Bathe
Bathe

Bathe

Protesting
Protesting

Protesting

First Time
First Time

First Time

afterward
 afterward

afterward

young guy
 young guy

young guy

red coats
 red coats

red coats

drumming
 drumming

drumming

elderly
 elderly

elderly

no maam
 no maam

no maam

beating
 beating

beating

🔥 | Latest

College, Food, and My House: Am I the Asshole? Follow @AITA_reddit AITA for putting my penis in peanut leaving it in the butter and kitchen? bit.ly/2OAODPN my roommates tells me yesterday 'oh by the me of your peanut butter". He sees my visibly ed reaction and asks what's up, so ultimately about the whole deal. He's furious and says ck would you put it back in the kitchen". I femi mouse situation and our policy not to have ot e's labelled foods. This is the first time all year pody has had my labelled food and informed he fact. He said it was just some peanut butte ead, it's not like he was taking full chicken bre me. AITA for putting my penis in peanut butter and leaving it in the kitchen? u/PeanutButterDilemma 15h I'm looking for some assistance determining whether I am the asshole in this situation that has divided our house into two groups. I (20M) am a college student living with four other guys my age. It's our second year living together, and last year we had an issue with people eating food that isn't theirs, so now we have a strict "label your stuff and only eat things with your name on it' policy. use is split 3:2 on who is in the wrong, and it's g over into other aspects of our living situatio o get over this pronto so l am asking... AITA? We have sort of divvied up cupboards, so it w h'my" space. It wasn't in a communal cupboa My girlfriend and T like to get a bit frisky in the bedroom, and a few nights ago I dipped my penis in peanut butter and she licked it off. Yes, I understand that it is slightly bizarre, but that's how we roll. The controversy is that since we have a mouse problem I did not want to leave the peanut butter in my bedroom, so afterwards I closed it and returned it to my kitchen cupboard. Note that it had a hune PeanutButterDilemma label on it so it was clear 4:23 AM - 30 Nov 2019 1,799 Retweets 15,151 Likes r/AmltheAsshole AITA for putting and leaving it in the kitchen? ΑΙΤΑ my penis in peanut butter u/PeanutButterDilemma 15h I'm looking for some assistance determining whether I am the asshole in this situation that has divided our house into two groups. | (20M) am a college student living with four other guys my age. It's our second year living together, and last year we had an issue with people eating food that isn't theirs, so now we have a strict "label your stuff and only eat things with your name on it" policy. My girlfriend and I like to get a bit frisky in the bedroom, and a few nights ago I dipped my penis in peanut butter and she licked it off. Yes, I understand that it is slightly bizarre, but that's how we roll. The controversy is that since we have a mouse problem l did not want to leave the peanut butter in my bedroom, so afterwards I closed it and returned it to my kitchen cupboard. Note that it had a huge "PeanutButterDilemma" label on it, so it was clear that it belonged to me. One of my roommates tells me yesterday "oh by the way, I had some of your peanut butter". He sees my visibly shocked reaction and asks what's up, so ultimately I come clean about the whole deal. He's furious and says "why the fuck would you put it back in the kitchen". I remind him of the mouse situation and our policy not to have other people's labelled foods. This is the first time all year that somebody has had my labelled food and informed me after the fact. He said it was just some peanut butter on his bread, it's not like he was taking full chicken breasts from me. My house is split 3:2 on who is in the wrong, and it's spilling over into other aspects of our living situation. We need to get over this pronto so l am asking.. AITA? INFO: We have sort of divvied up cupboards, so it was kept in "my" space. It wasn't in a communal cupboard Laura Shortridge-Scott jingles ... Follow @DiscordianKitty Never thought I'd say this but I'm on peanut butter penis guy's side here Am I the Asshole? @AITA_reddit gtisteche AITA for putting my penis in peanut butter and leaving it in the kitchen? bit.ly/20AO D PN dny la wj s g ul Show this thread il n f deedeag 9:06 AM - 30 Nov 2019 36,496 Retweets 170,135 Likes finalfortuna: gahdamnpunk:This was a ride ⚰️⚰️ THIS is why you don’t eat other people’s food
College, Food, and My House: Am I the Asshole?
 Follow
 @AITA_reddit
 AITA for putting my penis in peanut
 leaving it in the
 butter and
 kitchen?
 bit.ly/2OAODPN
 my roommates tells me yesterday 'oh by the
 me of your peanut butter". He sees my visibly
 ed reaction and asks what's up, so ultimately
 about the whole deal. He's furious and says
 ck would you put it back in the kitchen". I femi
 mouse situation and our policy not to have ot
 e's labelled foods. This is the first time all year
 pody has had my labelled food and informed
 he fact. He said it was just some peanut butte
 ead, it's not like he was taking full chicken bre
 me.
 AITA for putting my penis in peanut butter
 and leaving it in the kitchen?
 u/PeanutButterDilemma 15h
 I'm looking for some assistance determining whether I am
 the asshole in this situation that has divided our house
 into two groups.
 I (20M) am a college student living with four other guys
 my age. It's our second year living together, and last year
 we had an issue with people eating food that isn't theirs,
 so now we have a strict "label your stuff and only eat
 things with your name on it' policy.
 use is split 3:2 on who is in the wrong, and it's
 g over into other aspects of our living situatio
 o get over this pronto so l am asking... AITA?
 We have sort of divvied up cupboards, so it w
 h'my" space. It wasn't in a communal cupboa
 My girlfriend and T like to get a bit frisky in the bedroom,
 and a few nights ago I dipped my penis in peanut butter
 and she licked it off. Yes, I understand that it is slightly
 bizarre, but that's how we roll. The controversy is that
 since we have a mouse problem I did not want to leave
 the peanut butter in my bedroom, so afterwards I closed it
 and returned it to my kitchen cupboard. Note that it had a
 hune PeanutButterDilemma label on it so it was clear
 4:23 AM - 30 Nov 2019
 1,799 Retweets 15,151 Likes

