EXTRA! EXTRA! ONION THE in Our Oreat Republic Prioe Two Cents The Bast Souroe of Nows Wodneaday August 5 1914 WAR DECLARED BY ALL AUSTRIA DECLARES WAR ON SERBIA DECLARES WAR ON GERMANY DECLARES WAR ON FRANCE DECLARES WAR ON TURKEY DECLARES WAR ON RUSSIA DECLARES WAR ON BULGARIA DECLARES WAR ON BRITAIN OTTOMAN EMPIRE ALMOST DECLARES WAR ON ITSELF NATIONS STRUGGLE TO REMEMBER ALLIES AREA DRUNKARD DECLARES WAR ON IRELAND From the London and Washington Burenus Au 4 After weeks of unbearable tension follouing the assas ASSASSINATION OF ARCH- OUKE SPREADS FEAR AT ARCHOUKE CONVENTION wEDAN sination of the heir to the Austro-Hungarian throne the great Eurupean powers have declared war on one anuther in a bitter strgale fir something that is sure to edermined by war's end Enmeshed in a confusing string of rivalries and alliances diplomats politi eians and miiitary leaders The Hague Netherlands Aug 4-Eurppean arch- dukes attending their annual convention expressed alarms at the assassination of tellow aristoerat Archduke Franz Ferdinand whose end came at the hand of a Serbian nationalist in Sarajevo sev PEERS FALL IN eral weeks ago Archdukes attending the convention expressed con cern for the issue of noble Davenport lowa Aug 4 man salety once considered a As bloody conflict rages birthright Most also elaimed throughout Europe they had no knowledge of the Orvald Brunvald a drunk- Serbian demand for indepen ard of many years experi dence from Austria Could it ence declared war on be that the oppressed minor Ireland Friday evening ity peoples in our own A RCaOUNDHO OCCLARATION RMANY RUSA FRAY ALE-HOUSE HUNGARY AS ALLIES SPAIN TUR Consam ever ope of 'em of wish to obliterate each other turies of authoritarian rule to damnation Brunvald really put his finger on Austrian Archduke Frane from the tace of the Earth as well asked Archduke stated over a mug of porter wAR TO END ALu EUROPE Karl von Kremhel who cut at Quigle's Ale House in some of the fast-mobilizing American observers are short a month-long fox Davenport I' lick 'em all skeptical calling this great world- hunting jaunt to attend the to death! he said Filthy mighty Triple Entente not exist before the Juneall European nations who provinces are weary of cen alliance which no one can 18th assassination either Ferdinand in Sarajevo but CASLE NOTIFES WILSON President Woodrow Wilson nations seem received the fateful news via about crediting his death as wide war the War to End convention Preaident Wilaon who haa vowed to maintain UB apathy expect to wage tireless bat u antic cable com- the cause of this new and All Europe as new techno The conwention held yeaglepolato-eating Papists they logical warfare untested in since 1421 gives archdukes actual combat may render jof diverse backgrounds an the region incapable of opportunity to get acquaint-with Brunvald at Quigle's munication trom the USIawesame wortd war ALLICE HALF SCAD OVER tles through the course of cable reads as follows FOUND French diplonats suggest bolding another war tor ! ed exchange archduke Ale House tacitly tell in as ideas and purchase special allies They are Archibald archdukes-only notions and Johnson 38 and Samuel the war without any knowl- edge of the reason why DECLARED OERMANY FRANCE We are all idiots said BRITAIN AUSTRIA HUN GARY RUS8IA SERBIA OTTOMAN EMPIRE BEL GIUM MONTENEORO WAR BY that an obscure Dead Archduke of Austria clauseenerations that exists in the peace treaty sigred by the French however speculates that the nature This year's convenDavenport and the Prussians in 187 tortheoming war wilL be as tion included such notables WILBON MCCTS wiTH ORUNKARO could be to blame for the destructive as is commonly as the Archduke of Baden- The Department of War A MOODK WAR one Bulgarian ofticial We are most kely fighting about something but we're not exactly certain what that is Crush the demon French- Not every mutitary expert effects most of a commercial Neubaumtan 36 bath of LUXEMBOURG ALBANIA REECE hostilities Oficials of the believed -The introduction herz-am-Geschildenschliess has been alerted to Brun RUMANIA BULOARIA German Foreign Ministryot modern terhnology into the Archduke of Slochholz vald's declaration President AUSTRALJA CANADA JRELAND SCOTLAND SOUTH ArLICA WEST APRICA INDIA STOP MORE TO NAME BUT OTHERS WAITING TO USE CABLE STOP ARCH DUKE OF AUSTRO however lege that the the theater of war wiland the Archduke of Lower Wilson upon hearing of treaty was mullified by the ehange the face of wartare Polony who gave a special Brunvald's statements Kill Everybody accordtorever Col Andrew talk on the proper mainteealled the drunkard to the signed by the warring powwaylan Horace aid The nance of monocles The iCapitol building for an ers in 1912 man! the diplomat added MCK ENLISTING rOR UNcLEAR aUT PATRIOTIO CAUBE Miltions of troops from the nations and their respeetive colonies are marching off elean efficient use ot war Panel discussions Coping emergency session machines wil make the with Cenetice Hemophilia Wilson also discussed tae us WILL ONLY WATCH The US must remain ifighting safer and the duraDueling Pistal Best Buystica matters with the apathetic Wilson said in a tion of the war shorter statement released to the Horace expects no more Back in Hapsburg were one of 'em in the chops I press But we extend our than 22 people neecl lose eanceled due to the year's say Brunvald adssed the prepared to pay the ultimate price for the Central Powers noble cause which remains unclear as of presstime or that of the HUNGARIAN EMPIRE BEING SHOT SOMEHOW RELATED STTOP and Putting the Happy drunkard Sock ever last I president Indeed a state of war did blessing and best wishes to their lives in this Great War 8Trave occurrence ITAL Ok wait who are we attacking? Meme

Assassination

Crush

Drunk

Empire

Fall

Friday

News

Struggle

Hunting

American

found ON 2019-08-15 17:47:24 BY awwmemes.com

source: reddit