




    America, Apparently, and Ass: zornsable:
reversingyourpolarity:

elidyce:

seananmcguire:

priscellie:

ecnamor-lacimehc-ym:

gallifrey-feels:

sociopathic-italian-grandmas:

millshouse:

meganiun:

happyvegetable:

kennilworthy-thisp:

derinthemadscientist:

lumoslouis:

soloontherocks:

amour-vengeance:

later-homenuggets:

my friend left her window open in her bedroom and came back to find this
look at his self-satisfied little face, the cheeky shit
motherfucking australia

if there was a post to describe australia, this is it

wait. 
you mean to tell me this isn’t even a pet bird?
that in australia, you have wild birds that just fly from house to house with the express purpose of fucking shit up?
fucking HELL australia, what is wrong with you?

wake up australia 

That’s what birds do
They fly around and fuck shit up
Do you have some kind of mysterious nice birds in your weird foreign country
Do birds in America and England fly into your house and make the bed and tidy up the living room a little bit

It’s cold here, so they just bounce off the windows and lie there and twitch spasmodically while you look for the shovel.

Basically hurling themselves at windows is the worst thing birds do

yeah man a kookaburra literally flew into a classroom at my high school and just sat his smug ass down on top of the desk for a good 20 minutes

why has nobody mentioned the fact that in australia there are 3-4 months a year where everybody just accepts that they’re going to get attacked by magpies. It is literally called “swooping season” and these birds will fly down to peck your fucking face, and people get their eyes ripped out and shit, it’s fucking brutal.

My teacher had to go to hospital and have surgery because of swooping season. It was in the parking lot of school and all the kids would do a mad dash towards the car as the magpies tried to kill us.

no but when you’re 12 years old and riding your bike like mad on the way home from school with an icecream bucket on your head with like branches and shit sticking out if it to scare them off and none of this is considered strange

what the actual fuck australia 

I am pretty sure all of these Australia stories are a massive, globally-spanning trolling effort, and only the people who have visited the country are allowed to be in on the joke.

Nope.
Went there.
Parrots tried to take our car.
Came home IN A FUCKING HURRY.

Interesting thing about magpies - they’re not great at identifying individual humans visually, but if you make yourself identifiable in some way they’re usually open to reason. We used to have some very aggressive swoopers in our back yard - as soon as they realised that the humans *inside* the fence never bothered them and were the source of the delicious compost heap, they turned into flying black and white guard dogs who would viciously assault any passing stranger but never bothered anyone inside the yard. Several times they swooped at us when we approached from outside, then when we walked into the yard they would pull up and act incredibly apologetic like sorry ma’am I had no idea it was you I would never please don’t stop stocking the food pile.
There was another little group of magpies in the park who would attack any solo pedestrian but never bothered anyone walking a dog or pushing a pram, because apparently those were identifiable traits indicating a non-threatening human. In the spirit of inquiry, I started going out of my way to be polite to the magpies - carefully walking a wide arc around them when they were on the ground, etc - and emitting an identifiable call of ‘hello birdie’ before swooping season started. 
I spent the next ten years crossing that park at least once a day and as long as I turned at the first flutter of wings and said ‘hello birdie’ to the magpie waiting to attack as soon as my back was turned, I was fine. Every time, the magpie would stare at me for a minute and then fly off to harass some other pedestrian because apparently the magpies and I, we were cool. 
Parrots are a lot less open to negotiation, and the little bastards travel in flocks. Beware the parrots. 

Australia: the only country where it is necessary to sign a peace treaty with the birds in order to stay unmangled. 

They did lose the Emu War, after all.

    

        
        
        
        
        
        
        
        
    

    

        

            
            

                
                America, Apparently, and Ass: zornsable:
reversingyourpolarity:

elidyce:

seananmcguire:

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meganiun:

happyvegetable:

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my friend left her window open in her bedroom and came back to find this
look at his self-satisfied little face, the cheeky shit
motherfucking australia

if there was a post to describe australia, this is it

wait. 
you mean to tell me this isn’t even a pet bird?
that in australia, you have wild birds that just fly from house to house with the express purpose of fucking shit up?
fucking HELL australia, what is wrong with you?

wake up australia 

That’s what birds do
They fly around and fuck shit up
Do you have some kind of mysterious nice birds in your weird foreign country
Do birds in America and England fly into your house and make the bed and tidy up the living room a little bit

It’s cold here, so they just bounce off the windows and lie there and twitch spasmodically while you look for the shovel.

Basically hurling themselves at windows is the worst thing birds do

yeah man a kookaburra literally flew into a classroom at my high school and just sat his smug ass down on top of the desk for a good 20 minutes

why has nobody mentioned the fact that in australia there are 3-4 months a year where everybody just accepts that they’re going to get attacked by magpies. It is literally called “swooping season” and these birds will fly down to peck your fucking face, and people get their eyes ripped out and shit, it’s fucking brutal.

My teacher had to go to hospital and have surgery because of swooping season. It was in the parking lot of school and all the kids would do a mad dash towards the car as the magpies tried to kill us.

no but when you’re 12 years old and riding your bike like mad on the way home from school with an icecream bucket on your head with like branches and shit sticking out if it to scare them off and none of this is considered strange

what the actual fuck australia 

I am pretty sure all of these Australia stories are a massive, globally-spanning trolling effort, and only the people who have visited the country are allowed to be in on the joke.

Nope.
Went there.
Parrots tried to take our car.
Came home IN A FUCKING HURRY.

Interesting thing about magpies - they’re not great at identifying individual humans visually, but if you make yourself identifiable in some way they’re usually open to reason. We used to have some very aggressive swoopers in our back yard - as soon as they realised that the humans *inside* the fence never bothered them and were the source of the delicious compost heap, they turned into flying black and white guard dogs who would viciously assault any passing stranger but never bothered anyone inside the yard. Several times they swooped at us when we approached from outside, then when we walked into the yard they would pull up and act incredibly apologetic like sorry ma’am I had no idea it was you I would never please don’t stop stocking the food pile.
There was another little group of magpies in the park who would attack any solo pedestrian but never bothered anyone walking a dog or pushing a pram, because apparently those were identifiable traits indicating a non-threatening human. In the spirit of inquiry, I started going out of my way to be polite to the magpies - carefully walking a wide arc around them when they were on the ground, etc - and emitting an identifiable call of ‘hello birdie’ before swooping season started. 
I spent the next ten years crossing that park at least once a day and as long as I turned at the first flutter of wings and said ‘hello birdie’ to the magpie waiting to attack as soon as my back was turned, I was fine. Every time, the magpie would stare at me for a minute and then fly off to harass some other pedestrian because apparently the magpies and I, we were cool. 
Parrots are a lot less open to negotiation, and the little bastards travel in flocks. Beware the parrots. 

Australia: the only country where it is necessary to sign a peace treaty with the birds in order to stay unmangled. 

They did lose the Emu War, after all.

                
            

            
            
zornsable:
reversingyourpolarity:

elidyce:

seananmcguire:

priscellie:

ecnamor-lacimehc-ym:

gallifrey-feels:

sociopathic-italian-grandm...