 r/AmltheAsshole
 AITA for putting
 and leaving it in the kitchen?
 ΑΙΤΑ
 my penis in peanut butter
 u/PeanutButterDilemma 15h
 I'm looking for some assistance determining whether I am
 the asshole in this situation that has divided our house
 into two groups.
 | (20M) am a college student living with four other guys
 my age. It's our second year living together, and last year
 we had an issue with people eating food that isn't theirs,
 so now we have a strict "label your stuff and only eat
 things with your name on it" policy.
 My girlfriend and I like to get a bit frisky in the bedroom,
 and a few nights ago I dipped my penis in peanut butter
 and she licked it off. Yes, I understand that it is slightly
 bizarre, but that's how we roll. The controversy is that
 since we have a mouse problem l did not want to leave
 the peanut butter in my bedroom, so afterwards I closed it
 and returned it to my kitchen cupboard. Note that it had a
 huge "PeanutButterDilemma" label on it, so it was clear
 that it belonged to me.

 One of my roommates tells me yesterday "oh by the way, I
 had some of your peanut butter". He sees my visibly
 shocked reaction and asks what's up, so ultimately I come
 clean about the whole deal. He's furious and says "why
 the fuck would you put it back in the kitchen". I remind him
 of the mouse situation and our policy not to have other
 people's labelled foods. This is the first time all year that
 somebody has had my labelled food and informed me
 after the fact. He said it was just some peanut butter on
 his bread, it's not like he was taking full chicken breasts
 from me.
 My house is split 3:2 on who is in the wrong, and it's
 spilling over into other aspects of our living situation. We
 need to get over this pronto so l am asking.. AITA?
 INFO: We have sort of divvied up cupboards, so it was
 kept in "my" space. It wasn't in a communal cupboard

 Laura Shortridge-Scott jingles ...
 Follow
 @DiscordianKitty
 Never thought I'd say this but I'm on
 peanut butter penis guy's
 side here
 Am I the Asshole? @AITA_reddit
 gtisteche
 AITA for putting my penis in peanut butter and leaving it
 in the kitchen? bit.ly/20AO D PN
 dny la
 wj
 s g ul
 Show this thread
 il
 n
 f deedeag
 9:06 AM - 30 Nov 2019
 36,496 Retweets 170,135 Likes
finalfortuna:

gahdamnpunk:This was a ride ⚰️⚰️
THIS is why you don’t eat other people’s food

finalfortuna: gahdamnpunk:This was a ride ⚰️⚰️ THIS is why you don’t eat other people’s food

