inquisitorhotpants burntcopper futureevilscientist optimysticals uovoc konec0 sleepyferret shitfacedanon dat-soldier sonnetscrewdriver dat-soldier did-you-kno Source back the fuck up There’s another story that I like about a Chinese general who had to defend a city with only a handful of soldiers from a huge enemy horde that was in all likelihood going to steamroll the place flat within hours of showing up So when said horde did arrive they saw the general sitting outside the city’s open gates drinking tea The horde sent a couple of emissaries over to see what was what and the general greeted them cheerfully and invited them all to come and take tea with him The horde decided that this was a scenario that had “MASSIVE FUCKING TRAP” written all over it in beautiful calligraphy and promptly fucked off Whoever that general was he was clearly the Ancient Chinese equivalent of Sam Vimes did he just invite us over for tea nah man i’m out This just keeps getting better I fucking love history ok but tbh that story misses a lot of the subtlety of the situation like ok so this story is the Romance of Three Kingdoms and essentially takes place between Zhuge Liang resident tactician extraordinaire and Sima Yi… OTHER resident tactician extraordinaire The two were both regarded as tactical geniuses and recognized the other as their rival Zhuge Liang had a reputation for ambushing the SHIT out of his opponents and using the environment to his advantage thus destroying large armies with a small number of men Sima Yi who kind of entered the picture later was a cautious person whose speciality was unravelling his opponent’s plans before they began So it was natural that the two would butt heads however since Sima Yi tended to have more men and resources he started winning battles against the former Which y’know kinda sucked On to the actual story Zhuge Liang is all like “shit i gotta defend this city with like 10 men” Literally if he fights ANY kind of battle here he WILL lose his only option for survival is not to fight And that’s looking more and more impossible until he hears that his rival is leading the opposing army And then he gets this brilliant idea He basically opens all the gates sends his men out in civilian clothes to sweep the streets and sits on top of the gate drinking tea and chilling out and basically makes the whole thing out to be a trap When Sima Yi comes he’s all like “yo come on in bro” and Sima Yi is like “yeah he’s never been that obvious about his traps before this is definitely a bluff” and he’s about to head in when he realizes wait he knows that i think he’s bluffing and so he gets it in his head that maybe just MAYBE Zhuge Liang has this cunning plan that will wipe out his army - recall that he has a pretty good handle on what his rival is capable of And after a long period of deliberation which is just like “he know that I know that he knows that etc” being the cautious man he is SIma Yi eventually decides to turn his entire army around and leave Zhuge Liang later points out that the plan was based specifically on the fact that he was facing his rival if it had been anyone else there’s no way it would have worked A dumber or less cautious person would have simply charged in and won without breaking a sweat and that’s the real genius here it was a plan formed entirely just to deceive one man and it worked Zhuge Liang is the most brilliant sneaky-ass bastard in history One time his side’s army was out of arrows which pretty much meant they were screwed So Zhuge Liang goes and does the logical thing which is build a fuck ton of scarecrows and put them all on boats Then he makes the men hide in the boats and sail them out on the river Well that day was super foggy which Zhuge Liang had predicted Did I mention he was also a freakishly accurate meteorologist? So the enemy across the river sees a fleet of boats armed to the teeth with what appears to be half an army of men They panic! and start firing arrows like crazy Zhuge Liang lets this play out for a while then he’s like ”Ok guys that’s enough” They calmly turn the boats around and go back to base where they dismantle the scarecrows and pull out all the enemy’s arrows Zhuge Liang is legend I love this post It just keeps getting better Like seriously I would have adored learning about this in World History If you want to see this in cinematic glory watch Red Cliff Especially since it makes Zhuge Liang look like this Red Cliff is 50% bloody battles and 50% eye candy and about half of that eye-candy is due to Zhuge Liang I fully support watching Red Cliff it’s gloriously silly entertainment during the battle scenes Guess what just got moved to the top of my watch list?? D Meme











found @ 25 likes ON 2020-06-11 13:28:58 BY

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