Beautiful, Bored, and Head: Here's a prime example of "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus" offered by an English professor from the University of Phoenix: The professor told his class one day: Today we will ex- periment with a new form called the tandem story The process is simple. Each person will pair off with the person sitting to his or her immediate right. As home- work tonight, one of you will write the first paragraph of a short story. You will e-mail your partner that para- graph and send another copy to me. The partner will read the first paragraph and then add another para- graph to the story and send it back, also sending an- other copy to me. The first person will then add a third paragraph, and so on back-and-forth. Remember to re-read what has been written each time in order to keep the story coherent. There is to be ab- solutely NO talking outside of the e-mails and any- thing you wish to say must be written in the e-mail. The story is over when both agree a con- clusion has been reached." The following was actually turned in by two of his English students: Rebecca and Gary THE STORY: (first paragraph by Rebecca) At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The chamomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home, now reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, that he liked chamomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her mind off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought about him too much her asthma started acting up again. So chamomile was out of the second paragraph by Gary) Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack squadron now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think about than the neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with whom he had spent one sweaty night over a year ago. "A.S. Harris to Geostation 17," he said into his transgalactic communicator. " Polar orbit established. No sign of resistance so far..." But before he could sign off a bluish particle beam flashed out of nowhere and blasted a hole through his ship's cargo bay. The jolt from the direct hit sent him flying out of his seat and across the ####pit. (Rebecca) He bumped his head and died almost immediately, but not before he felt one last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one woman who had ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its pointless hostilities towards the peace ful farmers of Skylon 4. "Congress Passes Law Per- manently Abolishing War and Space Travel," Laurie read in her newspaper one morning. The news si- multaneously excited her and bored her. She stared out the window, dreaming of her youth, when the days had passed unhurriedly and care- free, with no newspaper to read, no television to distract her from her sense of innocent wonder at all the beautiful things around her. "Why must one lose one's innocence to become a woman?" she pondered wistfully Gary) Little did she know, but she had less than 10 sec- onds to live. Thousands of miles above the city, the Anu'udrian mothership launched the first of its lithium fusion missiles. The dimwitted wimpy peaceniks who pushed the Unilateral Aerospace disarmament Treaty through the congress had left Earth a defenseless target for the hostile alien em- pires who were determined to destroy the human race. Within two hours after the passage of the treaty the Anu'udrian ships were on course for Earth, carrying enough firepower to pulverize the With no one to stop them, they swiftly initiated their diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missile en- tered the atmosphere unimpeded. The President, in his top-secret mobile submarine headquarters on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt the inconceivably massive explosion, which vaporized poor, stupid Laurie. (Rebecca) This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My writing partner is a violent, chauvin- istic semi-literate adolescent. Gary) Yeah? Well, my writing partner is a self-centered tedious neurotic whose attempts at writing are the literary equivalent of Valium. Oh, shall I have chamomile tea? Or shall I have some other sort of F-KING TEA??? Oh no, what am I to do? I'm such an air headed bimbo who reads too many Danielle Steele novels!" Gary) B*tch. (Rebecca) F K YOU-YOU NEANDERTHALI In your dreams, Ho. Go drink some tea. A+ Ireally liked this one. epicjohndoe: A Very Good Example Of ‘Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus’
Beautiful, Bored, and Head: Here's a prime example of "Men Are
 From Mars, Women Are From Venus"
 offered by an English professor from
 the University of Phoenix:
 The professor told his class one day: Today we will ex-
 periment with a new form called the tandem story
 The process is simple. Each person will pair off with the
 person sitting to his or her immediate right. As home-
 work tonight, one of you will write the first paragraph
 of a short story. You will e-mail your partner that para-
 graph and send another copy to me. The partner will
 read the first paragraph and then add another para-
 graph to the story and send it back, also sending an-
 other copy to me. The first person will then add a third
 paragraph, and so on back-and-forth.
 Remember to re-read what has been written each time
 in order to keep the story coherent. There is to be ab-
 solutely NO talking outside of the e-mails and any-
 thing you wish to say must be written in the e-mail.
 The story is over when both agree a con-
 clusion has been reached."
 The following was actually turned in by two of his
 English students:
 Rebecca and Gary
 THE STORY:
 (first paragraph by Rebecca)
 At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea
 she wanted. The chamomile, which used to be her
 favorite for lazy evenings at home, now reminded
 her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier
 times, that he liked chamomile.
 But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her
 mind off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating,
 and if she thought about him too much her asthma
 started acting up again. So chamomile was out of
 the
 second paragraph by Gary)
 Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of
 the attack squadron now in orbit over Skylon 4,
 had more important things to think about than the
 neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named
 Laurie with whom he had spent one sweaty night
 over a year ago. "A.S. Harris to Geostation 17," he
 said into his transgalactic communicator. " Polar
 orbit established. No sign of resistance so far..." But
 before he could sign off a bluish particle beam
 flashed out of nowhere and blasted a hole through
 his ship's cargo bay. The jolt from the direct hit sent
 him flying out of his seat and across the ####pit.
 (Rebecca)
 He bumped his head and died almost immediately,
 but not before he felt one last pang of regret for
 psychically brutalizing the one woman who had
 ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth
 stopped its pointless hostilities towards the peace
 ful farmers of Skylon 4. "Congress Passes Law Per-
 manently Abolishing War and Space Travel," Laurie
 read in her newspaper one morning. The news si-
 multaneously excited her and bored her. She
 stared out the window, dreaming of her youth,
 when the days had passed unhurriedly and care-
 free, with no newspaper to read, no television to
 distract her from her sense of innocent wonder at
 all the beautiful things around
 her. "Why must one
 lose one's innocence to become a woman?" she
 pondered wistfully
 Gary)
 Little did she know, but she had less than 10 sec-
 onds to live. Thousands of miles above the city, the
 Anu'udrian mothership launched the first of its
 lithium fusion missiles. The dimwitted wimpy
 peaceniks who pushed the Unilateral Aerospace
 disarmament Treaty through the congress had left
 Earth a defenseless target for the hostile alien em-
 pires who were determined to destroy the human
 race. Within two hours after the passage of the
 treaty the Anu'udrian ships were on course for
 Earth, carrying enough firepower to pulverize the
 With no one to stop them, they swiftly initiated
 their diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missile en-
 tered the atmosphere unimpeded. The President,
 in his top-secret mobile submarine headquarters
 on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt the
 inconceivably massive explosion, which vaporized
 poor, stupid Laurie.
 (Rebecca)
 This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of
 literature. My writing partner is a violent, chauvin-
 istic semi-literate adolescent.
 Gary)
 Yeah? Well, my writing partner is a self-centered
 tedious neurotic whose attempts at writing are the
 literary equivalent of Valium. Oh, shall I have
 chamomile tea? Or shall I have some other sort of
 F-KING TEA??? Oh no, what am I to do? I'm such an
 air headed bimbo who reads too many Danielle
 Steele novels!"
 Gary)
 B*tch.
 (Rebecca)
 F K YOU-YOU NEANDERTHALI
 In your dreams, Ho. Go drink some tea.
 A+
 Ireally liked this one.
epicjohndoe:

A Very Good Example Of ‘Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus’

epicjohndoe: A Very Good Example Of ‘Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus’

Being Alone, Bitch, and Books: 42,121 shouldnt.you-be.in.the-kitchen thatawkwardasian chimmychangaroo some kid at school today forgot the word pepperoni so he called them meat sprinkles Source: chimmychangaroo shouldnt-you be.in-the-kitchen thatawkwardasian 6,341 g-wretch I just remembered that one time I was high and referred to Hamlet as "The Fresh Prince of Denmark Source: g-wretch danglingthpider yayimontheinternet 203,319 dickdickdickdickdickdickdickdick: mrcraabs imagine if you could screenshot real life camera that thing you're talking about is a camera Source: mrcraabs wherehavemysocksgone comesingoodtime 37,984 mychemicalromanceboner Last night I forgot what milk was called so I called it Cereal water CEREAL WATER Source: iwasateenagewho captainrat twigtea 113,464 chuckle-voodoos aranyeha there should be feelings hookers like you hire one to come to your house and they sit there for an hour and listen to you cry about your life then afterwards you pay them 100 bucks and you never see each other again how perfect would that be that's a therapist that's the thing you just described Source: rosekan steampoweredmusic youjustblinkedandaweepingangel 13,417 belle-ofthe-boulevard today i forgot the name for cauliflower so i called it albino broccoli Source: belle-ofthe-boulev hulksmashmouth 101,851 21st-century-son-ofa-bitch iphysianthe my mom's argument against piracy is "well what if you wrote a book and one person bought it and then hundreds of people got to read it for free and you didn't make any money!" MOTHER YOU HAVE JUST DESCRIBED LIBRARIES Source: fillette-revolutionn #queue wouldn't like me when I'm angry 123,219 Llike.your.booty iwasso-alone-iowe.you.so-much beellette: dad just said "there should be a netflix for books" five minutes later he shouted "THE LIBRARY Source: ghoulium caraknightley slett 3,159 tupacabra rabioheab: imagine if worms had legs centipedes Source: rabioheab -moriarty joeshmo shavingryansprivates: romeo romeo where the fuck is you, romeo Fuck you, the original line in Romeo and Juliet is "Wherefore art thou" And maybe if you stopped being an assumption-making bag of fucking asshole, you'd know that wherefore does NOT FUCKING MEAN "WHERE", WHEREFORE MEANS "WHY SHE'S ASKING WHY HIS NAME IS ROMEO. FUCK ALL OF YOU FUCK ALL OF YOU HARD UP THE TOENAIL. I TAKE MY SHAKESPEARE SERIOUSLY AS TITS. romeo romeo why the fuck is you romeo More like this at FUNSubstance.com About the library piracy thing: Libraries pay the author to stock the books, just like bookstores.
Being Alone, Bitch, and Books: 42,121
 shouldnt.you-be.in.the-kitchen
 thatawkwardasian
 chimmychangaroo
 some kid at school today forgot the word pepperoni so he called them
 meat sprinkles
 Source: chimmychangaroo
 shouldnt-you be.in-the-kitchen
 thatawkwardasian
 6,341
 g-wretch
 I just remembered that one time I was high and referred to Hamlet as "The
 Fresh Prince of Denmark
 Source: g-wretch
 danglingthpider yayimontheinternet
 203,319
 dickdickdickdickdickdickdickdick:
 mrcraabs
 imagine if you could screenshot real life
 camera
 that thing you're talking about is a camera
 Source: mrcraabs
 wherehavemysocksgone
 comesingoodtime
 37,984
 mychemicalromanceboner
 Last night I forgot what milk was called so I called it
 Cereal water
 CEREAL WATER
 Source: iwasateenagewho
 captainrat twigtea
 113,464
 chuckle-voodoos
 aranyeha
 there should be feelings hookers
 like you hire one to come to your house and they sit there for an hour
 and listen to you cry about your life then afterwards you pay them 100
 bucks and you never see each other again how perfect would that be
 that's a therapist
 that's the thing you just described
 Source: rosekan
 steampoweredmusic
 youjustblinkedandaweepingangel
 13,417
 belle-ofthe-boulevard
 today i forgot the name for cauliflower so i called it albino broccoli
 Source: belle-ofthe-boulev
 hulksmashmouth
 101,851
 21st-century-son-ofa-bitch
 iphysianthe
 my mom's argument against piracy is "well what if you wrote a book and
 one person bought it and then hundreds of people got to read it for free
 and you didn't make any money!"
 MOTHER YOU HAVE JUST DESCRIBED
 LIBRARIES
 Source: fillette-revolutionn
 #queue wouldn't like me when I'm angry
 123,219
 Llike.your.booty
 iwasso-alone-iowe.you.so-much
 beellette:
 dad just said "there should be a netflix for books"
 five minutes later he shouted "THE LIBRARY
 Source: ghoulium
 caraknightley slett
 3,159
 tupacabra
 rabioheab:
 imagine if worms had legs
 centipedes
 Source: rabioheab
 -moriarty
 joeshmo
 shavingryansprivates:
 romeo romeo
 where the fuck is you, romeo
 Fuck you, the original line in Romeo and Juliet is "Wherefore art thou"
 And maybe if you stopped being an assumption-making bag of fucking
 asshole, you'd know that wherefore does NOT FUCKING MEAN
 "WHERE", WHEREFORE MEANS "WHY
 SHE'S ASKING WHY HIS NAME IS ROMEO. FUCK ALL OF YOU
 FUCK ALL OF YOU HARD UP THE TOENAIL. I TAKE MY
 SHAKESPEARE SERIOUSLY AS TITS.
 romeo romeo
 why the fuck is you romeo
 More like this at FUNSubstance.com
About the library piracy thing: Libraries pay the author to stock the books, just like bookstores.

About the library piracy thing: Libraries pay the author to stock the books, just like bookstores.

Beautiful, Bored, and Head: Here's a prime example of "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus" offered by an English professor from the University of Phoenix: The professor told his class one day: Today we will ex- periment with a new form called the tandem story The process is simple. Each person will pair off with the person sitting to his or her immediate right. As home- work tonight, one of you will write the first paragraph of a short story. You will e-mail your partner that para- graph and send another copy to me. The partner will read the first paragraph and then add another para- graph to the story and send it back, also sending an- other copy to me. The first person will then add a third paragraph, and so on back-and-forth. Remember to re-read what has been written each time in order to keep the story coherent. There is to be ab- solutely NO talking outside of the e-mails and any- thing you wish to say must be written in the e-mail. The story is over when both agree a con- clusion has been reached." The following was actually turned in by two of his English students: Rebecca and Gary THE STORY: (first paragraph by Rebecca) At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The chamomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home, now reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, that he liked chamomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her mind off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought about him too much her asthma started acting up again. So chamomile was out of the second paragraph by Gary) Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack squadron now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think about than the neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with whom he had spent one sweaty night over a year ago. "A.S. Harris to Geostation 17," he said into his transgalactic communicator. " Polar orbit established. No sign of resistance so far..." But before he could sign off a bluish particle beam flashed out of nowhere and blasted a hole through his ship's cargo bay. The jolt from the direct hit sent him flying out of his seat and across the ####pit. (Rebecca) He bumped his head and died almost immediately, but not before he felt one last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one woman who had ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its pointless hostilities towards the peace ful farmers of Skylon 4. "Congress Passes Law Per- manently Abolishing War and Space Travel," Laurie read in her newspaper one morning. The news si- multaneously excited her and bored her. She stared out the window, dreaming of her youth, when the days had passed unhurriedly and care- free, with no newspaper to read, no television to distract her from her sense of innocent wonder at all the beautiful things around her. "Why must one lose one's innocence to become a woman?" she pondered wistfully Gary) Little did she know, but she had less than 10 sec- onds to live. Thousands of miles above the city, the Anu'udrian mothership launched the first of its lithium fusion missiles. The dimwitted wimpy peaceniks who pushed the Unilateral Aerospace disarmament Treaty through the congress had left Earth a defenseless target for the hostile alien em- pires who were determined to destroy the human race. Within two hours after the passage of the treaty the Anu'udrian ships were on course for Earth, carrying enough firepower to pulverize the With no one to stop them, they swiftly initiated their diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missile en- tered the atmosphere unimpeded. The President, in his top-secret mobile submarine headquarters on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt the inconceivably massive explosion, which vaporized poor, stupid Laurie. (Rebecca) This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My writing partner is a violent, chauvin- istic semi-literate adolescent. Gary) Yeah? Well, my writing partner is a self-centered tedious neurotic whose attempts at writing are the literary equivalent of Valium. Oh, shall I have chamomile tea? Or shall I have some other sort of F-KING TEA??? Oh no, what am I to do? I'm such an air headed bimbo who reads too many Danielle Steele novels!" Gary) B*tch. (Rebecca) F K YOU-YOU NEANDERTHALI In your dreams, Ho. Go drink some tea. A+ Ireally liked this one. epicjohndoe: A Very Good Example Of ‘Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus’
Beautiful, Bored, and Head: Here's a prime example of "Men Are
 From Mars, Women Are From Venus"
 offered by an English professor from
 the University of Phoenix:
 The professor told his class one day: Today we will ex-
 periment with a new form called the tandem story
 The process is simple. Each person will pair off with the
 person sitting to his or her immediate right. As home-
 work tonight, one of you will write the first paragraph
 of a short story. You will e-mail your partner that para-
 graph and send another copy to me. The partner will
 read the first paragraph and then add another para-
 graph to the story and send it back, also sending an-
 other copy to me. The first person will then add a third
 paragraph, and so on back-and-forth.
 Remember to re-read what has been written each time
 in order to keep the story coherent. There is to be ab-
 solutely NO talking outside of the e-mails and any-
 thing you wish to say must be written in the e-mail.
 The story is over when both agree a con-
 clusion has been reached."
 The following was actually turned in by two of his
 English students:
 Rebecca and Gary
 THE STORY:
 (first paragraph by Rebecca)
 At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea
 she wanted. The chamomile, which used to be her
 favorite for lazy evenings at home, now reminded
 her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier
 times, that he liked chamomile.
 But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her
 mind off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating,
 and if she thought about him too much her asthma
 started acting up again. So chamomile was out of
 the
 second paragraph by Gary)
 Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of
 the attack squadron now in orbit over Skylon 4,
 had more important things to think about than the
 neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named
 Laurie with whom he had spent one sweaty night
 over a year ago. "A.S. Harris to Geostation 17," he
 said into his transgalactic communicator. " Polar
 orbit established. No sign of resistance so far..." But
 before he could sign off a bluish particle beam
 flashed out of nowhere and blasted a hole through
 his ship's cargo bay. The jolt from the direct hit sent
 him flying out of his seat and across the ####pit.
 (Rebecca)
 He bumped his head and died almost immediately,
 but not before he felt one last pang of regret for
 psychically brutalizing the one woman who had
 ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth
 stopped its pointless hostilities towards the peace
 ful farmers of Skylon 4. "Congress Passes Law Per-
 manently Abolishing War and Space Travel," Laurie
 read in her newspaper one morning. The news si-
 multaneously excited her and bored her. She
 stared out the window, dreaming of her youth,
 when the days had passed unhurriedly and care-
 free, with no newspaper to read, no television to
 distract her from her sense of innocent wonder at
 all the beautiful things around
 her. "Why must one
 lose one's innocence to become a woman?" she
 pondered wistfully
 Gary)
 Little did she know, but she had less than 10 sec-
 onds to live. Thousands of miles above the city, the
 Anu'udrian mothership launched the first of its
 lithium fusion missiles. The dimwitted wimpy
 peaceniks who pushed the Unilateral Aerospace
 disarmament Treaty through the congress had left
 Earth a defenseless target for the hostile alien em-
 pires who were determined to destroy the human
 race. Within two hours after the passage of the
 treaty the Anu'udrian ships were on course for
 Earth, carrying enough firepower to pulverize the
 With no one to stop them, they swiftly initiated
 their diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missile en-
 tered the atmosphere unimpeded. The President,
 in his top-secret mobile submarine headquarters
 on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt the
 inconceivably massive explosion, which vaporized
 poor, stupid Laurie.
 (Rebecca)
 This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of
 literature. My writing partner is a violent, chauvin-
 istic semi-literate adolescent.
 Gary)
 Yeah? Well, my writing partner is a self-centered
 tedious neurotic whose attempts at writing are the
 literary equivalent of Valium. Oh, shall I have
 chamomile tea? Or shall I have some other sort of
 F-KING TEA??? Oh no, what am I to do? I'm such an
 air headed bimbo who reads too many Danielle
 Steele novels!"
 Gary)
 B*tch.
 (Rebecca)
 F K YOU-YOU NEANDERTHALI
 In your dreams, Ho. Go drink some tea.
 A+
 Ireally liked this one.
epicjohndoe:

A Very Good Example Of ‘Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus’

epicjohndoe: A Very Good Example Of ‘Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus’

Bad, Tumblr, and Blog: IKIMARU KIMARU ikimaru: au where they stay in the desert and nothing bad happens afterwards
Bad, Tumblr, and Blog: IKIMARU

 KIMARU
ikimaru:

au where they stay in the desert and nothing bad happens afterwards

ikimaru: au where they stay in the desert and nothing bad happens afterwards

Butt, Friday, and Girls: Good morning gorgeous Mornin ( So I'm writing this book I've been working on it for a while, but I'm just stuck and have been for ages It's called "girls l'll disappoint in my 20's." wanna be in a chapter? Today 10:59 AM Do I get my own chapter? Oh for sure, I've gotta go over everything I could've done differently to make sure thatl don't fuck it up next time 'round Sounds like a lot of work Nah, after disappointing so many times it comes naturally Something you're quite proud of lol What'll be the name of my chapter? Or is that something you name afterwards? Today 12:54 PM Megan all the wrong choices How's that Disappointing You're doing well I can only go up from here My plan is working perfectly Oh? I'm just imagining you sitting there rubbing your hands together like an evil villain lol Oh yeah that's exactly what is happening here. Got my master plan right on track Next step is to make an awful first date and me dress up. n shist is about as nice Nah we're gonna find a nice bridge, cra open a carton of eggs and have some hobo chili Lmfao That sounds interesting Do the eggs go in the chili or do I get to throw them? Nah we throw them at each other, and let our body heat cook them. Just like how they did in the old days SWEET After that we can go to the local fountain and swim for a bit before qetting dessert Today 4:24 PM Can we get beignets? Today 4:42 PM Fine but you're paying Gonna be the worst date ever Ok so long as you're cooking the hobo chili K but in gonna burn it Fair warning When is this date? And there are gonna be a few hairs in it Extra flavor Oh god When are you free? I've got a butt load of work till Friday afternoon : I'm free Friday That works for me Cool Here's my number T Hobo chili
Butt, Friday, and Girls: Good morning gorgeous
 Mornin (
 So I'm writing this book
 I've been working on it for a while, but I'm
 just stuck and have been for ages
 It's called "girls l'll disappoint in my 20's."
 wanna be in a chapter?
 Today 10:59 AM
 Do I get my own chapter?
 Oh for sure, I've gotta go over everything I
 could've done differently to make sure thatl
 don't fuck it up next time 'round
 Sounds like a lot of work
 Nah, after disappointing so many times it
 comes naturally
 Something you're quite proud of lol
 What'll be the name of my chapter?
 Or is that something you name afterwards?
 Today 12:54 PM
 Megan all the wrong choices
 How's that
 Disappointing
 You're doing well
 I can only go up from here
 My plan is working perfectly
 Oh?
 I'm just imagining you sitting there rubbing
 your hands together like an evil villain lol
 Oh yeah that's exactly what is happening
 here. Got my master plan right on track
 Next step is to make an awful first date
 and
 me dress up.
 n shist is about as nice
 Nah we're gonna find a nice bridge, cra
 open a carton of eggs and have some hobo
 chili
 Lmfao
 That sounds interesting
 Do the eggs go in the chili or do I get to
 throw them?
 Nah we throw them at each other, and let
 our body heat cook them. Just like how they
 did in the old days
 SWEET
 After that we can go to the local fountain
 and swim for a bit before qetting dessert
 Today 4:24 PM
 Can we get beignets?
 Today 4:42 PM
 Fine but you're paying
 Gonna be the worst date ever
 Ok so long as you're cooking the hobo
 chili
 K but in gonna burn it
 Fair warning
 When is this date?
 And there are gonna be a few hairs in it
 Extra flavor
 Oh god
 When are you free?
 I've got a butt load of work till Friday
 afternoon
 : I'm free Friday
 That works for me
 Cool
 Here's my number
 T
Hobo chili

Hobo chili

Birthday, Comfortable, and Confidence: reddit-tales What has been your worst "nice guy" experience? So, possibly one of the coolest things I've ever seen. I mean you know how you hear the "women want him, men want to *be* him" stuff in old movies? Well I'm a man and by *god* I wanted to be this guy. Anyway! I'm having dinner with my girlfriend at the time, and behind us are a couple on a not going well. Guy was being I rather inappropriate comments, the girl doesn't look at all comfortable. The girl finishes her appetiser really quickly my guess is she wanted to get it over with. Guy proceeds to comment on it and says "well, least I know you can swallow right?" Loudly Girl goes red and tells him that isn't appropriate, he literally waves his hand in a "shoo" type motion and says "oh calm down I was going to find out in a few hours anyway" I missed her exact re as she moved to a hushed tone, but it was fairly obvious what was being said-fuck no, fuck off, fuck this. He responded with "sweetheart I picked lost the colour in her face and said nothing. No. No. Fuck no. I'm one of those "get involved" type of people and there is no way I'm sitting here watching this go down. I get up. I don't know what I'm going to do, but I'm 23, fighting fit and happy to put that motherfucker through a wall. I may have had a slight temper in my youth. But anyway. I was halfway out of my chair when a hand came down on my shoulder and I look up to this mid-50s but super fit guy who says "Easy. I've got this one son". Absolute, total confidence in his voice.. so seeing as my current plan amounted to "stab him in the neck" and I'm already thinking maybe that's not the best idea, I sit down. He walks over, grabs a nearby chair, flips it around and sits down with the couple. Then.. he pulls out his police ID and puts it on the table. Now the guy doesn't have any colour in his face Cop: "So, I'm quietly celebrating my daughters birthday with my family when I distinctly hear you threaten this young lady, would you care to explain yourself?" Guy: "I, ah, well, um, you see. Cop: "That's what I thought. Now see, we take a *very* dim view of that kind of thing, so right now I'm deciding if I want to have some of my buddies come pick you up" Guy: "oh no well that..." Cop: "But that would disrupt everyone's dinner, so how about you hand me your ID, me, the dn't want yhe staff here and settle your bill., the full bill now, this young lady shouldn't go hungry on account of your poor behaviour. Or we can go with the first option, I'll leave it up to you. Guy: "No no! That's perfectly fine!" 1*hands over ID, gets up and walks very quickly in the direction of the counter Cop: while writing down the guys details 1* "Sorry about that miss, I hope I'm not intruding it just seemed like you could use some help. Oh and don't worry, if you want to pursue this further I'll have some of the boys pick him up on his way home, we can definitely take this further. Girl: "No, thank you so much, I wanted to run out 30 minutes ago but he drove me here". Cop: *shifts from hardarse cop to comforting father figure in about half a second* "Well I'm here with my daughter, she's about your age, perhaps you'd like to finish your meal with us? We can run you home afterwards if you'd like, unless you'd prefer to call someone else?" Girl: "Oh.. that would be really nice.. thankyou so much! *guy returns, so does the hardarse cop* Guy: "Uh so, I've paid the bill, if I could have back.". my Cop: "There you go. now I have your details right here so I *highly* recommend you don't go near or contact this young lady ever again. Guy: "Yes yes of course, I'm so sorry!" The quy pretty much fled the restaurant, the qirl went and sat with the cop and his family and by the time we left they were still sitting around talking and laughing about random crap. It was hands down the best way I have ever seen anybody handle any situation, ever. That cop is my hero. malicemanaged Dude. I hope that man has a great rest of his life. Wholesome cop via /r/wholesomememes https://ift.tt/2SkCLRT
Birthday, Comfortable, and Confidence: reddit-tales
 What has been your worst
 "nice guy" experience?
 So, possibly one of the coolest things I've
 ever seen. I mean you know how you hear the
 "women want him, men want to *be* him"
 stuff in old movies? Well I'm a man and by
 *god* I wanted to be this guy. Anyway!
 I'm having dinner with my girlfriend at
 the time, and behind us are a couple on a
 not going well. Guy was being
 I
 rather
 inappropriate comments, the girl doesn't
 look at all comfortable.
 The girl finishes her appetiser really quickly
 my guess is she wanted to get it over with.
 Guy proceeds to comment on it and says
 "well, least I know you can swallow right?"
 Loudly
 Girl goes red and tells him that isn't
 appropriate, he literally waves his hand in
 a "shoo" type motion and says "oh calm
 down I was going to find out in a few hours
 anyway"
 I missed her exact re
 as she moved to a
 hushed tone, but it was fairly obvious what
 was being said-fuck no, fuck off, fuck this.
 He responded with "sweetheart I picked
 lost the
 colour in her face and said nothing.
 No. No. Fuck no. I'm one of those "get
 involved" type of people and there is no way
 I'm sitting here watching this go down. I get
 up. I don't know what I'm going to do, but
 I'm 23, fighting fit and happy to put that
 motherfucker through a wall. I may have had
 a slight temper in my youth. But anyway.
 I was halfway out of my chair when a hand
 came down on my shoulder and I look up
 to this mid-50s but super fit guy who says
 "Easy. I've got this one son". Absolute, total
 confidence in his voice.. so seeing as my
 current plan amounted to "stab him in the
 neck" and I'm already thinking maybe that's
 not the best idea, I sit down.
 He walks over, grabs a nearby chair, flips it
 around and sits down with the couple. Then..
 he pulls out his police ID and puts it on the
 table. Now the guy doesn't have any colour in
 his face
 Cop: "So, I'm quietly celebrating my
 daughters birthday with my family when I
 distinctly hear you threaten this young lady,
 would you care to explain yourself?"
 Guy: "I, ah, well, um, you see.
 Cop: "That's what I thought. Now see, we
 take a *very* dim view of that kind of thing,
 so right now I'm deciding if I want to have
 some of my buddies come pick you up"
 Guy: "oh no well that..."
 Cop: "But that would disrupt everyone's
 dinner, so how about you hand me your ID,
 me, the dn't want yhe staff here and
 settle your bill., the full bill now, this young
 lady shouldn't go hungry on account of your
 poor behaviour. Or we can go with the first
 option, I'll leave it up to you.
 Guy: "No no! That's perfectly fine!" 1*hands
 over ID, gets up and walks very quickly in the
 direction of the counter
 Cop: while writing down the guys details
 1* "Sorry about that miss, I hope I'm not
 intruding it just seemed like you could use
 some help. Oh and don't worry, if you want
 to pursue this further I'll have some of the
 boys pick him up on his way home, we can
 definitely take this further.
 Girl: "No, thank you so much, I wanted to run
 out 30 minutes ago but he drove me here".
 Cop: *shifts from hardarse cop to
 comforting father figure in about half a
 second* "Well I'm here with my daughter,
 she's about your age, perhaps you'd like to
 finish your meal with us? We can run you
 home afterwards if you'd like, unless you'd
 prefer to call someone else?"
 Girl: "Oh.. that would be really nice.. thankyou
 so much!
 *guy returns, so does the hardarse cop*
 Guy: "Uh so, I've paid the bill, if I could have
 back.".
 my
 Cop: "There you go. now I have your details
 right here so I *highly* recommend you
 don't go near or contact this young lady ever
 again.
 Guy: "Yes yes of course, I'm so sorry!"
 The quy pretty much fled the restaurant, the
 qirl went and sat with the cop and his family
 and by the time we left they were still sitting
 around talking and laughing about random
 crap.
 It was hands down the best way I have ever
 seen anybody handle any situation, ever. That
 cop is my hero.
 malicemanaged
 Dude. I hope that man has a great rest of his
 life.
Wholesome cop via /r/wholesomememes https://ift.tt/2SkCLRT

Wholesome cop via /r/wholesomememes https://ift.tt/2SkCLRT